bleak house(凄凉的房子)-第255章
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this something from me； lest it should make me unhappy too； it
came into my head that she was a little grieved—for me—by what
I had told her about Bleak House。
How I persuaded myself that this was likely； I don’t know。 I had
no idea that there was any selfish reference in my doing so。 I was
not grieved for myself； I was quite contented and quite happy。
Still； that Ada might be thinking—for me； though I had abandoned
all such thoughts—of what once was； but was now all changed；
seemed so easy to believe； that I believed it。
What could I do to reassure my darling （I considered then） and
show her that I had no such feelings？ Well！ I could only be as brisk
and busy as possible； and that； I had tried to be all along。
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However； as Caddy’s illness had certainly interfered； more or less；
with my home duties—though I had always been there in the
morning to make my Guardian’s breakfast； and he had a hundred
times laughed； and said there must be two little women； for his
little woman was never missing—I resolved to be doubly diligent
and gay。 So I went about the house； humming all the tunes I knew；
and I sat working and working in a desperate manner； and I talked
and talked； morning noon and night。
And still there was the same shade between me and my darling。
“So； Dame Trot；” observed my Guardian shutting up his book；
one night when we were all three together； “so； Woodcourt has
restored Caddy Jellyby to the full enjoyment of life again？”
“Yes； I said； “and to be repaid by such gratitude as hers； is to be
made rich； Guardian。”
“I wish it was；” he returned； “with all my heart。”
So did I too； for that matter。 I said so。
“Aye！ We would make him as rich as a Jew； if we knew how。
Would we not； little woman？”
I laughed as I worked； and replied that I was not sure about
that； for it might spoil him； and he might not be so useful； and
there might be many who could ill spare him。 As Miss Flite； and
Caddy herself； and many others。
“True；” said my Guardian。 “I had forgotten that。 But we would
agree to make him rich enough to live； I suppose？ Rich enough to
work with tolerable peace of mind？ Rich enough to have his own
happy home； and his own household gods—and household
goddess too； perhaps？”
That was quite another thing； I said。 We must all agree in that。
“To be sure；” said my Guardian。 “All of us。 I have a great regard
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Bleak House 944
for Woodcourt； a high esteem for him； and I have been sounding
him delicately about his plans。 It is difficult to offer aid to an
independent man； with that just kind of pride which he possesses。
And yet I would be glad to do it if I might； or if I knew how。 He
seems half inclined for another voyage。 But that appears like
casting such a man away。”
“It might open a new world to him；” said I。
“So it might little woman；” my Guardian assented。 “I doubt if
he expects much of the old world。 Do you know I have fancied that
he sometimes feels some particular disappointment； or
misfortune； encountered in it。 You never heard of anything of that
sort？”
I shook my head。
“Humph；” said my Guardian。 “I am mistaken； I dare say。”
As there was a little pause here； which I thought； for my dear
girl’s satisfaction； had better be filled up； I hummed an air as I
worked which was a favourite with my Guardian。
“And do you think Mr Woodcourt will make another voyage？” I
asked him； when I had hummed it quietly all through。
“I don’t quite know what to think； my dear； but I should say it
was likely at present that he will give a long trial to another
country。”
“I am sure he will take the best wishes of all our hearts with
him wherever he goes；” said I； “and though they are not riches； he
will never be the poorer for them； Guardian； at least。”
“Never； little woman；” he replied。
I was sitting in my usual place； which was now beside my
Guardian’s chair。 That had not been my usual place before the
letter； but it was now。 I looked up at Ada； who was sitting opposite；
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and I saw； as she looked at me； that her eyes were filled with tears；
and that tears were falling down her face。 I felt that I had only to
be placid and merry once for all to undeceive my dear； and set her
loving heart at rest。 I really was so； and I had nothing to do but to
be myself。
So I made my sweet girl lean upon my shoulder—how little
thinking what was heavy on her mind！—and I said she was not
quite well； and put my arm about her； and took her upstairs。 When
we were in our own room； and when she might perhaps have told
me what I was so unprepared to hear； I gave her no
encouragement to confide in me； I never thought she stood in
need of it。
“O my dear good Esther；” said Ada； “if I could only make up my
mind to speak to you and my cousin John； when you are
together！”
“Why； my love！” I remonstrated。 “Ada？ why should you not
speak to us！”
Ada only dropped her head and pressed me closer to her heart。
“You surely don’t forget； my beauty；” said I； smiling； “what
quiet old…fashioned people we are； and how I have settled down to
be the discreetest of dames？ You don’t forget how happily and
peacefully my life is all marked out for me； and by whom？ I am
certain that you don’t forget by what a noble character； Ada。 That
can never be。”
“No； never； Esther。”
“Why； then； my dear；” said I； “there can be nothing amiss—and
why should you not speak to us！”
“Nothing amiss； Esther？” returned Ada。 “O when I think of all
these years； and of his fatherly care and kindness； and of the old
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Bleak House 946
relations among us； and of you； what shall I do； what shall I do！”
I looked at my child in some wonder； but I thought it better not
to answer； otherwise than by cheering her； and so I turned off into
many little recollections of our life together； and prevented her
from saying more。 When she lay down to sleep； and not before； I
returned to my Guardian to say good night； and then I came back
to Ada； and sat near her for a little while。
She was asleep； and I thought as I looked at her that she was a
little changed。 I had thought so； more than once lately。 I could not
decide； even looking at her while she was unconscious； how she
was changed； but something in the fam
