the way of all flesh-第33章

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have　done　my　share　towards　starting　him　well。　　Skinner　said　he　had
been　well　grounded　and　was　very　forward。　　I　suppose　he　will　presume
upon　it　now　and　do　nothing；　for　his　nature　is　an　idle　one。　　He　is
not　fond　of　me；　I'm　sure　he　is　not。　　He　ought　to　be　after　all　the
trouble　I　have　taken　with　him；　but　he　is　ungrateful　and　selfish。　　It
is　an　unnatural　thing　for　a　boy　not　to　be　fond　of　his　own　father。
If　he　was　fond　of　me　I　should　be　fond　of　him；　but　I　cannot　like　a
son　who；　I　am　sure；　dislikes　me。　　He　shrinks　out　of　my　way　whenever
he　sees　me　coming　near　him。　　He　will　not　stay　five　minutes　in　the
same　room　with　me　if　he　can　help　it。　　He　is　deceitful。　　He　would　not
want　to　hide　himself　away　so　much　if　he　were　not　deceitful。　　That　is
a　bad　sign　and　one　which　makes　me　fear　he　will　grow　up　extravagant。
I　am　sure　he　will　grow　up　extravagant。　　I　should　have　given　him　more
pocket…money　if　I　had　not　known　thisbut　what　is　the　good　of　giving
him　pocket…money？　　It　is　all　gone　directly。　　If　he　doesn't　buy
something　with　it　he　gives　it　away　to　the　first　little　boy　or　girl
he　sees　who　takes　his　fancy。　　He　forgets　that　it's　my　money　he　is
giving　away。　　I　give　him　money　that　he　may　have　money　and　learn　to
know　its　uses；　not　that　he　may　go　and　squander　it　immediately。　　I
wish　he　was　not　so　fond　of　music；　it　will　interfere　with　his　Latin
and　Greek。　　I　will　stop　it　as　much　as　I　can。　　Why；　when　he　was
translating　Livy　the　other　day　he　slipped　out　Handel's　name　in
mistake　for　Hannibal's；　and　his　mother　tells　me　he　knows　half　the
tunes　in　the　'Messiah'　by　heart。　　What　should　a　boy　of　his　age　know
about　the　'Messiah'？　　If　I　had　shown　half　as　many　dangerous
tendencies　when　I　was　a　boy；　my　father　would　have　apprenticed　me　to
a　greengrocer；　of　that　I'm　very　sure；〃　etc。；　etc。

Then　his　thoughts　turned　to　Egypt　and　the　tenth　plague。　　It　seemed
to　him　that　if　the　little　Egyptians　had　been　anything　like　Ernest；
the　plague　must　have　been　something　very　like　a　blessing　in
disguise。　　If　the　Israelites　were　to　come　to　England　now　he　should
be　greatly　tempted　not　to　let　them　go。

Mrs　Theobald's　thoughts　ran　in　a　different　current。　　〃Lord
Lonsford's　grandsonit's　a　pity　his　name　is　Figgins；　however；　blood
is　blood　as　much　through　the　female　line　as　the　male；　indeed；
perhaps　even　more　so　if　the　truth　were　known。　　I　wonder　who　Mr
Figgins　was。　　I　think　Mrs　Skinner　said　he　was　dead；　however；　I　must
find　out　all　about　him。　　It　would　be　delightful　if　young　Figgins
were　to　ask　Ernest　home　for　the　holidays。　　Who　knows　but　he　might
meet　Lord　Lonsford　himself；　or　at　any　rate　some　of　Lord　Lonsford's
other　descendants？〃

Meanwhile　the　boy　himself　was　still　sitting　moodily　before　the　fire
in　Mrs　Jay's　room。　　〃Papa　and　Mamma；〃　he　was　saying　to　himself；　〃are
much　better　and　cleverer　than　anyone　else；　but；　I；　alas！　shall　never
be　either　good　or　clever。〃

Mrs　Pontifex　continued　…

〃Perhaps　it　would　be　best　to　get　young　Figgins　on　a　visit　to
ourselves　first。　　That　would　be　charming。　　Theobald　would　not　like
it；　for　he　does　not　like　children；　I　must　see　how　I　can　manage　it；
for　it　would　be　so　nice　to　have　young　Figginsor　stay！　　Ernest
shall　go　and　stay　with　Figgins　and　meet　the　future　Lord　Lonsford；
who　I　should　think　must　be　about　Ernest's　age；　and　then　if　he　and
Ernest　were　to　become　friends　Ernest　might　ask　him　to　Battersby；　and
he　might　fall　in　love　with　Charlotte。　　I　think　we　have　done　MOST
WISELY　in　sending　Ernest　to　Dr　Skinner's。　　Dr　Skinner's　piety　is　no
less　remarkable　than　his　genius。　　One　can　tell　these　things　at　a
glance；　and　he　must　have　felt　it　about　me　no　less　strongly　than　I
about　him。　　I　think　he　seemed　much　struck　with　Theobald　and　myself
indeed；　Theobald's　intellectual　power　must　impress　any　one；　and　I
was　showing；　I　do　believe；　to　my　best　advantage。　　When　I　smiled　at
him　and　said　I　left　my　boy　in　his　hands　with　the　most　entire
confidence　that　he　would　be　as　well　cared　for　as　if　he　were　at　my
own　house；　I　am　sure　he　was　greatly　pleased。　　I　should　not　think
many　of　the　mothers　who　bring　him　boys　can　impress　him　so
favourably；　or　say　such　nice　things　to　him　as　I　did。　　My　smile　is
sweet　when　I　desire　to　make　it　so。　　I　never　was　perhaps　exactly
pretty；　but　I　was　always　admitted　to　be　fascinating。　　Dr　Skinner　is
a　very　handsome　mantoo　good　on　the　whole　I　should　say　for　Mrs
Skinner。　　Theobald　says　he　is　not　handsome；　but　men　are　no　judges；
and　he　has　such　a　pleasant　bright　face。　　I　think　my　bonnet　became
me。　　As　soon　as　I　get　home　I　will　tell　Chambers　to　trim　my　blue　and
yellow　merino　with〃　etc。；　etc。

All　this　time　the　letter　which　has　been　given　above　was　lying　in
Christina's　private　little　Japanese　cabinet；　read　and　re…read　and
approved　of　many　times　over；　not　to　say；　if　the　truth　were　known；
rewritten　more　than　once；　though　dated　as　in　the　first　instanceand
this；　too；　though　Christina　was　fond　enough　of　a　joke　in　a　small
way。

Ernest；　still　in　Mrs　Jay's　room　mused　onward。　　〃Grown…up　people；〃　he
said　to　himself；　〃when　they　were　ladies　and　gentlemen；　never　did
naughty　things；　but　he　was　always　doing　them。　　He　had　heard　that
some　grown…up　people　were　worldly；　which　of　course　was　wrong；　still
this　was　quite　distinct　from　being　naughty；　and　did　not　get　them
punished　or　scolded。　　His　own　Papa　and　Mamma　were　not　even　worldly；
they　had　often　explained　to　him　that　they　were　exceptionally
unworldly；　he　well　knew　that　they　had　never　done　anything　naughty
since　they　had　been　children；　and　that　even　as　children　they　had
been　nearly　faultless。　　Oh！　how　different　from　himself！　　When　should
he　learn　to　love　his　Papa　and　Mamma　as　they　had　loved　theirs？　　How
could　he　hope　ever　to　grow　up　to　be　as　good　and　wise　as　they；　or
even　tolerably　good　and　wise？　　Alas！　never。　　It　could　not　be。　　He
did　not　love　his　Papa　and　Mamma；　in　spite　of　all　their　goodness　both
in　themselves　and　to　him。　　He　hated　Papa；　and　did　not　like　Mamma；
and　this　was　what　none　but　a　bad　and　ungrateful　boy　would　do　after
all　that　had　been　done　for　him。　　Besides　he　did　not　like　Sunday；　he
did　not　like　anything　that　was　really　good；　his　tastes　were　low　and
such　as　he　was　ashamed　of。　　He　liked　people　best　if　they　sometimes
swore　a　little；　so　long　as　it　was　not　at　him。　　As　for　his　Catechism
and　Bible　readings　he　had　no　heart　in　them。　　He　had　never　attended
to　a　sermon　in　his　life。　　Even　when　he　had　been　taken　to　hear　Mr
Vaughan　at　Brighton；　who；　as　everyone　knew；　preached　such　beautiful
sermons　for　children；　he　had　been　very　glad　when　it　was　all　over；
nor　did　he　believe　he　could　get　through　church　at　all　if　it　was　not
for　the　voluntary　upon　the　organ　and　the　hymns　and　chanting。　　The
Catechism　was　awful。　　He　had　never　been　able　to　understand　what　it
was　that　he　desired　of　his　Lord　God　and　Heavenly　Father；　nor　had　he
yet　got　hold　of　a　single　idea　in　connection　with　the　word　Sacrament。
His　duty　towards　his　neighbour　was　another　bugbear。　　It　seemed　to
him　that　he　had　duties　towards　everybody；　lying　in　wait　for　him　upon
every　side；　but　that　nobody　had　any　duties　towards　him。　　Then　there
was　that　awful　and　mysterious　word　'business。'　　What　did　it　all
mean？　　What　was　'business'？　　His　Papa　was　a　wonderfully　good　man　of
business；　his　Mamma　had　often　told　him　sobut　he　should　never　be
one。　　It　was　hopeless；　and　very　awful；　for　people　were　continually
telling　him　that　he　would　have　to　earn　his　own　living。　　No　doubt；
but　howconsidering　how　stupid；　idle；　ignorant；　self…indulgent；　and
physically　puny　he　was？　　All　grown…up　people　were　clever；　except
servantsand　even　these　were　cleverer　than　ever　he　should　be。　　Oh；
why；　why；　why；　could　not　people　be　born　into　the　world　as　grown…up
persons？　　Then　he　thought　of　Casabianca。　　He　had　been　examined　in
that　poem　by　his　father　not　long　before。　　'When　only　would　he　leave
his　position？　　To　whom　did　he　call？　　Did　he　get　an　answer？　　Why？
How　many　times　did　he　call　upon　his　father？　　What　happened　to　him？
What　was　the　noblest　life　that　perished　there？　　Do　you　think　so？
Why　do　you　think　so？'　　And　all　the　rest　of　it。　　Of　course　he　thought
Casabianca's　was　the　noblest　life　that　perished　there；　there　could
be　no　two　opinions　about　that；　it　never　occurred　to　him　that　the
moral　of　the　po