hemingway, ernest - islands in the stream-第17章
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¨You used to sit with him at the caf？ and he used to draw pictures of you sometimes on napkins。 He was small and very tough and very strange。 He used to wear a derby hat most of the time and he was a beautiful painter。 He always acted as though he knew a great secret； as though he had just heard it and it amused him。 It made him very happy sometimes and sometimes it made him sad。 But you could always tell he knew it and it amused him very much。〃
¨What was the secret？〃
¨Oh drunkenness and drugs and the secret Mr。 Joyce knew all about in that last chapter and how to paint beautifully。 He could paint more beautifully than anybody then and that was his secret； too； and he didnˇt care。 He thought he didnˇt care about anything but he did really。〃
¨Was he bad？〃
¨Oh yes。 He was really bad and that was part of his secret。 He liked being bad and he didnˇt have remorse。〃
¨Were he and I good friends？〃
¨Very。 He used to call you The Monster。〃
¨Gee；〃 said young Tom； happily。 ¨The Monster。〃
¨Have we got any pictures of Mr。 Pascinˇs； papa？〃 David asked。
¨A couple。〃
¨Did he ever paint Tommy？〃
¨No。 He used to draw Tommy mostly on napkins and on the marble top of caf？ tables。 He called him the horrible； beer…swilling monster of the Left Bank。〃
¨Get that tide down； Tom；〃 David said。
¨Did Mr。 Pascin have a dirty mind？〃 young Tom asked。
¨I believe so。〃
¨Donˇt you know？〃
¨I believe you could say he had。 I think that was part of his secret。〃
¨But Mr。 Joyce didnˇt。〃
¨No。〃
¨And you havenˇt。〃
¨No；〃 Thomas Hudson said。 ¨I donˇt think so。〃
¨Do you have a dirty mind； Mr。 Davis？〃 Tommy asked。
¨I donˇt think so。〃
¨Thatˇs good；〃 young Tom said。 ¨I told the headmaster neither papa nor Mr。 Joyce had dirty minds and now I can tell him about Mr。 Davis if he asks me。 He was pretty set on it that I had a dirty mind。 But I wasnˇt worried。 Thereˇs a boy at school that really has one and you can tell the difference all right。 What was Mr。 Pascinˇs first name？〃
¨Jules。〃
¨How do you spell it？〃 David asked。 Thomas Hudson told him。
¨What ever became of Mr。 Pascin？〃 young Tom asked。
¨He hanged himself；〃 Thomas Hudson said。
¨Oh gee；〃 Andrew said。
¨Poor Mr。 Pascin；〃 young Tom said in benediction。 ¨Iˇll pray for him tonight。〃
¨Iˇm going to pray for Mr。 Davis；〃 Andrew said。
¨And do it often；〃 Roger said。
VI
THAT NIGHT AFTER THE BOYS had gone to bed Thomas Hudson and Roger Davis sat up in the big room talking。 It had been too rough to do much goggle…fishing and after supper the boys had gone off with Joseph to go snapper fishing。 They had come back tired and happy and said good night and gone to bed。 The men had heard them talking for a while and then they were asleep。
Andrew was afraid of the dark and the other boys knew it but they never teased him about it。
¨Why do you think heˇs afraid of the dark？〃 Roger asked。
¨I donˇt know；〃 Thomas Hudson said。 ¨Werenˇt you？〃
¨I donˇt think so。〃
¨I was；〃 Thomas Hudson said。 ¨Is it supposed to mean anything？〃
¨I donˇt know；〃 Roger said。 ¨I was afraid of dying and that something would happen to my brother。〃
¨I didnˇt know you had a brother。 Where is he？〃
¨Dead；〃 Roger said。
¨Iˇm sorry。〃
¨You donˇt need to be。 It was when we were kids。〃
¨Was he older than you？〃
¨A year younger。〃
¨What was it？〃
¨A canoe turned over with us。〃
¨How old were you？〃
¨About twelve。〃
¨Donˇt talk about it if you donˇt want to。〃
¨Iˇm not sure it did me a lot of good；〃 Roger said。 ¨Didnˇt you know about it really？〃
¨Never。〃
¨For a long time I thought everybody in the world knew about it。 Itˇs strange when you are a boy。 The water was too cold and he let go。 But what it added up to was that I came back and he didnˇt。〃
¨Poor bloody Roger。〃
¨No；〃 said Roger。 ¨But it was early to learn about that stuff。 And then I loved him very much and Iˇd always been afraid something would happen to him。 The water was cold for me too。 But I couldnˇt say that。〃
¨Where was it？〃
¨Up in Maine。 I donˇt think my father ever forgave me although he tried to understand it。 Iˇve wished it was me every day since。 But thatˇs hardly a career。〃
¨What was your brotherˇs name？〃
¨Dave。〃
¨Hell。 Was that why you wouldnˇt go goggle…fishing today？〃
¨I guess so。 But Iˇm going every other day。 You never work those things out； though。〃
¨Youˇre grown up enough not to talk that way。〃
¨I tried to go down after him。 But I couldnˇt find him；〃 Roger said。 ¨It was too deep and it was really cold。〃
¨David Davis；〃 Thomas Hudson said。
¨Yes。 In our family the first one is called Roger and the second one David。〃
¨Roge； you did get over it； though。〃
¨No；〃 Roger said。 ¨You never get over it and sooner or later I have to tell it。 Iˇm ashamed of that the way Iˇm ashamed of the fight on the dock。〃
¨You had nothing to be ashamed of there。〃
¨Yes； I did。 I told you once。 Letˇs not go into that。〃
¨All right。〃
¨Iˇm not going to have any more fights。 Ever。 You never fight and you can fight as well as I can。〃
¨I canˇt fight as well as you。 But I just made up my mind I wouldnˇt fight。〃
¨Iˇm not going to fight and Iˇm going to be some good and quit writing junk。〃
¨Thatˇs the best thing Iˇve heard you say；〃 Thomas Hudson said。
¨Do you think I could write something that would be worth a damn？〃
¨You could try。 What did you quit painting for？〃
¨Because I couldnˇt kid myself any longer。 I canˇt kid myself any longer on the writing either。〃
¨What are you going to do； practically？〃
¨Go some place and write a good straight novel as well as I can write it。〃
¨Why donˇt you stay here and write？ You can stay on here after the boys are gone。 Itˇs too hot to write in your place。〃
¨I wouldnˇt bother you too much？〃
¨No； Roge。 I get lonely； too； you know。 You canˇt just run away from everything all the time。 This sounds like a speech。 Iˇll cut it out。〃
¨No。 Go on。 I need it。〃
¨If you are going to start to work； start here。〃
¨You donˇt think out West would be better？〃
¨Any place is good。 The thing is not to run from it。〃
¨No。 Any place isnˇt good；〃 Roger objected。 ¨I know that。 Theyˇre good and then they go bad。〃
¨Sure。 But this is a good place now。 Maybe it wonˇt always be。 But itˇs fine now。 Youˇd have company when you quit work and so would I。 We wouldnˇt interfere with each other and you could really bite on the nail。〃
¨Do you truly think I could write a novel that would be any good？〃
¨You never will if you donˇt try。 You told me a hell of a good novel tonight if you wanted to write it。 Just start with the canoe。〃
¨And end it how？〃
¨Make it up after the canoe。〃
¨Hell；〃 Roger said。 ¨Iˇm so corrupted that if I put in a canoe it would have a beautiful Indian girl in it that young Jones； who is on his way to warn the settlers that Cecil B。 de Mille is coming； would drop into； hanging by one hand to a tangle of vines that covers the river while he holds his trusty flintlock； ˉOld Betsy；ˇ in the other hand； and the beautiful Indian girl says； ˉJones； it ees you。 Now we can make love as our frail craft moves toward the falls that some day weel be Niagara。ˇ 〃
¨No；〃 said Thomas Hudson。 ¨You could just make the canoe and the cold lake and your kid brother〃
¨David Davis。 Eleven。〃
¨And afterwards。 And then make up from there to the end。〃
¨I donˇt like the end；〃 Roger said。
¨I donˇt think any of us do； really；〃 Thomas Hudson said。 ¨But thereˇs always an end。〃
¨Maybe we better knock off talking；〃 Roger said。 ¨Iˇm liable to start thinking about the novel。 Tommy； why is it fun to paint well and hell to write well？ I never painted well。 But it was fun even the way I painted。〃
¨I donˇt know；〃 Thomas Hudson said。 ¨Maybe in painting the tradition and the line are clearer and there are more people helping you。 Even when you break from the straight line of great painting； it is always the
