the angel and the author-第16章
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passed and he does not reappear； you inquire about him amongst the
other waiters。
A gloom at once falls upon them。 You have spoken of the very thing
that has been troubling them。 He used to be a waiter here onceone
might almost say until quite recently。 As to what has become of him…
…ah！ there you have them。 If in the course of their chequered career
they ever come across him； they will mention to him that you are
waiting for him。 Meanwhile a stentorian…voiced official is shouting
that your train is on the point of leaving。 You console yourself
with the reflection that it might have been more。 It always might
have been more； sometimes it is。
＇His Little Mistakes。＇
A waiter at the Gare du Nord； in Brussels； on one occasion pressed
upon me a five…franc piece； a small Turkish coin the value of which
was unknown to me； and remains so to this day； a distinctly bad two
francs； and from a quarter of a pound to six ounces of centimes； as
change for a twenty…franc note； after deducting the price of a cup of
coffee。 He put it down with the air of one subscribing to a charity。
We looked at one another。 I suppose I must have conveyed to him the
impression of being discontented。 He drew a purse from his pocket。
The action suggested that； for the purpose of satisfying my
inordinate demands； he would be compelled to draw upon his private
resources； but it did not move me。 Abstracting reluctantly a fifty…
centime piece； he added it to the heap upon the table。
I suggested his taking a seat； as at this rate it seemed likely we
should be doing business together for some time。 I think he gathered
I was not a fool。 Hitherto he had been judging； I suppose； purely
from appearances。 But he was not in the least offended。
〃Ah！〃 he cried； with a cheery laugh； 〃Monsieur comprend！〃 He swept
the whole nonsense back into his bag and gave me the right change。 I
slipped my arm through his and insisted upon the pleasure of his
society； until I had examined each and every coin。 He went away
chuckling； and told another waiter all about it。 They both of them
bowed to me as I went out； and wished me a pleasant journey。 I left
them still chuckling。 A British waiter would have been sulky all the
afternoon。
The waiter who insists upon mistaking you for the heir of all the
Rothschilds used to cost me dear when I was younger。 I find the best
plan is to take him in hand at the beginning and disillusion him；
sweep aside his talk of '84 Perrier Jouet； followed by a '79 Chateau
Lafite； and ask him； as man to man； if he can conscientiously
recommend the Saint Julien at two…and…six。 After that he settles
down to his work and talks sense。
The fatherly waiter is sometimes a comfort。 You feel that he knows
best。 Your instinct is to address him as 〃Uncle。〃 But you remember
yourself in time。 When you are dining a lady； however； and wish to
appear important； he is apt to be in the way。 It seems； somehow； to
be his dinner。 You have a sense almost of being de trop。
The greatest insult you can offer a waiter is to mistake him for your
waiter。 You think he is your waiterthere is the bald head； the
black side…whiskers； the Roman nose。 But your waiter had blue eyes；
this man soft hazel。 You had forgotten to notice the eyes。 You bar
his progress and ask him for the red pepper。 The haughty contempt
with which he regards you is painful to bear。 It is as if you had
insulted a lady。 He appears to be saying the same thing：
〃I think you have made a mistake。 You are possibly confusing me with
somebody else； I have not the honour of your acquaintance。〃
＇How to insult him。＇
I do not wish it to be understood that I am in the habit of insulting
ladies； but occasionally I have made an innocent mistake； and have
met with some such response。 The wrong waiter conveys to me
precisely the same feeling of humiliation。
〃I will send your waiter to you；〃 he answers。 His tone implies that
there are waiters and waiters； some may not mind what class of person
they serve： others； though poor； have their self…respect。 It is
clear to you now why your waiter is keeping away from you； the man is
ashamed of being your waiter。 He is watching； probably； for an
opportunity to approach you when nobody is looking。 The other waiter
finds him for you。 He was hiding behind a screen。
〃Table forty…two wants you；〃 the other tells him。 The tone of voice
adds：
〃If you like to encourage this class of customer that is your
business； but don't ask me to have anything to do with him。〃
Even the waiter has his feelings。
CHAPTER XI
＇The everlasting Newness of Woman。＇
An Oriental visitor was returning from our shores to his native land。
〃Well；〃 asked the youthful diplomatist who had been told off to show
him round； as on the deck of the steamer they shook hands； 〃what do
you now think of England？〃
〃Too much woman；〃 answered the grave Orientalist； and descended to
his cabin。
The young diplomatist returned to the shore thoughtful； and later in
the day a few of us discussed the matter in a far…off； dimly…lighted
corner of the club smoking…room。
Has the pendulum swung too far the other way？ Could there be truth
in our Oriental friend's terse commentary？ The eternal feminine！
The Western world has been handed over to her。 The stranger from
Mars or Jupiter would describe us as a hive of women； the sober…clad
male being retained apparently on condition of its doing all the hard
work and making itself generally useful。 Formerly it was the man who
wore the fine clothes who went to the shows。 To…day it is the woman
gorgeously clad for whom the shows are organized。 The man dressed in
a serviceable and unostentatious； not to say depressing； suit of
black accompanies her for the purpose of carrying her cloak and
calling her carriage。 Among the working classes life； of necessity；
remains primitive； the law of the cave is still； with slight
modification； the law of the slum。 But in upper and middle…class
circles the man is now the woman's servant。
I remember being present while a mother of my acquaintance was
instilling into the mind of her little son the advantages of being
born a man。 A little girl cousin was about to spend a week with him。
It was impressed upon him that if she showed a liking for any of his
toys； he was at once to give them up to her。
〃But why； mamma？〃 he demanded； evidently surprised。
〃Because； my dear； you are a little man。〃
Should she break them； he was not to smack her head or kick heras
his instinct might prompt him to do。 He was just to say：
〃Oh； it is of no consequence at all；〃 and to look as if he meant it。
＇Doctor says she is not to be bothered。＇
She was always to choose the gameto have the biggest apple。 There
was much more of a similar nature。 It was all because he was a
little man and she was a little woman。 At the end he looked up；
puzzled：
〃But don't she do anything； 'cos she's a little girl？〃
It was explained to him that she didn't。 By right of being born a
little girl she was exempt from all duty。
Woman nowadays is not taking any duty。 She objects to housekeeping；
she calls it domestic slavery； and feels she was intended for higher
things。 What higher things she does not condescend to explain。 One
or two wives of my acquaintance have persuaded their husbands that
these higher things are all…important。 The home has been given up。
In company with other strivers after higher things； they live now in
dismal barracks differing but little from a glorified Bloomsbury
lodging…house。 But they call them 〃Mansions〃 or 〃Courts；〃 and seem
proud of the address。 They are not bothered with servantswith
housekeeping。 The idea of the modern woman is that she is not to be
bothered with anything。 I remember the words with which one of these
ladies announced her departure from her bothering home。
〃Oh； well； I'm tired of trouble；〃 she confided to another lady； 〃so
I've made up my mind not to have any more of it。〃
Artemus Ward tells us of a man who had been in prison for twenty
y
