desperate remedies-第12章
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more； do try once more；' she murmured。 'I am going to try again。 I
have advertised for something to do。'
'Of course I will；' he said； with an eager gesture and smile。 'But
we must remember that the fame of Christopher Wren himself depended
upon the accident of a fire in Pudding Lane。 My successes seem to
come very slowly。 I often think； that before I am ready to live； it
will be time for me to die。 However； I am tryingnot for fame now；
but for an easy life of reasonable comfort。'
It is a melancholy truth for the middle classes； that in proportion
as they develop； by the study of poetry and art； their capacity for
conjugal love of the highest and purest kind； they limit the
possibility of their being able to exercise itthe very act putting
out of their power the attainment of means sufficient for marriage。
The man who works up a good income has had no time to learn love to
its solemn extreme； the man who has learnt that has had no time to
get rich。
'And if you should failutterly fail to get that reasonable
wealth；' she said earnestly； 'don't be perturbed。 The truly great
stand upon no middle ledge； they are either famous or unknown。'
'Unknown；' he said； 'if their ideas have been allowed to flow with a
sympathetic breadth。 Famous only if they have been convergent and
exclusive。'
'Yes； and I am afraid from that； that my remark was but
discouragement； wearing the dress of comfort。 Perhaps I was not
quite right in'
'It depends entirely upon what is meant by being truly great。 But
the long and the short of the matter is； that men must stick to a
thing if they want to succeed in itnot giving way to over…much
admiration for the flowers they see growing in other people's
borders； which I am afraid has been my case。' He looked into the
far distance and paused。
Adherence to a course with persistence sufficient to ensure success
is possible to widely appreciative minds only when there is also
found in them a powercommonplace in its nature； but rare in such
combinationthe power of assuming to conviction that in the
outlying paths which appear so much more brilliant than their own；
there are bitternesses equally greatunperceived simply on account
of their remoteness。
They were opposite Ringsworth Shore。 The cliffs here were formed of
strata completely contrasting with those of the further side of the
Bay； whilst in and beneath the water hard boulders had taken the
place of sand and shingle； between which； however； the sea glided
noiselessly； without breaking the crest of a single wave； so
strikingly calm was the air。 The breeze had entirely died away；
leaving the water of that rare glassy smoothness which is unmarked
even by the small dimples of the least aerial movement。 Purples and
blues of divers shades were reflected from this mirror accordingly
as each undulation sloped east or west。 They could see the rocky
bottom some twenty feet beneath them； luxuriant with weeds of
various growths； and dotted with pulpy creatures reflecting a
silvery and spangled radiance upwards to their eyes。
At length she looked at him to learn the effect of her words of
encouragement。 He had let the oars drift alongside； and the boat
had come to a standstill。 Everything on earth seemed taking a
contemplative rest； as if waiting to hear the avowal of something
from his lips。 At that instant he appeared to break a resolution
hitherto zealously kept。 Leaving his seat amidships he came and
gently edged himself down beside her upon the narrow seat at the
stern。
She breathed more quickly and warmly： he took her right hand in his
own right： it was not withdrawn。 He put his left hand behind her
neck till it came round upon her left cheek： it was not thrust
away。 Lightly pressing her； he brought her face and mouth towards
his own； when； at this the very brink； some unaccountable thought or
spell within him suddenly made him halteven now； and as it seemed
as much to himself as to her； he timidly whispered 'May I？'
Her endeavour was to say No； so denuded of its flesh and sinews that
its nature would hardly be recognized； or in other words a No from
so near the affirmative frontier as to be affected with the Yes
accent。 It was thus a whispered No； drawn out to nearly a quarter
of a minute's length； the O making itself audible as a sound like
the spring coo of a pigeon on unusually friendly terms with its
mate。 Though conscious of her success in producing the kind of word
she had wished to produce； she at the same time trembled in suspense
as to how it would be taken。 But the time available for doubt was
so short as to admit of scarcely more than half a pulsation：
pressing closer he kissed her。 Then he kissed her again with a
longer kiss。
It was the supremely happy moment of their experience。 The 'bloom'
and the 'purple light' were strong on the lineaments of both。 Their
hearts could hardly believe the evidence of their lips。
'I love you； and you love me； Cytherea！' he whispered。
She did not deny it； and all seemed well。 The gentle sounds around
them from the hills； the plains； the distant town； the adjacent
shore； the water heaving at their side； the kiss； and the long kiss；
were all 'many a voice of one delight；' and in unison with each
other。
But his mind flew back to the same unpleasant thought which had been
connected with the resolution he had broken a minute or two earlier。
'I could be a slave at my profession to win you； Cytherea； I would
work at the meanest； honest trade to be near youmuch less claim
you as mine； I wouldanything。 But I have not told you all； it is
not this； you don't know what there is yet to tell。 Could you
forgive as you can love？' She was alarmed to see that he had become
pale with the question。
'Nodo not speak；' he said。 'I have kept something from you； which
has now become the cause of a great uneasiness。 I had no rightto
love you； but I did it。 Something forbade'
'What？' she exclaimed。
'Something forbade metill the kissyes； till the kiss came； and
now nothing shall forbid it！ We'll hope in spite of all。 。 。 I
must； however； speak of this love of ours to your brother。 Dearest；
you had better go indoors whilst I meet him at the station； and
explain everything。'
Cytherea's short…lived bliss was dead and gone。 O； if she had known
of this sequel would she have allowed him to break down the barrier
of mere acquaintanceshipnever； never！
'Will you not explain to me？' she faintly urged。 Doubtindefinite；
carking doubt had taken possession of her。
'Not now。 You alarm yourself unnecessarily；' he said tenderly。 'My
only reason for keeping silence is that with my present knowledge I
may tell an untrue story。 It may be that there is nothing to tell。
I am to blame for haste in alluding to any such thing。 Forgive me；
sweetforgive me。' Her heart was ready to burst； and she could not
answer him。 He returned to his place and took to the oars。
They again made for the distant Esplanade； now； with its line of
houses； lying like a dark grey band against the light western sky。
The sun had set； and a star or two began to peep out。 They drew
nearer their destination； Edward as he pulled tracing listlessly
with his eyes the red stripes upon her scarf； which grew to appear
as black ones in the increasing dusk of evening。 She surveyed the
long line of lamps on the sea…wall of the town； now looking small
and yellow； and seeming to send long tap…roots of fire quivering
down deep into the sea。 By…and…by they reached the landing…steps。
He took her hand as before； and found it as cold as the water about
them。 It was not relinquished till he reached her door。 His
assurance had not removed the constraint of her manner： he saw that
she blamed him mutely and with her eyes； like a captured sparrow。
Left alone； he went and seated himself in a chair on the Esplanade。
Neither could she go indoors to her solitary room； feeling as she
did in such a state of desperate heaviness。 When Springrove was out
of sight she turned back； and arrived at the corner just in time to
see him sit down。 Then she glided pensively along the pavement
behind him； forgetting herself
