count bunker-第4章

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　after　his　first　delight　in　this　piece　of　good　fortune　had　subsided　he　began　to　realize　in　himself　two　notable　deficiencies　very　clearly；　the　lack　of　money；　and　more　vaguely；　the　want　of　any　preparation　for　filling　the　shoes　of　a　stately　courtier　and　famous　Highland　chieftain。　　He　would　often；　and　with　considerable　feeling；　declare　that　any　ordinary　peer　he　could　easily　have　become；　but　that　being　old　Tulliwuddle's　heir；　by　Gad！　he　didn't　half　like　the　job。

At　present　he　was　being　tolerated　or　befriended　by　a　small　circle　of　acquaintances；　and　rapidly　becoming　a　familiar　figure　to　three　or　four　tailors　and　half　a　dozen　door…keepers　at　the　stage　entrances　to　divers　Metropolitan　theatres。　　In　the　circle　of　acquaintances；　the　humorous　sagacity　of　Essington　struck　him　as　the　most　astonishing　thing　he　had　ever　known。　　He　felt；　in　fact；　much　like　a　village　youth　watching　his　first　conjuring　performance；　and　while　the　whim　lasted　（a　period　which　Essington　put　down　as　probably　six　weeks）　he　would　have　gone　the　length　of　paying　a　bill　or　ordering　a　tie　on　his　recommendation　alone。

To…night　the　distinguished　appearance　and　genial　conversation　of　Essington's　friend　impressed　him　more　than　ever　with　the　advantages　of　knowing　so　remarkable　a　personage。　　A　second　bottle　succeeded　the　first；　and　a　third　the　second；　the　cordiality　of　the　dinner　growing　all　the　while；　till　at　last　his　lordship　had　laid　aside　the　last　traces　of　his　national　suspicion　of　even　the　most　charming　strangers。

〃I　say；　Essington；〃　he　said；　〃I　had　meant　to　tell　you　about　a　devilish　delicate　dilemma　I'm　in。　　I　want　your　advice。〃

〃You　have　it；　interrupted　his　host。　　〃Give　her　a　five…pound　note；　see　that　she　burns　your　letters；　and　introduce　her　to　another　fellow。〃

〃Buterthat　wasn't　the　thing〃

〃Tell　him　you'll　pay　in　six　months；　and　order　another　pair　of　trousers；〃　said　Essington；　briskly　as　ever。

〃But；　I　say；　it　wasn't　that〃

〃My　dear　Tulliwuddle；　I　never　give　racing　tips。〃

〃Hang　it！〃

〃What　is　the　matter？〃

Tulliwuddle　glanced　at　the　Baron。

〃I　don't　know　whether　the　Baron　would　be　interested〃

〃Immensely；　my　goot　Tollyvoddle！　　Supremely！　hugely！　　I　could　be　interested　to…night　in　a　museum！〃

〃The　Baron's　past　life　makes　him　a　peculiarly　catholic　judge　of　indiscretions；〃　said　Essington。

Thus　reassured；　Tulliwuddle　began

〃You　know　I've　an　aunt　who　takes　an　interest　in　me　wants　me　to　collar　an　heiress　and　that　sort　of　thing。　　Well；　she　has　more　or　less　arranged　a　marriage　for　me。〃

〃Fill　your　glasses；　gentlemen！〃　cried　Essington。

〃Hoch；　hoch！〃　roared　the　Baron。

〃But；　I　say；　wait　a　minute！　　That's　only　the　beginning。　　I　don't　know　the　girland　she　doesn't　know　me。〃

He　said　the　last　words　in　a　peculiarly　significant　tone。

〃Do　you　wish　me　to　introduce　you？〃

〃Oh；　hang　it！　　Be　serious；　Essington。　　The　point　iswill　she　marry　me　if　she　does　know　me？〃

〃Himmel！　　Yes；　certainly！〃　cried　the　Baron。

〃Who　is　she？〃　asked　their　host；　more　seriously。

〃Her　father　is　Darius　P。　Maddison；　the　American　Silver　King。〃

The　other　two　could　not　withhold　an　exclamation。

〃He　has　only　two　children；　a　son　and　a　daughter；　and　he　wants　to　marry　his　daughter　to　an　English　peeror　a　Scotch；　it's　all　the　same。　　My　aunt　knows　'em　pretty　well；　and　she　has　recommended　me。〃

〃An　excellent　selection；〃　commented　his　host。

〃But　the　trouble　is；　they　want　rather　a　high…class　peer。　　Old　Maddison　is　deuced　particular；　and　I　believe　the　girl　is　even　worse。〃

〃What　are　the　qualifications　desired？〃

〃Oh；　he's　got　to　be　ambitious；　and　a　promising　young　manand　elevated　tastesand　all　that　kind　of　nonsense。〃

〃But　you　can　be　all　zat　if　you　try！〃　said　the　Baron　eagerly。　　〃Go　to　Germany　and　get　trained。　　I　did　vork　twelve　hours　a　day　for　ten　years　to　be　vat　I　am。〃

〃I'm　different；〃　replied　the　young　peer　gloomily。　　〃Nobody　ever　trained　me。　　Old　Tulliwuddle　might　have　taken　me　up　if　he　had　liked；　but　he　was　prejudiced　against　me。　　I　can't　become　all　those　things　now。〃

〃And　yet　you　do　want　to　marry　the　lady？〃

〃My　dear　Essington；　I　can't　afford　to　lose　such　a　chance！　　One　doesn't　get　a　Miss　Maddison　every　day。　　She's　a　deuced　handsome　girl　too；　they　say。〃

〃By　Gad；　it's　worth　a　trip　across　the　Atlantic　to　try　your　luck；〃　said　Essington。　　〃Get　'em　to　guarantee　your　expenses　and　you'll　at　least　learn　to　play　poker　and　see　Niagara　for　nothing。〃

〃They　aren't　in　America。　　They've　got　a　salmon　river　in　Scotland；　and　they　are　there　now。　　It's　not　far　from　my　place；　Hechnahoul。〃

〃She's　practically　in　your　arms；　then？〃

〃Ach。　　Ze　affair　is　easy！〃

〃Pipe　up　the　clan　and　abduct　her！〃

〃Approach　her　mit　a　kilt！〃

But　even　those　optimistic　exhortations　left　the　peer　still　melancholy。

〃It　sounds　all　very　well；〃　said　he；　〃but　my　clansmen；　as　you　call　'em；　would　expect　such　a　devil　of　a　lot　from　me　too。　　Old　Tulliwuddle　spoiled　them　for　any　ordinary　mortal。　　He　went　about　looking　like　an　advertisement　for　whisky；　and　called　'em　all　by　their　beastly　Gaelic　names。　　I　have　never　been　in　Scotland　in　my　life；　and　I　can't　do　that　sort　of　thing。　　I'd　merely　make　a　fool　of　myself。　　If　I'd　had　to　go　to　America　it　wouldn't　have　been　so　bad。〃

At　this　weak…kneed　confession　the　Baron　could　hardly　withhold　an　exclamation　of　contempt；　but　Essington；　with　more　sympathy；　inquired

〃What　do　you　propose　to　do；　then？〃

His　lordship　emptied　his　glass。

〃I　wish　I　had　your　brains　and　your　way　of　carrying　things　off；　Essington！〃　he　said；　with　a　sigh。　　〃If　you　got　a　chance　of　showing　yourself　off　to　Miss　Maddison　she'd　jump　at　you！〃

A　gleam；　inspired　and　humorous；　leaped　into　Essington's　eyes。　　The　Baron；　whose　glance　happened　at　the　moment　to　fall　on　him；　bounded　gleefully　from　his　seat。

〃Hoch！〃　he　cried；　〃it　is　mine　old　Bonker　zat　I　see　before　me！　　Vat　have　you　in　your　mind？〃

〃Sit　down；　my　dear　Baron；　that　lady　over　there　thinks　you　are　preparing　to　attack　her。　　Shall　we　smoke？　　Try　these　cigars。〃

Throwing　the　Baron　a　shrewd　glance　to　calm　his　somewhat　alarming　exhilaration；　their　host　turned　with　a　graver　air　to　his　other　guest。

〃Tulliwuddle；〃　said　he；　〃I　should　like　to　help　you。〃

〃I　wish　to　the　deuce　you　could！〃

Essington　bent　over　the　table　confidentially。

〃I　have　an　idea。〃



CHAPTER　IV

The　three　heads　bent　forward　towards　a　common　centrethe　Baron　agog　with　suppressed　excitement；　Tulliwuddle　revived　with　curiosity　and　a　gleam　of　hope；　Essington　impressive　and　cool。

〃I　take　it；〃　he　began；　〃that　if　Mr。　Darius　P。　Maddison　and　his　coveted　daughter　could　see　a　little　of　Lord　Tulliwuddlemeet　him　at　lunch；　talk　to　him　afterwards；　for　instanceand　carry　away　a　favorable　impression　of　the　nobleman；　there　would　not　be　much　difficulty　in　subsequently　arranging　a　marriage？〃

〃Oh；　none；〃　said　Tulliwuddle。　　〃They'd　be　only　too　keen；　IF　they　approved　of　me；　but　that's　the　rub；　you　know。〃

〃So　far　so　good。　　Now　it　appears　to　me　that　our　modest　friend　here　somewhat　underrates　his　own　powers　of　fascination〃

〃Ach；　Tollyvoddle；　you　do　indeed；〃　interjected　the　Baron。

〃But　since　this　idea　is　so　firmly　established　in　his　mind　that　it　may　actually　prevent　him　from　displaying　himself　to　the　greatest　advantage；　and　since　he　has　been　good　enough　to　declare　that　he　would　regard　with　complete　confidence　my　own　chances　of　success　were　I　in　his　place；　I　would　proposewith　all　becoming　diffidence　that　_I_　should　interview　the　lady　and　her　parent　instead　of　him。〃

〃A　vary　vise　idea；　Bonker；〃　observed　the　Baron。

〃What！〃　said　Tulliwuddle。　　〃Do　you　mean　that　you　would　go　and　crack　me　up；　and　that　sort　of　thing？〃

〃No；　I　mean　that　I　should　enjoy　a　temporary　loan　of　your　name　and　of　your　residence；　and　assure　them　by　a　personal　inspection　that　I　have　a　sufficient　assortment　of　virtues　for　their　requirements。〃

〃Splendid！〃　shouted　the　Baron。　　〃Tollyvoddle；　accept　zis　generous　offer　before　it　is　too　late！〃

〃But；〃　gasped　the　diffident　nobleman；　〃they　would　find　out　the　next　time　they　saw　me。〃

〃If　the　business　is　properly　arranged；　that　would　only　be　when　you　came　out　of　church　with　her。　　Look　herewhat　fault　have　you　to　find　with　this　scheme？　　I　produce　the　desired　impression；　and　either　propose　at　once　and　am　accepted〃

〃H'm；〃　muttered　Tu