we two-第53章

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And　before　Erica　could　make　any　reply　Mrs。　Craigie　and　the　two　visitors　had　adjourned　to　the　committee　room；　leaving　her　alone　with　Tom。

Now；　for　two　or　three　days　Erica　had　been　enduring　Tom's　coldness　and　Mrs。　Craigie's　unceasing　remonstrances；　all　the　afternoon　she　had　been　having　a　long　and　painful　discussion　with　her　friend；　Mrs。　MacNaughton；　this　evening　she　had　seen　plainly　enough　what　her　position　would　be　for　the　future　among　all　her　old　acquaintances；　and　an　aching　sense　of　isolation　filled　her　heart。　　She　was　just　going　to　run　upstairs　and　yield　to　her　longing　for　darkness　and　quiet；　when　Tom　called　her　back。　　She　could　not　refuse　to　hear；　for　the　coldness　of　her　old　playmate　had　made　her　very　sad；　but　she　turned　back　rather　reluctantly；　for　her　eyes　were　brimming　with　tears。

〃Don't　go；〃　said　Tom；　quite　in　his　natural　voice。　　〃Have　you　any　coffee　for　me；　or　did　the　old　fogies　finish　it？〃

Erica　went　back　to　the　table　and　poured　him　out　a　cup　of　coffee；　but　her　hand　trembled；　and；　before　she　could　prevent　it；　down　splashed　a　great　tear　into　the　saucer。

〃Come！〃　said　Tom；　cheerfully。　　〃Don't　go　and　spoil　my　coffee　with　salt　water！　　All　very　well　for　David；　in　a　penitential　psalm；　to　drink　tears；　but　in　the　nineteenth　century；　you　know〃

Erica　began　to　laugh　at　this；　a　fatal　proceeding；　for　afterward　came　a　great　sob；　and　the　tears　came　down　in　good　earnest。　　Philosophical　Tom　always　professed　great　contempt　for　tears；　and　he　knew　that　Erica　must　be　very　much　moved　indeed　to　cry　in　his　presence；　or；　indeed；　to　cry　at　all；　for；　as　he　expressed　it：　〃It　was　not　in　her　line。〃　　But　somehow；　when　for　the　first　time　he　saw　her　cry；　he　did　not　feel　contemptuous；　instead；　he　began　to　call　himself　a　〃hard…hearted　brute；〃　and　a　narrow…minded　fool；　and　to　feel　miserable　and　out　of　conceit　with　himself。

〃I　say；　Erica；　don't　cry；〃　he　pleaded。　　〃Don't；　I　say；　I　can't　bear　to　see　you。　　I've　been　a　cold…blooded　wretch　I'm　awfully　sorry！〃

〃It's　very　cowardly　of　me；〃　sobbed　Erica。　　〃Butbut〃with　a　rush　of　tears；　〃you　don't　know　how　I　love　you　all　it's　like　being　killed　by　inches。〃

〃You're　not　cowardly；〃　said　Tom；　warmly。　　〃You've　been　brave　and　plucky；　I　only　wish　it　were　in　a　better　cause。　　Look　here；　Erica；　only　stop　crying；　and　promise　me　that　you'll　not　take　this　so　dreadfully　to　heart。　　I'll　stand　by　you　I　will；　indeed；　even　though　I　hate　your　cause。　　But　it　sha'n't　come　between　us　any　longer；　the　hateful　delusion　has　spoiled　enough　lives　already。　　It　sha'n't　spoil　ours。〃

〃Oh；　don't！〃　cried　Erica；　wounded　anew　by　this。

〃Well；〃　said　Tom；　gulping　down　his　longing　to　inveigh　against　Christianity；　〃it　goes　hard　with　me　not　to　say　a　word　against　the　religion　that　has　brought　us　all　our　misery；　but　for　your　sake　I'll　try　not　when　talking　with　you。　　Now　let　us　begin　again　on　the　old　footing。〃

〃Not　quite　on　the　old　　footing　either；〃　said　Erica；　who　had　conquered　her　tears。　　〃I　love　you　a　thousand　times　more；　you　dear　old　Tom。〃

And　Tom；　who　was　made　of　sterling　stuff；　did　from　that　day　forward　stand　by　her　through　everything；　and　checked　himself　when　harsh　words　about　religious　matters　rose　to　his　lips；　and　tried　his　best　to　smooth　what　could　not　fail　to　be　a　rough　bit　of　walking。

The　first　meeting　between　Charles　Osmond　and　Erica；　after　her　return　from　Codrington；　did　not　come　about　till　the　morning　after　her　conversation　with　Tom。　　They　had　each　called　on　the　other；　but　had　somehow　managed　to　miss。　　When　at　length　Erica　was　shown　into　the　study；　connected　in　her　mind　with　so　many　warm　discussions；　she　found　it　empty。　　She　sat　down　in　the　great　arm　chair　by　the　window；　wondering　if　she　were　indeed　the　same　Erica　who　had　sat　there　years　before；　on　the　day　when　her　〃prophet〃　had　foretold　her　illness。　　What　changes　had　come　about　since　then！

But　her　〃Prophet〃　was　unchanged；　his　brisk；　〃Well　Erica！〃　was　exactly　what　it　had　been　when　she　had　come　to　him　in　the　days　of　her　atheism。　　It　had　always　been　full　of　welcome　and　sympathy；　and　now　the　only　difference　was　that　a　great　happiness　shone　in　his　eyes　as　he　came　forward　with　his　soft；　steady　tread　and　took　her　hand　in　both　his。

They　sat　silent　for　awhile；　then　talked　a　little　but　reservedly；　for　both　felt　that　the　subject　which　filled　their　thoughts　was　at　once　too　sacred　and　too　personal　to　be　altogether　put　into　words。　　Then　by　and　by　they　began　to　discuss　the　practical　consequences　of　the　change；　and　especially　the　great　difficulty　as　to　Erica's　means　of　supporting　herself。

〃Could　you　not　try　teaching？〃　said　Charles　Osmond。

〃The　market　is　already　overstocked。〃

〃True；　but　I　should　think　that　your　brains　and　certificates　ought　to　secure　you　work　in　spite　of　that。〃

〃I　should　like　it　in　many　ways；〃　said　Erica；　〃but；　you　see；　except　at　the　night　school　it　is　out　of　the　question；　and　I　could　not　live　upon　my　grant　even　if　every　one　of　my　class　passed　the　examination。　　For　any　other　sort　of　teaching　who　do　you　imagine　would　have　the　courage　to　employ　any　one　bearing　the　name　of　Raeburn？　　Why；　I　can't　give　an　order　in　a　shop　without　being　looked　all　over　by　the　person　who　takes　the　address。　　No；　governessing　would　be　all　very　well　if　one　might　assume　a　nom　de　guerre；　but　that　would　not　do；　you　see。〃

〃You　couldn't　find　work　of　that　sort　among　your　own　set；　I　suppose？〃

〃Not　now；〃　said　Erica。　　〃You　see；　naturally　enough；　I　am　very　much　out　of　favor　with　them　all。〃

〃Falling　between　two　stools；〃　said　Charles　Osmond；　half　to　himself。　　〃But　don't　lose　heart；　Erica：　　'A　stone　that　is　fit　for　the　wall　will　not　be　left　in　the　way；'　there　is　work　for　you　somewhere。　　By　the　way；　I　might　see　old　Crutchley　he　knows　all　the　literary　folk；　and　might　get　you　an　introduction　to　some　one；　at　any　rate。〃

Just　as　Erica　was　leaving　Brian　came　in　from　his　rounds；　　and　they　met　at　the　door。　　Had　he　known　her　trouble　and　perplexity　as　to　work；　no　power　on　earth　could　have　induced　him　to　keep　silence　any　longer；　but　he　knew　nothing。　　She　looked　a　little　pale；　but　that　was　natural　enough；　and　in　her　eyes　he　could　see　a　peace　which　he　had　never　seen　there　before。　　Then　deep　unselfish　happiness　filled　his　heart　again；　and　Erica　recognized　in　his　greeting　a　great　deal　more　than　an　ordinary　by…stander　would　have　seen。　　She　went　away　feeling　bettered　by　that　handclasp。

〃That　is　a　downright　good　man！〃　she　thought　to　herself。　　〃Perhaps　by　the　time　he's　fifty…five；　he'll　be　almost　equal　to　his　father。〃


CHAPTER　XXII。　An　Editor

Socrates　　　How　singular　is　the　thing　called　pleasure；　and　how　curiously　related　to　pain；　which　might　be　thought　to　be　the　opposite；　for　they　never　come　to　a　man　together；　and　yet　he　who　pursues　either　of　them　is　generally　compelled　to　take　the　other。　　They　are　two；　and　yet　they　grow　together　out　of　one　head　or　stem；　and　I　can　not　help　thinking　that；　if　Aesop　had　noticed　them；　he　would　have　made　a　fable　about　God　trying　to　reconcile　their　strife；　and　when　he　could　not；　he　fastened　their　heads　together；　and　this　is　the　reason　why　when　one　comes　the　other　follows。　　Plato

That　Erica　should　live　any　longer　upon　the　money　which　her　father　chiefly　made　by　the　dissemination　of　views　with　which　she　disagreed　was　clearly　impossible；　at　least　impossible　to　one　of　her　sincere　and　thorough　nature。　　But　to　find　work　was　very　difficult；　indeed。　After　an　anxious　waiting　and　searching；　she　was　one　day　surprised　by　receiving　through　Charles　Osmond's　friend；　Mr。　Crutchley；　an　introduction　to　the　editor　of　a　well…known　and　widely　read　paper。　　Every　one　congratulated　her；　but　she　could　not　feel　very　hopeful；　it　seemed　too　good　to　prove　true　it　was；　in　fact；　so　exactly　the　position　which　she　would　herself　have　chosen　that　it　seemed　unlikely　it　should　ever　really　be　hers。　　Still　of　course　she　hoped；　and　arrangements　were　made　for　an　interview　with　Mr。　Bircham；　editor　and　part　proprietor　of　the　〃Daily　Review。〃

Accordingly；　one　hot　summer　morning　Erica　dressed　herself　carefully；　tried　to　look　old　and　serious；　and　set　off　with　Tom　to　the　city。

〃I'll　see　you　safe　to　the　door　of　the　lion's　den；〃　said　Tom　as　they　made　their　way　along　the　crowded　streets。　　〃I　only　wish　I　could　be　under　the　table　during　the　interview；　I　should　like　to　see　you　doing　the　dignified　jour