hemingway, ernest - islands in the stream-第69章
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¨I donˇt care about the drink。〃
¨Neither do I；〃 he said and came back into the room walking on the tiled floor until he felt the matting。 He looked at her and she was still there。
¨You donˇt want to talk about him；〃 she said。
¨No。〃
¨Why？ I think itˇs better。〃
¨He looks too much like you。〃
¨That isnˇt it；〃 she said。 ¨Tell me。 Is he dead？〃
¨Sure。〃
¨Please hold me tight。 I am ill now。〃 He felt her shaking and he knelt by the chair and held her and felt her tremble。 Then she said； ¨And poor you。 Poor； poor you。〃
After a time she said； ¨Iˇm sorry for everything I ever did or said。〃
¨Me； too。〃
¨Poor you and poor me。〃
¨Poor everybody；〃 he said and did not add； ¨Poor Tom。〃
¨What can you tell me？〃
¨Nothing。 Just that。〃
¨I suppose weˇll learn how to take it。〃
¨Maybe。〃
¨I wish I could break down but Iˇm just hollow sick。〃
¨I know。〃
¨Does it happen to everybody？〃
¨I suppose so。 Anyway it can only happen to us once。〃
¨And now itˇs like in a house of the dead。〃
¨Iˇm sorry I didnˇt tell you when I saw you。〃
¨Thatˇs all right；〃 she said。 ¨You always put things off。 Iˇm not sorry。〃
¨I wanted you so damned much and I was selfish and stupid。〃
¨You werenˇt selfish。 We always loved each other。 We only made mistakes。〃
¨I made the worst ones。〃
¨No。 We both made them。 Letˇs not fight any more ever； though。〃 Something was happening to her and then finally she cried and said； ¨Oh； Tommy； all of a sudden I just canˇt stand it。〃
¨I know；〃 he said。 ¨My sweet good lovely beauty。 I canˇt stand it either。〃
¨We were so young and stupid and we were both beautiful and Tommy was so damned beautiful〃
¨Like his mother。〃
¨And now thereˇll never be any visible evidence。〃
¨My poor dearest love。〃
¨And what will we do？〃
¨You do what youˇre doing and Iˇll do what Iˇm doing。〃
¨Couldnˇt we be together for a while？〃
¨Only if this wind keeps up。〃
¨Then let it blow。 Do you think making love is wicked？〃
¨I donˇt think Tom would disapprove。〃
¨No。 Surely no。〃
¨Do you remember skiing with him on your shoulders and how weˇd sing coming down through the orchard behind the inn in the dusk？〃
¨I remember everything。〃
¨So do I；〃 she said。 ¨And why were we so stupid？〃
¨We were rivals as well as lovers。〃
¨I know it and we shouldnˇt have been。 But you donˇt love anyone else； do you？ Now that thatˇs all we have？〃
¨No。 Truly。〃
¨I donˇt either really。 Do you think we could take each other back？〃
¨I donˇt know whether it would work。 We could try it。〃
¨How long will the war be？〃
¨Ask the man who owns one。〃
¨Will it be years？〃
¨A couple； anyway。〃
¨Are you liable to be killed too？〃
¨Very。〃
¨Thatˇs not good。〃
¨And if Iˇm not？〃
¨I donˇt know。 Now Tomˇs gone we wouldnˇt start being bitter and bad again？〃
¨I could try not to。 Iˇm not bitter and Iˇve learned how to handle the bad。 Really。〃
¨What？ With whores？〃
¨I guess so。 But I wouldnˇt need them if we were together。〃
¨You always did put things so prettily。〃
¨See？ Letˇs not start it。〃
¨No。 Not in the house of the dead。〃
¨You said that once。〃
¨I know；〃 she said。 ¨Iˇm sorry。 But I donˇt know how to put it any other way and mean the same thing。 Itˇs started to get numb already。〃
¨It will get number；〃 he said。 ¨Numb is as bad as at the start。 But it will get number。〃
¨Will you tell me every bad thing you know about it so mine will get numb quicker？〃
¨Sure；〃 he said。 ¨Christ； I love you。〃
¨You always did；〃 she said。 ¨Now tell me。〃
He was sitting at her feet and he did not look at her。 He looked at Boise the cat； who was lying in a patch of sunlight on the matting。 ¨He was shot down by a flak ship in a routine sweep off Abbeville。〃
¨Did he bail out？〃
¨No。 The kite burned。 He must have been hit。〃
¨I hope he was；〃 she said。 ¨I hope so much he was。〃
¨Itˇs almost sure he was。 He had time to bail out。〃
¨Youˇre telling me the truth？ His chute didnˇt burn？〃
¨No；〃 he lied； thinking that was enough for today。
¨Who did you hear it from？〃
He told her the name of the man。 ¨Then itˇs true；〃 she said。 ¨I donˇt have a son any more and neither do you。 I suppose we can learn about that。 Do you know anything else？〃
¨No；〃 he told her； as truly as possible。
¨And we just go on？〃
¨Thatˇs it。〃
¨With what？〃
¨With nothing；〃 he said。
¨Couldnˇt I stay here and be with you？〃
¨I donˇt think it would be any good because I have to go out as soon as the weather is possible。 You never talk and you bury anything I tell you。 So bury that。〃
¨But I could be with you until then and I could wait until youˇre back。〃
¨Thatˇs no good；〃 he said。 ¨I never know when weˇll be back and it would be worse for you not working。 Stay if you want until we go。〃
¨Good；〃 she said。 ¨Iˇll stay until you go and weˇll think of Tom all we want。 And weˇll make love as soon as you think itˇs right。〃
¨Tommy never had anything to do with that room。〃
¨No。 And Iˇll exorcise anyone who ever did。〃
¨Now we really should eat something and drink a glass of wine。〃
¨A bottle；〃 she said。 ¨Wasnˇt Tom a lovely boy？ And so funny and good。〃
¨What are you made of？〃
¨What you love；〃 she said。 ¨And steel added。〃
¨I donˇt know whatˇs become of the house boys；〃 Thomas Hudson told her。 ¨They didnˇt expect me back today。 But one boy is supposed to be on the telephone。 Iˇll get the wine。 Itˇs cold now。〃
He opened the bottle and poured two glasses。 It was the good wine he saved for coming…homes； after he had cooled out； and it bubbled small and neat and faithfully。
¨Hereˇs to us and all our mistakes and all our losses and the gains weˇll make。〃
¨Made；〃 he said。
¨Made；〃 she said。 Then she said； ¨The one thing you were always faithful to was good wine。〃
¨Admirable of me； wasnˇt it？〃
¨Iˇm sorry I said it about the drinking this morning。〃
¨Those things are good for me。 Itˇs funny； but they are。〃
¨You mean what you were drinking？ Or the criticism？〃
¨What I was drinking。 The tall frozen ones。〃
¨Maybe they are。 And I donˇt make any criticism now except that it is awfully hard to get something to eat in this house。〃
¨Be patient。 Youˇve told me that enough times。〃
¨Iˇm patient；〃 she said。 ¨Iˇm just hungry。 I know now why people eat at wakes and before funerals。〃
¨Be as rough with it as is good for you。〃
¨Donˇt worry。 Iˇll be。 Are we going to go on saying weˇre sorry for everything？ I said it once。〃
¨Listen； you；〃 he said。 ¨Iˇve had this thing three weeks longer than you and maybe Iˇm in a different phase。〃
¨Youˇd have a different and more interesting phase；〃 she said。 ¨I know you。 Why donˇt you just get back to your whores？〃
¨Wouldnˇt you like to stop it？〃
¨No。 It makes me feel better。〃
¨Who was it said； ˉMary； pity womenˇ？〃
¨Some man；〃 she said。 ¨Some bastard of a man。〃
¨Do you want to hear the whole poem？〃
¨No。 And Iˇm tired of you already and you knowing it three weeks earlier and all that。 Just because Iˇm a non…combatant and youˇre in something so secret you have to sleep with a cat so you wonˇt talk〃
¨And you still donˇt see why we broke up？〃
¨We broke up because I got tired of you。 Youˇve always loved me and you couldnˇt help it and you canˇt help it now。〃
¨Thatˇs true。〃
The house boy was standing in the dining room。 He had unavoidably seen and heard quarrels in the living room before and they made his brown face perspire with unhappiness。 He loved his master and the cats and dogs and he admired the beautiful women respectfully and it made him feel terrible when there were quarrels。 He thought that he had never seen such a beautiful woman and the caballero was quarreling with her and she was saying angry things to the caballero。
¨Se？or；〃 he said。 ¨Pardon me。 May I speak to you in the kitchen？〃
¨Excuse me please； darli
