their silver wedding journey v3-第42章
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with it might have gone farther if his knowledge had been greater； but in
any case March did not see how he could touch it。 He could only say； He
had always liked Burnamy； himself。
He had his good qualities； the general owned。 He did not profess to
understand the young men of our time； but certainly the fellow had the
instincts of a gentleman。 He had nothing to say against him； unless in
that business with that manwhat was his name？
〃Stoller？〃 March prompted。 〃I don't excuse him in that； but I don't
blame him so much； either。 If punishment means atonement； he had the
opportunity of making that right very suddenly； and if pardon means
expunction； then I don't see why that offence hasn't been pretty well
wiped out。
〃Those things are not so simple as they used to seem；〃 said the general；
with a seriousness beyond his wont in things that did not immediately
concern his own comfort or advantage。
LXXVI。
In the mean time Mrs。 March and Miss Triscoe were discussing another
offence of Burnamy's。
〃It wasn't；〃 said the girl； excitedly； after a plunge through all the
minor facts to the heart of the matter； 〃that he hadn't a perfect right
to do it； if he thought I didn't care for him。 I had refused him at
Carlsbad； and I had forbidden him to speak to me abouton the subject。
But that was merely temporary； and he ought to have known it。 He ought to
have known that I couldn't accept him； on the spur of the moment； that
way； and when he had come back； after going away in disgrace； before he
had done anything to justify himself。 I couldn't have kept my self…
respect； and as it was I had the greatest difficulty； and he ought to
have seen it。 Of course he said afterwards that he didn't see it。 But
whenwhen I found out that SHE had been in Weimar； and all that time；
while I had been suffering in Carlsbad and Wurzburg； and longing to see
himlet him know how I was really feelinghe was flirting with that
that girl； then I saw that he was a false nature； and I determined to put
an end to everything。 And that is what I did； and I shall always think
Idid rightand〃
The rest was lost in Agatha's handkerchief； which she put up to her eyes。
Mrs。 March watched her from her pillow keeping the girl's unoccupied hand
in her own； and softly pressing it till the storm was past sufficiently
to allow her to be heard。
Then she said； 〃Men are very strangethe best of them。 And from the
very fact that he was disappointed； he would be all the more apt to rush
into a flirtation with somebody else。〃
Miss Triscoe took down her handkerchief from a face that had certainly
not been beautified by grief。 〃I didn't blame him for the flirting； or
not so much。 It was his keeping it from me afterwards。 He ought to have
told me the very first instant we were engaged。 But he didn't。 He let
it go on； and if I hadn't happened on that bouquet I might never have
known anything about it。 That is what I mean bya false nature。
I wouldn't have minded his deceiving me； but to let me deceive myself
Oh； it was too much！〃
Agatha hid her face in her handkerchief again。 She was perching on the
edge of the berth； and Mrs。 March said； with a glance； which she did not
see； toward the sofa； 〃I'm afraid that's rather a hard seat for you。
〃Oh； no； thank you！ I'm perfectly comfortableI like itif you don't
mind？〃
Mrs。 March pressed her hand for answer； and after another little delay；
sighed and said； 〃They are not like us； and we cannot help it。 They are
more temporizing。〃
〃How do you mean？〃 Agatha unmasked again。
〃They can bear to keep things better than we can； and they trust to time
to bring them right； or to come right of themselves。〃
〃I don't think Mr。 March would trust things to come right of themselves！〃
said Agatha in indignant accusal of Mrs。 March's sincerity。
〃Ah； that's just what he would do； my dear； and has done； all along； and
I don't believe we could have lived through without it： we should have
quarrelled ourselves into the grave！〃
〃Mrs。 March！〃
〃Yes； indeed。 I don't mean that he would ever deceive me。 But he would
let things go on； and hope that somehow they would come right without any
fuss。〃
〃Do you mean that he would let anybody deceive themselves？〃
〃I'm afraid he wouldif he thought it would come right。 It used to be a
terrible trial to me； and it is yet； at times when I don't remember that
he means nothing but good and kindness by it。 Only the other day in
Ansbachhow long ago it seems！he let a poor old woman give him her
son's address in Jersey City； and allowed her to believe he would look
him up when we got back and tell him we had seen her。 I don't believe；
unless I keep right round after him； as we say in New England； that he'll
ever go near the man。〃
Agatha looked daunted； but she said； 〃That is a very different thing。〃
〃It isn't a different kind of thing。 And it shows what men are；the
sweetest and best of them； that is。 They are terribly apt to be
easy…going。〃
〃Then you think I was all wrong？〃 the girl asked in a tremor。
〃No； indeed！ You were right； because you really expected perfection of
him。 You expected the ideal。 And that's what makes all the trouble； in
married life： we expect too much of each otherwe each expect more of
the other than we are willing to give or can give。 If I had to begin
over again； I should not expect anything at all； and then I should be
sure of being radiantly happy。 But all this talking and all this writing
about love seems to turn our brains； we know that men are not perfect；
even at our craziest； because women are not； but we expect perfection of
them； and they seem to expect it of us； poor things！ If we could keep on
after we are in love just as we were before we were in love； and take
nice things as favors and surprises； as we did in the beginning！ But we
get more and more greedy and exacting〃
〃Do you think I was too exacting in wanting him to tell me everything
after we were engaged？〃
〃No； I don't say that。 But suppose he had put it off till you were
married？〃 Agatha blushed a little； but not painfully； 〃Would it have
been so bad？ Then you might have thought that his flirting up to the
last moment in his desperation was a very good joke。 You would have
understood better just how it was； and it might even have made you fonder
of him。 You might have seen that he had flirted with some one else
because he was so heart…broken about you。〃
〃Then you believe that if I could have waited tilltill but when I had
found out； don't you see I couldn't wait？ It would have been all very
well if I hadn't known it till then。 But as I did know it。 Don't you
see？〃
〃Yes； that certainly complicated it；〃 Mrs。 March admitted。 〃But I don't
think； if he'd been a false nature； he'd have owned up as he did。 You
see； he didn't try to deny it； and that's a great point gained。〃
〃Yes； that is true；〃 said Agatha； with conviction。 〃I saw that
afterwards。 But you don't think； Mrs。 March； that I was unjust oror
hasty？〃
〃No； indeed！ You couldn't have done differently under the circumstances。
You may be sure he felt thathe is so unselfish and generous〃 Agatha
began to weep into her handkerchief again； Mrs。 March caressed her hand。
〃And it will certainly come right if you feel as you do。〃
〃No；〃 the girl protested。 〃He can never forgive me； it's all over；
everything is over。 It would make very little difference to me； what
happened nowif the steamer broke her shaft； or anything。 But if I can
only believe I wasn't unjust〃
Mrs。 March assured her once more that she had behaved with absolute
impartiality； and she proved to her by a process of reasoning quite
irrefragable that it was only a question of time； with which place had
nothing to do； when she and Burnamy should come together again； and all
should be made right between them。 The fact that she did not know where
he was； any more than Mrs。 March herself； had nothing to do with the
result； that was a mere detail； which would settle itself。 She clinched
her argument by confessing that her own engagement had been broken off；
and that it had simply renewed itself。 All you had to do was to keep
w
