bleak house(凄凉的房子)-第196章
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specious to preserve that outward indifference。 It may cause other
parties interested to become lax about their interests； and people
may die off； and points may drag themselves out of memory； and
many things may smoothly happen that are convenient enough。”
I was so touched with pity for Richard； that I could not
reproach him any more； even by a look。 I remembered my
Guardian’s gentleness towards his errors； and with what perfect
freedom from resentment he had spoken of them。
“Esther；” Richard resumed； “you are not to suppose that I have
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come here to make under…handed charges against John Jarndyce。
I have only come to justify myself。 What I say is； it was all very
well； and we got on very well； while I was a boy； utterly regardless
of this same suit； but as soon as I began to take an interest in it；
and to look into it； then it was quite another thing。 Then John
Jarndyce discovers that Ada and I must break off； and that if I
don’t amend that very objectionable course； I am not fit for her。
Now； Esther； I don’t mean to amend that very objectionable
course： I will not hold John Jarndyce’s favour on those unfair
terms of compromise； which he has no right to dictate。 Whether it
pleases him or displeases him； I must maintain my rights； and
Ada’s。 I have been thinking about it a good deal； and this is the
conclusion I have come to。”
Poor dear Richard！ He had indeed been thinking about it a
good deal。 His face； his voice； his manner； all showed that； too
plainly。
“So I tell him honourably （you are to know I have written to
him about all this）； that we are at issue； and that we had better be
at issue openly than covertly。 I thank him for his goodwill and his
protection； and he goes his road； and I go mine。 The fact is； our
roads are not the same。 Under one of the wills in dispute I should
take much more than he。 I don’t mean to say that it is the one to be
established； but there it is； and it has its chance。”
“I have not to learn from you； my dear Richard；” said I； “of your
letter。 I had heard of it already； without an offended or angry
word。”
“Indeed？” replied Richard； softening。 “I am glad I said he was
an honourable man； out of all this wretched affair。 But I always
say that； and have never doubted it。 Now； my dear Esther； I know
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these views of mine appear extremely harsh to you； and will to
Ada when you tell her what has passed between us。 But if you had
gone into case as I have； if you had only applied yourself to the
papers as I did when I was at Kenge’s； if you only knew what an
accumulation of charges and counter…charges； and suspicions and
cross…suspicions； they involve； you would think me moderate in
comparison。”
“Perhaps so；” said I。 “But do you think that； among those many
papers； there is much truth and justice； Richard？”
“There is truth and justice somewhere in the case； Esther；—”
“Or was once； long ago；” said I。
“Is—is—must be somewhere；” pursued Richard； impetuously；
“and must be brought out。 To allow Ada to be made a bribe and
hush…money of； is not the way to bring it out。 You say the suit is
changing me； John Jarndyce says it changes； has changed； and
will change； everybody who has any share in it。 Then the greater
right I have on my side； when I resolve to do all I can to bring it to
an end。”
“All you can； Richard！ Do you think that in these many years no
others have done all they could？ Has the difficulty grown easier
because of so many failures？”
“It can’t last for ever；” returned Richard； with a fierceness
kindling in him which again presented to me that last sad
reminder。 “I am young and earnest； and energy and determination
have done wonders many a time。 Others have only half thrown
themselves into it。 I devote myself to it。 I make it the object of my
life。”
“Oh Richard； my dear； so much the worse； so much the worse！”
“No； no； no； don’t you be afraid for me；” he returned；
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affectionately。 “You’re a dear； good； wise； quiet； blessed girl； but
you have your prepossessions。 So I come round to John Jarndyce。
I tell you； my good Esther； when he and I were on those terms
which he found so convenient； we were not on natural terms。”
“Are division and animosity your natural terms； Richard？”
“No； I don’t say that。 I mean that all this business puts us on
unnatural terms； with which natural relations are incompatible。
See another reason for urging it on！ I may find out； when it’s over；
that I have been mistaken in John Jarndyce。 My head may be
clearer when I am free of it； and I may then agree with what you
say today。 Very well。 Then I shall acknowledge it； and make him
reparation。”
Everything postponed to that imaginary time！ Everything held
in confusion and indecision until then！
“Now； my best of confidantes；” said Richard； “I want my cousin；
Ada； to understand that I am not captious； fickle； and wilful； about
John Jarndyce； but that I have this purpose and reason at my
back。 I wish to represent myself to her through you； because she
has a great esteem and respect for her cousin John； and I know
you will soften the course I take； even though you disapprove of it；
and—and in short；” said Richard； who had been hesitating
through these words； “I—I don’t like to represent myself in this
litigious； contentions； doubting character； to a confiding girl like
Ada。”
I told him that he was more like himself in those latter words；
than in anything he had said yet。
“Why；” acknowledged Richard； “that may be true enough； my
love。 I rather feel it to be so。 But I shall be able to give myself fair…
play by and by。 I shall come all right again； then； don’t you be
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afraid。”
I asked him if this were all he wished me to tell Ada？
“Not quite；” said Richard。 “I am bound not to withhold from
her that John Jarndyce answered my letter in his usual manner；
addressing me as ‘My dear Rick；’ trying to argue me out of my
opinions； and telling me that they should make no difference in
him。 （All very well of course； but not altering the case。） I also want
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