the jacket (the star-rover)-第15章

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been　mine　in　other　days。



In　the　long　hours　of　waking　in　the　jacket　I　found　that　I　dwelt　a

great　deal　on　Cecil　Winwood；　the　poet…forger　who　had　wantonly　put

all　this　torment　on　me；　and　who　was　even　then　at　liberty　out　in　the

free　world　again。　　No；　I　did　not　hate　him。　　The　word　is　too　weak。

There　is　no　word　in　the　language　strong　enough　to　describe　my

feelings。　　I　can　say　only　that　I　knew　the　gnawing　of　a　desire　for

vengeance　on　him　that　was　a　pain　in　itself　and　that　exceeded　all　the

bounds　of　language。　　I　shall　not　tell　you　of　the　hours　I　devoted　to

plans　of　torture　on　him；　nor　of　the　diabolical　means　and　devices　of

torture　that　I　invented　for　him。　　Just　one　example。　　I　was　enamoured

of　the　ancient　trick　whereby　an　iron　basin；　containing　a　rat；　is

fastened　to　a　man's　body。　　The　only　way　out　for　the　rat　is　through

the　man　himself。　　As　I　say；　I　was　enamoured　of　this　until　I　realized

that　such　a　death　was　too　quick；　whereupon　I　dwelt　long　and

favourably　on　the　Moorish　trick　ofbut　no；　I　promised　to　relate　no

further　of　this　matter。　　Let　it　suffice　that　many　of　my　pain…

maddening　waking　hours　were　devoted　to　dreams　of　vengeance　on　Cecil

Winwood。







CHAPTER　IX







One　thing　of　great　value　I　learned　in　the　long；　pain…weary　hours　of

wakingnamely；　the　mastery　of　the　body　by　the　mind。　　I　learned　to

suffer　passively；　as；　undoubtedly；　all　men　have　learned　who　have

passed　through　the　post…graduate　courses　of　strait…jacketing。　　Oh；

it　is　no　easy　trick　to　keep　the　brain　in　such　serene　repose　that　it

is　quite　oblivious　to　the　throbbing；　exquisite　complaint　of　some

tortured　nerve。



And　it　was　this　very　mastery　of　the　flesh　by　the　spirit　which　I　so

acquired　that　enabled　me　easily　to　practise　the　secret　Ed　Morrell

told　to　me。



〃Think　it　is　curtains？〃　Ed　Morrell　rapped　to　me　one　night。



I　had　just　been　released　from　one　hundred　hours；　and　I　was　weaker

than　I　had　ever　been　before。　　So　weak　was　I　that　though　my　whole

body　was　one　mass　of　bruise　and　misery；　nevertheless　I　scarcely　was

aware　that　I　had　a　body。



〃It　looks　like　curtains；〃　I　rapped　back。　　〃They　will　get　me　if　they

keep　it　up　much　longer。〃



〃Don't　let　them；〃　he　advised。　　〃There　is　a　way。　　I　learned　it

myself；　down　in　the　dungeons；　when　Massie　and　I　got　ours　good　and

plenty。　　I　pulled　through。　　But　Massie　croaked。　　If　I　hadn't　learned

the　trick；　I'd　have　croaked　along　with　him。　　You've　got　to　be　pretty

weak　first；　before　you　try　it。　　If　you　try　it　when　you　are　strong；

you　make　a　failure　of　it；　and　then　that　queers　you　for　ever　after。

I　made　the　mistake　of　telling　Jake　the　trick　when　he　was　strong。　　Of

course；　he　could　not　pull　it　off；　and　in　the　times　since　when　he　did

need　it；　it　was　too　late；　for　his　first　failure　had　queered　it。　　He

won't　even　believe　it　now。　　He　thinks　I　am　kidding　him。　　Ain't　that

right；　Jake？〃



And　from　cell　thirteen　Jake　rapped　back；　〃Don't　swallow　it；　Darrell。

It's　a　sure　fairy　story。〃



〃Go　on　and　tell　me；〃　I　rapped　to　Morrell。



〃That　is　why　I　waited　for　you　to　get　real　weak；〃　he　continued。　　〃Now

you　need　it；　and　I　am　going　to　tell　you。　　It's　up　to　you。　　If　you

have　got　the　will　you　can　do　it。　　I've　done　it　three　times；　and　I

know。〃



〃Well；　what　is　it？〃　I　rapped　eagerly。



〃The　trick　is　to　die　in　the　jacket；　to　will　yourself　to　die。　　I　know

you　don't　get　me　yet；　but　wait。　　You　know　how　you　get　numb　in　the

jackethow　your　arm　or　your　leg　goes　to　sleep。　　Now　you　can't　help

that；　but　you　can　take　it　for　the　idea　and　improve　on　it。　　Don't

wait　for　your　legs　or　anything　to　go　to　sleep。　　You　lie　on　your　back

as　comfortable　as　you　can　get；　and　you　begin　to　use　your　will。



〃And　this　is　the　idea　you　must　think　to　yourself；　and　that　you　must

believe　all　the　time　you're　thinking　it。　　If　you　don't　believe；　then

there's　nothing　to　it。　　The　thing　you　must　think　and　believe　is　that

your　body　is　one　thing　and　your　spirit　is　another　thing。　　You　are

you；　and　your　body　is　something　else　that　don't　amount　to　shucks。

Your　body　don't　count。　　You're　the　boss。　　You　don't　need　any　body。

And　thinking　and　believing　all　this　you　proceed　to　prove　it　by　using

your　will。　　You　make　your　body　die。



〃You　begin　with　the　toes；　one　at　a　time。　　You　make　your　toes　die。

You　will　them　to　die。　　And　if　you've　got　the　belief　and　the　will

your　toes　will　die。　　That　is　the　big　jobto　start　the　dying。　　Once

you've　got　the　first　toe　dead；　the　rest　is　easy；　for　you　don't　have

to　do　any　more　believing。　　You　know。　　Then　you　put　all　your　will

into　making　the　rest　of　the　body　die。　　I　tell　you；　Darrell；　I　know。

I've　done　it　three　times。



〃Once　you　get　the　dying　started；　it　goes　right　along。　　And　the　funny

thing　is　that　you　are　all　there　all　the　time。　　Because　your　toes　are

dead　don't　make　you　in　the　least　bit　dead。　　By…and…by　your　legs　are

dead　to　the　knees；　and　then　to　the　thighs；　and　you　are　just　the　same

as　you　always　were。　　It　is　your　body　that　is　dropping　out　of　the

game　a　chunk　at　a　time。　　And　you　are　just　you；　the　same　you　were

before　you　began。〃



〃And　then　what　happens？〃　I　queried。



〃Well；　when　your　body　is　all　dead；　and　you　are　all　there　yet；　you

just　skin　out　and　leave　your　body。　　And　when　you　leave　your　body　you

leave　the　cell。　　Stone　walls　and　iron　doors　are　to　hold　bodies　in。

They　can't　hold　the　spirit　in。　　You　see；　you　have　proved　it。　　You

are　spirit　outside　of　your　body。　　You　can　look　at　your　body　from

outside　of　it。　　I　tell　you　I　know　because　I　have　done　it　three

timeslooked　at　my　body　lying　there　with　me　outside　of　it。〃



〃Ha！　ha！　ha！〃　Jake　Oppenheimer　rapped　his　laughter　thirteen　cells

away。



〃You　see；　that's　Jake's　trouble；〃　Morrell　went　on。　　〃He　can't

believe。　　That　one　time　he　tried　it　he　was　too　strong　and　failed。

And　now　he　thinks　I　am　kidding。〃



〃When　you　die　you　are　dead；　and　dead　men　stay　dead；〃　Oppenheimer

retorted。



〃I　tell　you　I've　been　dead　three　times；〃　Morrell　argued。



〃And　lived　to　tell　us　about　it；〃　Oppenheimer　jeered。



〃But　don't　forget　one　thing；　Darrell；〃　Morrell　rapped　to　me。　　〃The

thing　is　ticklish。　　You　have　a　feeling　all　the　time　that　you　are

taking　liberties。　　I　can't　explain　it；　but　I　always　had　a　feeling　if

I　was　away　when　they　came　and　let　my　body　out　of　the　jacket　that　I

couldn't　get　back　into　my　body　again。　　I　mean　that　my　body　would　be

dead　for　keeps。　　And　I　didn't　want　it　to　be　dead。　　I　didn't　want　to

give　Captain　Jamie　and　the　rest　that　satisfaction。　　But　I　tell　you；

Darrell；　if　you　can　turn　the　trick　you　can　laugh　at　the　Warden。

Once　you　make　your　body　die　that　way　it　don't　matter　whether　they

keep　you　in　the　jacket　a　month　on　end。　　You　don't　suffer　none；　and

your　body　don't　suffer。　　You　know　there　are　cases　of　people　who　have

slept　a　whole　year　at　a　time。　　That's　the　way　it　will　be　with　your

body。　　It　just　stays　there　in　the　jacket；　not　hurting　or　anything；

just　waiting　for　you　to　come　back。



〃You　try　it。　　I　am　giving　you　the　straight　steer。〃



〃And　if　he　don't　come　back？〃　Oppenheimer；　asked。



〃Then　the　laugh　will　be　on　him；　I　guess；　Jake；〃　Morrell　answered。

〃Unless；　maybe；　it　will　be　on　us　for　sticking　round　this　old　dump

when　we　could　get　away　that　easy。〃



And　here　the　conversation　ended；　for　Pie…Face　Jones；　waking　crustily

from　stolen　slumber；　threatened　Morrell　and　Oppenheimer　with　a

report　next　morning　that　would　mean　the　jacket　for　them。　　Me　he　did

not　threaten；　for　he　knew　I　was　doomed　for　the　jacket　anyway。



I　lay　long　there　in　the　silence；　forgetting　the　misery　of　my　body

while　I　considered　this　proposition　Morrell　had　advanced。　　Already；

as　I　have　explained；　by　mechanical　self…hypnosis　I　had　sought　to

penetrate　back　through　time　to　my　previous　selves。　　That　I　had

partly　succeeded　I　knew；　but　all　that　I　had　experienced　was　a

fluttering　of　apparitions　that　merged　erratically　and　were　without

continuity。



But　Morrell's　method　was　so　patently　the　reverse　of　my　method　of

self…hypnosis