we two-第47章
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It all looked wonderfully unchanged as she walked from the station that summer afternoon with her father。 The square； gray tower of St。 Oswald's Church； the little； winding； irregular streets； the very shop windows seemed quite unaltered； while at every turn familiar faces came into sight。 The shrewd old sailor with the telescope； the prim old lady at the bookseller's； who had pronounced the 〃Imitation of Christ〃 to be quite out of fashion； the sturdy milkman； with white smock…frock； and bright pails fastened to a wooden yoke； and the coast…guardsman； who was always whistling 〃Tom Bowling。〃
The sea was as calm as a mill pond； Raeburn suggested an hour or two on the water and Erica； who was fond of boating； gladly assented。 She had made up her ind not to speak to her father that evening； he had a very hard day's work before him on the Sunday； they must have these few hours in peace。 She did not in the least dread any subject coming up which might put her into difficulty； for； on the rare days when her father allowed himself any recreation； he entirely banished all controversial topics from his mind。 He asked no single question relating to the work or to business of any kind； but gave himself up to the enjoyment of a much…needed rest and relaxation。 He seemed in excellent spirits； and Erica herself would have been rapturously happy if she had not been haunted by the thought of the pain that awaited him。 She knew that this was the last evening she and her father should ever spend together in the old perfect confidence； division the most painful of all divisions lay before them。
The next day she was left to herself。 She would not go to the old gray…towered church； though as an atheist she had gone to one or two churches to look and listen； she felt that she could not honorably go as a worshiper till she had spoken to her father。 So she wandered about on the shore； and in the restful quiet learned more and grew stronger； and conquered the dread of the morrow。 She did not see her father again that day for he could not get back from Helmstone till a late train； and she had promised not to sit up for him。
The morning of her twenty…third birthday was bright and sunshiny； she had slept well； but awoke with the oppressive consciousness that a terrible hard duty lay before her。 When she came down there was a serious look in her eyes which did not escape Raeburn's keen observation。 He was down before her； and had been out already； for he had managed somehow to procure a lovely handful of red and white roses and mignonette。
〃All good wishes for your birthday； and 'sweets to the sweet' as some one remarked on a more funereal occasion；〃 he said； stooping to kiss her。 〃Dear little son Eric； it is very jolly to have you to myself for once。 No disrespect to Aunt Jean and old Tom； but two is company。〃 〃What lovely flowers！〃 exclaimed Erica。！ 〃How good of you！ Where did they come from？〃
〃I made love to old Nicolls； the florist； to let me gather these myself； he was very anxious to make a gorgeous arrangement done up in white paper with a lace edge； and thought me a fearful Goth for preferring this disorderly bunch。〃
They sat down to breakfast； afterward the morning papers came in； and Raeburn disappeared behind the 〃Daily Review；〃 while the servant cleared the table。 Erica stood by the open French window； she knew that in a few minutes she must speak； and how to get what she had to say into words she did not know。 Her heart beat so fast that she felt almost choked。 In a sort of dream of pain she watched the passers…by happy looking girls going down to bathe； children with spades and pails。 Everything seemed so tranquil； so ordinary while before her lay a duty which must change her whole world。
〃Not much news；〃 said Raeburn； coming toward her as the servant left the room。 〃For dullness commend me to a Monday paper！ Well； Eric； how are we to spend your twenty…third birthday？ To think that I have actually a child of twenty…three！ Why； I ought to feel an old patriarch； and； in spite of white hair and life…long badgering； I don't； you know。 Come； what shall we do。 Where would you like to go？〃
〃Father；〃 said Erica； 〃I want first to have a talk with you。 II have something to tell you。〃
There was no longer any mistaking that the seriousness meant some kind of trouble。 Raeburn put his arm round her。
〃Why； my little girl；〃 he said； tenderly。 〃You are trembling all over。 What is the matter？〃
〃The matter is that what I have to say will pain you； and it half kills me to do that。 But there is no choice tell you I must。 You would not wish me not to be true； not to be honest。〃
Utter perplexity filled Raeburn's mind。 What phantom trouble was threatening him？ Had she been commissioned to tell him of some untoward event？ Some business calamity？ Had she fallen in love with some one he could not permit her to marry？ He looked questioningly at her； but her expression only perplexed him still more； she was trembling no longer； and her eyes were clear and bright； there was a strong look about her whole face。
〃Father；〃 she said； quietly； 〃I have learned to believe in Jesus Christ。〃
He wrenched away his arm； he started back from her as if she had stabbed him。 For a minute he looked perfectly dazed。
At last； after a silence which seemed to each of them age…long； he spoke in the agitated voice of one who has just received a great blow。
〃Do you know what you are saying； Erica？ Do you know what such a confession as you have made will involve？ Do you mean that you accept the whole of Christ's teaching？
〃Yes；〃 she replied； firmly； 〃I do。〃
〃You intend to turn Christian？〃
〃Yes； to try to。〃
〃How long have you and Mr。 Osmond been concocting this？〃
〃I don't know what you mean；〃 said Erica； terribly wounded by his tone。
〃Did he send you down here to tell me？〃
〃Mr。 Osmond knows nothing about it；〃 said Erica。 〃How could I tell any one before you； father？〃
Raeburn was touched by this。 He took several turns up and down the room before speaking again； but the more he grasped the idea the deeper grew his grief and the hotter his anger。 He was a man of iron will； however； and he kept both under。 When at length he did speak； his voice was quiet and cold and repressed。
〃Sit down；〃 he said； motioning her to a chair。 〃This is not a subject that we can dismiss in five minutes' talk。 I must hear your reasons。 We will put aside all personal considerations。 I will consider you just as an ordinary opponent。〃
His coldness chilled her to the heart。 Was it always to be like this？ How could she possibly endure it？ How was she to answer his questions how was she to vindicate her faith when the mere tone of his voice seemed to paralyze her heart？ He was indeed treating her with the cold formality of an opponent； but never for a single instant could she forget that he was her father the being she loved best in the whole world。
But Erica was brave and true； she knew that this was a crisis in their lives； and； thrusting down her own personal pain； she forced herself to give her whole heart and mind to the searching and perplexing questions with which her father intended to test the reality of her convictions。 Had she been unaccustomed to his mode of attack he would have hopelessly silenced her； as far as argument goes in half an hour； but not only was Erica's faith perfectly real； but she had； as it were； herself traversed the whole of his objections and difficulties。 Though far from imagining that she understood everything； she had yet so firmly grasped the innermost truth that all details as yet outside her vision were to her no longer hindrances and bugbears； but so many new possibilities other hopes of fresh manifestations of God。
She held her ground well； and every minute Raeburn realized more keenly that whatever hopes he had entertained of reconvincing her were futile。 What made it all the more painful to him was that the thoroughness of the training he had given her now only told against him； and the argument which he carried on in a cold； metallic voice was really piercing his very heart； for it was like arguing against another self； the dearest part of himself gone o
