the daisy chain, or aspirations-第146章

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know；　now；　that　it　can　only　be　done　by　following　their　bent。〃

〃You　have　seen　so　many　sorrows；〃　said　Ethel。

〃I　never　understood　till　I　felt；〃　said　Dr。　May。　　〃Those　few　first
days　were　a　lesson。〃

〃I　did　not　think　you　knew　what　was　passing；〃　said　Ethel。

〃I　doubt　whether　any　part　of　my　life　is　more　distinctly　before　me
than　those　two　days；〃　said　Dr。　May。　　〃Flora　coming　in　and　out；　and
poor　Alan　sitting　by　me；　but　I　don't　believe　I　had　any　will。　　I　could
no　more　have　moved　my　mind　than　my　broken　arm；　and　I　verily　think；
Ethel；　that；　but　for　that　merciful　torpor；　I　should　have　been
frantic。　　It　taught　me　never　to　disturb　grief。〃

〃And　what　shall　we　do？〃

〃You　must　stay　with　her　till　Flora　comes。　　I　will　be　here　as　much　as
I　can。　　She　is　our　charge；　till　they　come　home。　　I　told　him；　between
the　spasms；　that　I　had　sent　for　you；　and　he　seemed　pleased。〃

〃If　only　I　were　anybody　else！〃

Dr。　May　again　threw　his　arm　round　her；　and　looked　into　her　face。　　He
felt　that　he　had　rather　have　her；　such　as　she　was；　than　anybody　else；
and；　together；　they　sat　down；　and　talked　of　what　was　to　be　done；　and
what　was　best　for　Meta；　and　of　the　solemnity　of　being　in　the　house　of
death。　　Ethel　felt　and　showed　it　so　much；　in　her　subdued；　awe…struck
manner；　that　her　father　felt　checked　whenever　he　was　about　to　return
to　his　ordinary　manner；　familiarised；　as　he　necessarily　was；　with　the
like　scenes。　　It　drew　him　back　to　the　thought　of　their　own　trouble；
and　their　conversation　recurred　to　those　days；　so　that　each　gained　a
more　full　understanding　of　the　other；　and　they　at　length　separated；
certainly　with　the　more　peaceful　and　soft　feelings　for　being　in　the
abode　of　mourning。

Bellairs　promised　to　call　Ethel；　to　be　with　her　young　lady　as　early
as　might　be；　reporting　that　she　was　sound　asleep。　　And　sleep
continued　to　shield　her　till　past　her　usual　hour；　so　that　Ethel　was
up；　and　had　been　with　Dr。　May；　before　she　was　summoned　to　her；　and
then　she　found　her　half　dressed；　and　hastening　that　she　might　not
make　Dr。　May　late　for　breakfast；　and　in　going　to　his　patients。　　There
was　an　elasticity　in　the　happily　constituted　young　mind　that　could
not　be　entirely　struck　down；　nor　deprived　of　power　of　taking　thought
for　others。　　Yet　her　eyes　looked　wandering；　and　unlike　themselves；
and　her　words；　now　and　then；　faltered；　as　if　she　was　not　sure　what
she　was　doing　or　saying。　　Ethel　told　her　not　to　mindDr。　Spencer
would　take　care　of　the　patients；　but　she　did　not　seem　to　recollect；
at　first；　who　Dr。　Spencer　was；　nor　to　care　for　being　reminded。

Breakfast　was　laid　out　in　the　little　sitting…room。　　Ethel　wanted　to
take　the　trouble　off　her　hands；　but　she　would　not　let　her。　　She　sat
behind　her　urn；　and　asked　about　tea　or　coffee；　quite　accurately；　in　a
low；　subdued　voice；　that　nearly　overcame　Dr。　May。　　When　the　meal　was
over；　and　she　had　rung　the　bell；　and　risen　up；　as　if　to　her　daily
work；　she　turned　round；　with　that　piteous；　perplexed　air；　and　stood
for　a　moment；　as　if　confused。

〃Cannot　we　help　you？〃　said　Ethel。

〃I　don't　know。　　Thank　you。　　But；　Dr。　May；　I　must　not　keep　you　from
other　people〃

〃I　have　no　one　to　go　to　this　morning；〃　said　Dr。　May。　　〃I　am　ready　to
stay　with　you；　my　dear。〃

Meta　came　closer　to　him；　and　murmured；　〃Thank　you！〃

The　breakfast　things　had；　by　this　time；　been　taken　away；　and　Meta；
looking　to　see　that　the　door　had　shut　for　the　last　time；　said；　in　a
low　voice；　〃Now　tell　me〃

Dr。　May　drew　her　down　to　sit　on　the　sofa　beside　him；　and；　in　his
soft；　sweet　voice；　told　her　all　that　she　wished　to　learn　of　her
father's　last　hours；　and　was　glad　to　see　showers　of　quiet；　wholesome
tears　drop　freely　down；　but　without　violence；　and　she　scarcely
attempted　to　speak。　　There　was　a　pause　at　the　end；　and　then　she　said
gently；　〃Thank　you；　for　it　all。　　Dear　papa！〃　　And　she　rose　up；　and
went　back　to　her　room。

〃She　has　learned　to　dwell　apart；〃　said　Dr。　May；　much　moved。

〃How　beautiful　she　bears　up！〃　said　Ethel。

〃It　has　been　a　life　which；　as　she　has　used　it；　has　taught　her
strength　and　self…dependence　in　the　midst　of　prosperity。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　Ethel；　〃she　has　trained　herself　by　her　dread　of　self…
indulgence；　and　seeking　after　work。　　But　oh！　what　a　break　up　it　is
for　her！　　I　cannot　think　how　she　holds　up。　　Shall　I　go　to　her？〃

〃I　think　not。　　She　knows　the　way　to　the　only　Comforter。　　I　am　not
afraid　of　her　after　those　blessed　tears。〃

Dr。　May　was　right；　Meta　presently　returned　to　them；　in　the　same
gentle　subdued　sadness；　enfolding　her；　indeed；　as　a　flower　weighed
down　by　mist；　but　not　crushing　nor　taking　away　her　powers。　　It　was　as
if　she　were　truly　upheld；　and　thankful　to　her　friends　as　she　was；　she
did　not　throw　herself　on　them　in　utter　dependence　or　self…
abandonment。

She　wrote　needful　letters；　shedding　many　tears　over　them；　and　often
obliged　to　leave　off　to　give　the　blinding　weeping　its　course；　but
refusing　to　impose　any　unnecessary　task　upon　Dr。　May's　lame　arm。　　All
that　was　right；　she　strove　to　do；　she　saw　Mr。　Charles　Wilmot；　and　was
refreshed　by　his　reading　to　her；　and　when　Dr。　May　desired　it；　she
submissively　put　on　her　bonnet；　and　took　several　turns　with　Ethel　in
the　shrubbery；　though　it　made　her　cry　heartily　to　look　into　the
downstairs　rooms。　　And　she　lay　on　the　sofa　at　last；　owning　herself
strangely　tired；　she　did　not　know　why；　and　glad　that　Ethel　should
read　to　her。　　By　and　by；　she　went　to　dress　for　the　evening；　and　came
back；　full　of　the　tidings　that　one　of　the　children　in　the　village　had
been　badly　burned。　　It　occupied　her　very　muchshe　made　Ethel　promise
to　go　and　see　about　her　to…morrow；　and　sent　Bellairs　at　once　with
every　comfort　that　she　could　devise。

On　the　whole；　those　two　days　were　to　Ethel　a　peaceful　and　comfortable
time。　　She　saw　more　than　usual　of　her　father；　and　had　such
conversations　with　him　as　were　seldom　practicable　at　home；　and　that
chimed　in　with　the　unavowed　care　which　hung　on　their　minds；　while
Meta　was　a　most　sweet　and　loving　charge；　without　being　a　burden；　and
often　saying　such　beautiful　things　in　her　affectionate　resignation；
that　Ethel　could　only　admire　and　lay　them　up　in　her　mind。　　Dr。　May
went　backwards　and　forwards；　and　brought　good　accounts　of　Margaret
and　fond　messages；　he　slept　at　the　Grange　each　night；　and　Meta　used
to　sit　in　the　corner　of　the　sofa　and　work；　or　not；　as　best　suited
her；　while　she　listened　to　his　talk　with　Ethel；　and　now　and　then
herself　joined。

George　Rivers's　absence　was　a　serious　inconvenience　in　all
arrangements；　but　his　sister　dreaded　his　grief　as　much　as　she　wished
for　his　return；　and　often　were　the　posts　and　the　journeys　reckoned
over；　without　a　satisfactory　conclusion；　as　to　when　he　could　arrive
from　so　remote　a　part　of　Scotland。

At　last；　as　the　two　girls　had　finished　their　early　dinner；　the　butler
brought　in　word　that　Mr。　Norman　May　was　there。　　Meta　at　once　begged
that　he　would　come　in；　and　Ethel　went　into　the　hall　to　meet　him。　　He
looked　very　wan；　with　the　dark　rings　round　his　eyes　a　deeper　purple
than　ever；　and　he　could　hardly　find　utterance　to　ask；　〃How　is　she？〃

〃As　good　and　sweet　as　she　can　be；〃　said　Ethel　warmly；　but　no　more；
for　Meta　herself　had　come　to　the　dining…room　door；　and　was　holding
out　her　hand。　　Norman　took　it　in　both　his；　but　could　not　speak；
Meta's　own　soft　voice　was　the　first。　　〃I　thought　you　would　comehe
was　so　fond　of　you。〃

Poor　Norman　quite　gave　way；　and　Meta　was　the　one　to　speak　gentle
words　of　soothing。　　〃There　is　so　much　to　be　thankful　for；〃　she　said。
〃He　has　been　spared　so　much　of　the　suffering　Dr。　May　feared　for　him；
and　he　was　so　happy　about　George。〃

Norman　made　a　great　effort　to　recover　himself。　　Ethel　asked　for　Flora
and　George。　　It　appeared　that　they　had　been　on　an　excursion　when　the
first　letter　arrived　at　Glenbracken；　and　thus　had　received　both
together　in　the　evening；　on　their　return。　　George　had　been　greatly
overcome；　and　they　had　wished　to　set　off　instantly；　but　Lady
Glenbracken　would　not　hear　of　Flora's　travelling　night　and　day；　and
it　had　at　length　been　arranged　that　Norman　Ogilvie　should　drive
Norman　across　the　country　that　evening；　to　catch　the　mail　for
Edinburgh；　and　he　had　been　on　the　road　ever　since。　　George　was
follow