westward ho-第131章
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stabbed her to the heart。 And as she diedone moment more; senors; that I may confess all!she looked up in my face with a smile as of heaven; and thanked me for having rid her once and for all from Christians and their villainy。〃
The old man paused。
〃God forgive you; senor!〃 said Jack Brimblecombe; softly。
〃You do not; then; turn from me; do not curse me? Then I will try you farther still; senors。 I will know from human lips; whether man can do such deeds as I have done; and yet be pitied by his kind; that so I may have some hope; that where man has mercy; God may have mercy also。 Do you think that I repented at those awful words? Nothing less; senors all。 No more than I did when De Soto (on whose soul God have mercy) called meme; a liar! I knew myself a sinner; and for that very reason I was determined to sin。 I would go on; that I might prove myself right to myself; by showing that I could go on; and not be struck dead from heaven。 Out of mere pride; senors; and self…will; I would fill up the cup of my iniquity; and I filled it。
〃You know; doubtless; senors; how; after the death of old Almagro; his son's party conspired against Pizarro。 Now my brother remained faithful to his old commander; and for that very reason; if you will believe it; did I join the opposite party; and gave myself up; body and soul; to do Almagro's work。 It was enough for me; that the brother who had struck me thought a man right; for me to think that man a devil。 What Almagro's work was; you know。 He slew Pizarro; murdered him; senors; like a dog; or rather; like an old lion。〃
〃He deserved his doom;〃 said Amyas。
〃Let God judge him; senor; not we; and least of all of us I; who drew the first blood; and perhaps the last; that day。 I; senors; it was who treacherously stabbed Francisco de Chanes on the staircase; and so opened the door which else had foiled us all; and I But I am speaking to men of honor; not to butchers。 Suffice it that the old man died like a lion; and that we pulled him down; young as we were; like curs。
〃Well; I followed Almagro's fortunes。 I helped to slay Alvarado。 Call that my third murder; if you will; for if he was traitor to a traitor; I was traitor to a true man。 Then to the war; you know how Vaca de Castro was sent from Spain to bring order and justice where was naught but chaos; and the dance of all devils。 We met him on the hills of Chupas。 Peter of Candia; the Venetian villain; pointed our guns false; and Almagro stabbed him to the heart。 We charged with our lances; man against man; horse against horse。 All fights I ever fought〃 (and the old man's eyes flashed out the ancient fire) 〃were child's play to that day。 Our lances shivered like reeds; and we fell on with battle…axe and mace。 None asked for quarter; and none gave it; friend to friend; cousin to cousin no; nor brother; O God! to brother。 We were the better armed: but numbers were on their side。 Fat Carbajal charged our cannon like an elephant; and took them; but Holguin was shot down。 I was with Almagro; and we swept all before us; inch by inch; but surely; till the night fell。 Then Vaca de Castro; the licentiate; the clerk; the schoolman; the man of books; came down on us with his reserve like a whirlwind。 Oh! cavaliers; did not God fight against us; when He let us; the men of iron; us; the heroes of Cuzco and Vilcaconga; be foiled by a scholar in a black gown; with a pen behind his ear? We were beaten。 Some ran; some did not run; senors; and I did not。 Geronimo de Alvarado shouted to me; 'We slew Pizarro! We killed the tyrant!' and we rushed upon the conqueror's lances; to die like cavaliers。 There was a gallant gentleman in front of me。 His lance struck me in the crest; and bore me over my horse's croup: but mine; senors; struck him full in the vizor。 We both went to the ground together; and the battle galloped over us。
〃I know not how long I lay; for I was stunned: but after awhile I lifted myself。 My lance was still clenched in my hand; broken but not parted。 The point of it was in my foeman's brain。 I crawled to him; weary and wounded; and saw that he was a noble cavalier。 He lay on his back; his arms spread wide。 I knew that he was dead: but there came over me the strangest longing to see that dead man's face。 Perhaps I knew him。 At least I could set my foot upon it; and say; 'Vanquished as I am; there lies a foe!' I caught hold of the rivets; and tore his helmet off。 The moon shone bright; senors; as bright as she shines nowthe glaring; ghastly; tell… tale moon; which shows man all the sins which he tries to hide; and by that moonlight; senors; I beheld the dead man's face。 And it was the face of my brother!
。 。 。 。 。 。 。
〃Did you ever guess; most noble cavaliers; what Cain's curse might be like? Look on me; and know!
〃I tore off my armor and fled; as Cain flednorthward ever; till I should reach a land where the name of Spaniard; yea; and the name of Christian; which the Spaniard has caused to be blasphemed from east to west; should never come。 I sank fainting; and waked beneath this rock; this tree; forty…four years ago; and I have never left them since; save once; to obtain seeds from Indians; who knew not that I was a Spanish Conquistador。 And may God have mercy on my soul!〃
The old man ceased; and his young hearers; deeply affected by his tale; sat silent for a few minutes。 Then John Brimblecombe spoke:
〃You are old; sir; and I am young; and perhaps it is not my place to counsel you。 Moreover; sir; in spite of this strange dress of mine; I am neither more nor less than an English priest; and I suppose you will not be willing to listen to a heretic。〃
〃I have seen Catholics; senor; commit too many abominations even with the name of God upon their lips; to shrink from a heretic if he speak wisely and well。 At least; you are a man; and after all; my heart yearns more and more; the longer I sit among you; for the speech of beings of my own race。 Say what you will; in God's name!〃
〃I hold; sir;〃 said Jack; modestly; 〃according to holy Scripture; that whosoever repents from his heart; as God knows you seem to have done; is forgiven there and then; and though his sins be as scarlet; they shall be white as snow; for the sake of Him who died for all。〃
〃Amen! Amen!〃 said the old man; looking lovingly at his little crucifix。 〃I hope and prayHis name is Love。 I know it now; who better? But; sir; even if He have forgiven me; how can I forgive myself? In honor; sir; I must be just; and sternly just; to myself; even if God be indulgent; as He has been to me; who has left me here in peace for forty years; instead of giving me a prey to the first puma or jaguar which howls round me every night。 He has given me time to work out my own salvation; but have I done it? That doubt maddens me at whiles。 When I look upon that crucifix; I float on boundless hope: but if I take my eyes from it for a moment; faith fails; and all is blank; and dark; and dreadful; till the devil whispers me to plunge into yon stream; and once and for ever wake to certainty; even though it be in hell。〃
What was Jack to answer? He himself knew not at first。 More was wanted than the mere repetition of free pardon。
〃Heretic as I am; sir; you will not believe me when I tell you; as a priest; that God accepts your penitence。〃
〃My heart tells me so already; at moments。 But how know I that it does not lie?〃
〃Senor;〃 said Jack; 〃the best way to punish oneself for doing ill; seems to me to go and do good; and the best way to find out whether God means you well; is to find out whether He will help you to do well。 If you have wronged Indians in time past; see whether you cannot right them now。 If you can; you are safe。 For the Lord will not send the devil's servants to do His work。〃
The old man held down his head。
〃Right the Indians? Alas! what is done; is done!〃
〃Not altogether; senor;〃 said Amyas; 〃as long as an Indian remains alive in New Granada。〃
〃Senor; shall I confess my weakness? A voice within me has bid me a hundred times go forth and labor; for those oppressed wretches; but I dare not obey。 I dare not look them in the face。 I should fancy