the way of all flesh-第35章

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beatings　of　his　father。　　The　copying　out　in　fact　was　often　less
trouble　than　the　lesson。　　Latin　and　Greek　had　nothing　in　them　which
commended　them　to　his　instinct　as　likely　to　bring　him　peace　even　at
the　last；　still　less　did　they　hold　out　any　hope　of　doing　so　within
some　more　reasonable　time。　　The　deadness　inherent　in　these　defunct
languages　themselves　had　never　been　artificially　counteracted　by　a
system　of　bona　fide　rewards　for　application。　　There　had　been　any
amount　of　punishments　for　want　of　application；　but　no　good
comfortable　bribes　had　baited　the　hook　which　was　to　allure　him　to
his　good。

Indeed；　the　more　pleasant　side　of　learning　to　do　this　or　that　had
always　been　treated　as　something　with　which　Ernest　had　no　concern。
We　had　no　business　with　pleasant　things　at　all；　at　any　rate　very
little　business；　at　any　rate　not　he；　Ernest。　　We　were　put　into　this
world　not　for　pleasure　but　duty；　and　pleasure　had　in　it　something
more　or　less　sinful　in　its　very　essence。　　If　we　were　doing　anything
we　liked；　we；　or　at　any　rate　he；　Ernest；　should　apologise　and　think
he　was　being　very　mercifully　dealt　with；　if　not　at　once　told　to　go
and　do　something　else。　　With　what　he　did　not　like；　however；　it　was
different；　the　more　he　disliked　a　thing　the　greater　the　presumption
that　it　was　right。　　It　never　occurred　to　him　that　the　presumption
was　in　favour　of　the　rightness　of　what　was　most　pleasant；　and　that
the　onus　of　proving　that　it　was　not　right　lay　with　those　who
disputed　its　being　so。　　I　have　said　more　than　once　that　he　believed
in　his　own　depravity；　never　was　there　a　little　mortal　more　ready　to
accept　without　cavil　whatever　he　was　told　by　those　who　were　in
authority　over　him：　　he　thought；　at　least；　that　he　believed　it；　for
as　yet　he　knew　nothing　of　that　other　Ernest　that　dwelt　within　him；
and　was　so　much　stronger　and　more　real　than　the　Ernest　of　which　he
was　conscious。　　The　dumb　Ernest　persuaded　with　inarticulate　feelings
too　swift　and　sure　to　be　translated　into　such　debateable　things　as
words；　but　practically　insisted　as　follows　…


〃Growing　is　not　the　easy　plain　sailing　business　that　it　is　commonly
supposed　to　be：　　it　is　hard　workharder　than　any　but　a　growing　boy
can　understand；　it　requires　attention；　and　you　are　not　strong　enough
to　attend　to　your　bodily　growth；　and　to　your　lessons　too。　　Besides；
Latin　and　Greek　are　great　humbug；　the　more　people　know　of　them　the
more　odious　they　generally　are；　the　nice　people　whom　you　delight　in
either　never　knew　any　at　all　or　forgot　what　they　had　learned　as　soon
as　they　could；　they　never　turned　to　the　classics　after　they　were　no
longer　forced　to　read　them；　therefore　they　are　nonsense；　all　very
well　in　their　own　time　and　country；　but　out　of　place　here。　　Never
learn　anything　until　you　find　you　have　been　made　uncomfortable　for　a
good　long　while　by　not　knowing　it；　when　you　find　that　you　have
occasion　for　this　or　that　knowledge；　or　foresee　that　you　will　have
occasion　for　it　shortly；　the　sooner　you　learn　it　the　better；　but
till　then　spend　your　time　in　growing　bone　and　muscle；　these　will　be
much　more　useful　to　you　than　Latin　and　Greek；　nor　will　you　ever　be
able　to　make　them　if　you　do　not　do　so　now；　whereas　Latin　and　Greek
can　be　acquired　at　any　time　by　those　who　want　them。

〃You　are　surrounded　on　every　side　by　lies　which　would　deceive　even
the　elect；　if　the　elect　were　not　generally　so　uncommonly　wide　awake；
the　self　of　which　you　are　conscious；　your　reasoning　and　reflecting
self；　will　believe　these　lies　and　bid　you　act　in　accordance　with
them。　　This　conscious　self　of　yours；　Ernest；　is　a　prig　begotten　of
prigs　and　trained　in　priggishness；　I　will　not　allow　it　to　shape　your
actions；　though　it　will　doubtless　shape　your　words　for　many　a　year
to　come。　　Your　papa　is　not　here　to　beat　you　now；　this　is　a　change　in
the　conditions　of　your　existence；　and　should　be　followed　by　changed
actions。　　Obey　me；　your　true　self；　and　things　will　go　tolerably　well
with　you；　but　only　listen　to　that　outward　and　visible　old　husk　of
yours　which　is　called　your　father；　and　I　will　rend　you　in　pieces
even　unto　the　third　and　fourth　generation　as　one　who　has　hated　God；
for　I；　Ernest；　am　the　God　who　made　you。〃


How　shocked　Ernest　would　have　been　if　he　could　have　heard　the　advice
he　was　receiving；　what　consternation　too　there　would　have　been　at
Battersby；　but　the　matter　did　not　end　here；　for　this　same　wicked
inner　self　gave　him　bad　advice　about　his　pocket　money；　the　choice　of
his　companions　and　on　the　whole　Ernest　was　attentive　and　obedient　to
its　behests；　more　so　than　Theobald　had　been。　　The　consequence　was
that　he　learned　little；　his　mind　growing　more　slowly　and　his　body
rather　faster　than　heretofore：　　and　when　by　and　by　his　inner　self
urged　him　in　directions　where　he　met　obstacles　beyond　his　strength
to　combat；　he　tookthough　with　passionate　compunctions　of
consciencethe　nearest　course　to　the　one　from　which　he　was　debarred
which　circumstances　would　allow。

It　may　be　guessed　that　Ernest　was　not　the　chosen　friend　of　the　more
sedate　and　well…conducted　youths　then　studying　at　Roughborough。
Some　of　the　less　desirable　boys　used　to　go　to　public…houses　and
drink　more　beer　than　was　good　for　them；　Ernest's　inner　self　can
hardly　have　told　him　to　ally　himself　to　these　young　gentlemen；　but
he　did　so　at　an　early　age；　and　was　sometimes　made　pitiably　sick　by
an　amount　of　beer　which　would　have　produced　no　effect　upon　a
stronger　boy。　　Ernest's　inner　self　must　have　interposed　at　this
point　and　told　him　that　there　was　not　much　fun　in　this；　for　he
dropped　the　habit　ere　it　had　taken　firm　hold　of　him；　and　never
resumed　it；　but　he　contracted　another　at　the　disgracefully　early　age
of　between　thirteen　and　fourteen　which　he　did　not　relinquish；　though
to　the　present　day　his　conscious　self　keeps　dinging　it　into　him　that
the　less　he　smokes　the　better。

And　so　matters　went　on　till　my　hero　was　nearly　fourteen　years　old。
If　by　that　time　he　was　not　actually　a　young　blackguard；　he　belonged
to　a　debateable　class　between　the　sub…reputable　and　the　upper
disreputable；　with　perhaps　rather　more　leaning　to　the　latter　except
so　far　as　vices　of　meanness　were　concerned；　from　which　he　was　fairly
free。　　I　gather　this　partly　from　what　Ernest　has　told　me；　and　partly
from　his　school　bills　which　I　remember　Theobald　showed　me　with　much
complaining。　　There　was　an　institution　at　Roughborough　called　the
monthly　merit　money；　the　maximum　sum　which　a　boy　of　Ernest's　age
could　get　was　four　shillings　and　sixpence；　several　boys　got　four
shillings　and　few　less　than　sixpence；　but　Ernest　never　got　more　than
half…a…crown　and　seldom　more　than　eighteen　pence；　his　average　would；
I　should　think；　be　about　one　and　nine　pence；　which　was　just　too　much
for　him　to　rank　among　the　downright　bad　boys；　but　too　little　to　put
him　among　the　good　ones。



CHAPTER　XXXII



I　must　now　return　to　Miss　Alethea　Pontifex；　of　whom　I　have　said
perhaps　too　little　hitherto；　considering　how　great　her　influence
upon　my　hero's　destiny　proved　to　be。

On　the　death　of　her　father；　which　happened　when　she　was　about
thirty…two　years　old；　she　parted　company　with　her　sisters；　between
whom　and　herself　there　had　been　little　sympathy；　and　came　up　to
London。　　She　was　determined；　so　she　said；　to　make　the　rest　of　her
life　as　happy　as　she　could；　and　she　had　clearer　ideas　about　the　best
way　of　setting　to　work　to　do　this　than　women；　or　indeed　men；
generally　have。

Her　fortune　consisted；　as　I　have　said；　of　5000　pounds；　which　had
come　to　her　by　her　mother's　marriage　settlements；　and　15；000　pounds
left　her　by　her　father；　over　both　which　sums　she　had　now　absolute
control。　　These　brought　her　in　about　900　pounds　a　year；　and　the
money　being　invested　in　none　but　the　soundest　securities；　she　had　no
anxiety　about　her　income。　　She　meant　to　be　rich；　so　she　formed　a
scheme　of　expenditure　which　involved　an　annual　outlay　of　about　500
pounds；　and　determined　to　put　the　rest　by。　　〃If　I　do　this；〃　she　said
laughingly；　〃I　shall　probably　just　succeed　in　living　comfortably
within　my　income。〃　　In　accordance　with　this　scheme　she　took
unfurnished　apartments　in　a　house　in　Gower　Street；　of　which　the
lower　floors　were　let　out　as　offices。　　John　Pontifex　tried