the wife and other stories-第24章

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narrow　and　sharply　limited　by　his　specialty；　outside　his　special　branch　he　is　simple　as　a　child。

〃Fancy！　what　a　misfortune！　They　say　Skobelev　is　dead。〃

Nikolay　crosses　himself；　but　Pyotr　Ignatyevitch　turns　to　me　and　asks：

〃What　Skobelev　is　that？〃

Another　time　　somewhat　earlier　　I　told　him　that　Professor　Perov　was　dead。　Good　Pyotr　Ignatyevitch　asked：

〃What　did　he　lecture　on？〃

I　believe　if　Patti　had　sung　in　his　very　ear；　if　a　horde　of　Chinese　had　invaded　Russia；　if　there　had　been　an　earthquake；　he　would　not　have　stirred　a　limb；　but　screwing　up　his　eye；　would　have　gone　on　calmly　looking　through　his　microscope。　What　is　he　to　Hecuba　or　Hecuba　to　him；　in　fact？　I　would　give　a　good　deal　to　see　how　this　dry　stick　sleeps　with　his　wife　at　night。

Another　characteristic　is　his　fanatical　faith　in　the　infallibility　of　science；　and；　above　all；　of　everything　written　by　the　Germans。　He　believes　in　himself；　in　his　preparations；　knows　the　object　of　life；　and　knows　nothing　of　the　doubts　and　disappointments　that　turn　the　hair　o　f　talent　grey。　He　has　a　slavish　reverence　for　authorities　and　a　complete　lack　of　any　desire　for　independent　thought。　To　change　his　convictions　is　difficult；　to　argue　with　him　impossible。　How　is　one　to　argue　with　a　man　who　is　firmly　persuaded　that　medicine　is　the　finest　of　sciences；　that　doctors　are　the　best　of　men；　and　that　the　traditions　of　the　medical　profession　are　superior　to　those　of　any　other？　Of　the　evil　past　of　medicine　only　one　tradition　has　been　preserved　　the　white　tie　still　worn　by　doctors；　for　a　learned　　in　fact；　for　any　educated　man　the　only　traditions　that　can　exist　are　those　of　the　University　as　a　whole；　with　no　distinction　between　medicine；　law；　etc。　But　it　would　be　hard　for　Pyotr　Ignatyevitch　to　accept　these　facts；　and　he　is　ready　to　argue　with　you　till　the　day　of　judgment。

I　have　a　clear　picture　in　my　mind　of　his　future。　In　the　course　of　his　life　he　will　prepare　many　hundreds　of　chemicals　of　exceptional　purity；　he　will　write　a　number　of　dry　and　very　accurate　memoranda；　will　make　some　dozen　conscientious　translations；　but　he　won't　do　anything　striking。　To　do　that　one　must　have　imagination；　inventiveness；　the　gift　of　insight；　and　Pyotr　Ignatyevitch　has　nothing　of　the　kind。　In　short；　he　is　not　a　master　in　science；　but　a　journeyman。

Pyotr　Ignatyevitch；　Nikolay；　and　I；　talk　in　subdued　tones。　We　are　not　quite　ourselves。　There　is　always　a　peculiar　feeling　when　one　hears　through　the　doors　a　murmur　as　of　the　sea　from　the　lecture…theatre。　In　the　course　of　thirty　years　I　have　not　grown　accustomed　to　this　feeling；　and　I　experience　it　every　morning。　I　nervously　button　up　my　coat；　ask　Nikolay　unnecessary　questions；　lose　my　temper。　。　。　。　It　is　just　as　though　I　were　frightened；　it　is　not　timidity；　though；　but　something　different　which　I　can　neither　describe　nor　find　a　name　for。

Quite　unnecessarily；　I　look　at　my　watch　and　say：　〃Well；　it's　time　to　go　in。〃

And　we　march　into　the　room　in　the　following　order：　foremost　goes　Nikolay；　with　the　chemicals　and　apparatus　or　with　a　chart；　after　him　I　come；　and　then　the　carthorse　follows　humbly；　with　hanging　head；　or；　when　necessary；　a　dead　body　is　carried　in　first　on　a　stretcher；　followed　by　Nikolay；　and　so　on。　On　my　entrance　the　students　all　stand　up；　then　they　sit　down；　and　the　sound　as　of　the　sea　is　suddenly　hushed。　Stillness　reigns。

I　know　what　I　am　going　to　lecture　about；　but　I　don't　know　how　I　am　going　to　lecture；　where　I　am　going　to　begin　or　with　what　I　am　going　to　end。　I　haven't　a　single　sentence　ready　in　my　head。　But　I　have　only　to　look　round　the　lecture…hall　（it　is　built　in　the　form　of　an　amphitheatre）　and　utter　the　stereotyped　phrase；　〃Last　lecture　we　stopped　at　。　。　。〃　when　sentences　spring　up　from　my　soul　in　a　long　string；　and　I　am　carried　away　by　my　own　eloquence。　I　speak　with　irresistible　rapidity　and　passion；　and　it　seems　as　though　there　were　no　force　which　could　check　the　flow　of　my　words。　To　lecture　well　　that　is；　with　profit　to　the　listeners　and　without　boring　them　　one　must　have；　besides　talent；　experience　and　a　special　knack；　one　must　possess　a　clear　conception　of　one's　own　powers；　of　the　audience　to　which　one　is　lecturing；　and　of　the　subject　of　one's　lecture。　Moreover；　one　must　be　a　man　who　knows　what　he　is　doing；　one　must　keep　a　sharp　lookout；　and　not　for　one　second　lose　sight　of　what　lies　before　one。

A　good　conductor；　interpreting　the　thought　of　the　composer；　does　twenty　things　at　once：　reads　the　score；　waves　his　baton；　watches　the　singer；　makes　a　motion　sideways；　first　to　the　drum　then　to　the　wind…instruments；　and　so　on。　I　do　just　the　same　when　I　lecture。　Before　me　a　hundred　and　fifty　faces；　all　unlike　one　another；　three　hundred　eyes　all　looking　straight　into　my　face。　My　object　is　to　dominate　this　many…headed　monster。　If　every　moment　as　I　lecture　I　have　a　clear　vision　of　the　degree　of　its　attention　and　its　power　of　comprehension；　it　is　in　my　power。　The　other　foe　I　have　to　overcome　is　in　myself。　It　is　the　infinite　variety　of　forms；　phenomena；　laws；　and　the　multitude　of　ideas　of　my　own　and　other　people's　conditioned　by　them。　Every　moment　I　must　have　the　skill　to　snatch　out　of　that　vast　mass　of　material　what　is　most　important　and　necessary；　and；　as　rapidly　as　my　words　flow；　clothe　my　thought　in　a　form　in　which　it　can　be　grasped　by　the　monster's　intelligence；　and　may　arouse　its　attention；　and　at　the　same　time　one　must　keep　a　sharp　lookout　that　one's　thoughts　are　conveyed；　not　just　as　they　come；　but　in　a　certain　order；　essential　for　the　correct　composition　of　the　picture　I　wish　to　sketch。　Further；　I　endeavour　to　make　my　diction　literary；　my　definitions　brief　and　precise；　my　wording；　as　far　as　possible；　simple　and　eloquent。　Every　minute　I　have　to　pull　myself　up　and　remember　that　I　have　only　an　hour　and　forty　minutes　at　my　disposal。　In　short；　one　has　one's　work　cut　out。　At　one　and　the　same　minute　one　has　to　play　the　part　of　savant　and　teacher　and　orator；　and　it's　a　bad　thing　if　the　orator　gets　the　upper　hand　of　the　savant　or　of　the　teacher　in　one；　or　_vice　versa_。

You　lecture　for　a　quarter　of　an　hour；　for　half　an　hour；　when　you　notice　that　the　students　are　beginning　to　look　at　the　ceiling；　at　Pyotr　Ignatyevitch；　one　is　feeling　for　his　handkerchief；　another　shifts　in　his　seat；　another　smiles　at　his　thoughts。　。　。　。　That　means　that　their　attention　is　flagging。　Something　must　be　done。　Taking　advantage　of　the　first　opportunity；　I　make　some　pun。　A　broad　grin　comes　on　to　a　hundred　and　fifty　faces；　the　eyes　shine　brightly；　the　sound　of　the　sea　is　audible　for　a　brief　moment。　。　。　。　I　laugh　too。　Their　attention　is　refreshed；　and　I　can　go　on。

No　kind　of　sport；　no　kind　of　game　or　diversion；　has　ever　given　me　such　enjoyment　as　lecturing。　Only　at　lectures　have　I　been　able　to　abandon　myself　entirely　to　passion；　and　have　understood　that　inspiration　is　not　an　invention　of　the　poets；　but　exists　in　real　life；　and　I　imagine　Hercules　after　the　most　piquant　of　his　exploits　felt　just　such　voluptuous　exhaustion　as　I　experience　after　every　lecture。

That　was　in　old　times。　Now　at　lectures　I　feel　nothing　but　torture。　Before　half　an　hour　is　over　I　am　conscious　of　an　overwhelming　weakness　in　my　legs　and　my　shoulders。　I　sit　down　in　my　chair；　but　I　am　not　accustomed　to　lecture　sitting　down；　a　minute　later　I　get　up　and　go　on　standing；　then　sit　down　again。　There　is　a　dryness　in　my　mouth；　my　voice　grows　husky；　my　head　begins　to　go　round。　。　。　。　To　conceal　my　condition　from　my　audience　I　continually　drink　water；　cough；　often　blow　my　nose　as　though　I　were　hindered　by　a　cold；　make　puns　inappropriately；　and　in　the　end　break　off　earlier　than　I　ought　to。　But　above　all　I　am　ashamed。

My　conscience　and　my　intelligence　tell　me　that　the　very　best　thing　I　could　do　now　would　be　to　deliver　a　farewell　lecture　to　the　boys；　to　say　my　last　word　to　them；　to　bless　them；　and　give　up　my　post　to　a　man　younger　and　stronger　than　me。　But；　God；　be　my　judge；　I　have　not　manly　courage　enough　to　act　according　to　my　conscience。

Unfortunately；　I　am　not　a　philosopher　and　not　a　theologian。　I　know　perfectly　well　that　I　cannot　live　more　than　another　six　months；　it　might　be　supposed　that　I　ought　now　to　be　chiefly　concerned　with　the　question　of　the　shadowy　life　beyond　the　grave；　and　the　visions　tha