the fatal boots-第4章

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honor　of　a　gentleman！〃　said　I；　turning　round　to　the　boys。　　They

hesitated；　and　if　the　trick　had　turned　in　my　favor；　fifty　of　them

would　have　seized　hold　of　Stiffelkind　and　drubbed　him　soundly。



〃Stop！〃　says　Bunting　（hang　him！）　　〃Let's　see　the　shoes。　　If　they

fit　him；　why　then　the　cobbler's　right。〃　　They　did　fit　me；　and　not

only　that；　but　the　name　of　STUBBS　was　written　in　them　at　full

length。



〃Vat！〃　said　Stiffelkind。　　〃Is　he　not　a　lort？　　So　help　me　Himmel；　I

never　did　vonce　tink　of　looking　at　de　shoes；　which　have　been　lying

ever　since　in　dis　piece　of　brown　paper。〃　　And　then；　gathering　anger

as　he　went　on；　he　thundered　out　so　much　of　his　abuse　of　me；　in　his

German…English；　that　the　boys　roared　with　laughter。　　Swishtail　came

in　in　the　midst　of　the　disturbance；　and　asked　what　the　noise　meant。



〃It's　only　Lord　Cornwallis；　sir；〃　said　the　boys；　〃battling　with　his

shoemaker　about　the　price　of　a　pair　of　top…boots。〃



〃Oh；　sir；〃　said　I；　〃it　was　only　in　fun　that　I　called　myself　Lord

Cornwallis。〃



〃In　fun！Where　are　the　boots？　　And　you；　sir；　give　me　your　bill。〃

My　beautiful　boots　were　brought；　and　Stiffelkind　produced　his　bill。

〃Lord　Cornwallis　to　Samuel　Stiffelkind；　for　a　pair　of　bootsfour

guineas。〃



〃You　have　been　fool　enough；　sir；〃　says　the　Doctor；　looking　very

stern；　〃to　let　this　boy　impose　on　you　as　a　lord；　and　knave　enough

to　charge　him　double　the　value　of　the　article　you　sold　him。　　Take

back　the　boots；　sir！　　I　won't　pay　a　penny　of　your　bill；　nor　can　you

get　a　penny。　　As　for　you；　sir；　you　miserable　swindler　and　cheat；　I

shall　not　flog　you　as　I　did　before；　but　I　shall　send　you　home：　you

are　not　fit　to　be　the　companion　of　honest　boys。〃



〃SUPPOSE　WE　DUCK　HIM　before　he　goes？〃　piped　out　a　very　small　voice。

The　Doctor　grinned　significantly；　and　left　the　school…room；　and　the

boys　knew　by　this　they　might　have　their　will。　　They　seized　me　and

carried　me　to　the　playground　pump：　they　pumped　upon　me　until　I　was

half　dead；　and　the　monster；　Stiffelkind；　stood　looking　on　for　the

half…hour　the　operation　lasted。



I　suppose　the　Doctor；　at　last；　thought　I　had　had　pumping　enough；

for　he　rang　the　school…bell；　and　the　boys　were　obliged　to　leave　me。

As　I　got　out　of　the　trough；　Stiffelkind　was　alone　with　me。　　〃Vell；

my　lort；〃　says　he；　〃you　have　paid　SOMETHING　for　dese　boots；　but　not

all。　　By　Jubider；　YOU　SHALL　NEVER　HEAR　DE　END　OF　DEM。〃　　And　I

didn't。





APRIL。FOOLING。





After　this；　as　you　may　fancy；　I　left　this　disgusting　establishment；

and　lived　for　some　time　along　with　pa　and　mamma　at　home。　　My

education　was　finished；　at　least　mamma　and　I　agreed　that　it　was；

and　from　boyhood　until　hobbadyhoyhood　（which　I　take　to　be　about　the

sixteenth　year　of　the　life　of　a　young　man；　and　may　be　likened　to

the　month　of　April　when　spring　begins　to　bloom）from　fourteen

until　seventeen；　I　say；　I　remained　at　home；　doing　nothingfor

which　I　have　ever　since　had　a　great　tastethe　idol　of　my　mamma；

who　took　part　in　all　my　quarrels　with　father；　and　used　regularly　to

rob　the　weekly　expenses　in　order　to　find　me　in　pocket…money。　　Poor

soul！　many　and　many　is　the　guinea　I　have　had　from　her　in　that　way；

and　so　she　enabled　me　to　cut　a　very　pretty　figure。



Papa　was　for　having　me　at　this　time　articled　to　a　merchant；　or　put

to　some　profession；　but　mamma　and　I　agreed　that　I　was　born　to　be　a

gentleman　and　not　a　tradesman；　and　the　army　was　the　only　place　for

me。　　Everybody　was　a　soldier　in　those　times；　for　the　French　war　had

just　begun；　and　the　whole　country　was　swarming　with　militia

regiments。　　〃We'll　get　him　a　commission　in　a　marching　regiment；〃

said　my　father。　　〃As　we　have　no　money　to　purchase　him　up；　he'll

FIGHT　his　way；　I　make　no　doubt。〃　　And　papa　looked　at　me　with　a　kind

of　air　of　contempt；　as　much　as　to　say　he　doubted　whether　I　should

be　very　eager　for　such　a　dangerous　way　of　bettering　myself。



I　wish　you　could　have　heard　mamma's　screech　when　he　talked　so

coolly　of　my　going　out　to　fight！　　〃What！　send　him　abroad；　across

the　horrid；　horrid　seato　be　wrecked　and　perhaps　drowned；　and　only

to　land　for　the　purpose　of　fighting　the　wicked　Frenchmen；to　be

wounded；　and　perhaps　kickkickkilled！　　Oh；　Thomas；　Thomas！　would

you　murder　me　and　your　boy？〃　　There　was　a　regular　scene。　　However；

it　endedas　it　always　didin　mother's　getting　the　better；　and　it

was　settled　that　I　should　go　into　the　militia。　　And　why　not？　　The

uniform　is　just　as　handsome；　and　the　danger　not　half　so　great。　　I

don't　think　in　the　course　of　my　whole　military　experience　I　ever

fought　anything；　except　an　old　woman；　who　had　the　impudence　to

hallo　out；　〃Heads　up；　lobster！〃Well；　I　joined　the　North　Bungays；

and　was　fairly　launched　into　the　world。



I　was　not　a　handsome　man；　I　know；　but　there　was　SOMETHING　about　me

that's　very　evidentfor　the　girls　always　laughed　when　they　talked

to　me；　and　the　men；　though　they　affected　to　call　me　a　poor　little

creature；　squint…eyes；　knock…knees；　redhead；　and　so　on；　were

evidently　annoyed　by　my　success；　for　they　hated　me　so　confoundedly。

Even　at　the　present　time　they　go　on；　though　I　have　given　up

gallivanting；　as　I　call　it。　　But　in　the　April　of　my　existence；

that　is；　in　anno　Domini　1791；　or　soit　was　a　different　case；　and

having　nothing　else　to　do；　and　being　bent　upon　bettering　my

condition；　I　did　some　very　pretty　things　in　that　way。　　But　I　was

not　hot…headed　and　imprudent；　like　most　young　fellows。　　Don't　fancy

I　looked　for　beauty！　　Pish！I　wasn't　such　a　fool。　　Nor　for　temper；

I　don't　care　about　a　bad　temper：　I　could　break　any　woman's　heart　in

two　years。　　What　I　wanted　was　to　get　on　in　the　world。　　Of　course　I

didn't　PREFER　an　ugly　woman；　or　a　shrew；　and　when　the　choice

offered；　would　certainly　put　up　with　a　handsome；　good…humored　girl；

with　plenty　of　money；　as　any　honest　man　would。



Now　there　were　two　tolerably　rich　girls　in　our　parts：　Miss　Magdalen

Crutty；　with　twelve　thousand　pounds　（and；　to　do　her　justice；　as

plain　a　girl　as　ever　I　saw）；　and　Miss　Mary　Waters；　a　fine；　tall；

plump；　smiling；　peach…cheeked；　golden…haired；　white…skinned　lass；

with　only　ten。　　Mary　Waters　lived　with　her　uncle；　the　Doctor；　who

had　helped　me　into　the　world；　and　who　was　trusted　with　this　little

orphan　charge　very　soon　after。　　My　mother；　as　you　have　heard；　was

so　fond　of　Bates；　and　Bates　so　fond　of　little　Mary；　that　both；　at

first；　were　almost　always　in　our　house；　and　I　used　to　call　her　my

little　wife　as　soon　as　I　could　speak；　and　before　she　could　walk

almost。　　It　was　beautiful　to　see　us；　the　neighbors　said。



Well；　when　her　brother；　the　lieutenant　of　an　India　ship；　came　to　be

captain；　and　actually　gave　Mary　five　thousand　pounds；　when　she　was

about　ten　years　old；　and　promised　her　five　thousand　more；　there　was

a　great　talking；　and　bobbing；　and　smiling　between　the　Doctor　and　my

parents；　and　Mary　and　I　were　left　together　more　than　ever；　and　she

was　told　to　call　me　her　little　husband。　　And　she　did；　and　it　was

considered　a　settled　thing　from　that　day。　　She　was　really　amazingly

fond　of　me。



Can　any　one　call　me　mercenary　after　that？　　Though　Miss　Crutty　had

twelve　thousand；　and　Mary　only　ten　（five　in　hand；　and　five　in　the

bush）；　I　stuck　faithfully　to　Mary。　　As　a　matter　of　course；　Miss

Crutty　hated　Miss　Waters。　　The　fact　was；　Mary　had　all　the　country

dangling　after　her；　and　not　a　soul　would　come　to　Magdalen；　for　all

her　12；000L。　　I　used　to　be　attentive　to　her　though　（as　it's　always

useful　to　be）；　and　Mary　would　sometimes　laugh　and　sometimes　cry　at

my　flirting　with　Magdalen。　　This　I　thought　proper　very　quickly　to

check。　　〃Mary；〃　said　I；　〃you　know　that　my　love　for　you　is

disinterested；for　I　am　faithful　to　you；　though　Miss　Crutty　is

richer　than　you。　　Don't　fly　into　a　rage；　then；　because　I　pay　her

attentions；　when　you　know　that　my　heart　and　my　promise　are　engaged

to　you。〃



The　fact　is；　to　tell　a　little　bit　of　a　secret；　there　is　nothing

like　the　having　two　strings　to　your　bow。　　〃Who　knows？〃　thought　I。

〃Mary　may　die；　and　then　where