desperate remedies-第63章
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whether Miss Aldclyffe were schemer or dupe was almost passed over
by Cytherea； under the immediate oppressiveness of her despair in
the sense that her position was irretrievable。
Not so Springrove。 He saw through all the cunning half…
misrepresentationsworse than downright lieswhich had just been
sufficient to turn the scale both with him and with her； and from
the bottom of his soul he cursed the woman and man who had brought
all this agony upon him and his Love。 But he could not add more
misery to the future of the poor child by revealing too much。 The
whole scheme she should never know。
'I was indifferent to my own future；' Edward said； 'and was urged to
promise adherence to my engagement with my cousin Adelaide by Miss
Aldclyffe： now you are married I cannot tell you how； but it was on
account of my father。 Being forbidden to think of you； what did I
care about anything？ My new thought that you still loved me was
first raised by what my father said in the letter announcing my
cousin's marriage。 He said that although you were to be married on
Old Christmas Daythat is to…morrowhe had noticed your appearance
with pity： he thought you loved me still。 It was enough for meI
came down by the earliest morning train； thinking I could see you
some time to…day； the day； as I thought； before your marriage；
hoping； but hardly daring to hope； that you might be induced to
marry me。 I hurried from the station； when I reached the village I
saw idlers about the church； and the private gate leading to the
House open。 I ran into the church by the small door and saw you
come out of the vestry； I was too late。 I have now told you。 I was
compelled to tell you。 O； my lost darling； now I shall live
contentor die content！'
'I am to blame； Edward； I am；' she said mournfully； 'I was taught to
dread pauperism； my nights were made sleepless； there was
continually reiterated in my ears till I believed it
'〃The world and its ways have a certain worth；
And to press a point where these oppose
Were a simple policy。〃
But I will say nothing about who influencedwho persuaded。 The act
is mine； after all。 Edward； I married to escape dependence for my
bread upon the whim of Miss Aldclyffe； or others like her。 It was
clearly represented to me that dependence is bearable if we have
another place which we can call home； but to be a dependent and to
have no other spot for the heart to anchor uponO； it is mournful
and harassing！。 。 。 But that without which all persuasion would
have been as air； was added by my miserable conviction that you were
false； that did it； that turned me！ You were to be considered as
nobody to me； and Mr。 Manston was invariably kind。 Well； the deed
is doneI must abide by it。 I shall never let him know that I do
not love himnever。 If things had only remained as they seemed to
be； if you had really forgotten me and married another woman； I
could have borne it better。 I wish I did not know the truth as I
know it now！ But our life； what is it？ Let us be brave； Edward；
and live out our few remaining years with dignity。 They will not be
long。 O； I hope they will not be long！。 。 。 Now； good…bye； good…
bye！'
'I wish I could be near and touch you once； just once；' said
Springrove； in a voice which he vainly endeavoured to keep firm and
clear。
They looked at the river； then into it； a shoal of minnows was
floating over the sandy bottom； like the black dashes on miniver；
though narrow； the stream was deep； and there was no bridge。
'Cytherea； reach out your hand that I may just touch it with mine。'
She stepped to the brink and stretched out her hand and fingers
towards his； but not into them。 The river was too wide。
'Never mind；' said Cytherea； her voice broken by agitation； 'I must
be going。 God bless and keep you； my Edward！ God bless you！'
'I must touch you； I must press your hand；' he said。
They came nearnearernearer stilltheir fingers met。 There was
a long firm clasp； so close and still that each hand could feel the
other's pulse throbbing beside its own。
'My Cytherea！ my stolen pet lamb！'
She glanced a mute farewell from her large perturbed eyes； turned；
and ran up the garden without looking back。 All was over between
them。 The river flowed on as quietly and obtusely as ever； and the
minnows gathered again in their favourite spot as if they had never
been disturbed。
Nobody indoors guessed from her countenance and bearing that her
heart was near to breaking with the intensity of the misery which
gnawed there。 At these times a woman does not faint； or weep； or
scream； as she will in the moment of sudden shocks。 When lanced by
a mental agony of such refined and special torture that it is
indescribable by men's words； she moves among her acquaintances much
as before； and contrives so to cast her actions in the old moulds
that she is only considered to be rather duller than usual。
5。 HALF…PAST TWO TO FIVE O'CLOCK P。M。
Owen accompanied the newly…married couple to the railway…station；
and in his anxiety to see the last of his sister； left the brougham
and stood upon his crutches whilst the train was starting。
When the husband and wife were about to enter the railway…carriage
they saw one of the porters looking frequently and furtively at
them。 He was pale； and apparently very ill。
'Look at that poor sick man；' said Cytherea compassionately； 'surely
he ought not to be here。'
'He's been very queer to…day； madam； very queer；' another porter
answered。 'He do hardly hear when he's spoken to； and d' seem
giddy； or as if something was on his mind。 He's been like it for
this month past； but nothing so bad as he is to…day。'
'Poor thing。'
She could not resist an innate desire to do some just thing on this
most deceitful and wretched day of her life。 Going up to him she
gave him money； and told him to send to the old manor…house for wine
or whatever he wanted。
The train moved off as the trembling man was murmuring his
incoherent thanks。 Owen waved his hand； Cytherea smiled back to him
as if it were unknown to her that she wept all the while。
Owen was driven back to the Old House。 But he could not rest in the
lonely place。 His conscience began to reproach him for having
forced on the marriage of his sister with a little too much
peremptoriness。 Taking up his crutches he went out of doors and
wandered about the muddy roads with no object in view save that of
getting rid of time。
The clouds which had hung so low and densely during the day cleared
from the west just now as the sun was setting； calling forth a
weakly twitter from a few small birds。 Owen crawled down the path
to the waterfall； and lingered thereabout till the solitude of the
place oppressed him； when he turned back and into the road to the
village。 He was sad； he said to himself
'If there is ever any meaning in those heavy feelings which are
called presentimentsand I don't believe there isthere will be in
mine to…day。 。 。 。 Poor little Cytherea！'
At that moment the last low rays of the sun touched the head and
shoulders of a man who was approaching； and showed him up to Owen's
view。 It was old Mr。 Springrove。 They had grown familiar with
each other by reason of Owen's visits to Knapwater during the past
year。 The farmer inquired how Owen's foot was progressing； and was
glad to see him so nimble again。
'How is your son？' said Owen mechanically。
'He is at home； sitting by the fire；' said the farmer； in a sad
voice。 'This morning he slipped indoors from God knows where； and
there he sits and mopes； and thinks； and thinks； and presses his
head so hard； that I can't help feeling for him。'
'Is he married？' said Owen。 Cytherea had feared to tell him of the
interview in the garden。
'No。 I can't quite understand how the matter rests。 。 。 。 Ah！
Edward； too； who started with such promise； that he should now have
become such a careless fellownot a month in one place。 There； Mr。
Graye； I know what it is mainly owing to。 If it hadn't been for
that heart affair； he might have donebut the less said about him
the better。 I don't know what we should have done i
