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第11章

the autobiography of a quack-第11章

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This I gave him。 He continued: ‘‘Was it Susan or Ellen?''

‘‘No; no!''

‘‘Was it'' He paused。 ‘‘If I ask a question mentally; will the spirits reply?'' I knew what he meant。 He wanted to ask if it was his son; but did not wish to speak openly。

‘‘Ask;'' said I。

‘‘I have;'' he returned。

I hesitated。 It was rarely my policy to commit myself definitely; yet here I fancied; from the facts of the case and his own terrible anxiety; that he suspected; or more than  suspected; his son as the guilty person。 I became sure of this as I studied his face。 At all events; it would be easy to deny or explain in case of trouble; and; after all; what slander was there in two knocks? I struck twice as usual。

Instantly the old gentleman rose up; very white; but quite firm。 ‘‘There;'' he said; and cast a bank…note on the table; ‘‘I thank you;'' and bending his head on his breast; walked; as I thought; with great effort out of the room。

On the following morning; as I made my first appearance in my outer room; which contained at least a dozen persons awaiting advice; who should I see standing by the window but the old gentleman with sandy…gray hair? Along with him was a stout young man with a head as red as mine; and mustache and whiskers to match。 Probably the son; I thoughtardent temperament; remorse; come to confess; etc。 I was never more mistaken in my life。 I was about to go regularly through my patients when the old gentleman began to speak。

‘‘I called; doctor;'' said he; ‘‘to explain the little matter about which Iabout which I''

‘‘Troubled your spirits yesterday;'' added the youth; jocosely; pulling his mustache。

‘‘Beg pardon;'' I returned; ‘‘had we not better talk this over in private? Come into my office;'' I added; touching the younger man on the arm。

Would you believe it? he took out his handkerchief and dusted the place I had touched。 ‘‘Better not;'' said he。 ‘‘Go on; father; let us get done with this den。''

‘‘Gentlemen;'' said the elder person; addressing the patients; ‘‘I called here yesterday; like a fool; to ask who had stolen from me a sum of money which I believed I left in my room on going out in the morning。 This doctor here and his spirits contrived to make me suspect my only son。 Well; I charged him at once with the crime as soon as I got back home; and what do you think he did? He said; ‘Father; let us go up…stairs and look for it;' and''

Here the young man broke in with: ‘‘Come; father; don't worry yourself for nothing''; and then turning; added: ‘‘To cut the thing short; he found the notes under his candle… stick; where he left them on going to bed。 This is all of it。 We came here to stop this fellow'' (by which he meant me) ‘‘from carrying a slander further。 I advise you; good people; to profit by the matter; and to look up  a more honest doctor; if doctoring be what you want。''

As soon as he had ended; I remarked solemnly: ‘‘The words of the spirits are not my words。 Who shall hold them accountable?''

‘‘Nonsense;'' said the young man。 ‘‘Come; father''; and they left the room。

Now was the time to retrieve my character。 ‘‘Gentlemen;'' said I; ‘‘you have heard this very singular account。 Trusting the spirits utterly and entirely as I do; it occurs to me that there is no reason why they may not; after all; have been right in their suspicions of this young person。 Who can say that; overcome by remorse; he may not have seized the time of his father's absence to replace the money?''

To my amazement; up gets a little old man from the corner。 ‘‘Well; you are a low cuss!'' said he; and taking up a basket beside him; hobbled hastily out of the room。 You may be sure I said some pretty sharp things to him; for I was out of humor to begin with; and it is one thing to be insulted by a stout young man; and quite another to be abused by a wretched old cripple。 However; he went away; and I supposed; for my part; that I was done with the whole business。

An hour later; however; I heard a rough knock at my door; and opening it hastily; saw my red…headed young man with the cripple。

‘‘Now;'' said the former; taking me by the collar; and pulling me into the room among my patients; ‘‘I want to know; my man; if this doctor said that it was likely I was the thief after all?''

‘‘That's what he said;'' replied the cripple; ‘‘just about that; sir。''

I do not desire to dwell on the after conduct of this hot…headed young man。 It was the more disgraceful as I offered but little resistance; and endured a beating such as I would have hesitated to inflict upon a dog。 Nor was this all。 He warned me that if I dared to remain in the city after a week he would shoot me。 In the East I should have thought but little of such a threat; but here it was only too likely to be practically carried out。 Accordingly; with my usual decision of character; but with much grief and reluctance; I collected my whole fortune; which now amounted to at least seven thousand dollars; and turned my back upon this ungrateful town。 I am sorry to say that I also left behind me the last of my good luck。

I traveled in a leisurely way until I reached Boston。 The country anywhere would have been safer; but I do not lean to agricultural pursuits。 It seemed an agreeable city; and I decided to remain。

I took good rooms at Parker's; and concluding to enjoy life; amused myself in the company of certain; I may say uncertain; young women who danced at some of the theaters。 I played billiards; drank rather too much; drove fast horses; and at the end of a delightful year was shocked to find myself in debt; and with only seven dollars and fifty…three cents leftI like to be accurate。 I had only one resource: I determined to visit my deaf aunt and Peninnah; and to see what I could do in the role of the prodigal nephew。 At all events; I should gain time to think of what new enterprise I could take up; but; above all; I needed a little capital and a house over my head。 I had pawned nearly everything of any value which I possessed。

I left my debts to gather interest; and went away to Woodbury。 It was the day before Christmas when I reached the little Jersey town; and it was also by good luck Sunday。   I was hungry and quite penniless。 I wandered about until church had begun; because I was sure then to find Aunt Rachel and  Peninnah out at the service; and I desired to explore a little。 The house was closed; and even the one servant absent。 I got in with ease at the back through the kitchen; and having at least an hour and a half free from interruption; I made a leisurely search。 The role of prodigal was well enough; but here was a better chance and an indulgent opportunity。

In a few moments I found the famous Bible hid away under Aunt Rachel's mattress。 The Bible bank was fat with notes; but I intended to be moderate enough to escape suspicion。 Here were quite two thousand dollars。 I resolved to take; just now; only one hundred; so as to keep a good balance。 Then; alas! I lit on a long envelop; my aunt's will。 Every cent was left to Christ Church; not a dime to poor Pen or to me。 I was in a rage。 I tore up the will and replaced the envelop。 To treat poor Pen that wayPen of all people! There was a heap more will than testament; for all it was in the Bible。 After that I thought it was right to punish the old witch; and so I took every note I could find。 When I was through with this business; I put back the Bible under the mattress; and observing that I had been quite too long; I went down… stairs with a keen desire to leave the town as early as possible。 I was tempted; however; to look further; and was rewarded by finding in an old clock case a small reticule stuffed with bank…notes。 This I appropriated; and made haste to go out。 I was too late。 As I went into the little entry to get my hat and coat; Aunt Rachel entered; followed by Peninnah。

At sight of me my aunt cried out that I was a monster and fit for the penitentiary。 As she could not hear at all; she had the talk to herself; and went by me and up…stairs; rumbling abuse like distant thunder overhead。

Meanwhile I was taken up with Pen。 The pretty fool was seated on a chair; all dressed up in her Sunday finery; and rocking backward and forward; crying; ‘‘Oh; oh; ah!'' like a lamb sa

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