confessions of an english opium-eater-第1章

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Confessions　of　an　English　Opium…Eater

by　Thomas　De　Quincey




BEING　AN　EXTRACT　FROM　THE　LIFE　OF　A　SCHOLAR。　From　the　〃London　Magazine〃　for　September　1821。




TO　THE　READER



I　here　present　you；　courteous　reader；　with　the　record　of　a　remarkable　period　in　my　life：　　according　to　my　application　of　it；　I　trust　that　it　will　prove　not　merely　an　interesting　record；　but　in　a　considerable　degree　useful　and　instructive。　　In　THAT　hope　it　is　that　I　have　drawn　it　up；　and　THAT　must　be　my　apology　for　breaking　through　that　delicate　and　honourable　reserve　which；　for　the　most　part；　restrains　us　from　the　public　exposure　of　our　own　errors　and　infirmities。　　Nothing；　indeed；　is　more　revolting　to　English　feelings　than　the　spectacle　of　a　human　being　obtruding　on　our　notice　his　moral　ulcers　or　scars；　and　tearing　away　that　〃decent　drapery〃　which　time　or　indulgence　to　human　frailty　may　have　drawn　over　them；　accordingly；　the　greater　part　of　OUR　confessions　（that　is；　spontaneous　and　extra…judicial　confessions）　proceed　from　demireps；　adventurers；　or　swindlers：　　and　for　any　such　acts　of　gratuitous　self…humiliation　from　those　who　can　be　supposed　in　sympathy　with　the　decent　and　self…respecting　part　of　society；　we　must　look　to　French　literature；　or　to　that　part　of　the　German　which　is　tainted　with　the　spurious　and　defective　sensibility　of　the　French。　　All　this　I　feel　so　forcibly；　and　so　nervously　am　I　alive　to　reproach　of　this　tendency；　that　I　have　for　many　months　hesitated　about　the　propriety　of　allowing　this　or　any　part　of　my　narrative　to　come　before　the　public　eye　until　after　my　death　（when；　for　many　reasons；　the　whole　will　be　published）；　and　it　is　not　without　an　anxious　review　of　the　reasons　for　and　against　this　step　that　I　have　at　last　concluded　on　taking　it。

Guilt　and　misery　shrink；　by　a　natural　instinct；　from　public　notice：　they　court　privacy　and　solitude：　　and　even　in　their　choice　of　a　grave　will　sometimes　sequester　themselves　from　the　general　population　of　the　churchyard；　as　if　declining　to　claim　fellowship　with　the　great　family　of　man；　and　wishing　（in　the　affecting　language　of　Mr。　Wordsworth）


Humbly　to　express　A　penitential　loneliness。


It　is　well；　upon　the　whole；　and　for　the　interest　of　us　all；　that　it　should　be　so：　　nor　would　I　willingly　in　my　own　person　manifest　a　disregard　of　such　salutary　feelings；　nor　in　act　or　word　do　anything　to　weaken　them；　but；　on　the　one　hand；　as　my　self…accusation　does　not　amount　to　a　confession　of　guilt；　so；　on　the　other；　it　is　possible　that；　if　it　DID；　the　benefit　resulting　to　others　from　the　record　of　an　experience　purchased　at　so　heavy　a　price　might　compensate；　by　a　vast　overbalance；　for　any　violence　done　to　the　feelings　I　have　noticed；　and　justify　a　breach　of　the　general　rule。　　Infirmity　and　misery　do　not　of　necessity　imply　guilt。　　They　approach　or　recede　from　shades　of　that　dark　alliance；　in　proportion　to　the　probable　motives　and　prospects　of　the　offender；　and　the　palliations；　known　or　secret；　of　the　offence；　in　proportion　as　the　temptations　to　it　were　potent　from　the　first；　and　the　resistance　to　it；　in　act　or　in　effort；　was　earnest　to　the　last。　　For　my　own　part；　without　breach　of　truth　or　modesty；　I　may　affirm　that　my　life　has　been；　on　the　whole；　the　life　of　a　philosopher：　　from　my　birth　I　was　made　an　intellectual　creature；　and　intellectual　in　the　highest　sense　my　pursuits　and　pleasures　have　been；　even　from　my　schoolboy　days。　　If　opium…eating　be　a　sensual　pleasure；　and　if　I　am　bound　to　confess　that　I　have　indulged　in　it　to　an　excess　not　yet　RECORDED　｛1｝　of　any　other　man；　it　is　no　less　true　that　I　have　struggled　against　this　fascinating　enthralment　with　a　religious　zeal；　and　have　at　length　accomplished　what　I　never　yet　heard　attributed　to　any　other　manhave　untwisted；　almost　to　its　final　links；　the　accursed　chain　which　fettered　me。　Such　a　self…conquest　may　reasonably　be　set　off　in　counterbalance　to　any　kind　or　degree　of　self…indulgence。　　Not　to　insist　that　in　my　case　the　self…conquest　was　unquestionable；　the　self…indulgence　open　to　doubts　of　casuistry；　according　as　that　name　shall　be　extended　to　acts　aiming　at　the　bare　relief　of　pain；　or　shall　be　restricted　to　such　as　aim　at　the　excitement　of　positive　pleasure。

Guilt；　therefore；　I　do　not　acknowledge；　and　if　I　did；　it　is　possible　that　I　might　still　resolve　on　the　present　act　of　confession　in　consideration　of　the　service　which　I　may　thereby　render　to　the　whole　class　of　opium…eaters。　　But　who　are　they？　　Reader；　I　am　sorry　to　say　a　very　numerous　class　indeed。　　Of　this　I　became　convinced　some　years　ago　by　computing　at　that　time　the　number　of　those　in　one　small　class　of　English　society　（the　class　of　men　distinguished　for　talents；　or　of　eminent　station）　who　were　known　to　me；　directly　or　indirectly；　as　opium…eaters；　such；　for　instance；　as　the　eloquent　and　benevolent　…；　the　late　Dean　of　…；　Lord　…；　Mr。the　philosopher；　a　late　Under…　Secretary　of　State　（who　described　to　me　the　sensation　which　first　drove　him　to　the　use　of　opium　in　the　very　same　words　as　the　Dean　of　…；　viz。；　〃that　he　felt　as　though　rats　were　gnawing　and　abrading　the　coats　of　his　stomach〃）；　Mr。　…；　and　many　others　hardly　less　known；　whom　it　would　be　tedious　to　mention。　　Now；　if　one　class；　comparatively　so　limited；　could　furnish　so　many　scores　of　cases　（and　THAT　within　the　knowledge　of　one　single　inquirer）；　it　was　a　natural　inference　that　the　entire　population　of　England　would　furnish　a　proportionable　number。　　The　soundness　of　this　inference；　however；　I　doubted；　until　some　facts　became　known　to　me　which　satisfied　me　that　it　was　not　incorrect。　　I　will　mention　two。　　（1）　Three　respectable　London　druggists；　in　widely　remote　quarters　of　London；　from　whom　I　happened　lately　to　be　purchasing　small　quantities　of　opium；　assured　me　that　the　number　of　AMATEUR　opium…eaters　（as　I　may　term　them）　was　at　this　time　immense；　and　that　the　difficulty　of　distinguishing　those　persons　to　whom　habit　had　rendered　opium　necessary　from　such　as　were　purchasing　it　with　a　view　to　suicide；　occasioned　them　daily　trouble　and　disputes。　　This　evidence　respected　London　only。　　But　（2）which　will　possibly　surprise　the　reader　moresome　years　ago；　on　passing　through　Manchester；　I　was　informed　by　several　cotton　manufacturers　that　their　workpeople　were　rapidly　getting　into　the　practice　of　opium…eating；　so　much　so；　that　on　a　Saturday　afternoon　the　counters　of　the　druggists　were　strewed　with　pills　of　one；　two；　or　three　grains；　in　preparation　for　the　known　demand　of　the　evening。　The　immediate　occasion　of　this　practice　was　the　lowness　of　wages；　which　at　that　time　would　not　allow　them　to　indulge　in　ale　or　spirits；　and　wages　rising；　it　may　be　thought　that　this　practice　would　cease；　but　as　I　do　not　readily　believe　that　any　man　having　once　tasted　the　divine　luxuries　of　opium　will　afterwards　descend　to　the　gross　and　mortal　enjoyments　of　alcohol；　I　take　it　for　granted


That　those　eat　now　who　never　ate　before；　And　those　who　always　ate；　now　eat　the　more。


Indeed；　the　fascinating　powers　of　opium　are　admitted　even　by　medical　writers；　who　are　its　greatest　enemies。　　Thus；　for　instance；　Awsiter；　apothecary　to　Greenwich　Hospital；　in　his　〃Essay　on　the　Effects　of　Opium〃　（published　in　the　year　1763）；　when　attempting　to　explain　why　Mead　had　not　been　sufficiently　explicit　on　the　properties；　counteragents；　&c。；　of　this　drug；　expresses　himself　in　the　following　mysterious　terms　（＇Greek　text＇）：　　〃Perhaps　he　thought　the　subject　of　too　delicate　a　nature　to　be　made　common；　and　as　many　people　might　then　indiscriminately　use　it；　it　would　take　from　that　necessary　fear　and　caution　which　should　prevent　their　experiencing　the　extensive　power　of　this　drug；　FOR　THERE　ARE　MANY　PROPERTIES　IN　IT；　IF　UNIVERSALLY　KNOWN；　THAT　WOULD　HABITUATE　THE　USE；　AND　MAKE　IT　MORE　IN　REQUEST　WITH　US　THAN　WITH　TURKS　THEMSELVES；　the　result　of　which　knowledge；〃　he　adds；　〃must　prove　a　general　misfortune。〃　　In　the　necessity　of　this　conclusion　I　do　not　altogether　concur；　but　upon　that　point　I　shall　have　occasion　to　speak　at　the　close　of　my　Confessions；　where　I　shall　present　the　reader　with　the　MORAL　of　my　narrative。



PRELIMINARY　CONFESSIONS



These　preliminary　confessions；　or　introductory　narrative　of　the　youthful　adventures　which　laid　the　foundation　of　the　writer's　habit　of