sketches new and old-第8章
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battre en sautant） all frogs of the county of Calaveras。〃
The individual retook the box； it examined of new longly； and it rendered
to Smiley in saying with an air deliberate：
〃Eh bien！ I no saw not that that frog had nothing of better than each
frog。〃 （Je ne vois pas que cette grenouille ait rien de mieux qu'aucune
grenouille。） ＇If that isn't grammar gone to seed； then I count myself no
judge。M。 T。＇
〃Possible that you not it saw not；〃 said Smiley； 〃possible that youyou
comprehend frogs； possible that you not you there comprehend nothing；
possible that you had of the experience； and possible that you not be but
an amateur。 Of all manner （De toute maniere） I bet forty dollars that
she better in jumping no matter which frog of the county of Calaveras。〃
The individual reflected a second； and said like sad：
〃I not am but a stranger here； I no have not a frog； but if I of it had
one； I would embrace the bet。〃
〃Strong well！〃 respond Smiley； 〃nothing of more facility。 If you will
hold my box a minute； I go you to search a frog （j'irai vous chercher）。〃
Behold； then； the individual； who guards the box； who puts his forty
dollars upon those of Smiley； and who attends （et qui attend）。 He
attended enough long times； reflecting all solely。 And figure you that
he takes Daniel； him opens the mouth by force and with a teaspoon him
fills with shot of the hunt； even him fills just to the chin； then he him
puts by the earth。 Smiley during these times was at slopping in a swamp。
Finally he trapped （attrape） a frog； him carried to that individual； and
said：
〃Now if you be ready； put him all against Daniel with their before feet
upon the same line； and I give the signal〃then he added： 〃One； two；
threeadvance！〃
Him and the individual touched their frogs by behind； and the frog new
put to jump smartly； but Daniel himself lifted ponderously； exalted the
shoulders thus； like a Frenchmanto what good？ he not could budge； he
is planted solid like a church he not advance no more than if one him had
put at the anchor。
Smiley was surprised and disgusted； but he no himself doubted not of the
turn being intended （mais il ne se doutait pas du tour； bien entendu）。
The individual empocketed the silver； himself with it went； and of it
himself in going is it that he no gives not a jerk of thumb over the
shoulderlike thatat the poor Daniel； in saying with his air
deliberate（L'individu empoche l'argent； s'en va et en s'en allant est…
ce qu'il ne donne pas un coup d pouce par…dessus l'epaule； comme ga； au
pauvre Daniel； en disant de son air delibere）：
〃Eh bien！ I no see not that that frog has nothin of better than another。〃
Smiley himself scratched longtimes the head； the eyes fixed upon Daniel；
until that which at last he said：
〃I me demand how the devil it makes itself that this beast has refused。
Is it that she had something？ One would believe that she is stuffed。〃
He grasped Daniel by the skin of the neck； him lifted and said：
〃The wolf me bite if he no weigh not five pounds：〃
He him reversed and the unhappy belched two handfuls of shot （et le
malheureux； etc。）。 When Smiley recognized how it was； he was like mad。
He deposited his frog by the earth and ran after that individual； but he
not him caught never。
Such is the jumping Frog； to the distorted French eye。 I claim that I
never put together such an odious mixture of bad grammar and delirium
tremens in my life。 And what has a poor foreigner like me done； to be
abused and misrepresented like this？ When I say； 〃Well； I don't see no
pints about that frog that's any better'n any other frog；〃 is it kind；
is it just； for this Frenchman to try to make it appear that I said； 〃Eh
bien！ I no saw not that that frog had nothing of better than each frog〃？
I have no heart to write more。 I never felt so about anything before。
HARTFORD； March； 1875；
JOURNALISM IN TENNESSEE ＇Written about 1871。＇
The editor of the Memphis Avalanche swoops thus mildly down upon a
correspondent who posted him as a Radical： 〃While he was writing
the first word； the middle； dotting his i's； crossing his t's； and
punching his period； he knew he was concocting a sentence that was
saturated with infamy and reeking with falsehood。〃Exchange。
I was told by the physician that a Southern climate would improve my
health； and so I went down to Tennessee； and got a berth on the Morning
Glory and Johnson County War…Whoop as associate editor。 When I went on
duty I found the chief editor sitting tilted back in a three…legged chair
with his feet on a pine table。 There was another pine table in the room
and another afflicted chair； and both were half buried under newspapers
and scraps and sheets of manuscript。 There was a wooden box of sand；
sprinkled with cigar stubs and 〃old soldiers；〃 and a stove with a door
hanging by its upper hinge。 The chief editor had a long…tailed black
cloth frock…coat on； and white linen pants。 His boots were small and
neatly blacked。 He wore a ruffled shirt； a large seal…ring； a standing
collar of obsolete pattern； and a checkered neckerchief with the ends
hanging down。 Date of costume about 1848。 He was smoking a cigar； and
trying to think of a word； and in pawing his hair he had rumpled his
locks a good deal。 He was scowling fearfully； and I judged that he was
concocting a particularly knotty editorial。 He told me to take the
exchanges and skim through them and write up the 〃Spirit of the Tennessee
Press；〃 condensing into the article all of their contents that seemed of
interest。
I wrote as follows：
SPIRIT OF THE TENNESSEE PRESS
The editors of the Semi…Weekly Earthquake evidently labor under a
misapprehension with regard to the Dallyhack railroad。 It is not
the object of the company to leave Buzzardville off to one side。
On the contrary； they consider it one of the most important points
along the line； and consequently can have no desire to slight it。
The gentlemen of the Earthquake will； of course； take pleasure in
making the correction。
John W。 Blossom； Esq。； the able editor of the Higginsville
Thunderbolt and Battle Cry of Freedom； arrived in the city
yesterday。 He is stopping at the Van Buren House。
We observe that our contemporary of the Mud Springs Morning Howl has
fallen into the error of supposing that the election of Van Werter
is not an established fact； but he will have discovered his mistake
before this reminder reaches him； no doubt。 He was doubtless misled
by incomplete election returns。
It is pleasant to note that the city of Blathersville is endeavoring
to contract with some New York gentlemen to pave its well…nigh
impassable streets with the Nicholson pavement。 The Daily Hurrah
urges the measure with ability； and seems confident of ultimate
success。
I passed my manuscript over to the chief editor for acceptance；
alteration； or destruction。 He glanced at it and his face clouded。 He
ran his eye down the pages； and his countenance grew portentous。 It was
easy to see that something was wrong。 Presently he sprang up and said：
〃Thunder and lightning！ Do you suppose I am going to speak of those
cattle that way？ Do you suppose my subscribers are going to stand such
gruel as that？ Give me the pen！〃
I never saw a pen scrape and scratch its way sc viciously； or plow
through another man's verbs and adjectives so relentlessly。 While he was
in the midst of his work； somebody shot at him through the open window；
and marred the symmetry of my ear。
〃Ah；〃 said he； 〃that is that scoundrel Smith； of the Moral Volcanohe
was due yesterday。〃 And he snatched a navy revolver from his belt and
firedSmith dropped； shot in the thigh。 The shot spoiled Smith's aim；
who was just taking a second chance and he crippled a stranger。 It was
me。 Merely a finger shot off。
Then the chief editor went on with his erasure； and interlineations。
Just as he finished them a hand grenade came down the stove…pipe； and the
explosion shivered the stove into a thousand fragments。 However； it did
