the daisy chain, or aspirations-第201章

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her！　　I　mean　there；　to　convince　her　that　I　can　be　of　something　like
use。〃

Meta　talked　so　as　to　brighten　and　invigorate　Norman　when　they　were
together；　but　they　both　grew　low…spirited　when　apart。　　The　humming…
bird　had　hardly　ever　been　so　downcast　as　at　presentthat　is；
whenever　she　was　not　engaged　in　waiting　on　her　brother；　or　in
cheering　up　Dr。　May；　or　in　any　of　the　many　gentle　offices　that　she
was　ever　fulfilling。　　She　was　greatly　disappointed；　and　full　of　fears
for　Norman；　and　dread　of　the　separation；　but　she　would　not　give　way；
and　only　now　and　then；　when　off　her　guard；　would　the　sadness　reign　on
her　face　without　an　effort。　　Alone；　she　fought　and　prayed　for
resignation　for　herself；　and　protection　and　strength　for　him；　and
chid　herself　for　the　foolish　feeling　that　he　would　be　safer　with　her。

She　told　Aunt　Flora　how　it　was　one　evening；　as　they　sat　over　the　fire
together；　speaking　with　a　would…be　tone　of　congratulation。

〃Indeed！〃　exclaimed　Mrs。　Arnott。　　〃But　that　is　a　great　pity！〃

Meta　looked　quite　brightened　by　her　saying　so。　　〃I　thought　you　would
be　glad；〃　she　rejoined。

〃Did　you　think　me　so　hard…hearted？〃

〃I　thought　you　believed　he　would　be　better　without　me。〃

〃My　dear；　we　have　not　kept　house　and　nursed　together　for　a　month　for
nothing；〃　said　Mrs。　Arnott；　smiling。

〃Thank　you；〃　said　Meta；　trying　to　answer　the　smile。　　〃You　have　taken
a　load　off　me！〃

〃I　don't　like　it　at　all；〃　said　Mrs。　Arnott。　　〃It　is　a　very
uncomfortable　plan　for　every　one。　　And　yet　when　I　know　how　great　is
the　want　of　him　out　there；　I　can　say　nothing　against　it　without　high
treason。　　Well；　my　dear；　I'll　take　all　the　care　I　can　of　Norman；　and
when　you　come；　I　shall　be　almost　as　glad　as　if　we　were　coming　home
for　good。　　Poor　Flora！　she　is　one　person　who　will　not　regret　the
arrangement。〃

〃Poor　Flora！you　think　her　really　better　this　evening？〃

〃Much　better；　indeed；　if　we　could　only　raise　her　spirits；　I　think　she
would　recover　very　well；　but　she　is　so　sadly　depressed。　　I　must　try
to　talk　to　Ethelshe　may　better　understand　her。〃

〃I　have　never　understood　Flora；〃　said　Meta。　　〃She　has　been　as　kind　to
me　as　possible；　and　I　very　soon　came　to　a　certain　point　with　her；　but
I　never　have　known　her　thoroughly。　　I　doubt　whether　any　one　did　but
dear　Margaret。〃

Flora　was；　however；　much　softened　and　less　reserved　than　she　had
been。　　She　found　great　repose　in　her　aunt's　attendance；　retracing；　as
it　did；　her　mother's　presence；　and　she　responded　to　her　tenderness
with　increasing　reliance　and　comfort；　while　as　her　strength　began　to
revive；　and　there　was　more　disposition　to　talk；　she　became　gradually
drawn　into　greater　confidence。

The　seeing　of　Ethel　was　one　of　the　difficult　questions。　　Flora　had
begun　to　wish　it　very　much；　and　yet　the　bare　idea　threw　her　into　a
nervous　tremor；　that　caused　it　to　be　put　off　again　and　again。　　Her
aunt　found　her　one　day　almost　faint　with　agitationshe　had　heard
Ethel's　voice　in　the　next　room；　and　had　been　winding　up　her
expectations；　and　now　was　as　much　grieved　as　relieved；　to　find　that
she　had　been　there　seeing　the　baby；　but　was　now　gone。

〃How　does　the　dear　Ethel　look？〃　asked　Flora　presently。

〃She　is　looking　better　to…day；　she　has　looked　very　worn　and　harassed；
but　I　thought　her　brighter　to…day。　　She　walked　over　by　Aubrey　on　his
pony；　and　I　think　it　did　her　good。〃

〃Dear　old　Ethel！　　Aunt；　it　is　a　thing　that　no　one　has　told　me　yet。
Can　you　tell　me　how　she　bore　the　news　of　Norman　Ogilvie's
engagement？〃

〃Do　you　mean〃　and　Mrs。　Arnott　stopped　short　in　her　interrogation。

〃Yes；〃　said　Flora；　answering　the　pause。

〃But　I　thought　young　Ogilvie　a　most　unexceptionable　person。〃

〃So　he　is；〃　said　Flora。　　〃I　was　much　annoyed　at　the　time；　but　she　was
resolute。〃

〃In　rejecting　him？〃

〃In　running　away　as　soon　as　she　found　what　was　likely　to　happen；〃　and
Flora；　in　a　few　words；　told　what　had　passed　at　Oxford。

〃Then　it　was　entirely　out　of　devotion　to　your　father？〃

〃Entirely；〃　said　Flora。　　〃No　one　could　look　at　her　without　seeing
that　she　liked　him。　　I　had　left　her　to　be　the　only　effective　one　at
home；　and　she　sacrificed　herself。〃

〃I　am　glad　that　I　have　seen　her；〃　said　Mrs。　Arnott。　　〃I　should　never
have　understood　her　by　description。　　I　always　said　that　I　must　come
home　to　set　my　correspondence　going　rightly。〃

〃Aunt　Flora；〃　said　her　niece；　〃do　you　remember　my　dear　mother's
unfinished　letter　to　you？〃

〃To　be　sure　I　do；　my　dear。〃

〃Nothing　ever　was　more　true；〃　said　Flora。　　〃I　read　it　over　some
little　time　ago；　when　I　set　my　papers　in　order；　and　understood　it
then。　　I　never　did　before。　　I　used　to　think　it　very　good　for　the
others。〃

〃It　is　what　one　generally　does　with　good　advice。〃

〃Do　you　recollect　the　comparison　between　Norman；　Ethel；　and　me？　　It
is　so　curious。　Norman；　who　was　ambitious　and　loved　praise；　but　now
dreads　nothing　so　much；　Ethel；　who　never　cared　for　anything　of　the
kind；　but　went　straight　on　her　own　brave　way；　and　oh！　Aunt　Florame…
…〃

〃Indeed；　my　dear；　I　should　have　thought　you　had　her　most　full
approbation。〃

〃Ah！　don't　you　see　the　tone；　as　if　she　were　not　fully　satisfied；　as
if　she　only　could　not　see　surface　faults　in　me；〃　said　Flora；　〃and　how
she　said　she　dreaded　my　love　of　praise；　and　of　being　liked。　　I　wonder
how　it　would　have　been　if　she　had　lived。　　I　have　looked　back　so　often
in　the　past　year；　and　I　think　the　hollowness　began　from　that　time。
It　might　have　been　there　before；　but　I　am　not　so　sure。　　You　see；　at
that　dreadful　time；　after　the　accident；　I　was　the　eldest　who　was　able
to　be　efficient；　and　much　more　useful　than　poor　Ethel。　　I　think　the
credit　I　gained　made　me　think　myself　perfection；　and　I　never　did
anything　afterwards　but　seek　my　own　honour。〃

Mrs。　Arnott　began　better　to　understand　Flora's　continued　depression；
but　she　thought　her　self…reproach　exaggerated；　and　said　something　at
once　soothing　and　calculated　to　encourage　her　to　undraw　the　curtain
of　reserve。

〃You　do　not　know；〃　continued　Flora；　〃how　greedy　I　was　of　credit　and
affection。　　It　made　me　jealous　of　Ethel　herself；　as　long　as　we　were
in　the　same　sphere；　and　when　I　felt　that　she　was　more　to　papa　than　I
could　be；　I　looked　beyond　home　for　praise。　　I　don't　think　the　things
I　did　were　bad　in　themselvesbrought　up　as　I　have　been；　they　could
hardly　be　so。　　I　knew　what　merits　praise　and　blame　too　well　for　that…
…but　oh！　the　motive。　　I　do　believe　I　cared　very　much　for　Cocksmoor。
I　thought　it　would　be　a　grand　thing　to　bring　about；　but；　you　see；　as
it　has　turned　out；　all　I　thought　I　had　done　for　it　was　in　vain；　and
Ethel　has　been　the　real　person　and　does　not　know　it。　　I　used　to　think
Ethel　so　inferior　to　me。　　I　left　her　all　my　work　at　home。　　If　it　had
not　been　for　that；　she　might　have　been　happy　with　Norman　Ogilviefor
never　were　two　people　better　matched；　and　now　she　has　done　what　I
never　thought　to　have　left　to　anotherwatched　over　our　own　Margaret。
Oh！　how　shall　I　ever　bear　to　see　her？〃

〃My　dear；　I　am　sure　nothing　can　be　more　affectionate　than　Ethel。　　She
does　not　think　these　things。〃

〃She　does；〃　said　Flora。　　〃She　always　knew　me　better　than　I　did
myself。　　Her　straightforward　words　should　often　have　been　rebukes　to
me。　　I　shall　see　in　every　look　and　tone　the　opinion　I　have　deserved。
I　have　shrunk　from　her　steadfast　looks　ever　since　I　myself　learned
what　I　was。　　I　could　not　bear　them　nowand　yetoh；　aunt；　you　must
bring　her！　　Ethel！　my　dear；　dear　old　Kingmy　darling's　godmother
the　last　who　was　with　Margaret！〃

She　had　fallen　into　one　of　those　fits　of　weeping　when　it　was
impossible　to　attempt　anything　but　soothing　her；　but；　though　she　was
so　much　exhausted　that　Mrs。　Arnott　expected　to　be　in　great　disgrace
with　Dr。　May　for　having　let　her　talk　herself　into　this　condition；　she
found　that　he　was　satisfied　to　find　that　she　had　so　far　relieved　her
mind；　and　declared　that　she　would　be　better　now。

The　effect　of　the　conversation　was；　that　the　next　day；　the　last　of
the　twelve　Christmas　days；　when　Ethel；　whose　yearning　after　her
sister　was　almost　equally　divided　between　dread　and　eagerness
eagerness　for　her　embrace；　and　dread　of　the　chill　of　her　reserve；
came　once　again　in　hopes　of　an　interview。　　Dr。　May　called　her　at
once。