my memories of eighty years-第80章

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e　next　day；　they　did　not　seem　to　have　absorbed　the　speech　by　this　original　method。

Choate　and　I　were　both　to　speak；　and　Choate　came　first。　　As　usual；　he　threw　a　brick　at　me。　　He　mentioned　that　a　reporter　had　come　to　him　and　said：　　〃Mr。　Choate；　I　have　Depew's　speech　carefully　prepared；　with　the　applause　and　laughter　already　in。　　I　want　yours。〃　　Of　course；　no　reporter　had　been　to　either　of　us。　　Mr。　Choate　had　in　his　speech　an　unusual　thing　for　him；　a　long　piece　of　poetry。　　When　my　turn　came　to　reply　I　said：　　〃The　reporter　came　to　me；　as　Mr。　Choate　has　said；　and　made　the　remark：　　'I　already　have　Choate's　speech。　　It　has　in　it　a　good　deal　of　poetry。'　　I　asked　the　reporter：　'From　what　author　is　the　poetry　taken？'　　He　answered：　　'I　do　not　know　the　author；　but　the　poetry　is　so　bad　I　think　Choate　has　written　it　himself。'〃

Mr。　Choate　told　me　a　delightful　story　of　his　last　interview　with　Mr。　Evarts　before　he　sailed　for　Europe　to　take　up　his　ambassadorship　at　the　Court　of　St。　James。　　〃I　called；〃　he　said；　〃on　Mr。　Evarts　to　bid　him　good…by。　　He　had　been　confined　to　his　room　by　a　fatal　illness　for　a　long　time。　　'Choate；'　he　said；　'I　am　delighted　with　your　appointment。　　You　eminently　deserve　it；　and　you　are　pre…eminently　fit　for　the　place。　　You　have　won　the　greatest　distinction　in　our　profession；　and　have　harvested　enough　of　its　rewards　to　enable　you　to　meet　the　financial　responsibilities　of　this　post　without　anxiety。　　You　will　have　a　most　brilliant　and　useful　career　in　diplomacy；　but　I　fear　I　will　never　see　you　again。'〃

Mr。　Choate　said：　　〃Mr。　Evarts；　we　have　had　a　delightful　partnership　of　over　forty　years；　and　when　I　retire　from　diplomacy　and　resume　the　practice　of　the　law　I　am　sure　you　and　I　will　go　on　together　again　for　many　years　in　the　same　happy　old　way。〃

Evarts　replied：　　〃No；　Choate；　I　fear　that　cannot　be。　　When　I　think　what　a　care　I　am　to　all　my　people；　lying　so　helpless　here；　and　that　I　can　do　nothing　any　more　to　repay　their　kindness；　or　to　help　in　the　world；　I　feel　like　the　boy　who　wrote　from　school　to　his　mother　a　letter　of　twenty　pages；　and　then　added　after　the　end：　'P。　S。　　Dear　mother；　please　excuse　my　longevity。'〃

Where　one　has　a　reputation　as　a　speaker　and　is　also　known　to　oblige　friends　and　to　be　hardly　able　to　resist　importunities；　the　demands　upon　him　are　very　great。　　They　are　also　sometimes　original　and　unique。

At　one　time；　the　day　before　Christmas；　a　representative　of　the　New　York　World　came　to　see　me；　and　said：　　〃We　are　going　to　give　a　dinner　to…night　to　the　tramps　who　gather　between　ten　and　eleven　o'clock　at　the　Vienna　Restaurant；　opposite　the　St。　Denis　Hotel；　to　receive　the　bread　which　the　restaurant　distributes　at　that　hour。〃　This　line　was　there　every　night　standing　in　the　cold　waiting　their　turn。　　I　went　down　to　the　hotel；　and　a　young　man　and　young　lady　connected　with　the　newspaper　crossed　the　street　and　picked　out　from　the　line　a　hundred　guests。

It　was　a　remarkable　assemblage。　　The　dinner　provided　was　a　beautiful　and　an　excellent　one　for　Christmas。　　As　I　heard　their　stories；　there　was　among　them　a　representative　of　almost　every　department　of　American　life。　　Some　were　temporarily　and　others　permanently　down　and　out。　　Every　one　of　the　learned　professions　was　represented　and　many　lines　of　business。　　The　most　of　them　were　in　this　condition；　because　they　had　come　to　New　York　to　make　their　way；　and　had　struggled　until　their　funds　were　exhausted；　and　then　they　were　ashamed　to　return　home　and　confess　their　failure。

I　presided　at　this　remarkable　banquet　and　made　not　only　one　speech　but　several。　　By　encouraging　the　guests　we　had　several　excellent　addresses　from　preachers　without　pulpits；　lawyers　without　clients；　doctors　without　patients；　engineers　without　jobs；　teachers　without　schools；　and　travellers　without　funds。　　One　man　arose　and　said：　〃Chauncey　Depew；　the　World　has　given　us　such　an　excellent　dinner；　and　you　have　given　us　such　a　merry　Christmas　Eve；　we　would　like　to　shake　hands　with　you　as　we　go　out。〃

I　had　long　learned　the　art　of　shaking　hands　with　the　public。　　Many　a　candidate　has　had　his　hands　crushed　and　been　permanently　hurt　by　the　vise…like　grip　of　an　ardent　admirer　or　a　vicious　opponent。　I　remember　General　Grant　complaining　of　this；　of　how　he　suffered；　and　I　told　him　of　my　discovery　of　grasping　the　hand　first　and　dropping　it　quickly。

The　people　about　me　were　looking　at　these　men　as　they　came　along；　to　see　if　there　was　any　possible　danger。　　Toward　the　end　of　the　procession　one　man　said　to　me：　　〃Chauncey　Depew；　I　don't　belong　to　this　crowd。　　I　am　well　enough　off　and　can　take　care　of　myself。　I　am　an　anarchist。　　My　business　is　to　stir　up　unrest　and　discontent；　and　that　brings　me　every　night　to　mingle　with　the　crowd　waiting　for　their　dole　of　bread　from　Fleischmann's　bakery。　　You　do　more　than　any　one　else　in　the　whole　country　to　create　good　feeling　and　dispel　unrest；　and　you　have　done　a　lot　of　it　to…night。　　I　made　up　my　mind　to　kill　you　right　here；　but　you　are　such　an　infernal　good　fellow　that　I　have　not　the　heart　to　do　it；　so　here's　my　hand。〃

On　one　occasion　I　received　an　invitation　to　address　a　sociological　society　which　was　to　meet　at　the　house　of　one　of　the　most　famous　entertainers　in　New　York。　　My　host　said　that　Edward　Atkinson；　the　well…known　New　England　writer；　philosopher；　and　sociologist；　would　address　the　meeting。　　When　I　arrived　at　the　house　I　found　Atkinson　in　despair。　　The　audience　were　young　ladies　in　full　evening　dress　and　young　men　in　white　vests；　white　neckties；　and　swallow…tails。　　There　was　also　a　band　present。　　We　were　informed　that　this　society　had　endeavored　to　mingle　instruction　with　pleasure；　and　it　really　was　a　dancing　club；　but　they　had　conceived　the　idea　of　having　something　serious　and　instructive　before　the　ball。

Mr。　Atkinson　said　to　me：　　〃What　won　me　to　come　here　is　that　in　Boston　we　have　a　society　of　the　same　name。　　It　is　composed　of　very　serious　people　who　are　engaged　in　settlement　and　sociological　work。　　They　are　doing　their　best　to　improve　the　conditions　of　the　young　women　and　young　men　who　are　in　clerical　and　other　employment。　　I　have　delivered　several　addresses　before　that　society；　and　before　the　audiences　which　they　gather；　on　how　to　live　comfortably　and　get　married　on　the　smallest　possible　margin。　　Now；　for　instance；　for　my　lecture　here　to…night　I　have　on　a　ready…made　suit　of　clothes；　for　which　I　paid　yesterday　five　dollars。　　In　that　large　boiler　there　is　a　stove　which　I　have　invented。　　In　the　oven　of　the　stove　is　beef　and　various　vegetables；　and　to　heat　it　is　a　kerosene　lamp　with　a　clockwork　attached。　　A　young　man　or　a　young　woman；　or　a　young　married　couple　go　to　the　market　and　buy　the　cheap　cuts　of　beef；　and　then；　according　to　my　instructions；　they　put　it　in　the　stove　with　the　vegetables；　light　the　lamp；　set　the　clockwork　and　go　to　their　work。　　When　they　return　at　five；　six；　or　seven　o'clock　they　find　a　very　excellent　and　very　cheap　dinner　all　ready　to　be　served。　　Now；　of　what　use　is　my　five…dollar　suit　of　clothes　and　my　fifty…cent　dinner　for　this　crowd　of　butterflies？〃

However；　Mr。　Atkinson　and　I　made　up　our　minds　to　talk　to　them　as　if　they　needed　it　or　would　need　it　some　day　or　other；　and　they　were　polite　enough　to　ask　questions　and　pretend　to　enjoy　it。　I　understand　that　afterwards　at　the　midnight　supper　there　was　more　champagne　and　more　hilarity　than　at　previous　gatherings　of　this　sociological　club。

During　one　of　our　presidential　campaigns　some　young　men　came　up　from　the　Bowery　to　see　me。　　They　said：　　〃We　have　a　very　hard　time　down　in　our　district。　　The　crowd　is　a　tough　one　but　intelligent；　and　we　think　would　be　receptive　of　the　truth　if　they　could　hear　it　put　to　them　in　an　attractive　form。　　We　will　engage　a　large　theatre　attached　to　a　Bowery　beer　saloon　if　you　will　come　down　and　address　the　meeting。　　The　novelty　of　your　appearance　will　fill　the　theatre。〃

I　knew　there　was　considerable　risk；　and　yet　it　was　a　great　opportunity。　　I　believe　that　in　meeting　a　crowd　of　that　sort　one　should　appear　as　they　expect　him　to　look　when　addressing　the　best　of　audiences。　　These　people　are　very　proud；　and　they　resent　any　attempt　on　your　part　to　be　what　they　know　you　are　not；　but　that　you　are　coming　down　to　their　level　by　assuming　a　character　which　you　presume