the wife and other stories-第50章

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hey　played　a　duet　on　the　piano；　then　it　got　dark；　and　I　went　home。　That　was　at　the　beginning　of　spring。

〃After　that　I　spent　the　whole　summer　at　Sofino　without　a　break；　and　I　had　no　time　to　think　of　the　town；　either；　but　the　memory　of　the　graceful　fair…haired　woman　remained　in　my　mind　all　those　days；　I　did　not　think　of　her；　but　it　was　as　though　her　light　shadow　were　lying　on　my　heart。

〃In　the　late　autumn　there　was　a　theatrical　performance　for　some　charitable　object　in　the　town。　I　went　into　the　governor's　box　（I　was　invited　to　go　there　in　the　interval）；　I　looked；　and　there　was　Anna　Alexyevna　sitting　beside　the　governor's　wife；　and　again　the　same　irresistible；　thrilling　impression　of　beauty　and　sweet；　caressing　eyes；　and　again　the　same　feeling　of　nearness。　We　sat　side　by　side；　then　went　to　the　foyer。

〃　'You've　grown　thinner；'　she　said；　'have　you　been　ill？'

〃　'Yes；　I've　had　rheumatism　in　my　shoulder；　and　in　rainy　weather　I　can't　sleep。'

〃　'You　look　dispirited。　In　the　spring；　when　you　came　to　dinner；　you　were　younger；　more　confident。　You　were　full　of　eagerness；　and　talked　a　great　deal　then；　you　were　very　interesting；　and　I　really　must　confess　I　was　a　little　carried　away　by　you。　For　some　reason　you　often　came　back　to　my　memory　during　the　summer；　and　when　I　was　getting　ready　for　the　theatre　today　I　thought　I　should　see　you。'

〃And　she　laughed。

〃　'But　you　look　dispirited　today；'　she　repeated；　'it　makes　you　seem　older。'

〃The　next　day　I　lunched　at　the　Luganovitchs'。　After　lunch　they　drove　out　to　their　summer　villa；　in　order　to　make　arrangements　there　for　the　winter；　and　I　went　with　them。　I　returned　with　them　to　the　town；　and　at　midnight　drank　tea　with　them　in　quiet　domestic　surroundings；　while　the　fire　glowed；　and　the　young　mother　kept　going　to　see　if　her　baby　girl　was　asleep。　And　after　that；　every　time　I　went　to　town　I　never　failed　to　visit　the　Luganovitchs。　They　grew　used　to　me；　and　I　grew　used　to　them。　As　a　rule　I　went　in　unannounced；　as　though　I　were　one　of　the　family。

〃　'Who　is　there？'　I　would　hear　from　a　faraway　room；　in　the　drawling　voice　that　seemed　to　me　so　lovely。

〃　'It　is　Pavel　Konstantinovitch；'　answered　the　maid　or　the　nurs　e。

〃Anna　Alexyevna　would　come　out　to　me　with　an　anxious　face；　and　would　ask　every　time：

〃　'Why　is　it　so　long　since　you　have　been？　Has　anything　happened？'

〃Her　eyes；　the　elegant　refined　hand　she　gave　me；　her　indoor　dress；　the　way　she　did　her　hair；　her　voice；　her　step；　always　produced　the　same　impression　on　me　of　something　new　and　extraordinary　in　my　life；　and　very　important。　We　talked　together　for　hours；　were　silent；　thinking　each　our　own　thoughts；　or　she　played　for　hours　to　me　on　the　piano。　If　there　were　no　one　at　home　I　stayed　and　waited；　talked　to　the　nurse；　played　with　the　child；　or　lay　on　the　sofa　in　the　study　and　read；　and　when　Anna　Alexyevna　came　back　I　met　her　in　the　hall；　took　all　her　parcels　from　her；　and　for　some　reason　I　carried　those　parcels　every　time　with　as　much　love；　with　as　much　solemnity；　as　a　boy。

〃There　is　a　proverb　that　if　a　peasant　woman　has　no　troubles　she　will　buy　a　pig。　The　Luganovitchs　had　no　troubles；　so　they　made　friends　with　me。　If　I　did　not　come　to　the　town　I　must　be　ill　or　something　must　have　happened　to　me；　and　both　of　them　were　extremely　anxious。　They　were　worried　that　I；　an　educated　man　with　a　knowledge　of　languages；　should；　instead　of　devoting　myself　to　science　or　literary　work；　live　in　the　country；　rush　round　like　a　squirrel　in　a　rage；　work　hard　with　never　a　penny　to　show　for　it。　They　fancied　that　I　was　unhappy；　and　that　I　only　talked；　laughed；　and　ate　to　conceal　my　sufferings；　and　even　at　cheerful　moments　when　I　felt　happy　I　was　aware　of　their　searching　eyes　fixed　upon　me。　They　were　particularly　touching　when　I　really　was　depressed；　when　I　was　being　worried　by　some　creditor　or　had　not　money　enough　to　pay　interest　on　the　proper　day。　The　two　of　them；　husband　and　wife；　would　whisper　together　at　the　window；　then　he　would　come　to　me　and　say　with　a　grave　face：

〃　'If　you　really　are　in　need　of　money　at　the　moment；　Pavel　Konstantinovitch；　my　wife　and　I　beg　you　not　to　hesitate　to　borrow　from　us。'

〃And　he　would　blush　to　his　ears　with　emotion。　And　it　would　happen　that；　after　whispering　in　the　same　way　at　the　window；　he　would　come　up　to　me；　with　red　ears；　and　say：

〃　'My　wife　and　I　earnestly　beg　you　to　accept　this　present。'

〃And　he　would　give　me　studs；　a　cigar…case；　or　a　lamp；　and　I　would　send　them　game；　butter；　and　flowers　from　the　country。　They　both；　by　the　way；　had　considerable　means　of　their　own。　In　early　days　I　often　borrowed　money；　and　was　not　very　particular　about　it　　borrowed　wherever　I　could　　but　nothing　in　the　world　would　have　induced　me　to　borrow　from　the　Luganovitchs。　But　why　talk　of　it？

〃I　was　unhappy。　At　home；　in　the　fields；　in　the　barn；　I　thought　of　her；　I　tried　to　understand　the　mystery　of　a　beautiful；　intelligent　young　woman's　marrying　some　one　so　uninteresting；　almost　an　old　man　（her　husband　was　over　forty）；　and　having　children　by　him；　to　understand　the　mystery　of　this　uninteresting；　good；　simple…hearted　man；　who　argued　with　such　wearisome　good　sense；　at　balls　and　evening　parties　kept　near　the　more　solid　people；　looking　listless　and　superfluous；　with　a　submissive；　uninterested　expression；　as　though　he　had　been　brought　there　for　sale；　who　yet　believed　in　his　right　to　be　happy；　to　have　children　by　her；　and　I　kept　trying　to　understand　why　she　had　met　him　first　and　not　me；　and　why　such　a　terrible　mistake　in　our　lives　need　have　happened。

〃And　when　I　went　to　the　town　I　saw　every　time　from　her　eyes　that　she　was　expecting　me；　and　she　would　confess　to　me　herself　that　she　had　had　a　peculiar　feeling　all　that　day　and　had　guessed　that　I　should　come。　We　talked　a　long　time；　and　were　silent；　yet　we　did　not　confess　our　love　to　each　other；　but　timidly　and　jealously　concealed　it。　We　were　afraid　of　everything　that　might　reveal　our　secret　to　ourselves。　I　loved　her　tenderly；　deeply；　but　I　reflected　and　kept　asking　myself　what　our　love　could　lead　to　if　we　had　not　the　strength　to　fight　against　it。　It　seemed　to　be　incredible　that　my　gentle；　sad　love　could　all　at　once　coarsely　break　up　the　even　tenor　of　the　life　of　her　husband；　her　children；　and　all　the　household　in　which　I　was　so　loved　and　trusted。　Would　it　be　honourable？　She　would　go　away　with　me；　but　where？　Where　could　I　take　her？　It　would　have　been　a　different　matter　if　I　had　had　a　beautiful；　interesting　life　　if；　for　instance；　I　had　been　struggling　for　the　emancipation　of　my　country；　or　had　been　a　celebrated　man　of　science；　an　artist　or　a　painter；　but　as　it　was　it　would　mean　taking　her　from　one　everyday　humdrum　life　to　another　as　humdrum　or　perhaps　more　so。　And　how　long　would　our　happiness　last？　What　would　happen　to　her　in　case　I　was　ill；　in　case　I　died；　or　if　we　simply　grew　cold　to　one　another？

〃And　she　apparently　reasoned　in　the　same　way。　She　thought　of　her　husband；　her　children；　and　of　her　mother；　who　loved　the　husband　like　a　son。　If　she　abandoned　herself　to　her　feelings　she　would　have　to　lie；　or　else　to　tell　the　truth；　and　in　her　position　either　would　have　been　equally　terrible　and　inconvenient。　And　she　was　tormented　by　the　question　whether　her　love　would　bring　me　happiness　　would　she　not　complicate　my　life；　which；　as　it　was；　was　hard　enough　and　full　of　all　sorts　of　trouble？　She　fancied　she　was　not　young　enough　for　me；　that　she　was　not　industrious　nor　energetic　enough　to　begin　a　new　life；　and　she　often　talked　to　her　husband　of　the　importance　of　my　marrying　a　girl　of　intelligence　and　merit　who　would　be　a　capable　housewife　and　a　help　to　me　　and　she　would　immediately　add　that　it　would　be　difficult　to　find　such　a　girl　in　the　whole　town。


〃Meanwhile　the　years　were　passing。　Anna　Alexyevna　already　had　two　children。　When　I　arrived　at　the　Luganovitchs'　the　servants　smiled　cordially；　the　children　shouted　that　Uncle　Pavel　Konstantinovitch　had　come；　and　hung　on　my　neck；　every　one　was　overjoyed。　They　did　not　understand　what　was　passing　in　my　soul；　and　thought　that　I；　too；　was　happy。　Every　one　looked　on　me　as　a　noble　being。　And　grown…ups　and　children　alike　felt　that　a　noble　being　was　walking　about　their　rooms；　and　that　gave　a　peculiar　charm　to　their　manner　towards　me；　as　though　in　my　pre