the autobiography of a quack-第5章

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　I　went　to　the　house；　and　talked　to　Mr。　Poynter　about　his　gout。　Then　Mrs。　Poynter　came　in；　and　began　to　lament　her　niece's　declining　health。　After　that　I　saw　Miss　Poynter。　There　is　a　kind　of　innocent…looking　woman　who　knows　no　more　of　the　world　than　a　young　chicken；　and　is　choke…full　of　emotions。　I　saw　it　would　be　easy　to　frighten　her。　There　are　some　instruments　anybody　can　get　any　tune　they　like　out　of。　I　was　very　grave；　and　advised　her　to　see　the　professor。　And　would　I　write　to　ask　him；　said　Mr。　Poynter。　I　said　I　would。

As　I　went　out　Mr。　Poynter　remarked：　‘‘You　will　clear　some　four　hundred　easy。　Write　to　the　professor。　Bring　my　receipt　to　the　office　next　week；　and　we　will　settle。''

We　settled。　I　tore　up　his　receipt　and　gave　him　one　for　fifteen　hundred　dollars；　and　received　in　notes　five　hundred　dollars。

In　a　day　or　so　I　had　a　note　from　the　professor　stating　that　Miss　Poynter　was　in　no　peril；　that　she　was；　as　he　thought；　worried；　and　had　only　a　mild　bronchial　trouble。　He　advised　me　to　do　so…and…so；　and　had　ventured　to　reassure　my　young　patient。　Now；　this　was　a　little　more　than　I　wanted。　However；　I　wrote　Mr。　Poynter　that　the　professor　thought　she　had　bronchitis；　that　in　her　case　tubercle　would　be　very　apt　to　follow；　and　that　at　present；　and　until　she　was　safe；　we　considered　marriage　undesirable。

Mr。　Poynter　said　it　might　have　been　put　stronger；　but　he　would　make　it　do。　He　made　it。　The　first　effect　was　an　attack　of　hysterics。　The　final　result　was　that　she　eloped　with　her　lover；　because　if　she　was　to　die；　as　she　wrote　her　aunt；　she　wished　to　die　in　her　husband's　arms。　Human　nature　plus　hysteria　will　defy　all　knowledge　of　character。　This　was　what　our　old　professor　of　practice　used　to　say。

Mr。　Poynter　had　now　to　account　for　a　large　trust　estate　which　had　somehow　dwindled。　Unhappily；　princes　are　not　the　only　people　in　whom　you　must　not　put　your　trust。　As　to　myself；　Professor　L。　somehow　got　to　know　the　facts；　and　cut　me　dead。　It　was　　unpleasant；　but　I　had　my　five　hundred　dollars；　andI　needed　them。　I　do　not　see　how　I　could　have　been　more　careful。

After　this　things　got　worse。　Mr。　Poynter　broke；　and　did　not　even　pay　my　last　bill。　I　had　to　accept　several　rather　doubtful　cases；　and　once　a　policeman　I　knew　advised　me　that　I　had　better　be　on　my　guard。

But；　really；　so　long　as　I　adhered　to　the　common　code　of　my　profession　I　was　in　danger　of　going　without　my　dinner。

Just　as　I　was　at　my　worst　and　in　despair　something　always　turned　up；　but　it　was　sure　to　be　risky；　and　now　my　aunt　refused　to　see　me；　and　Peninnah　wrote　me　goody…goody　letters；　and　said　Aunt　Rachel　had　been　unable　to　find　certain　bank…notes　she　had　hidden；　and　vowed　I　had　taken　them。　This　Peninnah　did　not　think　possible。　I　agreed　with　her。　The　notes　were　found　somewhat　later　by　Peninnah　in　the　toes　of　a　pair　of　my　aunt's　old　slippers。　Of　course　I　wrote　an　indignant　letter。　My　aunt　declared　that　Peninnah　had　stolen　the　notes；　and　restored　them　when　they　were　missed。　Poor　Peninnah！　This　did　not　seem　to　me　very　likely；　but　Peninnah　did　love　fine　clothes。

One　night；　as　I　was　debating　with　myself　　as　to　how　I　was　to　improve　my　position；　I　heard　a　knock　on　my　shutter；　and；　going　to　the　door；　let　in　a　broad…shouldered　man　with　a　whisky　face　and　a　great　hooked　nose。　He　wore　a　heavy　black　beard　and　mustache；　and　looked　like　the　wolf　in　the　pictures　of　Red　Riding…hood　which　I　had　seen　as　a　child。

‘‘Your　name's　Sanderaft？''　said　the　man。

‘‘Yes；　that's　my　nameDr。　Sanderaft。''

As　he　sat　down　he　shook　the　snow　over　everything；　and　said　coolly：　‘‘Set　down；　doc；　I　want　to　talk　with　you。''

‘‘What　can　I　do　for　you？''　said　I。

The　man　looked　around　the　room　rather　scornfully；　at　the　same　time　throwing　back　his　coat　and　displaying　a　red　neckerchief　and　a　huge　garnet　pin。　‘‘Guess　you're　not　overly　rich；''　he　said。

‘‘Not　especially；''　said　I。　‘‘What's　that　your　business？''

He　did　not　answer；　but　merely　said；　‘‘Know　Simon　Stagers？''

‘‘Can't　say　I　do；''　said　I；　cautiously。　Simon　was　a　burglar　who　had　blown　off　two　fingers　when　mining　a　safe。　I　had　attended　him　while　he　was　hiding。

‘‘Can't　say　you　do。　Well；　you　can　lie；　and　no　mistake。　Come；　now；　doc。　Simon　says　　you're　safe；　and　I　want　to　have　a　leetle　plain　talk　with　you。''

With　this　he　laid　ten　gold　eagles　on　the　table。　I　put　out　my　hand　instinctively。

‘‘Let　'em　alone；''　cried　the　man；　sharply。　‘‘They're　easy　earned；　and　ten　more　like　'em。''

‘‘For　doing　what？''　I　said。

The　man　paused　a　moment；　and　looked　around　him；　next　he　stared　at　me；　and　loosened　his　cravat　with　a　hasty　pull。　‘‘You're　the　coroner；''　said　he。

‘‘I！　What　do　you　mean？''

‘‘Yes；　you're　the　coroner；　don't　you　understand？''　and　so　saying；　he　shoved　the　gold　pieces　toward　me。

‘‘Very　good；''　said　I；　‘‘we　will　suppose　I'm　the　coroner。　What　next？''

‘‘And　being　the　coroner；''　said　he；　‘‘you　get　this　note；　which　requests　you　to　call　at　No。　9　Blank　street　to　examine　the　body　of　a　young　man　which　is　supposedonly　supposed；　you　seeto　havewell；　to　have　died　under　suspicious　circumstances。''

‘‘Go　on；''　said　I。

‘‘No；''　he　returned；　‘‘not　till　I　know　how　you　like　it。　Stagers　and　another　knows　it；　and　it　wouldn't　be　very　safe　for　you　to　split；　besides　not　making　nothing　out　of　it。　But　　what　I　say　is　this；　Do　you　like　the　business　of　coroner？''

I　did　not　like　it；　but　just　then　two　hundred　in　gold　was　life　to　me；　so　I　said：　‘‘Let　me　hear　the　whole　of　it　first。　I　am　safe。''

‘‘That's　square　enough；''　said　the　man。　‘‘My　wife's　got''correcting　himself　with　a　shivery　shrug‘‘my　wife　had　a　brother　that　took　to　cutting　up　rough　because　when　I'd　been　up　too　late　I　handled　her　a　leetle　hard　now　and　again。

‘‘Luckily　he　fell　sick　with　typhoid　just　thenyou　see；　he　lived　with　us。　When　he　got　better　I　guessed　he'd　drop　all　that；　but　somehow　he　was　worse　than　everclean　off　his　head；　and　strong　as　an　ox。　My　wife　said　to　put　him　away　in　an　asylum。　I　didn't　think　that　would　do。　At　last　he　tried　to　get　out。　He　was　going　to　see　the　police　about　wellthe　thing　was　awful　serious；　and　my　wife　carrying　on　like　mad；　and　wanting　doctors。　I　had　no　mind　to　run；　and　something　had　got　to　be　done。　So　Simon　Stagers　and　I　talked　it　over。　The　end　of　it　was；　he　took　worse　of　a　sudden；　and　got　so　he　didn't　know　nothing。　Then　I　rushed　for　a　doctor。　He　said　it　was　a　perforation；　and　there　ought　to　have　been　a　doctor　when　he　was　first　took　sick。

‘‘Well；　the　man　died；　and　as　I　kept　about　the　house；　my　wife　had　no　chance　to　talk。　The　doctor　fussed　a　bit；　but　at　last　he　gave　a　certificate。　I　thought　we　were　done　with　it。　But　my　wife　she　writes　a　note　and　gives　it　to　a　boy　in　the　alley　to　put　in　the　post。　We　suspicioned　her；　and　Stagers　was　on　the　watch。　After　the　boy　got　away　a　bit；　Simon　bribed　him　with　a　quarter　to　give　him　the　note；　which　wasn't　no　less　than　a　request　to　the　coroner　to　come　to　the　house　to…morrow　and　make　an　examination；　as　foul　play　was　suspectedand　poison。''

When　the　man　quit　talking　he　glared　at　me。　I　sat　still。　I　was　cold　all　over。　I　was　afraid　to　go　on；　and　afraid　to　go　back；　besides　which；　I　did　not　doubt　that　there　was　a　good　deal　of　money　in　the　case。

‘‘Of　course；''　said　I；　‘‘it's　nonsense；　only　I　suppose　you　don't　want　the　officers　about；　and　a　fuss；　and　that　sort　of　thing。''

‘‘Exactly；''　said　my　friend。　‘‘It's　all　bosh　about　poison。　You're　the　coroner。　You　take　this　note　and　come　to　my　house。　Says　you：　‘Mrs。　File；　are　you　the　woman　that　wrote　this　note？　Because　in　that　case　I　must　examine　the　body。'　''

‘‘I　see；''　said　I；　‘‘she　needn't　know　who　I　　am；　or　anything　else；　but　if　I　tell　her　it's　all　right；　do　you　think　she　won't　want　to　know　why　there　isn't　a　jury；　and　so　on？''

‘‘Bless　you；''　said　the　man；　‘‘the　girl　isn't　over　seventeen；　and　doesn't　know　no　more　than　a　baby。　As　we　live　up…town　miles　away；　she　won't　know　anything　about　you。''

‘‘I'll　do　it；''　said　I；　suddenly；　for；　as　I　saw；　it　involved　no　sort　of　risk；　‘‘but　I　must　have　three　hundred　dollars。''

‘‘And　fifty；''　added　the　wolf；　‘‘if　you　do　it　well。''

Then　I　knew　it　was　serious。

With　this　the　man　buttoned　about　him　a　shaggy　gray　overcoat；　and　took　his　leave　without　a　single　word　in　addition。

A　minute　later　he　came　back　and　said：　‘‘Stagers　is　in　thi