confessions of an english opium-eater-第5章

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illages　remote　from　the　high　road。　　Here　I　wrote；　on　my　first　introduction；　a　letter　about　prize…　money；　for　one　of　the　brothers；　who　had　served　on　board　an　English　man…of…war；　and；　more　privately；　two　love…letters　for　two　of　the　sisters。　　They　were　both　interesting…looking　girls；　and　one　of　uncommon　loveliness。　　In　the　midst　of　their　confusion　and　blushes；　whilst　dictating；　or　rather　giving　me　general　instructions；　it　did　not　require　any　great　penetration　to　discover　that　what　they　wished　was　that　their　letters　should　be　as　kind　as　was　consistent　with　proper　maidenly　pride。　　I　contrived　so　to　temper　my　expressions　as　to　reconcile　the　gratification　of　both　feelings；　and　they　were　as　much　pleased　with　the　way　in　which　I　had　expressed　their　thoughts　as　（in　their　simplicity）　they　were　astonished　at　my　having　so　readily　discovered　them。　　The　reception　one　meets　with　from　the　women　of　a　family　generally　determines　the　tenor　of　one's　whole　entertainment。　In　this　case　I　had　discharged　my　confidential　duties　as　secretary　so　much　to　the　general　satisfaction；　perhaps　also　amusing　them　with　my　conversation；　that　I　was　pressed　to　stay　with　a　cordiality　which　I　had　little　inclination　to　resist。　　I　slept　with　the　brothers；　the　only　unoccupied　bed　standing　in　the　apartment　of　the　young　women；　but　in　all　other　points　they　treated　me　with　a　respect　not　usually　paid　to　purses　as　light　as　mineas　if　my　scholarship　were　sufficient　evidence　that　I　was　of　〃gentle　blood。〃　　Thus　I　lived　with　them　for　three　days　and　great　part　of　a　fourth；　and；　from　the　undiminished　kindness　which　they　continued　to　show　me；　I　believe　I　might　have　stayed　with　them　up　to　this　time；　if　their　power　had　corresponded　with　their　wishes。　　On　the　last　morning；　however；　I　perceived　upon　their　countenances；　as　they　sate　at　breakfast；　the　expression　of　some　unpleasant　communication　which　was　at　hand；　and　soon　after；　one　of　the　brothers　explained　to　me　that　their　parents　had　gone；　the　day　before　my　arrival；　to　an　annual　meeting　of　Methodists；　held　at　Carnarvon；　and　were　that　day　expected　to　return；　〃and　if　they　should　not　be　so　civil　as　they　ought　to　be；〃　he　begged；　on　the　part　of　all　the　young　people；　that　I　would　not　take　it　amiss。　The　parents　returned　with　churlish　faces；　and　〃Dym　Sassenach〃　（no　English）　in　answer　to　all　my　addresses。　　I　saw　how　matters　stood；　and　so；　taking　an　affectionate　leave　of　my　kind　and　interesting　young　hosts；　I　went　my　way；　for；　though　they　spoke　warmly　to　their　parents　in　my　behalf；　and　often　excused　the　manner　of　the　old　people　by　saying　it　was　〃only　their　way；〃　yet　I　easily　understood　that　my　talent　for　writing　love…letters　would　do　as　little　to　recommend　me　with　two　grave　sexagenarian　Welsh　Methodists　as　my　Greek　sapphics　or　alcaics；　and　what　had　been　hospitality　when　offered　to　me　with　the　gracious　courtesy　of　my　young　friends；　would　become　charity　when　connected　with　the　harsh　demeanour　of　these　old　people。　　Certainly；　Mr。　Shelley　is　right　in　his　notions　about　old　age：　　unless　powerfully　counteracted　by　all　sorts　of　opposite　agencies；　it　is　a　miserable　corrupter　and　blighter　to　the　genial　charities　of　the　human　heart。

Soon　after　this　I　contrived；　by　means　which　I　must　omit　for　want　of　room；　to　transfer　myself　to　London。　　And　now　began　the　latter　and　fiercer　stage　of　my　long　sufferings；　without　using　a　disproportionate　expression　I　might　say；　of　my　agony。　　For　I　now　suffered；　for　upwards　of　sixteen　weeks；　the　physical　anguish　of　hunger　in。　　I　various　degrees　of　intensity；　but　as　bitter　perhaps　as　ever　any　human　being　can　have　suffered　who　has　survived　it　would　not　needlessly　harass　my　reader's　feelings　by　a　detail　of　all　that　I　endured；　for　extremities　such　as　these；　under　any　circumstances　of　heaviest　misconduct　or　guilt；　cannot　be　contemplated；　even　in　description；　without　a　rueful　pity　that　is　painful　to　the　natural　goodness　of　the　human　heart。　　Let　it　suffice；　at　least　on　this　occasion；　to　say　that　a　few　fragments　of　bread　from　the　breakfast…　table　of　one　individual　（who　supposed　me　to　be　ill；　but　did　not　know　of　my　being　in　utter　want）；　and　these　at　uncertain　intervals；　constituted　my　whole　support。　　During　the　former　part　of　my　sufferings　（that　is；　generally　in　Wales；　and　always　for　the　first　two　months　in　London）　I　was　houseless；　and　very　seldom　slept　under　a　roof。　　　To　this　constant　exposure　to　the　open　air　I　ascribe　it　mainly　that　I　did　not　sink　under　my　torments。　　Latterly；　however；　when　colder　and　more　inclement　weather　came　on；　and　when；　from　the　length　of　m　sufferings；　I　had　begun　to　sink　into　a　more　languishing　condition；　it　was　no　doubt　fortunate　for　me　that　the　same　person　to　whose　breakfast…table　I　had　access；　allowed　me　to　sleep　in　a　large　unoccupied　house　of　which　he　was　tenant。　　Unoccupied　I　call　it；　for　there　was　no　household　or　establishment　in　it；　nor　any　furniture；　indeed；　except　a　table　and　a　few　chairs。　　But　I　found；　on　taking　possession　of　my　new　quarters；　that　the　house　already　contained　one　single　inmate；　a　poor　friendless　child；　apparently　ten　years　old；　but　she　seemed　hunger…bitten；　and　sufferings　of　that　sort　often　make　children　look　older　than　they　are。　　From　this　forlorn　child　I　learned　that　she　had　slept　and　lived　there　alone　for　some　time　before　I　came；　and　great　joy　the　poor　creature　expressed　when　she　found　that　I　was　in　future　to　be　her　companion　through　the　hours　of　darkness。　　The　house　was　large；　and；　from　the　want　of　furniture；　the　noise　of　the　rats　made　a　prodigious　echoing　on　the　spacious　staircase　and　hall；　and　amidst　the　real　fleshly　ills　of　cold　and；　I　fear；　hunger；　the　forsaken　child　had　found　leisure　to　suffer　still　more　（it　appeared）　from　the　self…created　one　of　ghosts。　　I　promised　her　protection　against　all　ghosts　whatsoever；　but　alas！　I　could　offer　her　no　other　assistance。　　We　lay　upon　the　floor；　with　a　bundle　of　cursed　law　papers　for　a　pillow；　but　with　no　other　covering　than　a　sort　of　large　horseman's　cloak；　afterwards；　however；　we　discovered　in　a　garret　an　old　sofa…cover；　a　small　piece　of　rug；　and　some　fragments　of　other　articles；　which　added　a　little　to　our　warmth。　The　poor　child　crept　close　to　me　for　warmth；　and　for　security　against　her　ghostly　enemies。　　When　I　was　not　more　than　usually　ill　I　took　her　into　my　arms；　so　that　in　general　she　was　tolerably　warm；　and　often　slept　when　I　could　not；　for　during　the　last　two　months　of　my　sufferings　I　slept　much　in　daytime；　and　was　apt　to　fall　into　transient　dosings　at　all　hours。　　But　my　sleep　distressed　me　more　than　my　watching；　for　beside　the　tumultuousness　of　my　dreams　（which　were　only　not　so　awful　as　those　which　I　shall　have　to　describe　hereafter　as　produced　by　opium）；　my　sleep　was　never　more　than　what　is　called　DOG…SLEEP；　so　that　I　could　hear　myself　moaning；　and　was　often；　as　it　seemed　to　me；　awakened　suddenly　by　my　own　voice；　and　about　this　time　a　hideous　sensation　began　to　haunt　me　as　soon　as　I　fell　into　a　slumber；　which　has　since　returned　upon　me　at　different　periods　of　my　lifeviz。；　a　sort　of　twitching　（I　know　not　where；　but　apparently　about　the　region　of　the　stomach）　which　compelled　me　violently　to　throw　out　my　feet　for　the　sake　of　relieving　it。　　This　sensation　coming　on　as　soon　as　I　began　to　sleep；　and　the　effort　to　relieve　it　constantly　awaking　me；　at　length　I　slept　only　from　exhaustion；　and　from　increasing　weakness　（as　I　said　before）　I　was　constantly　falling　asleep　and　constantly　awaking。　　Meantime；　the　master　of　the　house　sometimes　came　in　upon　us　suddenly；　and　very　early；　sometimes　not　till　ten　o'clock；　sometimes　not　at　all。　　He　was　in　constant　fear　of　bailiffs。　　Improving　on　the　plan　of　Cromwell；　every　night　he　slept　in　a　different　quarter　of　London；　and　I　observed　that　he　never　failed　to　examine　through　a　private　window　the　appearance　of　those　who　knocked　at　the　door　before　he　would　allow　it　to　be　opened。　　He　breaksfasted　alone；　indeed；　his　tea　equipage　would　hardly　have　admitted　of　his　hazarding　an　invitation　to　a　second　person；　any　more　than　the　quantity　of　esculent　materiel；　which　for　the　most　part　was　little　more　than　a　roll　or　a　few　biscuits　which　he　had　bought　on　his　road　from　the　place　where　he　had　slept。　　Or；　if　he　HAD　asked　a　partyas　I　once　learnedly　and　facetiously　observed　to　himthe　several　members　of　it　must　have　STOOD　in　the　relat