the university of hard knocks-第22章

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row　in　the　green　pickle…jar！

Imagine　Moses　living　today　amidst　the　din　of　the　high　school　orations　on　〃The　Age　of　the　Young　Man〃　and　the　Ostler　idea　that　you　are　going　down　hill　at　fifty。　Imagine　Moses　living　on　〃borrowed　time〃　when　he　becomes　the　leader　of　the　Israelite　host。

I　would　see　his　scandalized　friends　gather　around　him。　〃Moses！　Moses！　what　is　this　we　hear？　You　going　to　lead　the　Israelites　to　the　Promised　Land？　Why；　Moses；　you　are　an　old　man。　Why　don't　you　act　like　an　old　man？　You　are　liable　to　drop　off　any　minute。　Here　is　a　pair　of　slippers。　And　keep　out　of　the　night　air。　It　is　so　hard　on　old　folks。〃

I　think　I　would　hear　Moses　say；　〃No；　no；　I　am　just　beginning　to　see　what　to　do。　Watch　things　happen　from　now　on。　Children　of　Israel；　forward；　march！〃

I　see　Moses　at　eighty　starting　for　the　Wilderness　so　fast　Aaron　can　hardly　keep　up。　Moses　is　eighty…five　and　busier　and　more　enthusiastic　than　ever。　The　people　say；　〃Isn't　Moses　dead？〃　〃No。〃　〃Well；　he　ought　to　be　dead；　for　he　is　old　enough。〃

They　appoint　a　committee　to　bury　Moses。　You　cannot　do　anything　in　America　without　a　committee。　The　committee　gets　out　the　invitations　and　makes　all　the　arrangements　for　a　gorgeous　funeral　next　Thursday。　They　get　ready　the　resolutions　of　respect　〃Whereas；Whereas；Resolved；Resolved。〃

Then　I　see　the　committee　waiting　on　Moses。　That　is　what　a　committee　doesit　〃waits〃　on　something　or　other。　And　this　committee　goes　up　to　General　Moses'　private　office。　It　is　his　busy　day。　They　have　to　stand　in　line　and　wait　their　turn。　When　they　get　up　to　Moses'　desk；　the　great　prophet　says；　〃Boys；　what　is　it？　Cut　it　short；　I'm　busy。〃

The　committee　begins　to　weep。　〃General　Moses；　you　are　a　very　old　man。　You　are　eighty…five　years　old　and　full　of　honors。　We　are　the　committee　duly　authorized　to　give　you　gorgeous　burial。　The　funeral　is　to　be　next　Thursday。　Kindly　die。〃

I　see　Moses　look　over　his　appointments。　〃Next　Thursday？　Why；　boys；　every　hour　is　taken　next　Thursday。　I　simply　cannot　attend　my　funeral　next　Thursday。〃

They　cannot　bury　Moses。　He　cannot　attend。　You　cannot　bury　anybody　who　is　too　busy　to　attend　his　own　funeral！　You　cannot　bury　anybody　until　he　consents。　It　is　bad　manners！　The　committee　is　so　mortified；　for　all　the　invitations　are　out。　It　waits。

Moses　is　eighty…six　and　the　committee　'phones　over；　〃Moses；　can　you　attend　next　Thursday？〃　And　Moses　says；　〃No；　boys；　you'll　just　have　to　hold　that　funeral　until　I　get　this　work　pushed　off　so　I　can　attend　it。　I　haven't　even　time　to　think　about　getting　old。〃

The　committee　waits。　Moses　is　ninety　and　rushed　more　than　ever。　He　is　doing　ten　men's　work　and　his　friends　all　say　he　is　killing　himself。　But　he　makes　the　committee　wait。

Moses　is　ninety…five　and　burning　the　candle　at　both　ends。　He　is　a　hundred。　And　the　committee　dies！

Moses　goes　right　on　shouting；　〃Onward！〃　He　is　a　hundred　and　ten。　He　is　a　hundred　and　twenty。　Even　then　I　read；　〃His　eye　was　not　dim；　nor　his　natural　force　abated。〃　He　had　not　time　to　stop　and　abate。

So　God　buried　him。　The　committee　was　dead。　O；　friends；　this　is　not　irreverence。　It　is　joyful　reverence。　It　is　the　message　to　all　of　us；　Go　on　south　to　the　greater　things；　and　get　so　enthused　and　absorbed　in　our　going　that　we'll　fool　the　〃committee。〃





All　the　multitudes　of　the　Children　of　Israel　died　in　the　Wilderness。　They　were　afraid　to　go　on　south。　Only　two　of　them　went　on　south　Joshua　and　Caleb。　They　put　the　giants　out　of　business。

The　Indians　once　owned　America。　But　they　failed　to　go　on　south。　So　another　crop　of　Americans　came　into　the　limelight。　If　we　modern　Americans　do　not　go　on　south　we　will　join　the　Indians；　the　auk　and　the　dodo。




The　〃Sob　Squad〃


I　am　so　sorry　for　the　folks　who　quit；　retire；　〃get　on　the　shelf〃　or　live　on　〃borrowed　time。〃

They　generally　join　the　〃sob　squad。〃

They　generally　discover　the　world　is　〃going　to　the　dogs。〃　They　cry　on　my　shoulder；　no　matter　how　good　clothes　I　wear。

They　tell　me　nobody　uses　them　right。　The　person　going　on　south　has　not　time　to　look　back　and　see　how　anybody　uses　him。

They　say　nobody　loves　them。　Which　is　often　a　fact。　Nobody　loves　the　clock　that　runs　down。

They　say；　〃Only　a　few　more　days　of　trouble；　only　a　few　more　tribulations；　and　I'll　be　in　that　bright　and　happy　land。〃　What　will　they　do　with　them　when　they　get　them　there？　They　would　be　dill　pickles　in　the　heavenly　preserve…jar。

They　say；　〃I　wish　I　were　a　child　again。　I　was　happy　when　I　was　a　child　and　I'm　not　happy　now。　Them　was　the　best　days　of　my　life　childhood's　palmy　days。〃

Wake　up！　Your　clock　has　run　down。　Anybody　who　wants　to　be　a　child　again　is　confessing　he　has　lost　his　memory。　Anybody　who　can　remember　the　horrors　of　childhood　could　not　be　hired　to　live　it　over　again。

If　there　is　anybody　who　does　not　have　a　good　time；　if　there　is　anybody　who　gets　shortchanged　regularly；　it　is　a　child。　I　am　so　sorry　for　a　child。　Hurry　up　and　go　on　south。　It　is　better　on　south。




Waiting　till　the　〃Second　Table〃


I　wish　I　could　forget　many　of　my　childhood　memories。　I　remember　the　palmy　days。　And　the　palm！

I　often　wonder　how　I　ever　lived　thru　my　childhood。　I　would　not　take　my　chances　living　it　thru　again。　I　am　not　ungrateful　to　my　parents。　I　had　advantages。　I　was　born　in　a　parsonage　and　was　reared　in　the　nurture　and　admiration　of　the　Lord。　I　am　not　just　sure　I　quoted　that　correctly；　but　I　know　I　was　reared　in　a　parsonage。　About　all　I　inherited　was　a　Godly　example　and　a　large　appetite。　That　was　about　all　there　was　to　inherit。　I　cannot　remember　when　I　was　not　hungry。　I　used　to　go　around　feeling　like　the　Mammoth　Cave；　never　thoroly　explored。

I　never　sit　down　as　〃company〃　at　a　dinner　and　see　some　little　children　going　sadly　into　the　next　room　to　〃wait　till　the　second　table〃　that　my　heart　does　not　go　out　to　them。　I　remember　when　I　did　that。

I　can　only　remember　about　four　big　meals　in　a　year。　That　was　〃quart'ly　meeting　day。〃　We　always　had　a　big　dinner　on　〃quart'ly　meeting　day。〃　Elder　Berry　would　stay　for　dinner。　His　name　was　Berry；　but　being　〃presiding　elder；〃　we　called　him　Elder　Berry。

Elder　Berry　always　stayed　for　dinner。　He　was　one　of　the　easiest　men　to　get　to　stay　for　dinner　I　ever　saw。

Mother　would　stay　home　from　〃quart'ly　meeting〃　to　get　the　big　dinner　ready。　She　would　cook　up　about　all　the　〃brethren〃　brought　in　at　the　last　donation。　We　had　one　of　those　stretchable　tables；　and　mother　would　stretch　it　clear　across　the　room　and　put　on　two　table…cloths。　She　would　lap　them　over　in　the　middle；　where　the　hole　was。

I　would　watch　her　get　the　big　dinner　ready。　I　would　look　over　the　long　table　and　view　the　〃promised　land。〃　I　would　see　her　set　on　the　jelly。　We　had　so　much　jellyred　jelly；　and　white　jelly；　and　blue　jelly。　I　don't　just　remember　if　they　had　blue　jelly；　but　if　they　had　it　we　had　it　on　that　table。　All　the　jelly　that　ever　〃jelled〃　was　represented。　I　didn't　know　we　had　so　much　jelly　till　〃quart'ly　meeting〃　day。　I　would　watch　the　jelly　tremble。　Did　you　ever　see　jelly　tremble？　I　used　to　think　it　ought　to　tremble；　for　Elder　Berry　was　coming　for　dinner。

I　would　see　mother　put　on　the　tallest　pile　of　mashed　potatoes　you　ever　saw。　She　would　make　a　hollow　in　the　top　and　fill　it　with　butter。　I　would　see　the　butter　melt　and　run　down　the　sides；　and　I　would　say；　〃Hurry；　mother；　it　is　going　to　spill！〃　O；　how　I　wanted　to　spill　it！　I　could　hardly　hold　out　faithful。

And　then　Elder　Berry　would　sit　down　at　the　table；　at　the　end　nearest　the　fried　chicken。　The　〃company〃　would　sit　down。　I　used　to　wonder　why　we　never　could　have　a　big　dinner　but　what　a　lot　of　〃company〃　had　to　come　and　gobble　it　up。　They　would　fill　the　table　and　father　would　sit　down　in　the　last　seat。　There　was　no　place　for　me　to　sit。　Father　would　say；　〃You　go　into　the　next　room；　my　boy；　and　wait。　There's　no　room　for　you　at　the　table。〃

The　hungriest　one　of　that　assemblage　would　have　to　go　in　the　next　room　and　hear　the　big　dinner。　Did　you　ever　hear　a　big　dinner　when　you　felt　like　the　Mammoth　Cave？　I　used　to　think　as　I　would　sit　in　the　next　room　that　heaven　would　be　a　place　where　everybody　would　eat　at　the　first　table。

I　would　watch　them　thru　the　key…hole。　It　was　going　so　fast。　There　was　only　one　piece　of　chicken　left。　It　was　the　neck。　O；　Lord；　spa