sketches new and old-第48章
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are an orphan； too； no doubt。 But sit down on the floor herenothing
else can stand your weightand besides； we cannot be sociable with you
away up there above me； I want you down where I can perch on this high
counting…house stool and gossip with you face to face。〃 So he sat down
on the floor； and lit a pipe which I gave him； threw one of my red
blankets over his shoulders； inverted my sitz…bath on his head； helmet
fashion； and made himself picturesque and comfortable。 Then he crossed
his ankles； while I renewed the fire； and exposed the flat； honeycombed
bottoms of his prodigious feet to the grateful warmth。
〃What is the matter with the bottom of your feet and the back of your
legs； that they are gouged up so？〃
〃Infernal chilblainsI caught them clear up to the back of my head；
roosting out there under Newell's farm。 But I love the place； I love it
as one loves his old home。 There is no peace for me like the peace I
feel when I am there。〃
We talked along for half an hour； and then I noticed that he looked
tired； and spoke of it。
〃Tired？〃 he said。 〃Well； I should think so。 And now I will tell you all
about it； since you have treated me so well。 I am the spirit of the
Petrified Man that lies across the street there in the museum。 I am the
ghost of the Cardiff Giant。 I can have no rest； no peace； till they have
given that poor body burial again。 Now what was the most natural thing
for me to do； to make men satisfy this wish？ Terrify them into it！
haunt the place where the body lay！ So I haunted the museum night after
night。 I even got other spirits to help me。 But it did no good； for
nobody ever came to the museum at midnight。 Then it occurred to me to
come over the way and haunt this place a little。 I felt that if I ever
got a hearing I must succeed； for I had the most efficient company that
perdition could furnish。 Night after night we have shivered around
through these mildewed halls； dragging chains； groaning； whispering；
tramping up and down stairs； till； to tell you the truth； I am almost
worn out。 But when I saw a light in your room to…night I roused my
energies again and went at it with a deal of the old freshness。 But I am
tired outentirely fagged out。 Give me； I beseech you； give me some
hope！〃 I lit off my perch in a burst of excitement； and exclaimed：
〃This transcends everything！ everything that ever did occur！ Why you
poor blundering old fossil； you have had all your trouble for nothing
you have been haunting a plaster cast of yourselfthe real Cardiff Giant
is in Albany！ ＇A fact。 The original fraud was ingeniously and
fraudfully duplicated； and exhibited in New York as the 〃only genuine〃
Cardiff Giant （to the unspeakable disgust of the owners of the real
colossus） at the very same time that the latter was drawing crowds at a
museum is Albany；＇ Confound it； don't you know your own remains？〃
I never saw such an eloquent look of shame； of pitiable humiliation；
overspread a countenance before。
The Petrified Man rose slowly to his feet； and said：
〃Honestly； is that true？〃
〃As true as I am sitting here。〃
He took the pipe from his mouth and laid it on the mantel； then stood
irresolute a moment （unconsciously； from old habit； thrusting his hands
where his pantaloons pockets should have been； and meditatively dropping
his chin on his breast）； and finally said：
〃Well…I never felt so absurd before。 The Petrified Man has sold
everybody else； and now the mean fraud has ended by selling its own
ghost！ My son； if there is any charity left in your heart for a poor
friendless phantom like me； don't let this get out。 Think how you would
feel if you had made such an ass of yourself。〃
I heard his stately tramp die away； step by step down the stairs and out
into the deserted street； and felt sorry that he was gone； poor fellow
and sorrier still that he had carried off my red blanket and my bath…tub。
THE CAPITOLINE VENUS
CHAPTER I
＇Scene…An Artist's Studio in Rome。＇
〃Oh； George； I do love you！〃
〃Bless your dear heart； Mary； I know thatwhy is your father so
obdurate？〃
〃George； he means well； but art is folly to himhe only understands
groceries。 He thinks you would starve me。〃
〃Confound his wisdomit savors of inspiration。 Why am I not a money…
making bowelless grocer； instead of a divinely gifted sculptor with
nothing to eat？〃
〃Do not despond； Georgy； dearall his prejudices will fade away as soon
as you shall have acquired fifty thousand dol〃
〃Fifty thousand demons！ Child； I am in arrears for my board！〃
CHAPTER II
＇Scene…A Dwelling in Rome。＇
〃My dear sir； it is useless to talk。 I haven't anything against you； but
I can't let my daughter marry a hash of love； art； and starvationI
believe you have nothing else to offer。〃
〃Sir； I am poor； I grant you。 But is fame nothing？ The Hon。 Bellamy
Foodle of Arkansas says that my new statue of America； is a clever piece
of sculpture； and he is satisfied that my name will one day be famous。〃
〃Bosh！ What does that Arkansas ass know about it？ Fame's nothingthe
market price of your marble scarecrow is the thing to look at。 It took
you six months to chisel it； and you can't sell it for a hundred dollars。
No； sir！ Show me fifty thousand dollars and you can have my daughter
otherwise she marries young Simper。 You have just six months to raise
the money in。 Good morning； sir。〃
〃Alas！ Woe is me！〃
CHAPTER III
＇ Scene…The Studio。＇
〃Oh； John； friend of my boyhood； I am the unhappiest of men。〃
〃You're a simpleton！〃
〃I have nothing left to love but my poor statue of Americaand see； even
she has no sympathy for me in her cold marble countenanceso beautiful
and so heartless！〃
〃You're a dummy！〃
〃Oh； John！〃
Oh； fudge！ Didn't you say you had six months to raise the money in？〃
〃Don't deride my agony； John。 If I had six centuries what good would it
do？ How could it help a poor wretch without name； capital； or friends？〃
〃Idiot！ Coward！ Baby！ Six months to raise the money inand five will
do！〃
〃Are you insane？〃
〃Six monthsan abundance。 Leave it to me。 I'll raise it。〃
〃What do you mean； John？ How on earth can you raise such a monstrous sum
for me？〃
〃Will you let that be my business； and not meddle？ Will you leave the
thing in my hands？ Will you swear to submit to whatever I do？ Will you
pledge me to find no fault with my actions？〃
〃I am dizzybewilderedbut I swear。〃
John took up a hammer and deliberately smashed the nose of America！ He
made another pass and two of her fingers fell to the flooranother； and
part of an ear came awayanother； and a row of toes was mangled and
dismemberedanother； and the left leg； from the knee down； lay a
fragmentary ruin！
John put on his hat and departed。
George gazed speechless upon the battered and grotesque nightmare before
him for the space of thirty seconds； and then wilted to the floor and
went into convulsions。
John returned presently with a carriage； got the broken…hearted artist
and the broken…legged statue aboard； and drove off； whistling low and
tranquilly。
He left the artist at his lodgings； and drove off and disappeared down
the Via Quirinalis with the statue。
CHAPTER IV
＇SceneThe Studio。＇
〃The six months will be up at two o'clock to…day！ Oh； agony！ My life is
blighted。 I would that I were dead。 I had no supper yesterday。 I have
had no breakfast to…day。 I dare not enter an eating…house。 And hungry？
don't mention it！ My bootmaker duns me to deathmy tailor duns me
my landlord haunts me。 I am miserable。 I haven't seen John since that
awful day。 She smiles on me tenderly when we meet in the great
thoroughfares； but her old flint of a father makes her look in the other
direction in short order。 Now who is knocking at that door？ Who is come
to persecute me？ That malignant villain the bootmaker； I'll warrant。
Come in！〃
〃Ah； happiness attend your highnessHeaven be propitious to your grace！
I have brought my lord's new bootsah； say nothing about the pay； there
is no hurry； none in the world。 Shall be proud if my noble lord will
continue to honor me with his customah； adieu！〃
