confessions of an english opium-eater-第24章

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erused　the　following　affecting　narrative。　It　was　composed　for　the　purpose　of　being　appended　to　an　edition　of　the　Confessions　in　a　separate　volume；　which　is　already　before　the　public；　and　we　have　reprinted　it　entire；　that　our　subscribers　may　be　in　possession　of　the　whole　of　this　extraordinary　history。


The　proprietors　of　this　little　work　having　determined　on　reprinting　it；　some　explanation　seems　called　for；　to　account　for　the　non…　appearance　of　a　third　part　promised　in　the　London　Magazine　of　December　last；　and　the　more　so　because　the　proprietors；　under　whose　guarantee　that　promise　was　issued；　might　otherwise　be　implicated　in　the　blamelittle　or　muchattached　to　its　non…fulfilment。　　This　blame；　in　mere　justice；　the　author　takes　wholly　upon　himself。　　What　may　be　the　exact　amount　of　the　guilt　which　he　thus　appropriates　is　a　very　dark　question　to　his　own　judgment；　and　not　much　illuminated　by　any　of　the　masters　in　casuistry　whom　he　has　consulted　on　the　occasion。　　On　the　one　hand　it　seems　generally　agreed　that　a　promise　is　binding　in　the　inverse　ratio　of　the　numbers　to　whom　it　is　made；　for　which　reason　it　is　that　we　see　many　persons　break　promises　without　scruple　that　are　made　to　a　whole　nation；　who　keep　their　faith　religiously　in　all　private　engagements；　breaches　of　promise　towards　the　stronger　party　being　committed　at　a　man's　own　peril；　on　the　other　hand；　the　only　parties　interested　in　the　promises　of　an　author　are　his　readers；　and　these　it　is　a　point　of　modesty　in　any　author　to　believe　as　few　as　possibleor　perhaps　only　one；　in　which　case　any　promise　imposes　a　sanctity　of　moral　obligation　which　it　is　shocking　to　think　of。　　Casuistry　dismissed；　however；　the　author　throws　himself　on　the　indulgent　consideration　of　all　who　may　conceive　themselves　aggrieved　by　his　delay；　in　the　following　account　of　his　own　condition　from　the　end　of　last　year；　when　the　engagement　was　made；　up　nearly　to　the　present　time。　　For　any　purpose　of　self…　excuse　it　might　be　sufficient　to　say　that　intolerable　bodily　suffering　had　totally　disabled　him　for　almost　any　exertion　of　mind；　more　especially　for　such　as　demands　and　presupposes　a　pleasurable　and　genial　state　of　feeling；　but；　as　a　case　that　may　by　possibility　contribute　a　trifle　to　the　medical　history　of　opium；　in　a　further　stage　of　its　action　than　can　often　have　been　brought　under　the　notice　of　professional　men；　he　has　judged　that　it　might　be　acceptable　to　some　readers　to　have　it　described　more　at　length。　Fiat　experimentum　in　corpore　vili　is　a　just　rule　where　there　is　any　reasonable　presumption　of　benefit　to　arise　on　a　large　scale。　　What　the　benefit　may　be　will　admit　of　a　doubt；　but　there　can　be　none　as　to　the　value　of　the　body；　for　a　more　worthless　body　than　his　own　the　author　is　free　to　confess　cannot　be。　　It　is　his　pride　to　believe　that　it　is　the　very　ideal　of　a　base；　crazy；　despicable　human　system；　that　hardly　ever　could　have　been　meant　to　be　seaworthy　for　two　days　under　the　ordinary　storms　and　wear　and　tear　of　life；　and　indeed；　if　that　were　the　creditable　way　of　disposing　of　human　bodies；　he　must　own　that　he　should　almost　be　ashamed　to　bequeath　his　wretched　structure　to　any　respectable　dog。　　But　now　to　the　case；　which；　for　the　sake　of　avoiding　the　constant　recurrence　of　a　cumbersome　periphrasis；　the　author　will　take　the　liberty　of　giving　in　the　first　person。


Those　who　have　read　the　Confessions　will　have　closed　them　with　the　impression　that　I　had　wholly　renounced　the　use　of　opium。　　This　impression　I　meant　to　convey；　and　that　for　two　reasons：　　first；　because　the　very　act　of　deliberately　recording　such　a　state　of　suffering　necessarily　presumes　in　the　recorder　a　power　of　surveying　his　own　case　as　a　cool　spectator；　and　a　degree　of　spirits　for　adequately　describing　it　which　it　would　be　inconsistent　to　suppose　in　any　person　speaking　from　the　station　of　an　actual　sufferer；　secondly；　because　I；　who　had　descended　from　so　large　a　quantity　as　8；000　drops　to　so　small　a　one　（comparatively　speaking）　as　a　quantity　ranging　between　300　and　160　drops；　might　well　suppose　that　the　victory　was　in　effect　achieved。　　In　suffering　my　readers；　therefore；　to　think　of　me　as　of　a　reformed　opium…eater；　I　left　no　impression　but　what　I　shared　myself；　and；　as　may　be　seen；　even　this　impression　was　left　to　be　collected　from　the　general　tone　of　the　conclusion；　and　not　from　any　specific　words；　which　are　in　no　instance　at　variance　with　the　literal　truth。　　In　no　long　time　after　that　paper　was　written　I　became　sensible　that　the　effort　which　remained　would　cost　me　far　more　energy　than　I　had　anticipated；　and　the　necessity　for　making　it　was　more　apparent　every　month。　　In　particular　I　became　aware　of　an　increasing　callousness　or　defect　of　sensibility　in　the　stomach；　and　this　I　imagined　might　imply　a　scirrhous　state　of　that　organ；　either　formed　or　forming。　　An　eminent　physician；　to　whose　kindness　I　was　at　that　time　deeply　indebted；　informed　me　that　such　a　termination　of　my　case　was　not　impossible；　though　likely　to　be　forestalled　by　a　different　termination　in　the　event　of　my　continuing　the　use　of　opium。　　Opium　therefore　I　resolved　wholly　to　abjure　as　soon　as　I　should　find　myself　at　liberty　to　bend　my　undivided　attention　and　energy　to　this　purpose。　　It　was　not；　however；　until　the　24th　of　June　last　that　any　tolerable　concurrence　of　facilities　for　such　an　attempt　arrived。　　On　that　day　I　began　my　experiment；　having　previously　settled　in　my　own　mind　that　I　would　not　flinch；　but　would　〃stand　up　to　the　scratch〃　under　any　possible　〃punishment。〃　I　must　premise　that　about　170　or　180　drops　had　been　my　ordinary　allowance　for　many　months；　occasionally　I　had　run　up　as　high　as　500；　and　once　nearly　to　700；　in　repeated　preludes　to　my　final　experiment　I　had　also　gone　as　low　as　100　drops；　but　had　found　it　impossible　to　stand　it　beyond　the　fourth　daywhich；　by　the　way；　I　have　always　found　more　difficult　to　get　over　than　any　of　the　preceding　three。　　I　went　off　under　easy　sail130　drops　a　day　for　three　days；　on　the　fourth　I　plunged　at　once　to　80。　　The　misery　which　I　now　suffered　〃took　the　conceit〃　out　of　me　at　once；　and　for　about　a　month　I　continued　off　and　on　about　this　mark；　then　I　sunk　to　60；　and　the　next　day　tonone　at　all。　　This　was　the　first　day　for　nearly　ten　years　that　I　had　existed　without　opium。　　I　persevered　in　my　abstinence　for　ninety　hours；　i。e。；　upwards　of　half　a　week。　　Then　I　tookask　me　not　how　much；　say；　ye　severest；　what　would　ye　have　done？　　Then　I　abstained　againthen　took　about　25　drops　then　abstained；　and　so　on。

Meantime　the　symptoms　which　attended　my　case　for　the　first　six　weeks　of　my　experiment　were　these：　　enormous　irritability　and　excitement　of　the　whole　system；　the　stomach　in　particular　restored　to　a　full　feeling　of　vitality　and　sensibility；　but　often　in　great　pain；　unceasing　restlessness　night　and　day；　sleepI　scarcely　knew　what　it　was；　three　hours　out　of　the　twenty…four　was　the　utmost　I　had；　and　that　so　agitated　and　shallow　that　I　heard　every　sound　that　was　near　me。　　Lower　jaw　constantly　swelling；　mouth　ulcerated；　and　many　other　distressing　symptoms　that　would　be　tedious　to　repeat；　amongst　which；　however；　I　must　mention　one；　because　it　had　never　failed　to　accompany　any　attempt　to　renounce　opiumviz。；　violent　sternutation。　This　now　became　exceedingly　troublesome；　sometimes　lasting　for　two　hours　at　once；　and　recurring　at　least　twice　or　three　times　a　day。　　I　was　not　much　surprised　at　this　on　recollecting　what　I　had　somewhere　heard　or　read；　that　the　membrane　which　lines　the　nostrils　is　a　prolongation　of　that　which　lines　the　stomach；　whence；　I　believe；　are　explained　the　inflammatory　appearances　about　the　nostrils　of　dram　drinkers。　　The　sudden　restoration　of　its　original　sensibility　to　the　stomach　expressed　itself；　I　suppose；　in　this　way。　　It　is　remarkable　also　that　during　the　whole　period　of　years　through　which　I　had　taken　opium　I　had　never　once　caught　cold　（as　the　phrase　is）；　nor　even　the　slightest　cough。　　But　now　a　violent　cold　attacked　me；　and　a　cough　soon　after。　　In　an　unfinished　fragment　of　a　letter　begun　about　this　time　toI　find　these　words：　　〃You　ask　me　to　write　theDo　you　know　Beaumont　and　Fletcher's　play　of　〃Thierry　and　Theodore〃？　　There　you　will　see　my　case　as　to　sleep；　nor　is　it　much　of　an　exaggeration　in　other　features。　　I　protest　to　you　that