confessions of an english opium-eater-第14章

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　with　a　pleasure　such　as　that　with　which　Weld　the　traveller　lay　and　listened；　in　Canada；　to　the　sweet　laughter　of　Indian　women；　for　the　less　you　understand　of　a　language；　the　more　sensible　you　are　to　the　melody　or　harshness　of　its　sounds。　　For　such　a　purpose；　therefore；　it　was　an　advantage　to　me　that　I　was　a　poor　Italian　scholar；　reading　it　but　little；　and　not　speaking　it　at　all；　nor　understanding　a　tenth　part　of　what　I　heard　spoken。

These　were　my　opera　pleasures；　but　another　pleasure　I　had　which；　as　it　could　be　had　only　on　a　Saturday　night；　occasionally　struggled　with　my　love　of　the　Opera；　for　at　that　time　Tuesday　and　Saturday　were　the　regular　opera　nights。　　On　this　subject　I　am　afraid　I　shall　be　rather　obscure；　but　I　can　assure　the　reader　not　at　all　more　so　than　Marinus　in　his　Life　of　Proclus；　or　many　other　biographers　and　autobiographers　of　fair　reputation。　　This　pleasure；　I　have　said；　was　to　be　had　only　on　a　Saturday　night。　　What；　then；　was　Saturday　night　to　me　more　than　any　other　night？　　I　had　no　labours　that　I　rested　from；　no　wages　to　receive；　what　needed　I　to　care　for　Saturday　night；　more　than　as　it　was　a　summons　to　hear　Grassini？　　True；　most　logical　reader；　what　you　say　is　unanswerable。　　And　yet　so　it　was　and　is；　that　whereas　different　men　throw　their　feelings　into　different　channels；　and　most　are　apt　to　show　their　interest　in　the　concerns　of　the　poor　chiefly　by　sympathy；　expressed　in　some　shape　or　other；　with　their　distresses　and　sorrows；　I　at　that　time　was　disposed　to　express　my　interest　by　sympathising　with　their　pleasures。　　The　pains　of　poverty　I　had　lately　seen　too　much　of；　more　than　I　wished　to　remember；　but　the　pleasures　of　the　poor；　their　consolations　of　spirit；　and　their　reposes　from　bodily　toil；　can　never　become　oppressive　to　contemplate。　　Now　Saturday　night　is　the　season　for　the　chief；　regular；　and　periodic　return　of　rest　of　the　poor；　in　this　point　the　most　hostile　sects　unite；　and　acknowledge　a　common　link　of　brotherhood；　almost　all　Christendom　rests　from　its　labours。　　It　is　a　rest　introductory　to　another　rest；　and　divided　by　a　whole　day　and　two　nights　from　the　renewal　of　toil。　　On　this　account　I　feel　always；　on　a　Saturday　night；　as　though　I　also　were　released　from　some　yoke　of　labour；　had　some　wages　to　receive；　and　some　luxury　of　repose　to　enjoy。　　For　the　sake；　therefore；　of　witnessing；　upon　as　large　a　scale　as　possible；　a　spectacle　with　which　my　sympathy　was　so　entire；　I　used　often　on　Saturday　nights；　after　I　had　taken　opium；　to　wander　forth；　without　much　regarding　the　direction　or　the　distance；　to　all　the　markets　and　other　parts　of　London　to　which　the　poor　resort　of　a　Saturday　night；　for　laying　out　their　wages。　　Many　a　family　party；　consisting　of　a　man；　his　wife；　and　sometimes　one　or　two　of　his　children；　have　I　listened　to；　as　they　stood　consulting　on　their　ways　and　means；　or　the　strength　of　their　exchequer；　or　the　price　of　household　articles。　　Gradually　I　became　familiar　with　their　wishes；　their　difficulties；　and　their　opinions。　　Sometimes　there　might　be　heard　murmurs　of　discontent；　but　far　oftener　expressions　on　the　countenance；　or　uttered　in　words；　of　patience；　hope；　and　tranquillity。　　And　taken　generally；　I　must　say　that；　in　this　point　at　least；　the　poor　are　more　philosophic　than　the　richthat　they　show　a　more　ready　and　cheerful　submission　to　what　they　consider　as　irremediable　evils　or　irreparable　losses。　　Whenever　I　saw　occasion；　or　could　do　it　without　appearing　to　be　intrusive；　I　joined　their　parties；　and　gave　my　opinion　upon　the　matter　in　discussion；　which；　if　not　always　judicious；　was　always　received　indulgently。　　If　wages　were　a　little　higher　or　expected　to　be　so；　or　the　quartern　loaf　a　little　lower；　or　it　was　reported　that　onions　and　butter　were　expected　to　fall；　I　was　glad；　yet；　if　the　contrary　were　true；　I　drew　from　opium　some　means　of　consoling　myself。　　For　opium　（like　the　bee；　that　extracts　its　materials　indiscriminately　from　roses　and　from　the　soot　of　chimneys）　can　overrule　all　feelings　into　compliance　with　the　master…key。　　Some　of　these　rambles　led　me　to　great　distances；　for　an　opium…eater　is　too　happy　to　observe　the　motion　of　time；　and　sometimes　in　my　attempts　to　steer　homewards；　upon　nautical　principles；　by　fixing　my　eye　on　the　pole…star；　and　seeking　ambitiously　for　a　north…west　passage；　instead　of　circumnavigating　all　the　capes　and　head…lands　I　had　doubled　in　my　outward　voyage；　I　came　suddenly　upon　such　knotty　problems　of　alleys；　such　enigmatical　entries；　and　such　sphynx's　riddles　of　streets　without　thoroughfares；　as　must；　I　conceive；　baffle　the　audacity　of　porters　and　confound　the　intellects　of　hackney…coachmen。　　I　could　almost　have　believed　at　times　that　I　must　be　the　first　discoverer　of　some　of　these　terrae　incognitae；　and　doubted　whether　they　had　yet　been　laid　down　in　the　modern　charts　of　London。　　For　all　this；　however；　I　paid　a　heavy　price　in　distant　years；　when　the　human　face　tyrannised　over　my　dreams；　and　the　perplexities　of　my　steps　in　London　came　back　and　haunted　my　sleep；　with　the　feeling　of　perplexities；　moral　and　intellectual；　that　brought　confusion　to　the　reason；　or　anguish　and　remorse　to　the　conscience。

Thus　I　have　shown　that　opium　does　not　of　necessity　produce　inactivity　or　torpor；　but　that；　on　the　contrary；　it　often　led　me　into　markets　and　theatres。　　Yet；　in　candour；　I　will　admit　that　markets　and　theatres　are　not　the　appropriate　haunts　of　the　opium…　eater　when　in　the　divinest　state　incident　to　his　enjoyment。　　In　that　state；　crowds　become　an　oppression　to　him；　music　even；　too　sensual　and　gross。　　He　naturally　seeks　solitude　and　silence；　as　indispensable　conditions　of　those　trances；　or　profoundest　reveries；　which　are　the　crown　and　consummation　of　what　opium　can　do　for　human　nature。　　I；　whose　disease　it　was　to　meditate　too　much　and　to　observe　too　little；　and　who　upon　my　first　entrance　at　college　was　nearly　falling　into　a　deep　melancholy；　from　brooding　too　much　on　the　sufferings　which　I　had　witnessed　in　London；　was　sufficiently　aware　of　the　tendencies　of　my　own　thoughts　to　do　all　I　could　to　counteract　them。　　I　was；　indeed；　like　a　person　who；　according　to　the　old　legend；　had　entered　the　cave　of　Trophonius；　and　the　remedies　I　sought　were　to　force　myself　into　society；　and　to　keep　my　understanding　in　continual　activity　upon　matters　of　science。　　But　for　these　remedies　I　should　certainly　have　become　hypochondriacally　melancholy。　　In　after　years；　however；　when　my　cheerfulness　was　more　fully　re…established；　I　yielded　to　my　natural　inclination　for　a　solitary　life。　　And　at　that　time　I　often　fell　into　these　reveries　upon　taking　opium；　and　more　than　once　it　has　happened　to　me；　on　a　summer　night；　when　I　have　been　at　an　open　window；　in　a　room　from　which　I　could　overlook　the　sea　at　a　mile　below　me；　and　could　command　a　view　of　the　great　town　of　L…；　at　about　the　same　distance；　that　I　have　sate　from　sunset　to　sunrise；　motionless；　and　without　wishing　to　move。

I　shall　be　charged　with　mysticism；　Behmenism；　quietism；　&c。；　but　THAT　shall　not　alarm　me。　　Sir　H。　Vane；　the　younger；　was　one　of　our　wisest　men；　and　let　my　reader　see　if　he；　in　his　philosophical　works；　be　half　as　unmystical　as　I　am。　　I　say；　then；　that　it　has　often　struck　me　that　the　scene　itself　was　somewhat　typical　of　what　took　place　in　such　a　reverie。　　The　town　of　L…　represented　the　earth；　with　its　sorrows　and　its　graves　left　behind；　yet　not　out　of　sight；　nor　wholly　forgotten。　　The　ocean；　in　everlasting　but　gentle　agitation；　and　brooded　over　by　a　dove…like　calm；　might　not　unfitly　typify　the　mind　and　the　mood　which　then　swayed　it。　　For　it　seemed　to　me　as　if　then　first　I　stood　at　a　distance　and　aloof　from　the　uproar　of　life；　as　if　the　tumult；　the　fever；　and　the　strife　were　suspended；　a　respite　granted　from　the　secret　burthens　of　the　heart；　a　sabbath　of　repose；　a　resting　from　human　labours。　　Here　were　the　hopes　which　blossom　in　the　paths　of　life　reconciled　with　the　peace　which　is　in　the　grave；　motions　of　the　intellect　as　unwearied　as　the　heavens；　yet　for　all　anxieties　a　halcyon　calm；　a　tranquillity　that　seemed　no　product　of　inertia；　but　as　if　resulting　from　mighty　and　equal　antagonisms；　infinite　activities；　infinite　repose。

Oh；　just；　subtle；　and　mighty　opium！　that　to　the　hearts　of　poor　and　rich　alike；　for　the　wounds　that　will　never　heal；