sketches new and old-第38章
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be done。 Wondering eyes were already upon him。 They would be suspicious
eyes if he hesitated longer。 He ascended the throne。 Presently he
stretched forth the sceptre again； and said：
Prisoner； in the name of our sovereign lord； Ulrich； Duke of
Brandenburgh； I proceed to the solemn duty that hath devolved upon me。
Give heed to my words。 By the ancient law of the land； except you
produce the partner of your guilt and deliver him up to the executioner；
you must surely die。 Embrace this opportunitysave yourself while yet
you may。 Name the father of your child！〃
A solemn hush fell upon the great courta silence so profound that men
could hear their own hearts beat。 Then the princess slowly turned； with
eyes gleaming with hate； and pointing her finger straight at Conrad；
said：
〃Thou art the man！〃
An appalling conviction of his helpless； hopeless peril struck a chill to
Conrad's heart like the chill of death itself。 What power on earth could
save him！ To disprove the charge； he must reveal that he was a woman；
and for an uncrowned woman to sit in the ducal chair was death！ At one
and the same moment； he and his grim old father swooned and fell to； the
ground。
＇The remainder of this thrilling and eventful story will NOT be found in
this or any other publication； either now or at any future time。＇
The truth is； I have got my hero （or heroine） into such a particularly
close place； that I do not see how I am ever going to get him （or her）
out of it againand therefore I will wash my hands of the whole
business； and leave that person to get out the best way that offersor
else stay there。 I thought it was going to be easy enough to straighten
out that little difficulty； but it looks different now。
PETITION CONCERNING COPYRIGHT
TO THE HONORABLE THE SENATE AND HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES
IN CONGRESS ASSEMBLED：
Whereas； The Constitution guarantees equal rights to all； backed by the
Declaration of Independence； and
Whereas； Under our laws； the right of property in real estate is
perpetual； and
Whereas； Under our laws； the right of property in the literary result of
a citizen's intellectual labor is restricted to forty…two years； and
Whereas； Forty…two years seems an exceedingly just and righteous term；
and a sufficiently long one for the retention of property；
Therefore； Your petitioner； having the good of his country solely at
heart； humbly prays that 〃equal rights〃 and fair and equal treatment may
be meted out to all citizens； by the restriction of rights in all
property； real estate included； to the beneficent term of forty…two
years。 Then shall all men bless your honorable body and be happy。 And
for this will your petitioner ever pray。
MARK TWAIN。
A PARAGRAPH NOT ADDED TO THE PETITION
The charming absurdity of restricting property…rights in books to
forty…two years sticks prominently out in the fact that hardly any man's
books ever live forty…two years； or even the half of it； and so； for the
sake of getting a shabby advantage of the heirs of about one Scott or
Burns or Milton in a hundred years； the lawmakers of the 〃Great〃 Republic
are content to leave that poor little pilfering edict upon the
statute…books。 It is like an emperor lying in wait to rob a Phenix's
nest； and waiting the necessary century to get the chance。
AFTER…DINNER SPEECH
＇AT A FOURTH OF JULY GATHERING； IN LONDON； OF AMERICANS＇
MR。 CHAIRMAN AND LADIES AND GENTLEMEN： I thank you for the compliment
which has just been tendered me； and to show my appreciation of it I will
not afflict you with many words。 It is pleasant to celebrate in this
peaceful way； upon this old mother soil； the anniversary of an experiment
which was born of war with this same land so long ago； and wrought out to
a successful issue by the devotion of our ancestors。 It has taken nearly
a hundred years to bring the English and Americans into kindly and
mutually appreciative relations； but I believe it has been accomplished
at last。 It was a great step when the two last misunderstandings were
settled by arbitration instead of cannon。 It is another great step when
England adopts our sewing…machines without claiming the inventionas
usual。 It was another when they imported one of our sleeping…cars the
other day。 And it warmed my heart more than I can tell； yesterday； when
I witnessed the spectacle of an Englishman ordering an American sherry
cobbler of his own free will and accordand not only that but with a
great brain and a level head reminding the barkeeper not to forget the
strawberries。 With a common origin； a common language； a common
literature； a common religion andcommon drinks； what is longer needful
to the cementing of the two nations together in a permanent bond of
brotherhood？
This is an age of progress； and ours is a progressive land。 A great and
glorious land； tooa land which has developed a Washington； a Franklin；
a William M。 Tweed； a Longfellow； a Motley； a Jay Gould； a Samuel C。
Pomeroy； a recent Congress which has never had its equal （in some
respects）； and a United States Army which conquered sixty Indians in
eight months by tiring them outwhich is much better than uncivilized
slaughter； God knows。 We have a criminal jury system which is superior
to any in the world； and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty
of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read。
And I may observe that we have an insanity plea that would have saved
Cain。 I think I can say；and say with pride； that we have some
legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world。
I refer with effusion to our railway system； which consents to let us
live； though it might do the opposite； being our owners。 It only
destroyed three thousand and seventy lives last year by collisions； and
twenty…seven thousand two hundred and sixty by running over heedless and
unnecessary people at crossings。 The companies seriously regretted the
killing of these thirty thousand people； and went so far as to pay for
some of themvoluntarily； of course； for the meanest of us would not
claim that we possess a court treacherous enough to enforce a law against
a railway company。 But； thank Heaven； the railway companies are
generally disposed to do the right and kindly thing without compulsion。
I know of an instance which greatly touched me at the time。 After an
accident the company sent home the remains of a dear distant old relative
of mine in a basket； with the remark； 〃Please state what figure you hold
him atand return the basket。〃 Now there couldn't be anything
friendlier than that。
But I must not stand here and brag all night。 However； you won't mind a
body bragging a little about his country on the fourth of July。 It is a
fair and legitimate time to fly the eagle。 I will say only one more word
of bragand a hopeful one。 It is this。 We have a form of government
which gives each man a fair chance and no favor。 With us no individual
is born with a right to look down upon his neighbor and hold him in
contempt。 Let such of us as are not dukes find our consolation in that。
And we may find hope for the future in the fact that as unhappy as is the
condition of our political morality to…day； England has risen up out of
a far fouler since the days when Charles I。 ennobled courtesans and all
political place was a matter of bargain and sale。 There is hope for us
yet。
＇At least the above is the speech which I was going to make； but our
minister； General Schenck； presided； and after the blessing； got up
and made a great long inconceivably dull harangue； and wound up by
saying that inasmuch as speech…making did not seem to exhilarate the
guests much； all further oratory would be dispensed with during the
evening； and we could just sit and talk privately to our elbow…
neighbors and have a good sociable time。 It is known that in
consequence of that remark forty…four perfected speeches died in the
womb。 The depression； the gloom； the solemnity that reigned over
the banquet from that time forth will be a lasting memory with
