the narrative of the life-第12章

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a　brute。

　

　　My　mistress　was；　as　I　have　said；　a　kind　and　tender…

hearted　woman；　and　in　the　simplicity　of　her　soul　she

commenced；　when　I　first　went　to　live　with　her；　to

treat　me　as　she　supposed　one　human　being　ought

to　treat　another。　　In　entering　upon　the　duties　of　a

slaveholder；　she　did　not　seem　to　perceive　that　I　sus…

tained　to　her　the　relation　of　a　mere　chattel；　and

that　for　her　to　treat　me　as　a　human　being　was　not

only　wrong；　but　dangerously　so。　　Slavery　proved　as

injurious　to　her　as　it　did　to　me。　　When　I　went　there；

she　was　a　pious；　warm；　and　tender…hearted　woman。

There　was　no　sorrow　or　suffering　for　which　she　had

not　a　tear。　　She　had　bread　for　the　hungry；　clothes　for

the　naked；　and　comfort　for　every　mourner　that　came

within　her　reach。　　Slavery　soon　proved　its　ability　to

divest　her　of　these　heavenly　qualities。　　Under　its　in…

fluence；　the　tender　heart　became　stone；　and　the

lamblike　disposition　gave　way　to　one　of　tiger…like

fierceness。　　The　first　step　in　her　downward　course　was

in　her　ceasing　to　instruct　me。　　She　now　commenced

to　practise　her　husband's　precepts。　　She　finally　be…

came　even　more　violent　in　her　opposition　than　her

husband　himself。　　She　was　not　satisfied　with　simply

doing　as　well　as　he　had　commanded；　she　seemed

anxious　to　do　better。　　Nothing　seemed　to　make　her

more　angry　than　to　see　me　with　a　newspaper。　　She

seemed　to　think　that　here　lay　the　danger。　　I　have　had

her　rush　at　me　with　a　face　made　all　up　of　fury；　and

snatch　from　me　a　newspaper；　in　a　manner　that　fully

revealed　her　apprehension。　　She　was　an　apt　woman；

and　a　little　experience　soon　demonstrated；　to　her

satisfaction；　that　education　and　slavery　were　incom…

patible　with　each　other。

　

　　From　this　time　I　was　most　narrowly　watched。　　If　I

was　in　a　separate　room　any　considerable　length　of

time；　I　was　sure　to　be　suspected　of　having　a　book；

and　was　at　once　called　to　give　an　account　of　myself。

All　this；　however；　was　too　late。　　The　first　step　had

been　taken。　　Mistress；　in　teaching　me　the　alphabet；

had　given　me　the　~inch；~　and　no　precaution　could　pre…

vent　me　from　taking　the　~ell。~

　

　　The　plan　which　I　adopted；　and　the　one　by　which

I　was　most　successful；　was　that　of　making　friends　of

all　the　little　white　boys　whom　I　met　in　the　street。

As　many　of　these　as　I　could；　I　converted　into　teach…

ers。　　With　their　kindly　aid；　obtained　at　different　times

and　in　different　places；　I　finally　succeeded　in　learn…

ing　to　read。　　When　I　was　sent　of　errands；　I　always

took　my　book　with　me；　and　by　going　one　part　of

my　errand　quickly；　I　found　time　to　get　a　lesson　be…

fore　my　return。　　I　used　also　to　carry　bread　with　me；

enough　of　which　was　always　in　the　house；　and　to

which　I　was　always　welcome；　for　I　was　much　better

off　in　this　regard　than　many　of　the　poor　white　chil…

dren　in　our　neighborhood。　　This　bread　I　used　to　be…

stow　upon　the　hungry　little　urchins；　who；　in　return；

would　give　me　that　more　valuable　bread　of　knowl…

edge。　　I　am　strongly　tempted　to　give　the　names　of

two　or　three　of　those　little　boys；　as　a　testimonial　of

the　gratitude　and　affection　I　bear　them；　but　pru…

dence　forbids；not　that　it　would　injure　me；　but　it

might　embarrass　them；　for　it　is　almost　an　unpar…

donable　offence　to　teach　slaves　to　read　in　this　Chris…

tian　country。　　It　is　enough　to　say　of　the　dear　little

fellows；　that　they　lived　on　Philpot　Street；　very　near

Durgin　and　Bailey's　ship…yard。　　I　used　to　talk　this

matter　of　slavery　over　with　them。　　I　would　sometimes

say　to　them；　I　wished　I　could　be　as　free　as　they

would　be　when　they　got　to　be　men。　　〃You　will　be

free　as　soon　as　you　are　twenty…one；　~but　I　am　a　slave

for　life！~　　Have　not　I　as　good　a　right　to　be　free　as

you　have？〃　　These　words　used　to　trouble　them；　they

would　express　for　me　the　liveliest　sympathy；　and　con…

sole　me　with　the　hope　that　something　would　occur

by　which　I　might　be　free。

　

　　I　was　now　about　twelve　years　old；　and　the　thought

of　being　~a　slave　for　life~　began　to　bear　heavily　upon

my　heart。　　Just　about　this　time；　I　got　hold　of　a　book

entitled　〃The　Columbian　Orator。〃　　Every　opportu…

nity　I　got；　I　used　to　read　this　book。　　Among　much　of

other　interesting　matter；　I　found　in　it　a　dialogue　be…

tween　a　master　and　his　slave。　　The　slave　was　repre…

sented　as　having　run　away　from　his　master　three

times。　　The　dialogue　represented　the　conversation

which　took　place　between　them；　when　the　slave　was

retaken　the　third　time。　　In　this　dialogue；　the　whole

argument　in　behalf　of　slavery　was　brought　forward

by　the　master；　all　of　which　was　disposed　of　by　the

slave。　　The　slave　was　made　to　say　some　very　smart　as

well　as　impressive　things　in　reply　to　his　master

things　which　had　the　desired　though　unexpected　ef…

fect；　for　the　conversation　resulted　in　the　voluntary

emancipation　of　the　slave　on　the　part　of　the　master。

　

　　In　the　same　book；　I　met　with　one　of　Sheridan's

mighty　speeches　on　and　in　behalf　of　Catholic　eman…

cipation。　　These　were　choice　documents　to　me。　　I　read

them　over　and　over　again　with　unabated　interest。

They　gave　tongue　to　interesting　thoughts　of　my　own

soul；　which　had　frequently　flashed　through　my　mind；

and　died　away　for　want　of　utterance。　　The　moral

which　I　gained　from　the　dialogue　was　the　power　of

truth　over　the　conscience　of　even　a　slaveholder。　　What

I　got　from　Sheridan　was　a　bold　denunciation　of　slav…

ery；　and　a　powerful　vindication　of　human　rights。

The　reading　of　these　documents　enabled　me　to

utter　my　thoughts；　and　to　meet　the　arguments

brought　forward　to　sustain　slavery；　but　while　they

relieved　me　of　one　difficulty；　they　brought　on　an…

other　even　more　painful　than　the　one　of　which　I　was

relieved。　　The　more　I　read；　the　more　I　was　led　to

abhor　and　detest　my　enslavers。　　I　could　regard　them

in　no　other　light　than　a　band　of　successful　robbers；

who　had　left　their　homes；　and　gone　to　Africa；　and

stolen　us　from　our　homes；　and　in　a　strange　land

reduced　us　to　slavery。　　I　loathed　them　as　being　the

meanest　as　well　as　the　most　wicked　of　men。　　As　I

read　and　contemplated　the　subject；　behold！　that　very

discontentment　which　Master　Hugh　had　predicted

would　follow　my　learning　to　read　had　already　come；

to　torment　and　sting　my　soul　to　unutterable　anguish。

As　I　writhed　under　it；　I　would　at　times　feel　that

learning　to　read　had　been　a　curse　rather　than　a　bless…

ing。　　It　had　given　me　a　view　of　my　wretched　condi…

tion；　without　the　remedy。　　It　opened　my　eyes　to　the

horrible　pit；　but　to　no　ladder　upon　which　to　get　out。

In　moments　of　agony；　I　envied　my　fellow…slaves　for

their　stupidity。　　I　have　often　wished　myself　a　beast。

I　preferred　the　condition　of　the　meanest　reptile　to

my　own。　　Any　thing；　no　matter　what；　to　get　rid　of

thinking！　　It　was　this　everlasting　thinking　of　my　con…

dition　that　tormented　me。　　There　was　no　getting　rid

of　it。　　It　was　pressed　upon　me　by　every　object　within

sight　or　hearing；　animate　or　inanimate。　　The　silver

trump　of　freedom　had　roused　my　soul　to　eternal

wakefulness。　　Freedom　now　appeared；　to　disappear

no　more　forever。　　It　was　heard　in　every　sound；　and

seen　in　every　thing。　　It　was　ever　present　to　torment

me　with　a　sense　of　my　wretched　condition。　　I　saw

nothing　without　seeing　it；　I　heard　nothing　without

hearing　it；　and　felt　nothing　without　feeling　it。　　It

looked　from　every　star；　it　smiled　in　every　calm；

breathed　in　every　wind；　and　moved　in　every　storm。

　

　　I　often　found　myself　regretting　my　own　existence；

and　wishing　myself　dead；　and　but　for　the　hope　of

being　free；　I　have　no　doubt　but　that　I　should　have

killed　myself；　or　done　something　for　which　I　should

have　been　killed。　　While　in　this　state　of　mind；　I　was

eager　to　hear　any　one　speak　of　slavery。　　I　was　a　ready

listener。　　Every　little　while；　I　could　hear　something

about　the　abolitionists。　　It　was　some　time　before　I

found　what　the　word　meant。　　It　was　always　used　in

such　connections　as　to　make　it　an　interesting　word

to　me。　　If　a　slave　ran　away　and　succeeded　in　g