desperate remedies-第10章

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can't　afford　to　have　them；　make　use　of　their　poor　relations。'

'What　shall　I　do？'

'Never　mind　it。　　Go　on　living　with　me。　　Don't　let　the　difficulty
trouble　your　mind　so；　you　think　about　it　all　day。　　I　can　keep　you；
Cythie；　in　a　plain　way　of　living。　　Twenty…five　shillings　a　week　do
not　amount　to　much　truly；　but　then　many　mechanics　have　no　more；　and
we　live　quite　as　sparingly　as　journeymen　mechanics。　。　。　　It　is　a
meagre　narrow　life　we　are　drifting　into；'　he　added　gloomily；　'but　it
is　a　degree　more　tolerable　than　the　worrying　sensation　of　all　the
world　being　ashamed　of　you；　which　we　experienced　at　Hocbridge。'

'I　couldn't　go　back　there　again；'　she　said。

'Nor　I。　　O；　I　don't　regret　our　course　for　a　moment。　　We　did　quite
right　in　dropping　out　of　the　world。'　　The　sneering　tones　of　the
remark　were　almost　too　laboured　to　be　real。　　'Besides；'　he
continued；　'something　better　for　me　is　sure　to　turn　up　soon。　　I　wish
my　engagement　here　was　a　permanent　one　instead　of　for　only　two
months。　　It　may；　certainly；　be　for　a　longer　time；　but　all　is
uncertain。'

'I　wish　I　could　get　something　to　do；　and　I　must　too；'　she　said
firmly。　　'Suppose；　as　is　very　probable；　you　are　not　wanted　after　the
beginning　of　Octoberthe　time　Mr。　Gradfield　mentionedwhat　should
we　do　if　I　were　dependent　on　you　only　throughout　the　winter？'

They　pondered　on　numerous　schemes　by　which　a　young　lady　might　be
supposed　to　earn　a　decent　livelihoodmore　or　less　convenient　and
feasible　in　imagination；　but　relinquished　them　all　until　advertising
had　been　once　more　tried；　this　time　taking　lower　ground。　　Cytherea
was　vexed　at　her　temerity　in　having　represented　to　the　world　that　so
inexperienced　a　being　as　herself　was　a　qualified　governess；　and　had
a　fancy　that　this　presumption　of　hers　might　be　one　reason　why　no
ladies　applied。　　The　new　and　humbler　attempt　appeared　in　the
following　form：

'NURSERY　GOVERNESS　OR　USEFUL　COMPANION。　　A　young　person　wishes　to
hear　of　a　situation　in　either　of　the　above　capacities。　　Salary　very
moderate。　　She　is　a　good　needle…womanAddress　G。；　3　Cross　Street；
Budmouth。'

In　the　evening　they　went　to　post　the　letter；　and　then　walked　up　and
down　the　Parade　for　a　while。　　Soon　they　met　Springrove；　said　a　few
words　to　him；　and　passed　on。　　Owen　noticed　that　his　sister's　face
had　become　crimson。　　Rather　oddly　they　met　Springrove　again　in　a　few
minutes。　　This　time　the　three　walked　a　little　way　together；　Edward
ostensibly　talking　to　Owen；　though　with　a　single　thought　to　the
reception　of　his　words　by　the　maiden　at　the　farther　side；　upon　whom
his　gaze　was　mostly　resting；　and　who　was　attentively　listening
looking　fixedly　upon　the　pavement　the　while。　　It　has　been　said　that
men　love　with　their　eyes；　women　with　their　ears。

As　Owen　and　himself　were　little　more　than　acquaintances　as　yet；　and
as　Springrove　was　wanting　in　the　assurance　of　many　men　of　his　age；
it　now　became　necessary　to　wish　his　friends　good…evening；　or　to　find
a　reason　for　continuing　near　Cytherea　by　saying　some　nice　new　thing。
He　thought　of　a　new　thing；　he　proposed　a　pull　across　the　bay。　　This
was　assented　to。　　They　went　to　the　pier；　stepped　into　one　of　the
gaily　painted　boats　moored　alongside　and　sheered　off。　　Cytherea　sat
in　the　stern　steering。

They　rowed　that　evening；　the　next　came；　and　with　it　the　necessity　of
rowing　again。　　Then　the　next；　and　the　next；　Cytherea　always　sitting
in　the　stern　with　the　tiller　ropes　in　her　hand。　　The　curves　of　her
figure　welded　with　those　of　the　fragile　boat　in　perfect
continuation；　as　she　girlishly　yielded　herself　to　its　heaving　and
sinking；　seeming　to　form　with　it　an　organic　whole。

Then　Owen　was　inclined　to　test　his　skill　in　paddling　a　canoe。
Edward　did　not　like　canoes；　and　the　issue　was；　that；　having　seen
Owen　on　board；　Springrove　proposed　to　pull　off　after　him　with　a　pair
of　sculls；　but　not　considering　himself　sufficiently　accomplished　to
do　finished　rowing　before　a　parade　full　of　promenaders　when　there
was　a　little　swell　on；　and　with　the　rudder　unshipped　in　addition；　he
begged　that　Cytherea　might　come　with　him　and　steer　as　before。　　She
stepped　in；　and　they　floated　along　in　the　wake　of　her　brother。　　Thus
passed　the　fifth　evening　on　the　water。

But　the　sympathetic　pair　were　thrown　into　still　closer
companionship；　and　much　more　exclusive　connection。

2。　　JULY　THE　TWENTY…NINTH

It　was　a　sad　time　for　Cythereathe　last　day　of　Springrove's
management　at　Gradfield's；　and　the　last　evening　before　his　return
from　Budmouth　to　his　father's　house；　previous　to　his　departure　for
London。

Graye　had　been　requested　by　the　architect　to　survey　a　plot　of　land
nearly　twenty　miles　off；　which；　with　the　journey　to　and　fro；　would
occupy　him　the　whole　day；　and　prevent　his　returning　till　late　in　the
evening。　　Cytherea　made　a　companion　of　her　landlady　to　the　extent　of
sharing　meals　and　sitting　with　her　during　the　morning　of　her
brother's　absence。　　Mid…day　found　her　restless　and　miserable　under
this　arrangement。　　All　the　afternoon　she　sat　alone；　looking　out　of
the　window　for　she　scarcely　knew　whom；　and　hoping　she　scarcely　knew
what。　　Half…past　five　o'clock　camethe　end　of　Springrove's　official
day。　　Two　minutes　later　Springrove　walked　by。

She　endured　her　solitude　for　another　half…hour；　and　then　could
endure　no　longer。　　She　had　hopedwhile　affecting　to　fearthat
Edward　would　have　found　some　reason　or　other　for　calling；　but　it
seemed　that　he　had　not。　　Hastily　dressing　herself　she　went　out；　when
the　farce　of　an　accidental　meeting　was　repeated。　　Edward　came　upon
her　in　the　street　at　the　first　turning；　and；　like　the　Great　Duke
Ferdinand　in　'The　Statue　and　the　Bust'

　　　　　'He　looked　at　her　as　a　lover　can；
　　　　　　She　looked　at　him　as　one　who　awakes
　　　　　　The　past　was　a　sleep；　and　her　life　began。'

'Shall　we　have　a　boat？'　he　said　impulsively。

How　blissful　it　all　is　at　first。　　Perhaps；　indeed；　the　only　bliss　in
the　course　of　love　which　can　truly　be　called　Eden…like　is　that　which
prevails　immediately　after　doubt　has　ended　and　before　reflection　has
set　inat　the　dawn　of　the　emotion；　when　it　is　not　recognized　by
name；　and　before　the　consideration　of　what　this　love　is；　has　given
birth　to　the　consideration　of　what　difficulties　it　tends　to　create；
when　on　the　man's　part；　the　mistress　appears　to　the　mind's　eye　in
picturesque；　hazy；　and　fresh　morning　lights；　and　soft　morning
shadows；　when；　as　yet；　she　is　known　only　as　the　wearer　of　one　dress；
which　shares　her　own　personality；　as　the　stander　in　one　special
position；　the　giver　of　one　bright　particular　glance；　and　the　speaker
of　one　tender　sentence；　when；　on　her　part；　she　is　timidly　careful
over　what　she　says　and　does；　lest　she　should　be　misconstrued　or
under…rated　to　the　breadth　of　a　shadow　of　a　hair。

'Shall　we　have　a　boat？'　he　said　again；　more　softly；　seeing　that　to
his　first　question　she　had　not　answered；　but　looked　uncertainly　at
the　ground；　then　almost；　but　not　quite；　in　his　face；　blushed　a
series　of　minute　blushes；　left　off　in　the　midst　of　them；　and　showed
the　usual　signs　of　perplexity　in　a　matter　of　the　emotions。

Owen　had　always　been　with　her　before；　but　there　was　now　a　force　of
habit　in　the　proceeding；　and　with　Arcadian　innocence　she　assumed
that　a　row　on　the　water　was；　under　any　circumstances；　a　natural
thing。　　Without　another　word　being　spoken　on　either　side；　they　went
down　the　steps。　　He　carefully　handed　her　in；　took　his　seat；　slid
noiselessly　off　the　sand；　and　away　from　the　shore。

They　thus　sat　facing　each　other　in　the　graceful　yellow　cockle…shell；
and　his　eyes　frequently　found　a　resting…place　in　the　depths　of　hers。
The　boat　was　so　small　that　at　each　return　of　the　sculls；　when　his
hands　came　forward　to　begin　the　pull；　they　approached　so　near　to　her
that　her　vivid　imagination　began　to　thrill　her　with　a　fancy　that　he
was　going　to　clasp　his　arms　round　her。　　The　sensation　grew　so　strong
that　she　could　not　run　the　risk　of　again　meeting　his　eyes　at　those
critical　moments；　and　turned　aside　to　inspect　the　distant　horizon；
then　she　grew　weary　of　looking　sideways；　and　was　driven　to　return　to
her　natural　position　again。　　At　this　instant　he　again　leant　forward
to　begin；　and　met　her　glance　by　an　ardent　fixed　gaze。　　An
involuntary　impu