desperate remedies-第56章
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And more on industry than force relies。'
Miss Aldclyffe made it appear more clearly than ever that aid to
Owen from herself depended entirely upon Cytherea's acceptance of
her steward。 Hemmed in and distressed； Cytherea's answers to his
importunities grew less uniform； they were firm； or wavering； as
Owen's malady fluctuated。 Had a register of her pitiful
oscillations been kept； it would have rivalled in pathos the diary
wherein De Quincey tabulates his combat with Opiumperhaps as
noticeable an instance as any in which a thrilling dramatic power
has been given to mere numerals。 Thus she wearily and monotonously
lived through the month； listening on Sundays to the wellknown round
of chapters narrating the history of Elijah and Elisha in famine and
drought； on week…days to buzzing flies in hot sunny rooms。 'So
like； so very like； was day to day。' Extreme lassitude seemed all
that the world could show her。
Her state was in this wise； when one afternoon； having been with her
brother； she met the surgeon； and begged him to tell the actual
truth concerning Owen's condition。
The reply was that he feared that the first operation had not been
thorough； that although the wound had healed； another attempt might
still be necessary； unless nature were left to effect her own cure。
But the time such a self…healing proceeding would occupy might be
ruinous。
'How long would it be？' she said。
'It is impossible to say。 A year or two； more or less。'
'And suppose he submitted to another artificial extraction？'
'Then he might be well in four or six months。'
Now the remainder of his and her possessions； together with a sum he
had borrowed； would not provide him with necessary comforts for half
that time。 To combat the misfortune； there were two courses open
her becoming betrothed to Manston； or the sending Owen to the County
Hospital。
Thus terrified； driven into a corner； panting and fluttering about
for some loophole of escape； yet still shrinking from the idea of
being Manston's wife； the poor little bird endeavoured to find out
from Miss Aldclyffe whether it was likely Owen would be well treated
in the hospital。
'County Hospital！' said Miss Aldclyffe； 'why； it is only another
name for slaughter…housein surgical cases at any rate。 Certainly
if anything about your body is snapt in two they do join you
together in a fashion； but 'tis so askew and ugly； that you may as
well be apart again。' Then she terrified the inquiring and anxious
maiden by relating horrid stories of how the legs and arms of poor
people were cut off at a moment's notice； especially in cases where
the restorative treatment was likely to be long and tedious。
'You know how willing I am to help you； Cytherea；' she added
reproachfully。 'You know it。 Why are you so obstinate then？ Why
do you selfishly bar the clear； honourable； and only sisterly path
which leads out of this difficulty？ I cannot； on my conscience；
countenance you； no； I cannot。'
Manston once more repeated his offer； and once more she refused； but
this time weakly； and with signs of an internal struggle。 Manston's
eye sparkled； he saw for the hundredth time in his life； that
perseverance； if only systematic； was irresistible by womankind。
6。 THE TWENTY…SEVENTH OF AUGUST
On going to Budmouth three days later； she found to her surprise
that the steward had been there； had introduced himself； and had
seen her brother。 A few delicacies had been brought him also by the
same hand。 Owen spoke in warm terms of Manston and his free and
unceremonious call； as he could not have refrained from doing of any
person； of any kind； whose presence had served to help away the
tedious hours of a long day； and who had； moreover； shown that sort
of consideration for him which the accompanying basket implied
antecedent consideration； so telling upon all invalidsand which he
so seldom experienced except from the hands of his sister。
How should he perceive； amid this tithe…paying of mint； and anise；
and cummin； the weightier matters which were left undone？
Again the steward met her at Carriford Road Station on her return
journey。 Instead of being frigid as at the former meeting at the
same place； she was embarrassed by a strife of thought； and murmured
brokenly her thanks for what he had done。 The same request that he
might see her home was made。
He had perceived his error in making his kindness to Owen a
conditional kindness； and had hastened to efface all recollection of
it。 'Though I let my offer on her brother'smy friend'sbehalf；
seem dependent on my lady's graciousness to me；' he whispered
wooingly in the course of their walk； 'I could not conscientiously
adhere to my statement； it was said with all the impulsive
selfishness of love。 Whether you choose to have me； or whether you
don't； I love you too devotedly to be anything but kind to your
brother。 。 。 。 Miss Graye； Cytherea； I will do anything；' he
continued earnestly； 'to give you pleasureindeed I will。'
She saw on the one hand her poor and much…loved Owen recovering from
his illness and troubles by the disinterested kindness of the man
beside her； on the other she drew him dying； wholly by reason of her
self…enforced poverty。 To marry this man was obviously the course
of common sense； to refuse him was impolitic temerity。 There was
reason in this。 But there was more behind than a hundred reasonsa
woman's gratitude and her impulse to be kind。
The wavering of her mind was visible in her tell…tale face。 He
noticed it； and caught at the opportunity。
They were standing by the ruinous foundations of an old mill in the
midst of a meadow。 Between grey and half…overgrown stoneworkthe
only signs of masonry remainingthe water gurgled down from the old
millpond to a lower level； under the cloak of rank broad leavesthe
sensuous natures of the vegetable world。 On the right hand the sun；
resting on the horizon…line； streamed across the ground from below
copper…coloured and lilac clouds； stretched out in flats beneath a
sky of pale soft green。 All dark objects on the earth that lay
towards the sun were overspread by a purple haze； against which a
swarm of wailing gnats shone forth luminously； rising upward and
floating away like sparks of fire。
The stillness oppressed and reduced her to mere passivity。 The only
wish the humidity of the place left in her was to stand motionless。
The helpless flatness of the landscape gave her； as it gives all
such temperaments； a sense of bare equality with； and no superiority
to； a single entity under the sky。
He came so close that their clothes touched。 'Will you try to love
me？ Do try to love me！' he said； in a whisper； taking her hand。 He
had never taken it before。 She could feel his hand trembling
exceedingly as it held hers in its clasp。
Considering his kindness to her brother； his love for herself； and
Edward's fickleness； ought she to forbid him to do this？ How truly
pitiful it was to feel his hand tremble soall for her！ Should she
withdraw her hand？ She would think whether she would。 Thinking； and
hesitating； she looked as far as the autumnal haze on the marshy
ground would allow her to see distinctly。 There was the fragment of
a hedgeall that remained of a 'wet old garden'standing in the
middle of the mead； without a definite beginning or ending；
purposeless and valueless。 It was overgrown； and choked with
mandrakes； and she could almost fancy she heard their shrieks。 。 。
Should she withdraw her hand？ No； she could not withdraw it now； it
was too late； the act would not imply refusal。 She felt as one in a
boat without oars； drifting with closed eyes down a rivershe knew
not whither。
He gave her hand a gentle pressure； and relinquished it。
Then it seemed as if he were coming to the point again。 No； he was
not going to urge his suit that evening。 Another respite。
7。 THE EARLY PART OF SEPTEMBER
Saturday came； and she went on some trivial errand to the village
post…office。 It was a little grey cottage with a luxuriant jasmine
encircling the doorway； and before going in Cytherea paused to
admire this pleasing feature of the exterior。 Hearing
