an open-eyed conspiracy-第16章

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suffering　from　the　performance　as　an　effect　from　my　tormented
sympathies　rather　than　from　my　offended　tastes。　　When　the　long
stress　was　over；　and　we　rose　and　stood　to　let　the　crowd　get　out；　I
asked　Miss　Gage　if　she　did　not　think　this　must　be　the　case。　　I　do
not　suppose　she　was　really　much　more　experienced　in　the　theatre　than
the　people　on　the　stage；　some　of　whom　I　doubted　to　have　ever　seen　a
play　till　they　took　part　in　East　Lynne。　　But　I　thought　I　would　ask
her　that　in　order　to　hear　what　she　would　say；　and　she　said　very
simply　that　she　had　seen　so　few　plays　she　did　not　know　what　to　think
of　it；　and　I　could　see　that　she　was　abashed　by　the　fact。　　Kendricks
must　have　seen　it　too；　for　he　began　at　once　to　save　her　from
herself；　with　all　his　subtle　generosity；　and　to　turn　her　shame　to
praise。　　My　heart；　which　remained　sufficiently　cold　to　her；　warmed
more　than　ever　to　him；　and　I　should　have　liked　to　tell　her　that　here
was　the　finest　and　rarest　human　porcelain　using　itself　like　common
clay　in　her　behalf；　and　to　demand　whether　she　thought　she　was　worth
it。

I　did　not　think　she　was；　and　I　had　a　lurid　moment　when　I　was　tempted
to　push　on　and　make　her　show　herself　somehow　at　her　worst。　　We　had
undertaken　a　preposterous　thing　in　befriending　her　as　we　had　done；
and　our　course　in　bringing　Kendricks　in　was　wholly　unjustifiable。
How　could　I　lead　her　on　to　some　betrayal　of　her　essential
Philistinism；　and　make　her　so　impossible　in　his　eyes　that　even　he；
with　all　his　sweetness　and　goodness；　must　take　the　first　train　from
Saratoga　in　the　morning？

We　had　of　course　joined　the　crowd　in　pushing　forward；　people　always
do；　though　they　promise　themselves　to　wait　till　the　last　one　is　out。
I　got　caught　in　a　dark　eddy　on　the　first　stair…landing；　but　I　could
see　them　farther　down；　and　I　knew　they　would　wait　for　me　outside　the
door。

When　I　reached　it　at　last　they　were　nowhere　to　be　seen；　I　looked　up
this　street　and　down　that；　but　they　were　not　in　sight。



CHAPTER　XII



I　did　not　afflict　myself　very　much；　nor　pretend　to　do　so。　　They　knew
the　way　home；　and　after　I　had　blundered　about　in　search　of　them
through　the　lampshot　darkness；　I　settled　myself　to　walk　back　at　my
leisure；　comfortably　sure　that　I　should　find　them　on　the　verandah
waiting　for　me　when　I　reached　the　hotel。　　It　was　quite　a　thick
night；　and　I　almost　ran　into　a　couple　at　a　corner　of　our　quieter
street　when　I　had　got　to　it　out　of　Broadway。　　They　seemed　to　be
standing　and　looking　about；　and　when　the　man　said；　〃He　must　have
thought　we　took　the　first　turn；〃　and　the　woman；　〃Yes；　that　must　have
been　the　way；〃　I　recognised　my　estrays。

I　thought　I　would　not　discover　myself　to　them；　but　follow　on；　and
surprise　them　by　arriving　at　our　steps　at　the　same　moment　they　did；
and　I　prepared　myself　to　hurry　after　them。　　But　they　seemed　in　no
hurry；　and　I　had　even　some　difficulty　in　accommodating　my　pace　to
the　slowness　of　theirs。

〃Won't　you　take　my　arm；　Miss　Gage？〃　he　asked　as　they　moved　on。

〃It's　so　VERY　dark；〃　she　answered；　and　I　knew　she　had　taken　it。　　〃I
can　hardly　see　a　step；　and　poor　Mr。　March　with　his　glassesI　don't
know　what　he'll　do。〃

〃Oh；　he　only　uses　them　to　read　with；　he　can　see　as　well　as　we　can　in
the　dark。〃

〃He's　very　young　in　his　feelings；〃　said　the　girl；　〃he　puts　me　in
mind　of　my　own　father。〃

〃He's　very　young　in　his　thoughts；〃　said　Kendricks；　〃and　that's　much
more　to　the　purpose　for　a　magazine　editor。　　There　are　very　few　men
of　his　age　who　keep　in　touch　with　the　times　as　he　does。〃

〃Still；　Mrs。　March　seems　a　good　deal　younger；　don't　you　think？　　I
wonder　how　soon　they　begin　to　feel　old？〃

〃Oh；　not　till　along　in　the　forties；　I　should　say。　　It's　a　good　deal
in　temperament。　　I　don't　suppose　that　either　of　them　realises　yet
that　they're　old；　and　they　must　be　nearly　fifty。〃

〃How　strange　it　must　be；〃　said　the　girl；　〃fifty　years　old！　　Twenty
seems　old　enough；　goodness　knows。〃

〃How　should　you　like　to　be　a　dotard　of　twenty…seven？〃　Kendricks
asked；　and　she　laughed　at　his　joke。

〃I　don't　suppose　I　should　mind　it　so　much　if　I　were　a　man。〃

I　had　promised　myself　that　if　the　talk　became　at　all　confidential　I
would　drop　behind　out　of　earshot；　but　though　it　was　curiously
intimate　for　me　to　be　put　apart　in　the　minds　of　these　young　people
on　account　of　my　years　as　not　of　the　same　race　or　fate　as
themselves；　there　was　nothing　in　what　they　said　that　I　might　not
innocently　overhear；　as　far　as　they　were　concerned；　and　I　listened
on。

But　they　had　apparently　given　me　quite　enough　attention。　　After　some
mutual　laughter　at　what　she　said　last；　they　were　silent　a　moment；
and　then　he　said　soberly；　〃There's　something　fine　in　this　isolation
the　dark　gives　you；　isn't　there？　　You're　as　remote　in　it　from　our
own　time　and　place　as　if　you　were　wandering　in　interplanetary
space。〃

〃I　suppose　we　ARE　doing　that　all　the　timeon　the　earth；〃　she
suggested。

〃Yes；　but　how　hard　it　is　to　realise　that　we　are　on　the　earth　now。
Sometimes　I　have　a　sense　of　it；　though；　when　the　moon　breaks　from
one　flying　cloud　to　another。　　Then　it　seems　as　if　I　were　a　passenger
on　some　vast；　shapeless　ship　sailing　through　the　air。　　What；〃　he
asked；　with　no　relevancy　that　I　could　perceive；　〃was　the　strangest
feeling　YOU　ever　had？〃　　I　remembered　asking　girls　such　questions
when　I　was　young；　and　their　not　apparently　thinking　it　at　all　odd。

〃I　don't　know；〃　she　returned　thoughtfully。　　〃There　was　one　time　when
I　was　little；　and　it　had　sleeted；　and　the　sun　came　out　just　before
it　set；　and　seemed　to　set　all　the　woods　on　fire。　　I　thought　the
world　was　burning　up。〃

〃It　must　have　been　very　weird；〃　said　Kendricks；　and　I　thought；　〃Oh；
good　heavens！　　Has　he　got　to　talking　of　weird　things？〃

〃It's　strange；〃　he　added；　〃how　we　all　have　that　belief　when　we　are
children　that　the　world　is　going　to　burn　up！　　I　don't　suppose　any
child　escapes　it。　　Do　you　remember　that　poem　of　Thompson'sthe　City
of　Dreadful　Night　manwhere　he　describes　the　end　of　the　world？〃

〃No；　I　never　read　it。〃

〃Well；　merely；　he　says　when　the　conflagration　began　the　little
flames　looked　like　crocuses　breaking　through　the　sod。　　If　it　ever
happened　I　fancy　it　would　be　quite　as　simple　as　that。　　But　perhaps
you　don't　like　gloomy　poetry？〃

'Yes；　yes；　I　do。　　It's　the　only　kind　that　I　care　about。〃

〃Then　you　hate　funny　poetry？〃

〃I　think　it's　disgusting。　　Papa　is　always　cutting　it　out　of　the
papers　and　wanting　to　send　it　to　me；　and　we　have　the　greatest
TIMES！〃

〃I　suppose；〃　said　Kendricks；　〃it　expresses　some　moods；　though。〃

〃Oh　yes；　it　expresses　some　moods；　and　sometimes　it　makes　me　laugh　in
spite　of　myself；　and　ashamed　of　anything　serious。〃

〃That's　always　the　effect　of　a　farce　with　me。〃

〃But　then　I'm　ashamed　of　being　ashamed　afterward；〃　said　the　girl。
〃I　suppose　you　go　to　the　theatre　a　great　deal　in　New　York。〃

〃It's　a　school　of　life；〃　said　Kendricks。　　〃I　mean　the　audience。〃

〃I　would　like　to　go　to　the　opera　once。　　I　am　going　to　make　papa　take
me　in　the　winter。〃　　She　laughed　with　a　gay　sense　of　power；　and　he
said　…

〃You　seem　to　be　great　friends　with　your　father。〃

〃Yes；　we're　always　together。　　I　always　went　everywhere　with　him；
this　is　the　first　time　I've　been　away　without　him。　　But　I　thought
I'd　come　with　Mrs。　Deering　and　see　what　Saratoga　was　like；　I　had
never　been　here。〃

〃And　is　it　like　what　you　thought？〃

〃No。　　The　first　week　we　didn't　do　anything。　　Then　we　got　acquainted
with　Mr。　and　Mrs。　March；　and　I　began　to　really　see　something。　　But　I
supposed　it　was　all　balls　and　gaiety。〃

〃We　must　get　up　a　few　if　you're　so　fond　of　them；〃　Kendricks
playfully　suggested。

〃Oh；　I　don't　know　as　I　am。　　I　never　went　much　at　home。　　Papa　didn't
care　to　have　me。〃

〃Ah；　do　you　think　it　was　right　for　him　to　keep　you　all　to　himself？〃
The　girl　did　not　answer；　and　they　had　both　halted　so　abruptly　that　I
almost　ran　into　them。　　〃I　don't　quite　make　out　where　we　are。〃
Kendricks　seemed　to　be　peering　about。　　I　plunged　across　the　street
lest　he　should　ask　me。　　I　heard　him　add；　〃Oh　yes；　I　know　now；〃　and
then　they　pressed　forward。

We　were　quite　near　our　hotel；　but　I　thought　it　best　to　walk　round
the　square　and　let　them　arrive　first。　　On　the　way　I　amused　my