bleak house(凄凉的房子)-第309章
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sustained！ I wished to help him in his trouble； as I had wished to
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do when he showed that first commiseration for me。
“Dear Mr Woodcourt；” said I； “before we part tonight；
something is left for me to say。 I never could say it as I wish—I
never shall—but—”
I had to think again of being more deserving of his love； and his
affliction； before I could go on。
“—I am deeply sensible of your generosity； and I shall treasure
its remembrance to my dying hour。 I know full well how changed I
am； I know you are not acquainted with my history； and I know
what a noble love that is which is so faithful。 What you have said to
me； could have affected me so much from no other lips； for there
are none that could give it such a value to me。 It shall not be lost。 It
shall make me better。”
He covered his eyes with his hand； and turned away his head。
How could I ever be worthy of those tears？
“If； in the unchanged intercourse we shall have together—in
tending Richard and Ada； and I hope in many happier scenes of
life—you ever find anything in me which you can honestly think is
better than it used to be； believe that it will have sprung up from
tonight； and that I shall owe it to you。 And never believe； dear dear
Mr Woodcourt； never believe； that I forget this night； or that while
my heart beats； it can be insensible to the pride and joy of having
been beloved by you。”
He took my hand and kissed it。 He was like himself again； and I
felt still more encouraged。
“I am induced； by what you said just now；” said I； “to hope that
you have succeeded in your endeavour？”
“I have；” he answered。 “With such help from Mr Jarndyce； as
you who know him so well can imagine him to have rendered me； I
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have succeeded。”
“Heaven bless him for it；” said I； giving him my hand； “and
Heaven bless you in all you do！”
“I shall do it better for the wish；” he answered； “it will make me
enter on these new duties； as on another sacred trust from you。”
“Ah！ Richard！” I exclaimed involuntarily； “what will he do
when you are gone！”
“I am not required to go yet； I would not desert him； dear Miss
Summerson； even if I were。”
One other thing I felt it needful to touch upon； before he left
me。 I knew that I should not be worthier of the love I could not
take； if I reserved it。
“Mr Woodcourt；” said I； “you will be glad to know from my lips
before I say Good night； that in the future； which is clear and
bright before me； I am most happy； most fortunate； have nothing
to regret or to desire。”
It was indeed a glad hearing to him； he replied。
“From my childhood I have been；” said I； “the object of the
untiring goodness of the best of human beings； to whom I am so
bound by every tie of attachment； gratitude； and love； that nothing
I could do in the compass of a life could express the feelings of a
single day。”
“I share those feelings；” he returned； “You speak of Mr
Jarndyce。”
“You know his virtues well；” said I； “but few can know the
greatness of his character as I know it。 All its highest and best
qualities have been revealed to me in nothing more brightly； than
in the shaping out of that future in which I am so happy。 And if
your highest homage and respect had not been his already；—
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which I know they are；—they would have been his； I think； on this
assurance； and in the feeling it would have awakened in you
towards him for my sake。”
He fervently replied； that indeed indeed they would have been。
I gave him my hand again。
“Good night；” I said； “Good…bye。”
“The first； until we meet tomorrow： the second； as a farewell to
this theme between us for ever？”
“Yes。”
“Good night； good…bye！”
He left me； and I stood at the dark window watching the street。
His love； in all its constancy and generosity； had come so suddenly
upon me； that he had not left me a minute when my fortitude gave
way again； and the street was blotted out by my rushing tears。
But they were not tears of regret and sorrow。 No。 He had called
me the beloved of his life； and had said I would be evermore as
dear to him as I was then； and I felt as if my heart would not hold
the triumph of having heard those words。 My first wild thought
had died away。 It was not too late to hear them； for it was not too
late to be animated by them to be good； true； grateful； and
contented。 How easy my path； how much easier than his！
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Chapter 62
Another Discovery
had not the courage to see any one that night。 I had not even
the courage to see myself； for I was afraid that my tears might
Ia little reproach me。 I went up to my room in the dark； and
prayed in the dark； and lay down in the dark to sleep。 I had no
need of any light to read my Guardian’s letter by； for I knew it by
heart。 I took it from the place where I kept it； and repeated its
contents by its own clear light of integrity and love； and went to
sleep with it on my pillow。
I was up very early in the morning； and called Charley to come
for a walk。 We bought flowers for the breakfast…table； and came
back and arranged them； and were as busy as possible。 We were
so early； that I had good time still for Charley’s lesson； before
breakfast； Charley （who was not in the least improved in the old
defective article of grammar） came through it with great applause；
and we were altogether very notable。 When my Guardian
appeared； he said； “Why； little woman； you look fresher than your
flowers！” And Mrs Woodcourt repeated and translated a passage
from the Mewlinwillinwodd； expressive of my being like a
mountain with the sun upon it。
This was all so pleasant； that I hope it made me more like the
mountain than I had been before。 After breakfast； I waited my
opportunity； and peeped about a little； until I saw my Guardian in
his own room—the room of last night—by himself。 Then I made an
excuse to go in with my housekeeping keys； shutting the door after
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me。
“Well； Dame Durden？” said my Guardian； the post had brought
him several letters； and he was writing。 “You want money！”
