we two-第87章

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unshuttered；　but　veiled　by　muslin　curtains；　looked　out　upon　the　Arno；　from　her　bed　she　could　see　the　lights　on　the　further　bank。　　On　the　wall　close　beside　her　was　a　little　round　wooden　projection。　　If　it　had　been　a　rattlesnake　she　could　not　have　gazed　at　it　more　fixedly。　　Then　she　looked　at　the　printed　card　above；　and　the　words　written　in　French　and　English；　German；　and　Italian；　seemed　to　fall　mechanically　on　her　brain；　though　burning　thoughts　seethed　there；　too。

〃Ring　once　for　hot　water；　twice　for　the　chamber　maid；　three　times　for　the　waiter。〃

Merely　to　touch　that　ivory　knob；　and　then　by　the　lightest　pressure　of　the　finger　tips　a　whole　world　of　love　and　happiness　and　rest　might　open　for　her；　and　life　would　be　changed　forever。

Again　and　again　she　was　on　the　point　of　yielding；　but　each　time　she　resisted；　and　each　resistance　made　her　stronger。　　At　length；　with　a　fearful　effort；　she　turned　her　face　away　and　buried　it　in　the　pillow；　clinging　with　all　her　might　to　the　ironwork　of　the　bed。

For　at　least　an　hour　the　most　frightful　hour　of　her　life　she　did　not　dare　to　stir。　　At　last　when　her　hands　were　stiff　and　sore　with　that　rigid　grasping；　when　it　seemed　as　if　her　heart　had　been　wrenched　out　of　her　and　had　left　nothing　but　an　aching　void；　she　sat　up　and　tore　both　Brian's　note　and　her　reply　into　a　thousand　pieces；　then；　in　a　weary；　lifeless　way；　made　her　preparations　for　the　night。

But　sleep　was　impossible。　　The　struggle　was　over　forever；　but　the　pain　was　but　just　begun；　and　she　was　still　a　young　girl　with　the　best　part　of　her　life　stretching　out　before　her。　　She　did　not　toss　about　restlessly；　but　lay　very　still；　just　enduring　her　misery；　while　all　the　every…day　sounds　came　to　her　from　without　laughter　in　the　next　room　from　two　talkative　American　girls；　doors　opening　and　shutting；　boots　thrown　down；　electric　bells　rung；　presently　her　father's　step　and　voice。

〃Has　Miss　Raeburn　been　up　long？〃

〃Sairtenlee；　sair；　yes；〃　replied　the　English…speaking　waiter。　　〃The　signorina　sleeps；　doubtless。〃

Then　came　a　pause；　and　in　another　minute　her　father's　door　was　closed　and　locked。

Noisy　parties　of　men　shouting　out　some　chorus　sung　at　one　of　the　theatres　passed　along　the　Lung'　Arno；　and　twanging　mandolins　wandered　up　and　down　in　the　moonlight。　　The　sound　of　that　harshest　and　most　jarring　of　all　musical　instruments　was　every　after　hateful　to　her。　　She　could　not　hear　one　played　without　a　shudder。　　

Slowly　and　wearily　the　night　wore　on。　　Sometimes　she　stole　to　the　window；　and　looked　out　on　the　sleeping　city；　on　the　peaceful　Arno　which　was　bathed　in　silvery　moonlight；　and　on　the　old；　irregular　houses；　thinking　what　struggles　and　agonies　this　place　had　witnessed　in　past　times；　and　realizing　what　an　infinitesimal　bit　of　the　world's　sufferings　she　was　called　to　bear。　　Sometimes　she　lighted　a　candle　and　read；　sometimes　prayed；　but　for　the　most　part　just　lay　still；　silently　enduring；　learning；　though　she　did　not　think　it；　the　true　meaning　of　pain。

Somewhat　later　than　usual　she　joined　her　father　the　next　morning　in　the　coffee　room。

〃Brian　tells　me　he　is　off　today；〃　was　Raeburn's　greeting。　　〃It　seems　that　he　must　see　that　patient　at　Genoa　again；　and　he　wants　to　get　a　clear　fortnight　in　Switzerland。〃

〃Is　it　nor　rather　early　for　Switzerland？〃

〃I　should　have　thought　so；　but　he　knows　more　about　it　than　I　do。　　He　has　written　to　try　to　persuade　your　friend；　Mr。　Farrant；　to　join　him　in　the　Whitsuntide　recess。〃

〃Oh；　I　am　glad　of　that；〃　said　Erica；　greatly　relieved。

Directly　after　breakfast　she　went　out　with　her　father；　　going　first　of　all　to　French's　bank；　where　Raeburn　had　to　change　a　circular　note。

〃It　is　upstairs；〃　he　said　as　they　reached　the　house。　　〃Don't　you　trouble　to　come　up；　you'll　have　stairs　enough　presently　at　the　Uffizzi。〃

〃Very　well；〃　she　replied；　〃I　will　wait　for　you　here。〃

She　stood　in　the　doorway　looking　out　thoughtfully　at　the　busy　Tornabuoni　and　its　gay　shops；　but　in　a　minute　a　step　she　knew　sounded　on　the　staircase；　and　the　color　rushed　to　her　cheeks。

〃I　have　just　said　goodbye　to　your　father；〃　said　Brian。　　〃I　am　leaving　Florence　this　morning。　　You　must　forgive　me　for　having　written　last　night。　　I　ought　not　to　have　done　it；　and　I　understood　your　silence。〃

He　spoke　calmly；　in　the　repressed　voice　of　a　man　who　holds　〃passion　in　a　leash。〃　　Erica　was　thankful　to　have　the　last　sight　of　him　thus　calm　and　strong　and　self…restrained。　　It　was　a　nobler　side　of　love　than　that　which　had　inspired　his　letter　nobler　because　freer　from　thought　of　self。

〃I　am　so　glad　you　will　have　Donovan；〃　she　said。　　〃Goodbye。〃

He　took　her　hand　in　his；　pressed　it；　and　turned　away　without　a　word。


CHAPTER　XXXIII。　〃Right　Onward〃

Therefore　my　Hope　arose　From　out　her　swound　and　gazed　upon　Thy　face。　And；　meeting　there　that　soft　subduing　look　Which　Peter's　spirit　shook　Sunk　downward　in　a　rapture　to　embrace　Thy　pierced　hands　and　feet　with　kisses　close；　And　prayed　Thee　to　assist　her　evermore　To　〃reach　the　things　before。〃　　E。　B。　Browning

〃I'm　really　thankful　it　is　the　last　time　I　shall　have　to　get　this　abominable　paper　money；〃　said　Raeburn；　coming　down　the　stairs。　　〃Just　count　these　twos　and　fives　for　me；　dear；　fifteen　of　each　there　should　be。〃

At　that　moment　Brian　had　just　passed　the　tall；　white　column　disappearing　into　the　street　which　leads　to　the　Borgo　Ogni　Santi。　　Erica　turned　to　begin　her　new　chapter　of　life　heavily　handicapped　in　the　race　for　once　more　that　deadly　faintness　crept　over　her；　a　numbing；　stifling　pressure；　as　if　Pain　in　physical　form　had　seized　her　heart　in　his　cold　clasp。　　But　with　all　her　strength　she　fought　against　it；　forcing　herself　to　count　the　hateful　little　bits　of　paper；　and　thankful　that　her　father　was　too　much　taken　up　with　the　arrangement　of　his　purse　to　notice　her。

〃I　am　glad　we　happened　to　meet　Brian；〃　he　remarked；　〃he　goes　by　an　earlier　train　that　I　thought。　　Now；　little　son　Eric；　where　shall　we　go？　　We'll　have　a　day　of　unmitigated　pleasure　and　throw　care　to　the　winds。　　I'll　even　forswear　Vieusseux；　there　won't　be　much　news　today。〃

〃Let　us　take　the　Pitti　Palace　first；〃　said　Erica；　knowing　that　the　fresh　air　and　the　walk　would　be　the　only　chance　for　her。

She　walked　very　quickly　with　the　feeling　that；　if　she　were　still　for　a　single　moment；　she　should　fall　down。　　And；　luckily；　Raeburn　thought　her　paleness　accounted　for　by　yesterday's　headache　and　the　wakeful　night；　and　never　suspected　the　true　state　of　the　case。　　On　they　went；　past　fascinating　marble　shops　and　jewelers'　windows　filled　with　Florentine　mosaics；　across　the　Ponte　Vecchio；　down　a　shady　street；　and　into　the　rough…hewn；　grim…looking　palace。　　It　was　to　Erica　like　a　dream　of　pain；　the　surroundings　were　so　lovely；　the　sunshine　so　perfect；　and　her　own　heart　so　sore。；

But　within　that　old　palace　she　found　the　true　cure　for　sore　hearts。　　She　remembered　having　looked　with　Brian　at　an　〃Ecce　Home；〃　by　Carlo　Dolci　and　thought　she　would　like　to　see　it　again。　　It　was　not　a　picture　her　father　would　have　cared　for；　and　she　left　him　looking　at　Raphael's　〃Three　Ages　of　Man；〃　and　went　by　herself　into　the　little　room　which　is　called　the　〃Hall　of　Ulysses。〃　　The　picture　was　a　small　one　and　had　what　are　considered　the　usual　faults　of　the　painter；　but　it　was　the　first　〃Ecce　Homo〃　that　Erica　had　ever　cared　for；　and；　whatever　the　shortcomings　of　the　execution；　the　ideal　was　a　most　beautiful　one。　　The　traces　of　physical　pain　were　not　brought　into　undue　prominence；　appearing　not　at　all　in　the　face；　which　was　full　of　unutterable　calm　and　dignity。　　The　deep；　brown　eyes　had　the　strange　power　which　belongs　to　some　pictures；　they　followed　you　all　over　the　room　there　was　no　escaping　them。　　They　were　hauntingly　sad　eyes；　eyes　in　which　there　lurked　grief　unspeakable；　not　the　grief　which　attends　bodily　pain；　but　the　grief　which　grieves　for　others　the　grief　which　grieves　for　humanity；　for　its　thousand　ills　and　ignorances；　its　doubts　and　denials；　its　sins　and　sufferings。　　There　was　no　bitterness　in　it；　no　restlessness；　no　questioning。　　It　was　the　grief　of　a　noble　strong　man　whose　heart　is　torn　by　the　thought　of　the　sin　and　misery　of　his　brothers；　but　who　knows　that　the　Father　can；　and　will；　turn　the　evil　into　the　means　of　glorious　gain。

As　Erica　loo