desperate remedies-第57章

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encircling　the　doorway；　and　before　going　in　Cytherea　paused　to
admire　this　pleasing　feature　of　the　exterior。　　Hearing　a　step　on　the
gravel　behind　the　corner　of　the　house；　she　resigned　the　jasmine　and
entered。　　Nobody　was　in　the　room。　　She　could　hear　Mrs。　Leat；　the
widow　who　acted　as　postmistress；　walking　about　over　her　head。
Cytherea　was　going　to　the　foot　of　the　stairs　to　call　Mrs。　Leat；　but
before　she　had　accomplished　her　object；　another　form　stood　at　the
half…open　door。　　Manston　came　in。

'Both　on　the　same　errand；'　he　said　gracefully。

'I　will　call　her；'　said　Cytherea；　moving　in　haste　to　the　foot　of　the
stairs。

'One　moment。'　　He　glided　to　her　side。　　'Don't　call　her　for　a
moment；'　he　repeated。

But　she　had　said；　'Mrs。　Leat！'

He　seized　Cytherea's　hand；　kissed　it　tenderly；　and　carefully
replaced　it　by　her　side。

She　had　that　morning　determined　to　check　his　further　advances；　until
she　had　thoroughly　considered　her　position。　　The　remonstrance　was
now　on　her　tongue；　but　as　accident　would　have　it；　before　the　word
could　be　spoken　Mrs。　Leat　was　stepping　from　the　last　stair　to　the
floor；　and　no　remonstrance　came。

With　the　subtlety　which　characterized　him　in　all　his　dealings　with
her；　he　quickly　concluded　his　own　errand；　bade　her　a　good…bye；　in
the　tones　of　which　love　was　so　garnished　with　pure　politeness　that
it　only　showed　its　presence　to　herself；　and　left　the　houseputting
it　out　of　her　power　to　refuse　him　her　companionship　homeward；　or　to
object　to　his　late　action　of　kissing　her　hand。

The　Friday　of　the　next　week　brought　another　letter　from　her　brother。
In　this　he　informed　her　that；　in　absolute　grief　lest　he　should
distress　her　unnecessarily；　he　had　some　time　earlier　borrowed　a　few
pounds。　　A　week　ago；　he　said；　his　creditor　became　importunate；　but
that　on　the　day　on　which　he　wrote；　the　creditor　had　told　him　there
was　no　hurry　for　a　settlement；　that　'his　SISTER'S　SUITOR　had
guaranteed　the　sum。'　　'Is　he　Mr。　Manston？　tell　me；　Cytherea；'　said
Owen。

He　also　mentioned　that　a　wheeled　chair　had　been　anonymously　hired
for　his　especial　use；　though　as　yet　he　was　hardly　far　enough
advanced　towards　convalescence　to　avail　himself　of　the　luxury。　　'Is
this　Mr。　Manston's　doing？'　he　inquired。

She　could　dally　with　her　perplexity；　evade　it；　trust　to　time　for
guidance；　no　longer。　　The　matter　had　come　to　a　crisis：　　she　must
once　and　for　all　choose　between　the　dictates　of　her　understanding
and　those　of　her　heart。　　She　longed；　till　her　soul　seemed　nigh　to
bursting；　for　her　lost　mother's　return　to　earth；　but　for　one　minute；
that　she　might　have　tender　counsel　to　guide　her　through　this；　her
great　difficulty。

As　for　her　heart；　she　half　fancied　that　it　was　not　Edward's　to　quite
the　extent　that　it　once　had　been；　she　thought　him　cruel　in
conducting　himself　towards　her　as　he　did　at　Budmouth；　cruel
afterwards　in　making　so　light　of　her。　　She　knew　he　had　stifled　his
love　for　herwas　utterly　lost　to　her。　　But　for　all　that　she　could
not　help　indulging　in　a　woman's　pleasure　of　recreating　defunct
agonies；　and　lacerating　herself　with　them　now　and　then。

'If　I　were　rich；'　she　thought；　'I　would　give　way　to　the　luxury　of
being　morbidly　faithful　to　him　for　ever　without　his　knowledge。'

But　she　considered；　in　the　first　place　she　was　a　homeless　dependent；
and　what　did　practical　wisdom　tell　her　to　do　under　such　desperate
circumstances？　　To　provide　herself　with　some　place　of　refuge　from
poverty；　and　with　means　to　aid　her　brother　Owen。　　This　was　to　be　Mr。
Manston's　wife。

She　did　not　love　him。

But　what　was　love　without　a　home？　　Misery。　　What　was　a　home　without
love？　　Alas；　not　much；　but　still　a　kind　of　home。

'Yes；'　she　thought；　'I　am　urged　by　my　common　sense　to　marry　Mr。
Manston。'

Did　anything　nobler　in　her　say　so　too？

With　the　death　（to　her）　of　Edward　her　heart's　occupation　was　gone。
Was　it　necessary　or　even　right　for　her　to　tend　it　and　take　care　of
it　as　she　used　to　in　the　old　time；　when　it　was　still　a　capable
minister？

By　a　slight　sacrifice　here　she　could　give　happiness　to　at　least　two
hearts　whose　emotional　activities　were　still　unwounded。　　She　would
do　good　to　two　men　whose　lives　were　far　more　important　than　hers。

'Yes；'　she　said　again；　'even　Christianity　urges　me　to　marry　Mr。
Manston。'

Directly　Cytherea　had　persuaded　herself　that　a　kind　of　heroic　self…
abnegation　had　to　do　with　the　matter；　she　became　much　more　content
in　the　consideration　of　it。　　A　wilful　indifference　to　the　future　was
what　really　prevailed　in　her；　ill　and　worn　out；　as　she　was；　by　the
perpetual　harassments　of　her　sad　fortune；　and　she　regarded　this
indifference；　as　gushing　natures　will　do　under　such　circumstances；
as　genuine　resignation　and　devotedness。

Manston　met　her　again　the　following　day：　　indeed；　there　was　no
escaping　him　now。　　At　the　end　of　a　short　conversation　between　them；
which　took　place　in　the　hollow　of　the　park　by　the　waterfall；
obscured　on　the　outer　side　by　the　low　hanging　branches　of　the　limes；
she　tacitly　assented　to　his　assumption　of　a　privilege　greater　than
any　that　had　preceded　it。　　He　stooped　and　kissed　her　brow。

Before　going　to　bed　she　wrote　to　Owen　explaining　the　whole　matter。
It　was　too　late　in　the　evening　for　the　postman's　visit；　and　she
placed　the　letter　on　the　mantelpiece　to　send　it　the　next　day。

The　morning　（Sunday）　brought　a　hurried　postscript　to　Owen's　letter
of　the　day　before：

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　'September　9；　1865。

'DEAR　CYTHEREAI　have　received　a　frank　and　friendly　letter　from　Mr。
Manston　explaining　the　position　in　which　he　stands　now；　and　also
that　in　which　he　hopes　to　stand　towards　you。　Can't　you　love　him？
Why　not？　　Try；　for　he　is　a　good；　and　not　only　that；　but　a　cultured
man。　　Think　of　the　weary　and　laborious　future　that　awaits　you　if　you
continue　for　life　in　your　present　position；　and　do　you　see　any　way
of　escape　from　it　except　by　marriage？　　I　don't。　　Don't　go　against
your　heart；　Cytherea；　but　be　wise。Ever　affectionately　yours；
OWEN。'

She　thought　that　probably　he　had　replied　to　Mr。　Manston　in　the　same
favouring　mood。　　She　had　a　conviction　that　that　day　would　settle　her
doom。　　Yet

　　　　　'So　true　a　fool　is　love；'

that　even　now　she　nourished　a　half…hope　that　something　would　happen
at　the　last　moment　to　thwart　her　deliberately…formed　intentions；　and
favour　the　old　emotion　she　was　using　all　her　strength　to　thrust
down。

8。　　THE　TENTH　OF　SEPTEMBER

The　Sunday　was　the　thirteenth　after　Trinity；　and　the　afternoon
service　at　Carriford　was　nearly　over。　　The　people　were　singing　the
Evening　Hymn。

Manston　was　at　church　as　usual　in　his　accustomed　place　two　seats
forward　from　the　large　square　pew　occupied　by　Miss　Aldclyffe　and
Cytherea。

The　ordinary　sadness　of　an　autumnal　evening…service　seemed；　in
Cytherea's　eyes；　to　be　doubled　on　this　particular　occasion。　　She
looked　at　all　the　people　as　they　stood　and　sang；　waving　backwards
and　forwards　like　a　forest　of　pines　swayed　by　a　gentle　breeze；　then
at　the　village　children　singing　too；　their　heads　inclined　to　one
side；　their　eyes　listlessly　tracing　some　crack　in　the　old　walls；　or
following　the　movement　of　a　distant　bough　or　bird　with　features
petrified　almost　to　painfulness。　　Then　she　looked　at　Manston；　he　was
already　regarding　her　with　some　purpose　in　his　glance。

'It　is　coming　this　evening；'　she　said　in　her　mind。　　A　minute　later；
at　the　end　of　the　hymn；　when　the　congregation　began　to　move　out；
Manston　came　down　the　aisle。　He　was　opposite　the　end　of　her　seat　as
she　stepped　from　it；　the　remainder　of　their　progress　to　the　door
being　in　contact　with　each　other。　　Miss　Aldclyffe　had　lingered
behind。

'Don't　let's　hurry；'　he　said；　when　Cytherea　was　about　to　enter　the
private　path　to　the　House　as　usual。　　'Would　you　mind　turning　down
this　way　for　a　minute　till　Miss　Aldclyffe　has　passed？'

She　could　not　very　well　refuse　now。　　They　turned　into　a　secluded
path　on　their　left；　leading　round　through　a　thicket　of　laurels　to
the　other　gate　of　the　church…yard；　walking　very　slowly。　　By　the　time
the　further　gate　was　reached；　the　church　was　closed。　　They　met　the
sexton　with　the　keys　in　his　hand。

'We　are　going　inside　for　a　minute；'　said　Manston　to　him；