sketches new and old-第32章
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water…lots upon the city front might be established by law of Congress。
I told you this was a dangerous matter to move in。 I told you to write a
non…committal letter to the aldermenan ambiguous lettera letter that
should avoid； as far as possible； all real consideration and discussion
of the water…lot question。 If there is any feeling left in youany
shamesurely this letter you wrote； in obedience to that order； ought to
evoke it； when its words fall upon your ears：
WASHINGTON； Nov。 27
〃'The Honorable Board of Aldermen； etc。
〃'GENTLEMEN： George Washington； the revered Father of his Country；
is dead。 His long and brilliant career is closed； alas！ forever。
He was greatly respected in this section of the country； and his
untimely decease cast a gloom over the whole community。 He died on
the 14th day of December； 1799。 He passed peacefully away from the
scene of his honors and his great achievements； the most lamented
hero and the best beloved that ever earth hath yielded unto Death。
At such a time as this； you speak of water…lots！ what a lot was his！
〃'What is fame！ Fame is an accident。 Sir Isaac Newton discovered
an apple falling to the grounda trivial discovery； truly； and one
which a million men had made before himbut his parents were
influential； and so they tortured that small circumstance into
something wonderful； and； lo！ the simple world took up the shout
and； in almost the twinkling of an eye； that man was famous。
Treasure these thoughts。
〃'Poesy； sweet poesy； who shall estimate what the world owes to
thee！
〃Mary had a little lamb； its fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went； the lamb was sure to go。〃
〃Jack and Gill went up the hill
To draw a pail of water；
Jack fell down and broke his crown；
And Gill came tumbling after。〃
〃'For simplicity； elegance of diction； and freedom from immoral
tendencies； I regard those two poems in the light of gems。 They
are suited to all grades of intelligence； to every sphere of life
to the field； to the nursery； to the guild。 Especially should
no Board of Aldermen be without them。
〃'Venerable fossils！ write again。 Nothing improves one so much as
friendly correspondence。 Write againand if there is anything in
this memorial of yours that refers to anything in particular； do
not be backward about explaining it。 We shall always be happy to
hear you chirp。
〃'Very truly； etc。；
〃'MARK TWAIN；
〃'For James W。 N…； U。 S。 Senator。'
〃That is an atrocious； a ruinous epistle！ Distraction！〃
〃Well； sir； I am really sorry if there is anything wrong about itbut
but it appears to me to dodge the water…lot question。〃
〃Dodge the mischief！ Oh！but never mind。 As long as destruction must
come now； let it be complete。 Let it be completelet this last of your
performances； which I am about to read； make a finality of it。 I am a
ruined man。 I had my misgivings when I gave you the letter from
Humboldt； asking that the post route from Indian Gulch to Shakespeare Gap
and intermediate points be changed partly to the old Mormon trail。 But I
told you it was a delicate question； and warned you to deal with it
deftlyto answer it dubiously； and leave them a little in the dark。
And your fatal imbecility impelled you to make this disastrous reply。
I should think you would stop your ears； if you are not dead to all
shame：
〃'WASHINGTON； Nov。 30。
〃'Messes。 Perkins； Wagner； et at。
〃'GENTLEMEN： It is a delicate question about this Indian trail； but；
handled with proper deftness and dubiousness； I doubt not we shall
succeed in some measure or otherwise； because the place where the
route leaves the Lassen Meadows； over beyond where those two Shawnee
chiefs； Dilapidated Vengeance and Biter…of…the…Clouds； were scalped
last winter； this being the favorite direction to some； but others
preferring something else in consequence of things； the Mormon trail
leaving Mosby's at three in the morning； and passing through Jaw
bone Flat to Blucher； and then down by Jug…Handle； the road passing
to the right of it； and naturally leaving it on the right； too； and
Dawson's on the left of the trail where it passes to the left of
said Dawson's and onward thence to Tomahawk； thus making the route
cheaper； easier of access to all who can get at it； and compassing
all the desirable objects so considered by others； and； therefore；
conferring the most good upon the greatest number； and；
consequently； I am encouraged to hope we shall。 However； I shall be
ready； and happy； to afford you still further information upon the
subject； from time to time； as you may desire it and the Post…office
Department be enabled to furnish it to me。
〃'Very truly； etc。；
〃'MARK TWAIN；
〃'For James W。 N…； U。 S。 Senator。'
〃Therenow what do you think of that？〃
〃Well； I don't know； sir。 Itwell； it appears to meto be dubious
enough。〃
〃Du leave the house！ I am a ruined man。 Those Humboldt savages never
will forgive me for tangling their brains up with this inhuman letter。
I have lost the respect of the Methodist Church； the board of aldermen〃
〃Well； I haven't anything to say about that； because I may have missed it
a little in their cases； but I was too many for the Baldwin's Ranch
people； General！〃
〃Leave the house！ Leave it forever and forever； too。〃
I regarded that as a sort of covert intimation that my service could be
dispensed with； and so I resigned。 I never will be a private secretary
to a senator again。 You can't please that kind of people。 They don't
know anything。 They can't appreciate a party's efforts。
A FASHION ITEM ＇Written about 1867。＇
At General G's reception the other night； the most fashionably
dressed lady was Mrs。 G。 C。 She wore a pink satin dress； plain in front
but with a good deal of rake to itto the train； I mean； it was said to
be two or three yards long。 One could see it creeping along the floor
some little time after the woman was gone。 Mrs。 C。 wore also a white
bodice； cut bias； with Pompadour sleeves； flounced with ruches； low neck；
with the inside handkerchief not visible； with white kid gloves。 She had
on a pearl necklace； which glinted lonely； high up the midst of that
barren waste of neck and shoulders。 Her hair was frizzled into a tangled
chaparral； forward of her ears； aft it was drawn together； and compactly
bound and plaited into a stump like a pony's tail； and furthermore was
canted upward at a sharp angle； and ingeniously supported by a red velvet
crupper； whose forward extremity was made fast with a half…hitch around a
hairpin on the top of her head。 Her whole top hamper was neat and
becoming。 She had a beautiful complexion when she first came； but it
faded out by degrees in an unaccountable way。 However； it is not lost
for good。 I found the most of it on my shoulder afterward。 （I stood
near the door when she squeezed out with the throng。） There were other
ladies present； but I only took notes of one as a specimen。 I would
gladly enlarge upon the subject were I able to do it justice。
RILEY…NEWSPAPER CORRESPONDENT
One of the best men in Washingtonor elsewhereis RILEY； correspondent
of one of the great San Francisco dailies。
Riley is full of humor； and has an unfailing vein of irony； which makes
his conversation to the last degree entertaining （as long as the remarks
are about somebody else）。 But notwithstanding the possession of these
qualities； which should enable a man to write a happy and an appetizing
letter； Riley's newspaper letters often display a more than earthly
solemnity； and likewise an unimaginative devotion to p
