desperate remedies-第21章

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not　to。　　Do　you？'

'I？　　A　wicked　old　sinner　like　me！　　No；　I　never　do。　　I　have　thought
all　such　matters　humbug　for　yearsthought　so　so　long　that　I　should
be　glad　to　think　otherwise　from　very　weariness；　and　yet；　such　is　the
code　of　the　polite　world；　that　I　subscribe　regularly　to　Missionary
Societies　and　others　of　the　sort。　。　。　。　　Well；　say　your　prayers；
dearyou　won't　omit　them　now　you　recollect　it。　　I　should　like　to
hear　you　very　much。　　Will　you？'

'It　seems　hardly'

'It　would　seem　so　like　old　times　to　mewhen　I　was　young；　and
nearerfar　nearer　Heaven　than　I　am　now。　　Do；　sweet　one；'

Cytherea　was　embarrassed；　and　her　embarrassment　arose　from　the
following　conjuncture　of　affairs。　　Since　she　had　loved　Edward
Springrove；　she　had　linked　his　name　with　her　brother　Owen's　in　her
nightly　supplications　to　the　Almighty。　　She　wished　to　keep　her　love
for　him　a　secret；　and；　above　all；　a　secret　from　a　woman　like　Miss
Aldclyffe；　yet　her　conscience　and　the　honesty　of　her　love　would　not
for　an　instant　allow　her　to　think　of　omitting　his　dear　name；　and　so
endanger　the　efficacy　of　all　her　previous　prayers　for　his　success　by
an　unworthy　shame　now：　　it　would　be　wicked　of　her；　she　thought；　and
a　grievous　wrong　to　him。　　Under　any　worldly　circumstances　she　might
have　thought　the　position　justified　a　little　finesse；　and　have
skipped　him　for　once；　but　prayer　was　too　solemn　a　thing　for　such
trifling。

'I　would　rather　not　say　them；'　she　murmured　first。　　It　struck　her
then　that　this　declining　altogether　was　the　same　cowardice　in
another　dress；　and　was　delivering　her　poor　Edward　over　to　Satan　just
as　unceremoniously　as　before。　　'Yes；　I　will　say　my　prayers；　and　you
shall　hear　me；'　she　added　firmly。

She　turned　her　face　to　the　pillow　and　repeated　in　low　soft　tones　the
simple　words　she　had　used　from　childhood　on　such　occasions。　　Owen's
name　was　mentioned　without　faltering；　but　in　the　other　case；
maidenly　shyness　was　too　strong　even　for　religion；　and　that　when
supported　by　excellent　intentions。　　At　the　name　of　Edward　she
stammered；　and　her　voice　sank　to　the　faintest　whisper　in　spite　of
her。

'Thank　you；　dearest；'　said　Miss　Aldclyffe。　　'I　have　prayed　too；　I
verily　believe。　　You　are　a　good　girl；　I　think。'　　Then　the　expected
question　came。

'〃Bless　Owen；〃　and　whom；　did　you　say？'

There　was　no　help　for　it　now；　and　out　it　came。　　'Owen　and　Edward；'
said　Cytherea。

'Who　are　Owen　and　Edward？'

'Owen　is　my　brother；　madam；'　faltered　the　maid。

'Ah；　I　remember。　　Who　is　Edward？'

A　silence。

'Your　brother；　too？'　continued　Miss　Aldclyffe。

'No。'

Miss　Aldclyffe　reflected　a　moment。　　'Don't　you　want　to　tell　me　who
Edward　is？'　she　said　at　last；　in　a　tone　of　meaning。

'I　don't　mind　telling；　only　。　。　。'

'You　would　rather　not；　I　suppose？'

'Yes。'

Miss　Aldclyffe　shifted　her　ground。　　'Were　you　ever　in　love？'　she
inquired　suddenly。

Cytherea　was　surprised　to　hear　how　quickly　the　voice　had　altered
from　tenderness　to　harshness；　vexation；　and　disappointment。

'YesI　think　I　wasonce；'　she　murmured。

'Aha！　　And　were　you　ever　kissed　by　a　man？'

A　pause。

'Well；　were　you？'　said　Miss　Aldclyffe；　rather　sharply。

'Don't　press　me　to　tellI　can'tindeed；　I　won't；　madam！'

Miss　Aldclyffe　removed　her　arms　from　Cytherea's　neck。　　''Tis　now
with　you　as　it　is　always　with　all　girls；'　she　said；　in　jealous　and
gloomy　accents。　　'You　are　not；　after　all；　the　innocent　I　took　you
for。　　No；　no。'　　She　then　changed　her　tone　with　fitful　rapidity。
'Cytherea；　try　to　love　me　more　than　you　love　himdo。　　I　love　you
more　sincerely　than　any　man　can。　　Do；　Cythie：　　don't　let　any　man
stand　between　us。　　O；　I　can't　bear　that！'　　She　clasped　Cytherea's
neck　again。

'I　must　love　him　now　I　have　begun；'　replied　the　other。

'Mustyesmust；'　said　the　elder　lady　reproachfully。　　'Yes；　women
are　all　alike。　　I　thought　I　had　at　last　found　an　artless　woman　who
had　not　been　sullied　by　a　man's　lips；　and　who　had　not　practised　or
been　practised　upon　by　the　arts　which　ruin　all　the　truth　and
sweetness　and　goodness　in　us。　　Find　a　girl；　if　you　can；　whose　mouth
and　ears　have　not　been　made　a　regular　highway　of　by　some　man　or
another！　　Leave　the　admittedly　notorious　spotsthe　drawing…rooms　of
societyand　look　in　the　villagesleave　the　villages　and　search　in
the　schoolsand　you　can　hardly　find　a　girl　whose　heart　has　not　been
HADis　not　an　old　thing　half　worn　out　by　some　He　or　another！　　If
men　only　knew　the　staleness　of　the　freshest　of　us！　that　nine　times
out　of　ten　the　〃first　love〃　they　think　they　are　winning　from　a　woman
is　but　the　hulk　of　an　old　wrecked　affection；　fitted　with　new　sails
and　re…used。　　O　Cytherea；　can　it　be　that　you；　too；　are　like　the
rest？'

'No；　no；　no；'　urged　Cytherea；　awed　by　the　storm　she　had　raised　in
the　impetuous　woman's　mind。　　'He　only　kissed　me　oncetwice　I　mean。'

'He　might　have　done　it　a　thousand　times　if　he　had　cared　to；　there's
no　doubt　about　that；　whoever　his　lordship　is。　　You　are　as　bad　as　I
we　are　all　alike；　and　Ian　old　foolhave　been　sipping　at　your
mouth　as　if　it　were　honey；　because　I　fancied　no　wasting　lover　knew
the　spot。　　But　a　minute　ago；　and　you　seemed　to　me　like　a　fresh
spring　meadownow　you　seem　a　dusty　highway。'

'O　no；　no！'　　Cytherea　was　not　weak　enough　to　shed　tears　except　on
extraordinary　occasions；　but　she　was　fain　to　begin　sobbing　now。　　She
wished　Miss　Aldclyffe　would　go　to　her　own　room；　and　leave　her　and
her　treasured　dreams　alone。　　This　vehement　imperious　affection　was
in　one　sense　soothing；　but　yet　it　was　not　of　the　kind　that
Cytherea's　instincts　desired。　　Though　it　was　generous；　it　seemed
somewhat　too　rank　and　capricious　for　endurance。

'Well；'　said　the　lady　in　continuation；　'who　is　he？'

Her　companion　was　desperately　determined　not　to　tell　his　name：　　she
too　much　feared　a　taunt　when　Miss　Aldclyffe's　fiery　mood　again　ruled
her　tongue。

'Won't　you　tell　me？　not　tell　me　after　all　the　affection　I　have
shown？'

'I　will；　perhaps；　another　day。'

'Did　you　wear　a　hat　and　white　feather　in　Budmouth　for　the　week　or
two　previous　to　your　coming　here？'

'Yes。'

'Then　I　have　seen　you　and　your　lover　at　a　distance！　　He　rowed　you
round　the　bay　with　your　brother。'

'Yes。'

'And　without　your　brotherfie！　　There；　there；　don't　let　that　little
heart　beat　itself　to　death：　　throb；　throb：　　it　shakes　the　bed；　you
silly　thing。　　I　didn't　mean　that　there　was　any　harm　in　going　alone
with　him。　　I　only　saw　you　from　the　Esplanade；　in　common　with　the
rest　of　the　people。　　I　often　run　down　to　Budmouth。　　He　was　a　very
good　figure：　　now　who　was　he？'

'II　won't　tell；　madamI　cannot　indeed！'

'Won't　tellvery　well；　don't。　　You　are　very　foolish　to　treasure　up
his　name　and　image　as　you　do。　　Why；　he　has　had　loves　before　you；
trust　him　for　that；　whoever　he　is；　and　you　are　but　a　temporary　link
in　a　long　chain　of　others　like　you：　　who　only　have　your　little　day
as　they　have　had　theirs。'

''Tisn't　true！　'tisn't　true！　'tisn't　true！'　cried　Cytherea　in　an
agony　of　torture。　　'He　has　never　loved　anybody　else；　I　knowI　am
sure　he　hasn't。'

Miss　Aldclyffe　was　as　jealous　as　any　man　could　have　been。　　She
continued

'He　sees　a　beautiful　face　and　thinks　he　will　never　forget　it；　but　in
a　few　weeks　the　feeling　passes　off；　and　he　wonders　how　he　could　have
cared　for　anybody　so　absurdly　much。'

'No；　no；　he　doesn'tWhat　does　he　do　when　he　has　thought　thatCome；
tell　metell　me！'

'You　are　as　hot　as　fire；　and　the　throbbing　of　your　heart　makes　me
nervous。　　I　can't　tell　you　if　you　get　in　that　flustered　state。'

'Do；　do　tellO；　it　makes　me　so　miserable！　but　tell…come　tell　me！'

'Ahthe　tables　are　turned　now；　dear！'　she　continued；　in　a　tone
which　mingled　pity　with　derision

　　　　　'〃Love's　passions　shall　rock　thee
　　　　　　　As　the　storm　rocks　the　ravens　on　high；
　　　　　　　Bright　reason　will　mock　thee
　　　　　　　Like　the　sun　from　a　wintry　sky。〃

'What　does　he　do　next？Why；　this　is　what　he　does　next：　　ruminate　on
what　he　has　heard　of　women's　romantic　impulses；　and　how　easily　men
torture　them　when　they　have　given　way　to　those　feelings；　and　have
resigned　everything　for　their　hero。　　It　may　be　that　though　he　loves
you　heartily　nowthat　is；　as　heartily　as　a　man　canand　you　love
him　in　return；　your　loves　may　be　impracticable