ivanoff-第15章
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be！ Let us end this senseless comedy before it is too late。 You
are young and pure； you have all your life before you； but I…
SASHA。 The same old story； I have heard it a thousand times and I
am tired of it。 Go quickly to the church and don't keep everybody
waiting！
IVANOFF。 I shall go straight home； and you must explain to your
family somehow that there is to be no wedding。 Explain it as you
please。 It is time we came to our senses。 I have been playing the
part of Hamlet and you have been playing the part of a noble and
devoted girl。 We have kept up the farce long enough。
SASHA。 ＇Losing her temper＇ How can you speak to me like this？ I
won't have it。
IVANOFF。 But I am speaking； and will continue to speak。
SASHA。 What do you mean by coming to me like this？ Your
melancholy has become absolutely ridiculous！
IVANOFF。 No； this is not melancholy。 It is ridiculous； is it？
Yes； I am laughing； and if it were possible for me to laugh at
myself a thousand times more bitterly I should do so and set the
whole world laughing； too； in derision。 A fierce light has
suddenly broken over my soul； as I looked into the glass just
now； I laughed at myself； and nearly went mad with shame。 ＇He
laughs＇ Melancholy indeed！ Noble grief！ Uncontrollable sorrow！ It
only remains for me now to begin to write verses！ Shall I mope
and complain； sadden everybody I meet； confess that my manhood
has gone forever； that I have decayed； outlived my purpose； that
I have given myself up to cowardice and am bound hand and foot by
this loathsome melancholy？ Shall I confess all this when the sun
is shining so brightly and when even the ants are carrying their
little burdens in peaceful self…content？ No； thanks。 Can I endure
the knowledge that one will look upon me as a fraud； while
another pities me； a third lends me a helping hand； or worst of
all； a fourth listens reverently to my sighs； looks upon me as a
new Mahomet； and expects me to expound a new religion every
moment？ No； thank God for the pride and conscience he has left me
still。 On my way here I laughed at myself； and it seemed to me
that the flowers and birds were laughing mockingly too。
SASHA。 This is not anger； but madness！
IVANOFF。 You think so； do you？ No； I am not mad。 I see things in
their right light now； and my mind is as clear as your
conscience。 We love each other； but we shall never be married。 It
makes no difference how I rave and grow bitter by myself； but I
have no right to drag another down with me。 My melancholy robbed
my wife of the last year of her life。 Since you have been engaged
to me you have forgotten how to laugh and have aged five years。
Your father； to whom life was always simple and clear； thanks to
me； is now unable to understand anybody。 Wherever I go； whether
hunting or visiting； it makes no difference； I carry depression；
dulness； and discontent along with me。 Wait！ Don't interrupt me！
I am bitter and harsh； I know； but I am stifled with rage。 I
cannot speak otherwise。 I have never lied； and I never used to
find fault with my lot； but since I have begun to complain of
everything； I find fault with it involuntarily； and against my
will。 When I murmur at my fate every one who hears me is seized
with the same disgust of life and begins to grumble too。 And what
a strange way I have of looking at things！ Exactly as if I were
doing the world a favour by living in it。 Oh； I am contemptible。
SASHA。 Wait a moment。 From what you have just said； it is obvious
that you are tired of your melancholy mood； and that the time has
come for you to begin life afresh。 How splendid！
IVANOFF。 I don't see anything splendid about it。 How can I lead a
new life？ I am lost forever。 It is time we both understood that。
A new life indeed！
SASHA。 Nicholas； come to your senses。 How can you say you are
lost？ What do you mean by such cynicism？ No； I won't listen to
you or talk with you。 Go to the church！
IVANOFF。 I am lost！
SASHA。 Don't talk so loud； our guests will hear you！
IVANOFF。 If an intelligent； educated； and healthy man begins to
complain of his lot and go down…hill； there is nothing for him to
do but to go on down until he reaches the bottomthere is no
hope for him。 Where could my salvation come from？ How can I save
myself？ I cannot drink； because it makes my head ache。 I never
could write bad poetry。 I cannot pray for strength and see
anything lofty in the languor of my soul。 Laziness is laziness
and weakness weakness。 I can find no other names for them。 I am
lost； I am lost； there is no doubt of that。 ＇Looking around＇ Some
one might come in； listen； Sasha； if you love me you must help
me。 Renounce me this minute； quickly！
SASHA。 Oh； Nicholas！ If you only knew how you are torturing me；
what agony I have to endure for your sake！ Good thoughtful
friend； judge for yourself； can I possibly solve such a problem？
Each day you put some horrible problem before me； each one more
difficult than the last。 I wanted to help you with my love； but
this is martyrdom！
IVANOFF。 And when you are my wife the problems will be harder
than ever。 Understand this： it is not love that is urging you to
take this step； but the obstinacy of an honest nature。 You have
undertaken to reawaken the man in me and to save me in the face
of every difficulty； and you are flattered by the hope of
achieving your object。 You are willing to give up now； but you
are prevented from doing it by a feeling that is a false one。
Understand yourself！
SASHA。 What strange； wild reasoning！ How can I give you up now？
How can I？ You have no mother； or sister； or friends。 You are
ruined； your estate has been destroyed； every one is speaking ill
of you
IVANOFF。 It was foolish of me to come here； I should have done as
I wanted to
Enter LEBEDIEFF。
SASHA。 ＇Running to her father＇ Father！ He has rushed over here
like a madman； and is torturing me！ He insists that I should
refuse to marry him； he says he doesn't want to drag me down with
him。 Tell him that I won't accept his generosity。 I know what I
am doing！
LEBEDIEFF。 I can't understand a word of what you are saying。 What
generosity？
IVANOFF。 This marriage is not going to take place。
SASHA。 It is going to take place。 Papa； tell him that it is going
to take place。
LEBEDIEFF。 Wait！ Wait！ What objection have you to the marriage？
IVANOFF。 I have explained it all to her； but she refuses to
understand me。
LEBEDIEFF。 Don't explain it to her； but to me； and explain it so
that I may understand。 God forgive you； Nicholas； you have
brought a great deal of darkness into our lives。 I feel as if I
were living in a museum； I look about me and don't understand
anything I see。 This is torture。 What on earth can an old man
like me do with you？ Shall I challenge you to a duel？
IVANOFF。 There is no need of a duel。 All you need is a head on
your shoulders and a knowledge of the Russian language。
SASHA。 ＇Walks up and down in great excitement＇ This is dreadful；
dreadful！ Absolutely childish。
LEBEDIEFF。 Listen to me； Nicholas； from your point of view what
you are doing is quite right and proper； according to the rules
of psychology； but I think this affair is a scandal and a great
misfortune。 I am an old man； hear me out for the last time。 This
is what I want to say to you： calm yourself； look at things
simply； as every one else does； this is a simple world。 The
ceiling is white； your boots are black； sugar is sweet。 You love
Sasha and she loves you。 If you love her； stay with her； if you
don't； leave her。 We shan't blame you。 It is all perfectly
simple。 You are two healthy； intelligent； moral young people；
thank God； you both have food and clothingwhat more do you
want？ What if you have no money？ That is no great
misfortunehappiness is not bought with wealth。 Of course your
estate is mortgaged； Nicholas； as I know； and you have no money
to pay the interest on the debt； but I am Sasha's father。 I
understand。 Her mother can do as she likesif she won't give any
money； why； confound her； then she needn't； that's all！ Sasha has
just said that she does not want her part of it。 As for your
principles； Schopenhauer and all that； it is all folly。 I have
one
