riders of the purple sage-第34章

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〃I'm　not　ashamed；　Lassiter。　I　told　you　I'd　try　to　change　you。〃

〃Would　you　mind　tellin'　me　just　what　you　tried？〃

〃I　tried　to　make　you　see　beauty　in　me　and　be　softened　by　it。　I　wanted　you　to　care　for　me　so　that　I　could　influence　you。　It　wasn't　easy。　At　first　you　were　stone…blind。　Then　I　hoped　you'd　love　little　Fay；　and　through　that　come　to　feel　the　horror　of　making　children　fatherless。〃

〃Jane　Withersteen；　either　you're　a　fool　or　noble　beyond　my　understandin'。　Mebbe　you're　both。　I　know　you're　blind。　What　you　meant　is　one　thingwhat　you　did　was　to　make　me　love　you。〃

〃Lassiter！〃

〃I　reckon　I'm　a　human　bein'；　though　I　never　loved　any　one　but　my　sister；　Milly　Erne。　That　was　long〃

〃Oh；　are　you　Milly's　brother？〃

〃Yes；　I　was；　an'　I　loved　her。　There　never　was　any　one　but　her　in　my　life　till　now。　Didn't　I　tell　you　that　long　ago　I　back…trailed　myself　from　women？　I　was　a　Texas　ranger　tilltill　Milly　left　home；　an'　then　I　became　somethin'　elseLassiter！　For　years　I've　been　a　lonely　man　set　on　one　thing。　I　came　here　an'　met　you。　An'　now　I'm　not　the　man　I　was。　The　change　was　gradual；　an'　I　took　no　notice　of　it。　I　understand　now　that　never…satisfied　longin'　to　see　you；　listen　to　you；　watch　you；　feel　you　near　me。　It's　plain　now　why　you　were　never　out　of　my　thoughts。　I've　had　no　thoughts　but　of　you。　I've　lived　an'　breathed　for　you。　An'　now　when　I　know　what　it　meanswhat　you've　doneI'm　burnin'　up　with　hell's　fire！〃

〃Oh；　Lassiternonoyou　don't　love　me　that　way！〃　Jane　cased。

〃If　that's　what　love　is；　then　I　do。〃

〃Forgive　me！　I　didn't　mean　to　make　you　love　me　like　that。　Oh；　what　a　tangle　of　our　lives！　YouMilly　Erne's　brother！　And　Iheedless；　mad　to　melt　your　heart　toward　Mormons。　Lassiter；　I　may　be　wicked　but　not　wicked　enough　to　hate。　If　I　couldn't　hate　Tull；　could　I　hate　you？〃

〃After　all；　Jane；　mebbe　you're　only　blindMormon　blind。　That　only　can　explain　what's　close　to　selfishness〃

〃I'm　not　selfish。　I　despise　the　very　word。　If　I　were　free〃

〃But　you're　not　free。　Not　free　of　Mormonism。　An'　in　playin'　this　game　with　me　you've　been　unfaithful。〃

〃Unfaithful！〃　faltered　Jane。

〃Yes；　I　said　unfaithful。　You're　faithful　to　your　Bishop　an'　unfaithful　to　yourself。　You're　false　to　your　womanhood　an'　true　to　your　religion。　But　for　a　savin'　innocence　you'd　have　made　yourself　low　an'　vile　betrayin'　yourself；　betrayin'　meall　to　bind　my　hands　an'　keep　me　from　snuffin'　out　Mormon　life。　It's　your　damned　Mormon　blindness。〃

〃Is　it　vileis　it　blindis　it　only　Mormonism　to　save　human　life？　No；　Lassiter；　that's　God's　law；　divine；　universal　for　all　Christians。〃

〃The　blindness　I　mean　is　blindness　that　keeps　you　from　seein'　the　truth。　I've　known　many　good　Mormons。　But　some　are　blacker　than　hell。　You　won't　see　that　even　when　you　know　it。　Else；　why　all　this　blind　passion　to　save　the　life　of　thatthat。。。。〃

Jane　shut　out　the　light；　and　the　hands　she　held　over　her　eyes　trembled　and　quivered　against　her　face。

〃Blindyes；　en'　let　me　make　it　clear　en'　simple　to　you；〃　Lassiter　went　on；　his　voice　losing　its　tone　of　anger。　〃Take；　for　instance；　that　idea　of　yours　last　night　when　you　wanted　my　guns。　It　was　good　an'　beautiful；　an'　showed　your　heartbutwhy；　Jane；　it　was　crazy。　Mind　I'm　assumin'　that　life　to　me　is　as　sweet　as　to　any　other　man。　An'　to　preserve　that　life　is　each　man's　first　an'　closest　thought。　Where　would　any　man　be　on　this　border　without　guns？　Where；　especially；　would　Lassiter　be？　Well；　I'd　be　under　the　sage　with　thousands　of　other　men　now　livin'　an'　sure　better　men　than　me。　Gun…packin'　in　the　West　since　the　Civil　War　has　growed　into　a　kind　of　moral　law。　An'　out　here　on　this　border　it's　the　difference　between　a　man　an'　somethin'　not　a　man。　Look　what　your　takin'　Venters's　guns　from　him　all　but　made　him！　Why；　your　churchmen　carry　guns。　Tull　has　killed　a　man　an'　drawed　on　others。　Your　Bishop　has　shot　a　half　dozen　men；　an'　it　wasn't　through　prayers　of　his　that　they　recovered。　An'　to…day　he'd　have　shot　me　if　he'd　been　quick　enough　on　the　draw。　Could　I　walk　or　ride　down　into　Cottonwoods　without　my　guns？　This　is　a　wild　time；　Jane　Withersteen；　this　year　of　our　Lord　eighteen　seventy…　one。〃

〃No　timefor　a　woman！〃　exclaimed　Jane；　brokenly。　〃Oh；　Lassiter；　I　feel　helplesslostand　don't　know　where　to　turn。　If　I　am　blindthenI　need　some　onea　friendyou；　Lassitermore　than　ever！〃

〃Well；　I　didn't　say　nothin'　about　goin'　back　on　you；　did　I？〃



CHAPTER　XII。　THE　INVISIBLE　HAND

Jane　received　a　letter　from　Bishop　Dyer；　not　in　his　own　handwriting；　which　stated　that　the　abrupt　termination　of　their　interview　had　left　him　in　some　doubt　as　to　her　future　conduct。　A　slight　injury　had　incapacitated　him　from　seeking　another　meeting　at　present；　the　letter　went　on　to　say；　and　ended　with　a　request　which　was　virtually　a　command；　that　she　call　upon　him　at　once。

The　reading　of　the　letter　acquainted　Jane　Withersteen　with　the　fact　that　something　within　her　had　all　but　changed。　She　sent　no　reply　to　Bishop　Dyer　nor　did　she　go　to　see　him。　On　Sunday　she　remained　absent　from　the　servicefor　the　second　time　in　yearsand　though　she　did　not　actually　suffer　there　was　a　dead…lock　of　feelings　deep　within　her；　and　the　waiting　for　a　balance　to　fall　on　either　side　was　almost　as　bad　as　suffering。　She　had　a　gloomy　expectancy　of　untoward　circumstances；　and　with　it　a　keen…edged　curiosity　to　watch　developments。　She　had　a　half…formed　conviction　that　her　future　conductas　related　to　her　churchmenwas　beyond　her　control　and　would　be　governed　by　their　attitude　toward　her。　Something　was　changing　in　her；　forming；　waiting　for　decision　to　make　it　a　real　and　fixed　thing。　She　had　told　Lassiter　that　she　felt　helpless　and　lost　in　the　fateful　tangle　of　their　lives；　and　now　she　feared　that　she　was　approaching　the　same　chaotic　condition　of　mind　in　regard　to　her　religion。　It　appalled　her　to　find　that　she　questioned　phases　of　that　religion。　Absolute　faith　had　been　her　serenity。　Though　leaving　her　faith　unshaken；　her　serenity　had　been　disturbed；　and　now　it　was　broken　by　open　war　between　her　and　her　ministers。　That　something　within　hera　whisperwhich　she　had　tried　in　vain　to　hush　had　become　a　ringing　voice；　and　it　called　to　her　to　wait。　She　had　transgressed　no　laws　of　God。　Her　churchmen；　however　invested　with　the　power　and　the　glory　of　a　wonderful　creed；　however　they　sat　in　inexorable　judgment　of　her；　must　now　practice　toward　her　the　simple；　common；　Christian　virtue　they　professed　to　preach；　〃Do　unto　others　as　you　would　have　others　do　unto　you！〃

Jane　Withersteen；　waiting　in　darkness　of　mind；　remained　faithful　still。　But　it　was　darkness　that　must　soon　be　pierced　by　light。　If　her　faith　were　justified；　if　her　churchmen　were　trying　only　to　intimidate　her；　the　fact　would　soon　be　manifest；　as　would　their　failure；　and　then　she　would　redouble　her　zeal　toward　them　and　toward　what　had　been　the　best　work　of　her　lifework　for　the　welfare　and　happiness　of　those　among　whom　she　lived；　Mormon　and　Gentile　alike。　If　that　secret；　intangible　power　closed　its　toils　round　her　again；　if　that　great　invisible　hand　moved　here　and　there　and　everywhere；　slowly　paralyzing　her　with　its　mystery　and　its　inconceivable　sway　over　her　affairs；　then　she　would　know　beyond　doubt　that　it　was　not　chance；　nor　jealousy；　nor　intimidation；　nor　ministerial　wrath　at　her　revolt；　but　a　cold　and　calculating　policy　thought　out　long　before　she　was　born；　a　dark；　immutable　will　of　whose　empire　she　and　all　that　was　hers　was　but　an　atom。

Then　might　come　her　ruin。　Then　might　come　her　fall　into　black　storm。　Yet　she　would　rise　again；　and　to　the　light。　God　would　be　merciful　to　a　driven　woman　who　had　lost　her　way。

A　week　passed。　Little　Fay　played　and　prattled　and　pulled　at　Lassiter's　big　black　guns。　The　rider　came　to　Withersteen　House　oftener　than　ever。　Jane　saw　a　change　in　him；　though　it　did　not　relate　to　his　kindness　and　gentleness。　He　was　quieter　and　more　thoughtful。　While　playing　with　Fay　or　conversing　with　Jane　he　seemed　to　be　possessed　of　another　self　that　watched　with　cool；　roving　eyes；　that　listened；　listened　always　as　if　the　murmuring　amber　stream　brought　messages；　and　the　moving　leaves　whispered　something。　Lassiter　never　rode　Bells　into　the　court　any　more；　nor　did　he　come　by　the　lane　or　the　paths。　When　he　appeared　it　was　suddenly　and　noiselessly　out