original short stories-8-第3章

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stand　on　ceremony　before　me；　your　husband　was　holding　you　on　his　knees
and　kissing　you　at　great　length　on　the　neck；　the　lips　and　throat。
Suddenly　you　exclaimed：　〃Oh！　the　fire！〃　You　had　been　paying　no　attention
to　it；　and　it　was　almost　out。　　A　few　lingering　embers　were　glowing　on　the
hearth。　　Then　he　rose；　ran　to　the　woodbox；　from　which　he　dragged　two
enormous　logs　with　great　difficulty；　when　you　came　to　him　with　begging
lips；　murmuring：

〃Kiss　me！〃　He　turned　his　head　with　difficulty　and　tried　to　hold　up　the
logs　at　the　same　time。　　Then　you　gently　and　slowly　placed　your　mouth　on
that　of　the　poor　fellow；　who　remained　with　his　neck　out　of　joint；　his
sides　twisted；　his　arms　almost　dropping　off；　trembling　with　fatigue　and
tired　from　his　desperate　effort。　　And　you　kept　drawing　out　this　torturing
kiss；　without　seeing　or　understanding。　　Then　when　you　freed　him；　you
began　to　grumble：　〃How　badly　you　kiss！〃　　No　wonder！

Oh；　take　care　of　that！　　We　all　have　this　foolish　habit；　this　unconscious
need　of　choosing　the　most　inconvenient　moments。　　When　he　is　carrying　a
glass　of　water；　when　he　is　putting　on　his　shoes；　when　he　is　tying　his
scarfin　short；　when　he　finds　himself　in　any　uncomfortable　position
then　is　the　time　which　we　choose　for　a　caress　which　makes　him　stop　for　a
whole　minute　in　the　middle　of　a　gesture　with　the　sole　desire　of　getting
rid　of　us！

Do　not　think　that　this　criticism　is　insignificant。　　Love；　my　dear；　is　a
delicate　thing。　　The　least　little　thing　offends　it；　know　that　everything
depends　on　the　tact　of　our　caresses。　　An　ill…placed　kiss　may　do　any
amount　of　harm。

Try　following　my　advice。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Your　old　aunt；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　COLLETTE。

This　story　appeared　in　the　Gaulois　in　November；　1882；　under　the　pseudonym
of　〃Maufrigneuse。〃






THE　LEGION　OF　HONOR


　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　HOW　HE　GOT　THE　LEGION　OF　HONOR

From　the　time　some　people　begin　to　talk　they　seem　to　have　an
overmastering　desire　or　vocation。

Ever　since　he　was　a　child；　M。　Caillard　had　only　had　one　idea　in　his　head…
to　wear　the　ribbon　of　an　order。　　When　he　was　still　quite　a　small　boy　he
used　to　wear　a　zinc　cross　of　the　Legion　of　Honor　pinned　on　his　tunic；
just　as　other　children　wear　a　soldier's　cap；　and　he　took　his　mother's
hand　in　the　street　with　a　proud　air；　sticking　out　his　little　chest　with
its　red　ribbon　and　metal　star　so　that　it　might　show　to　advantage。

His　studies　were　not　a　success；　and　he　failed　in　his　examination　for
Bachelor　of　Arts；　so；　not　knowing　what　to　do；　he　married　a　pretty　girl；
as　he　had　plenty　of　money　of　his　own。

They　lived　in　Paris；　as　many　rich　middle…class　people　do；　mixing　with
their　own　particular　set；　and　proud　of　knowing　a　deputy；　who　might
perhaps　be　a　minister　some　day；　and　counting　two　heads　of　departments
among　their　friends。

But　M。　Caillard　could　not　get　rid　of　his　one　absorbing　idea；　and　he　felt
constantly　unhappy　because　he　had　not　the　right　to　wear　a　little　bit　of
colored　ribbon　in　his　buttonhole。

When　he　met　any　men　who　were　decorated　on　the　boulevards；　he　looked　at
them　askance；　with　intense　jealousy。　　Sometimes；　when　he　had　nothing　to
do　in　the　afternoon；　he　would　count　them；　and　say　to　himself：　〃Just　let
me　see　how　many　I　shall　meet　between　the　Madeleine　and　the　Rue　Drouot。〃

Then　he　would　walk　slowly；　looking　at　every　coat　with　a　practiced　eye　for
the　little　bit　of　red　ribbon；　and　when　he　had　got　to　the　end　of　his　walk
he　always　repeated　the　numbers　aloud。

〃Eight　officers　and　seventeen　knights。　　As　many　as　that！　　It　is　stupid　to
sow　the　cross　broadcast　in　that　fashion。　　I　wonder　how　many　I　shall　meet
going　back？〃

And　he　returned　slowly；　unhappy　when　the　crowd　of　passers…by　interfered
with　his　vision。

He　knew　the　places　where　most　were　to　be　found。　　They　swarmed　in　the
Palais　Royal。　　Fewer　were　seen　in　the　Avenue　de　1'Opera　than　in　the　Rue
de　la　Paix；　while　the　right　side　of　the　boulevard　was　more　frequented　by
them　than　the　left。

They　also　seemed　to　prefer　certain　cafes　and　theatres。　　Whenever　he　saw　a
group　of　white…haired　old　gentlemen　standing　together　in　the　middle　of
the　pavement；　interfering　with　the　traffic；　he　used　to　say　to　himself：

〃They　are　officers　of　the　Legion　of　Honor；〃　and　he　felt　inclined　to　take
off　his　hat　to　them。

He　had　often　remarked　that　the　officers　had　a　different　bearing　to　the
mere　knights。　　They　carried　their　head　differently；　and　one　felt　that
they　enjoyed　a　higher　official　consideration　and　a　more　widely　extended
importance。

Sometimes；　however；　the　worthy　man　would　be　seized　with　a　furious　hatred
for　every　one　who　was　decorated；　he　felt　like　a　Socialist　toward　them。

Then；　when　he　got　home；　excited　at　meeting　so　many　crossesjust　as　a
poor；　hungry　wretch　might　be　on　passing　some　dainty　provision　shophe
used　to　ask　in　a　loud　voice：

〃When　shall　we　get　rid　of　this　wretched　government？〃

And　his　wife　would　be　surprised；　and　ask：

〃What　is　the　matter　with　you　to…day？〃

〃I　am　indignant；〃　he　replied；　〃at　the　injustice　I　see　going　on　around　us。
Oh；　the　Communards　were　certainly　right！〃

After　dinner　he　would　go　out　again　and　look　at　the　shops　where　the
decorations　were　sold；　and　he　examined　all　the　emblems　of　various　shapes
and　colors。　　He　would　have　liked　to　possess　them　all；　and　to　have　walked
gravely　at　the　head　of　a　procession；　with　his　crush　hat　under　his　arm　and
his　breast　covered　with　decorations；　radiant　as　a　star；　amid　a　buzz　of
admiring　whispers　and　a　hum　of　respect。

But；　alas！　　he　had　no　right　to　wear　any　decoration　whatever。

He　used　to　say　to　himself：　〃It　is　really　too　difficult　for　any　man　to
obtain　the　Legion　of　Honor　unless　he　is　some　public　functionary。　　Suppose
I　try　to　be　appointed　an　officer　of　the　Academy！〃

But　he　did　not　know　how　to　set　about　it；　and　spoke　on　the　subject　to　his
wife；　who　was　stupefied。

〃Officer　of　the　Academy！　　What　have　you　done　to　deserve　it？〃

He　got　angry。　　〃I　know　what　I　am　talking　about。　　I　only　want　to　know　how
to　set　about　it。　　You　are　quite　stupid　at　times。〃

She　smiled。　　〃You　are　quite　right。　　I　don't　understand　anything　about
it。〃

An　idea　struck　him：　〃Suppose　you　were　to　speak　to　M。　Rosselin；　the
deputy；　he　might　be　able　to　advise　me。　　You　understand　I　cannot　broach
the　subject　to　him　directly。　　It　is　rather　difficult　and　delicate；　but
coming　from　you　it　might　seem　quite　natural。〃

Mme。　Caillard　did　what　he　asked　her；　and　M。　Rosselin　promised　to　speak　to
the　minister　about　it；　and　then　Caillard　began　to　worry　him；　till　the
deputy　told　him　he　must　make　a　formal　application　and　put　forward　his
claims。

〃What　were　his　charms？〃　he　said。　　〃He　was　not　even　a　Bachelor　of　Arts。〃
However；　he　set　to　work　and　produced　a　pamphlet；　with　the　title；　〃The
People's　Right　to　Instruction；〃　but　he　could　not　finish　it　for　want　of
ideas。

He　sought　for　easier　subjects；　and　began　several　in　succession。　　The
first　was；　〃The　Instruction　of　Children　by　Means　of　the　Eye。〃　　He　wanted
gratuitous　theatres　to　be　established　in　every　poor　quarter　of　Paris　for
little　children。　　Their　parents　were　to　take　them　there　when　they　were
quite　young；　and；　by　means　of　a　magic　lantern；　all　the　notions　of　human
knowledge　were　to　be　imparted　to　them。　　There　were　to　be　regular　courses。
The　sight　would　educate　the　mind；　while　the　pictures　would　remain
impressed　on　the　brain；　and　thus　science　would；　so　to　say；　be　made
visible。　　What　could　be　more　simple　than　to　teach　universal　history；
natural　history；　geography；　botany；　zoology；　anatomy；　etc。；　etc。；　in　this
manner？

He　had　his　ideas　printed　in　pamphlets；　and　sent　a　copy　to　each　deputy；
ten　to　each　minister；　fifty　to　the　President　of　the　Republic；　ten　to　each
Parisian；　and　five　to　each　provincial　newspaper。

Then　he　wrote　on　〃Street　Lending…Libraries。〃　　His　idea　was　to　have　little
pushcarts　full　of　books　drawn　about　the　streets。　　Everyone　would　have　a
right　to　ten　volumes　a　month　in　his　home　on　payment　of　one　sou。

〃The　people；〃　M。　Caillard　said；　〃will　only　disturb　itself　for　the　sake　of
its　pleasures；　and　since　it　will　not　go　to　instruction；　instruction　must
come　to　it；〃　etc。；　etc。

His　essays　attracted　no　attention；　bu