confessions of an english opium-eater-第15章

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Oh；　just；　subtle；　and　mighty　opium！　that　to　the　hearts　of　poor　and　rich　alike；　for　the　wounds　that　will　never　heal；　and　for　〃the　pangs　that　tempt　the　spirit　to　rebel；〃　bringest　an　assuaging　balm；　eloquent　opium！　that　with　thy　potent　rhetoric　stealest　away　the　purposes　of　wrath；　and　to　the　guilty　man　for　one　night　givest　back　the　hopes　of　his　youth；　and　hands　washed　pure　from　blood；　and　to　the　proud　man　a　brief　oblivion　for


Wrongs　undress'd　and　insults　unavenged；


that　summonest　to　the　chancery　of　dreams；　for　the　triumphs　of　suffering　innocence；　false　witnesses；　and　confoundest　perjury；　and　dost　reverse　the　sentences　of　unrighteous　judges；thou　buildest　upon　the　bosom　of　darkness；　out　of　the　fantastic　imagery　of　the　brain；　cities　and　temples　beyond　the　art　of　Phidias　and　Praxiteles　beyond　the　splendour　of　Babylon　and　Hekatompylos；　and　〃from　the　anarchy　of　dreaming　sleep〃　callest　into　sunny　light　the　faces　of　long…buried　beauties　and　the　blessed　household　countenances　cleansed　from　the　〃dishonours　of　the　grave。〃　　Thou　only　givest　these　gifts　to　man；　and　thou　hast　the　keys　of　Paradise；　oh；　just；　subtle；　and　mighty　opium！


INTRODUCTION　TO　THE　PAINS　OF　OPIUM


Courteous；　and　I　hope　indulgent；　reader　（for　all　MY　readers　must　be　indulgent　ones；　or　else　I　fear　I　shall　shock　them　too　much　to　count　on　their　courtesy）；　having　accompanied　me　thus　far；　now　let　me　request　you　to　move　onwards　for　about　eight　years；　that　is　to　say；　from　1804　（when　I　have　said　that　my　acquaintance　with　opium　first　began）　to　1812。　　The　years　of　academic　life　are　now　over　and　gone　almost　forgotten；　the　student's　cap　no　longer　presses　my　temples；　if　my　cap　exist　at　all；　it　presses　those　of　some　youthful　scholar；　I　trust；　as　happy　as　myself；　and　as　passionate　a　lover　of　knowledge。　My　gown　is　by　this　time；　I　dare　say；　in　the　same　condition　with　many　thousand　excellent　books　in　the　Bodleian；　viz。；　diligently　perused　by　certain　studious　moths　and　worms；　or　departed；　however　（which　is　all　that　I　know　of　his　fate）；　to　that　great　reservoir　of　SOMEWHERE　to　which　all　the　tea…cups；　tea…caddies；　tea…pots；　tea…kettles；　&c。；　have　departed　（not　to　speak　of　still　frailer　vessels；　such　as　glasses；　decanters；　bed…makers；　&c。）；　which　occasional　resemblances　in　the　present　generation　of　tea…cups；　&c。；　remind　me　of　having　once　possessed；　but　of　whose　departure　and　final　fate　I；　in　common　with　most　gownsmen　of　either　university；　could　give；　I　suspect；　but　an　obscure　and　conjectural　history。　　The　persecutions　of　the　chapel…　bell；　sounding　its　unwelcome　summons　to　six　o'clock　matins；　interrupts　my　slumbers　no　longer；　the　porter　who　rang　it；　upon　whose　beautiful　nose　（bronze；　inlaid　with　copper）　I　wrote；　in　retaliation　so　many　Greek　epigrams　whilst　I　was　dressing；　is　dead；　and　has　ceased　to　disturb　anybody；　and　I；　and　many　others　who　suffered　much　from　his　tintinnabulous　propensities；　have　now　agreed　to　overlook　his　errors；　and　have　forgiven　him。　　Even　with　the　bell　I　am　now　in　charity；　it　rings；　I　suppose；　as　formerly；　thrice　a…day；　and　cruelly　annoys；　I　doubt　not；　many　worthy　gentlemen；　and　disturbs　their　peace　of　mind；　but　as　to　me；　in　this　year　1812；　I　regard　its　treacherous　voice　no　longer　（treacherous　I　call　it；　for；　by　some　refinement　of　malice；　it　spoke　in　as　sweet　and　silvery　tones　as　if　it　had　been　inviting　one　to　a　party）；　its　tones　have　no　longer；　indeed；　power　to　reach　me；　let　the　wind　sit　as　favourable　as　the　malice　of　the　bell　itself　could　wish；　for　I　am　250　miles　away　from　it；　and　buried　in　the　depth　of　mountains。　　And　what　am　I　doing　among　the　mountains？　Taking　opium。　　Yes；　but　what　else？　　Why　reader；　in　1812；　the　year　we　are　now　arrived　at；　as　well　as　for　some　years　previous；　I　have　been　chiefly　studying　German　metaphysics　in　the　writings　of　Kant；　Fichte；　Schelling；　&c。　　And　how　and　in　what　manner　do　I　live？in　short；　what　class　or　description　of　men　do　I　belong　to？　　I　am　at　this　periodviz。　in　1812living　in　a　cottage　and　with　a　single　female　servant　（honi　soit　qui　mal　y　pense）；　who　amongst　my　neighbours　passes　by　the　name　of　my　〃housekeeper。〃　　And　as　a　scholar　and　a　man　of　learned　education；　and　in　that　sense　a　gentleman；　I　may　presume　to　class　myself　as　an　unworthy　member　of　that　indefinite　body　called　GENTLEMEN。　　Partly　on　the　ground　I　have　assigned　perhaps；　partly　because　from　my　having　no　visible　calling　or　business；　it　is　rightly　judged　that　I　must　be　living　on　my　private　fortune；　I　am　so　classed　by　my　neighbours；　and　by　the　courtesy　of　modern　England　I　am　usually　addressed　on　letters；　&c。；　〃Esquire；〃　though　having；　I　fear；　in　the　rigorous　construction　of　heralds；　but　slender　pretensions　to　that　distinguished　honour；　yet　in　popular　estimation　I　am　X。　Y。　Z。；　Esquire；　but　not　justice　of　the　Peace　nor　Custos　Rotulorum。　　Am　I　married？　　Not　yet。　　And　I　still　take　opium？　　On　Saturday　nights。　And　perhaps　have　taken　it　unblushingly　ever　since　〃the　rainy　Sunday；〃　and　〃the　stately　Pantheon；〃　and　〃the　beatific　druggist〃　of　1804？　　Even　so。　　And　how　do　I　find　my　health　after　all　this　opium…　eating？　　In　short；　how　do　I　do？　　Why；　pretty　well；　I　thank　you；　reader；　in　the　phrase　of　ladies　in　the　straw；　〃as　well　as　can　be　expected。〃　　In　fact；　if　I　dared　to　say　the　real　and　simple　truth；　though；　to　satisfy　the　theories　of　medical　men；　I　OUGHT　to　be　ill；　I　never　was　better　in　my　life　than　in　the　spring　of　1812；　and　I　hope　sincerely　that　the　quantity　of　claret；　port；　or　〃particular　Madeira；〃　which　in　all　probability　you；　good　reader；　have　taken；　and　design　to　take　for　every　term　of　eight　years　during　your　natural　life；　may　as　little　disorder　your　health　as　mine　was　disordered　by　the　opium　I　had　taken　for　eight　years；　between　1804　and　1812。　　Hence　you　may　see　again　the　danger　of　taking　any　medical　advice　from　Anastasius；　in　divinity；　for　aught　I　know；　or　law；　he　may　be　a　safe　counsellor；　but　not　in　medicine。　　No；　it　is　far　better　to　consult　Dr。　Buchan；　as　I　did；　for　I　never　forgot　that　worthy　man's　excellent　suggestion；　and　I　was　〃particularly　careful　not　to　take　above　five…　and…twenty　ounces　of　laudanum。〃　　To　this　moderation　and　temperate　use　of　the　article　I　may　ascribe　it；　I　suppose；　that　as　yet；　at　least　（i。e。　in　1812）；　I　am　ignorant　and　unsuspicious　of　the　avenging　terrors　which　opium　has　in　store　for　those　who　abuse　its　lenity。　　At　the　same　time；　it　must　not　be　forgotten　that　hitherto　I　have　been　only　a　dilettante　eater　of　opium；　eight　years'　practice　even；　with　a　single　precaution　of　allowing　sufficient　intervals　between　every　indulgence；　has　not　been　sufficient　to　make　opium　necessary　to　me　as　an　article　of　daily　diet。　　But　now　comes　a　different　era。　　Move　on；　if　you　please；　reader；　to　1813。　　In　the　summer　of　the　year　we　have　just　quitted　I　have　suffered　much　in　bodily　health　from　distress　of　mind　connected　with　a　very　melancholy　event。　　This　event　being　no　ways　related　to　the　subject　now　before　me；　further　than　through　the　bodily　illness　which　it　produced；　I　need　not　more　particularly　notice。　　Whether　this　illness　of　1812　had　any　share　in　that　of　1813　I　know　not；　but　so　it　was；　that　in　the　latter　year　I　was　attacked　by　a　most　appalling　irritation　of　the　stomach；　in　all　respects　the　same　as　that　which　had　caused　me　so　much　suffering　in　youth；　and　accompanied　by　a　revival　of　all　the　old　dreams。　　This　is　the　point　of　my　narrative　on　which；　as　respects　my　own　self…justification；　the　whole　of　what　follows　may　be　said　to　hinge。　　And　here　I　find　myself　in　a　perplexing　dilemma。　　Either；　on　the　one　hand；　I　must　exhaust　the　reader's　patience　by　such　a　detail　of　my　malady；　or　of　my　struggles　with　it；　as　might　suffice　to　establish　the　fact　of　my　inability　to　wrestle　any　longer　with　irritation　and　constant　suffering；　or；　on　the　other　hand；　by　passing　lightly　over　this　critical　part　of　my　story；　I　must　forego　the　benefit　of　a　stronger　impression　left　on　the　mind　of　the　reader；　and　must　lay　myself　open　to　the　misconstruction　of　having　slipped；　by　the　easy　and　gradual　steps　of　self…indulging　persons；　from　the　first　to　the　final　stage　of　opium…eating　（a　misconstruction　to　which　there　will　be　a　lurking　predisposition　in　most　readers；　from　my　previous　acknowledgements）。　This　is　the　dilemma；　the　first　horn　of　which　would　be　sufficient　to　toss　and　gore　any　column　of　patient　readers；　though