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his   becoming     disgusted    with   waiting察  and   makes     an  untimely 

departure。 At last the enemy retreats察and then Smallweed fetches 

Mr Jobling up。 

   ^Well察and how are you拭院says Mr Guppy察shaking hands with 

him。 

   ^So察so。 How are you拭院

   Mr Guppy replying that he is not much to boast of察Mr Jobling 

ventures on the question察 How is she拭院This Mr Guppy resents as 

a   liberty察 retorting察   Jobling察   there   are  chords    in  the  human 

mind! ̄ Jobling begs pardon。 

   ^Any      subject   but   that 院  says   Mr    Guppy察   with    a  gloomy 

enjoyment      of  his  injury。  ^For   there   are  chords察  Jobling! ̄     Mr 

Jobling begs pardon again。 

   During this short colloquy察the active Smallweed察who is of the 

dinner   party察  has   written   in   legal   characters   on   a   slip   of   paper察

^Return      immediately。 ̄      This   notification   to  all  whom     it  may 

concern察he inserts in the letter´box察and then putting on the tall 



Charles Dickens                                                 ElecBook Classics 


´ Page 384´

                                   Bleak House                                     384 



hat察  at   the  angle   of   inclination   at  which     Mr   Guppy     wears    his察

informs his patron that they may now make themselves scarce。 

    Accordingly  they  betake   themselves   to  a neighbouring  dining´ 

house察     of   the   class    known      among      its   frequenters      by    the 

denomination   Slap´Bang察  where   the   waitress察  a   bouncing   young 

female of forty察is supposed to have made some impression on the 

susceptible Smallweed察of whom it may be remarked that he is a 

weird      changeling察     to   whom      years     are   nothing。     He     stands 

precociously  possessed   of  centuries   of   owlish   wisdom。   If   he   ever 

lay in a cradle察it seems as if he must have lain there in a tail´coat。 

He has an old察old eye察has Smallweed察and he drinks察and smokes察

in a   monkeyish  way察and   his neck   is   stiff   in   his   collar察  and   he   is 

never to be taken in察and he knows all about it察whatever it is。 In 

short察   in  his   bringing   up察  he   has   been    so   nursed   by   Law    and 

Equity   that   he   has   become   a   kind   of   fossil   Imp察  to   account   for 

whose terrestrial existence it is reported at the public offices that 

his father was John Doe察and his mother the only female member 

of the Roe family此also that his first long´clothes were made from a 

blue bag。 

    Into the Dining House察unaffected by the seductive show in the 

window察of artificially whitened cauliflowers and poultry察verdant 

baskets of  peas察coolly blooming cucumbers察and  joints  ready  for 

the spit察Mr Smallweed leads the way。 They know him there察and 

defer to him。 He has his favourite box察he bespeaks all the papers察

he   is   down   upon bald   patriarchs察  who   keep   them   more   than   ten 

minutes afterwards。   It is   of  no  use   trying  him   with anything less 

than   a   full´sized   ^bread察院  or   proposing   to   him   any   joint   in   cut察

unless     it   is  in  the  very  best  cut。  In   the  matter     of  gravy   he   is 

adamant。 



Charles Dickens                                                      ElecBook Classics 


´ Page 385´

                                    Bleak House                                      385 



    Conscious       of  his   elfin   power察   and    submitting      to  his   dread 

experience察  Mr   Guppy   consults   him   in   the   choice   of   that   day¨s 

banquet察  turning   an   appealing  look   towards   him   as   the   waitress 

repeats   the   catalogue   of   viands察  and   saying   ^What   do   you   take察

Chick拭院  Chick察  out  of  the  profundity  of  his artfulness察  preferring 

^veal     and   ham     and    French     beans!And         don¨t    you   forget    the 

stuffing察Polly察院。with an unearthly cock of his venerable eye察Mr 

Guppy and Mr Jobling give the like order。 Three pint pots of half´ 

and´half      are   superadded。      Quickly   the    waitress     returns察  bearing 

what   is   apparently   a   model   of   the   tower   of   Babel察  but   what   is 

really   a   pile   of  plates   and    flat  tin  dish´covers。     Mr    Smallweed察

approving of what is set before him察conveys intelligent benignity 

into his ancient eye察and   winks   upon   her。   Then察  amid a   constant 

coming   in察  and     going   out察   and   running   about察     and    a   clatter   of 

crockery察     and   a   rumbling   up     and   down     of  the   machine      which 

brings the nice cuts from the kitchen察and a shrill crying for more 

nice   cuts   down   the   speaking´pipe察  and   a   shrill   reckoning   of   the 

cost  of  nice  cuts   that  have   been disposed   of察  and   a   general   flush 

and steam of hot joints察cut and uncut察and a considerably heated 

atmosphere   in   which   the   soiled   knives   and   tablecloths   seem   to 

break out spontaneously into eruptions of grease and   blotches   of 

beer察the legal triumvirate appease their appetites。 

    Mr  Jobling  is   buttoned   up   closer  than   mere adornment  might 

require。   His   hat   presents   at   the   rims   a   peculiar   appearance   of   a 

glistening  nature察  as   if   it   had   been   a   favourite   snail   promenade。 

The   same   phenomenon   is   visible   on   some   parts   of   his   coat察  and 

particularly      at   the  seams。     He    has   the   faded    appearance       of  a 

gentleman in embarrassed circumstances察even his light whiskers 

droop with something of a shabby air。 



Charles Dickens                                                        ElecBook Classics 


´ Page 386´

                                  Bleak House                                    386 



    His appetite is so vigorous察that it suggests spare living for some 

little time back。 He makes such a   speedy  end   of   his plate   of   veal 

and    ham察   bringing    it  to  a  close  while   his   companions      are   yet 

midway in   theirs察  that  Mr  Guppy  proposes another。   ^Thank   you察

Guppy察院says Mr Jobling察 I really don¨t know but what I will take 

another。 ̄ 

   Another being brought察he falls to with great good will。 

    Mr Guppy takes silent notice of him at intervals察until he is half 

way through this second plate and stops to take an enjoying pull at 

his pint pot of half´and´half also renewed察and stretches   out  his 

legs    and    rubs   his   hands。    Beholding      him    in   which    glow    of 

contentment察Mr Guppy says此

    ^You   are   a   man   again察  Tony 院   Well察  not   quite察  yet察院  says   Mr 

Jobling。 ^Say察just born。 ̄ 

    ^Will   you   take   any   other   vegetables拭  Grass拭  Peas拭  Summer 

cabbage拭院

    ^Thank you察Guppy察院says Mr Jobling。 ^I really don¨t know but 

what I will take summer cabbage。 ̄ 

    Order given察with the sarcastic addition from Mr Smallweed of 

^Without slugs察Polly 院And cabbage produced。 

    ^I   am   growing   up察  Guppy察院  says   Mr   Jobling察  plying   his   knife 

and fork with a relishing steadiness。 

    ^Glad to hear it。 ̄ 

    ^In fact察I have just turned into my teens察院says Mr Jobling。 

    He   says   no   more   until   he   has   performed   his   task察  which   he 

achieves     as   Messrs。    Guppy     and   Smallweed       finish   theirs察 thus 

getting over  the   ground   in   excellent style察  and beating  those   two 

gentlemen easily by a veal and ham and a cabbage。 

    ^Now   Small察院  says   Mr   Guppy察   what   would   you   recommend 



Charles Dickens                                                     ElecBook Classics 


´ Page 387´

                                  Bleak House                                  

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