the angel and the author-第7章
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have done with their nonsense。
They asked him how long he had known us。 He threw up his hands with
an eloquent gesture： memory refused to travel back such distance。
It appeared there was never a time when he had not known us。 We had
been boys together。
Did he know anybody else who knew us？ The question appeared to him
almost insulting。 Everybody in Innsbruck knew us； honoured us；
respected useverybody； that is； except a few post…office officials；
people quite out of society。
Would he kindly bring along； say； one undoubtedly respectable citizen
who could vouch for our identity？ The request caused him to forget
us and our troubles。 The argument became a personal quarrel between
the porter and the clerk。 If he； the porter； was not a respectable
citizen of Innsbruck； where was such an one to be found？
＇The disadvantage of being an unknown Person。＇
Both gentlemen became excited； and the discussion passed beyond my
understanding。 But I gathered dimly from what the clerk said； that
ill…natured remarks relative to the porter's grandfather and a
missing cow had never yet been satisfactorily replied to： and； from
observations made by the porter； that stories were in circulation
about the clerk's aunt and a sergeant of artillery that should
suggest to a discreet nephew of the lady the inadvisability of
talking about other people's grandfathers。
Our sympathies were naturally with the porter： he was our man； but
he did not seem to be advancing our cause much。 We left them
quarrelling； and persuaded the head waiter that evening to turn out
the gas at our end of the table d'hote。
The next morning we returned to the post…office by ourselves。 The
clerk proved a reasonable man when treated in a friendly spirit。 He
was a bit of a climber himself。 He admitted the possibility of our
being the rightful owners。 His instructions were only not to DELIVER
UP the bags； and he himself suggested a way out of the difficulty。
We might come each day and dress in the post…office； behind the
screen。 It was an awkward arrangement； even although the clerk
allowed us the use of the back door。 And occasionally； in spite of
the utmost care； bits of us would show outside the screen。 But for a
couple of days； until the British Consul returned from Salzburg； the
post…office had to be our dressing room。 The continental official； I
am inclined to think； errs on the side of prudence。
CHAPTER V
＇If only we had not lost our Tails！＇
A friend of mine thinks it a pity that we have lost our tails。 He
argues it would be so helpful if； like the dog； we possessed a tail
that wagged when we were pleased； that stuck out straight when we
were feeling mad。
〃Now； do come and see us again soon；〃 says our hostess； 〃don't wait
to be asked。 Drop in whenever you are passing。〃
We take her at her word。 The servant who answers our knocking says
she 〃will see。〃 There is a scuffling of feet； a murmur of hushed
voices； a swift opening and closing of doors。 We are shown into the
drawing…room； the maid； breathless from her search； one supposes；
having discovered that her mistress IS at home。 We stand upon the
hearthrug； clinging to our hat and stick as to things friendly and
sympathetic： the suggestion forcing itself upon us is that of a
visit to the dentist。
Our hostess enters wreathed in smiles。 Is she really pleased to see
us； or is she saying to herself； 〃Drat the man！ Why must he choose
the very morning I had intended to fix up the clean curtains？〃
But she has to pretend to be delighted； and ask us to stay to lunch。
It would save us hours of anxiety could we look beyond her smiling
face to her tail peeping out saucily from a placket…hole。 Is it
wagging； or is it standing out rigid at right angles from her skirt？
But I fear by this time we should have taught our tails polite
behaviour。 We should have schooled them to wag enthusiastically the
while we were growling savagely to ourselves。 Man put on insincerity
to hide his mind when he made himself a garment of fig…leaves to hide
his body。
One sometimes wonders whether he has gained so very much。 A small
acquaintance of mine is being brought up on strange principles。
Whether his parents are mad or not is a matter of opinion。 Their
ideas are certainly peculiar。 They encourage him rather than
otherwise to tell the truth on all occasions。 I am watching the
experiment with interest。 If you ask him what he thinks of you； he
tells you。 Some people don't ask him a second time。 They say：
〃What a very rude little boy you are！〃
〃But you insisted upon it；〃 he explains； 〃I told you I'd rather not
say。〃
It does not comfort them in the least。 Yet the result is； he is
already an influence。 People who have braved the ordeal； and emerged
successfully； go about with swelled head。
＇And little Boys would always tell the Truth！＇
Politeness would seem to have been invented for the comfort of the
undeserving。 We let fall our rain of compliments upon the unjust and
the just without distinction。 Every hostess has provided us with the
most charming evening of our life。 Every guest has conferred a like
blessing upon us by accepting our invitation。 I remember a dear good
lady in a small south German town organizing for one winter's day a
sleighing party to the woods。 A sleighing party differs from a
picnic。 The people who want each other cannot go off together and
lose themselves； leaving the bores to find only each other。 You are
in close company from early morn till late at night。 We were to
drive twenty miles； six in a sledge； dine together in a lonely
Wirtschaft； dance and sing songs； and afterwards drive home by
moonlight。 Success depends on every member of the company fitting
into his place and assisting in the general harmony。 Our
chieftainess was fixing the final arrangements the evening before in
the drawing…room of the pension。 One place was still to spare。
〃Tompkins！〃
Two voices uttered the name simultaneously； three others immediately
took up the refrain。 Tompkins was our manthe cheeriest； merriest
companion imaginable。 Tompkins alone could be trusted to make the
affair a success。 Tompkins； who had only arrived that afternoon； was
pointed out to our chieftainess。 We could hear his good…tempered
laugh from where we sat； grouped together at the other end of the
room。 Our chieftainess rose； and made for him direct。
Alas！ she was a short…sighted ladywe had not thought of that。 She
returned in triumph； followed by a dismal…looking man I had met the
year before in the Black Forest； and had hoped never to meet again。
I drew her aside。
〃Whatever you do；〃 I said； 〃don't ask 〃 （I forget his name。 One
of these days I'll forget him altogether； and be happier。 I will
call him Johnson。） 〃He would turn the whole thing into a funeral
before we were half…way there。 I climbed a mountain with him once。
He makes you forget all your other troubles； that is the only thing
he is good for。〃
〃But who is Johnson？〃 she demanded。 〃Why； that's Johnson；〃 I
explained〃the thing you've brought over。 Why on earth didn't you
leave it alone？ Where's your woman's instinct？〃
〃Great heavens！〃 she cried； 〃I thought it was Tompkins。 I've invited
him； and he's accepted。〃
She was a stickler for politeness； and would not hear of his being
told that he had been mistaken for an agreeable man； but that the
error； most fortunately； had been discovered in time。 He started a
row with the driver of the sledge； and devoted the journey outwards
to an argument on the fiscal question。 He told the proprietor of the
hotel what he thought of German cooking； and insisted on having the
windows open。 One of our partya German studentsang；
〃Deutschland； Deutschland uber alles；〃which led to a heated
discussion on the proper place of sentiment in literature； and a
general denunciation by Johnson of Teutonic characteristics in
general。 We did not dance。 Johnson said that； of course； he spoke
only for himself； but the sight of middle…aged ladies and gentlemen
catc
