ivanoff-第11章
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sight of wrong。 I could feel the glow of inspiration； and
understand the beauty and romance of the silent nights which I
used to watch through from evening until dawn； sitting at my
worktable； and giving up my soul to dreams。 I believed in a
bright future then； and looked into it as trustfully as a child
looks into its mother's eyes。 And now； oh； it is terrible！ I am
tired and without hope； I spend my days and nights in idleness； I
have no control over my feet or brain。 My estate is ruined； my
woods are falling under the blows of the axe。 ＇He weeps＇ My
neglected land looks up at me as reproachfully as an orphan。 I
expect nothing； am sorry for nothing； my whole soul trembles at
the thought of each new day。 And what can I think of my treatment
of Sarah？ I promised her love and happiness forever； I opened her
eyes to the promise of a future such as she had never even
dreamed of。 She believed me； and though for five years I have
seen her sinking under the weight of her sacrifices to me； and
losing her strength in her struggles with her conscience； God
knows she has never given me one angry look； or uttered one word
of reproach。 What is the result？ That I don't love her！ Why？ Is
it possible？ Can it be true？ I can't understand。 She is
suffering； her days are numbered； yet I fly like a contemptible
coward from her white face； her sunken chest； her pleading eyes。
Oh； I am ashamed； ashamed！ ＇A pause＇ Sasha； a young girl； is
sorry for me in my misery。 She confesses to me that she loves me；
me； almost an old man！ Whereupon I lose my head； and exalted as
if by music； I yell： 〃Hurrah for a new life and new happiness！〃
Next day I believe in this new life and happiness as little as I
believe in my happiness at home。 What is the matter with me？ What
is this pit I am wallowing in？ What is the cause of this
weakness？ What does this nervousness come from？ If my sick wife
wounds my pride； if a servant makes a mistake； if my gun misses
fire； I lose my temper and get violent and altogether unlike
myself。 I can't； I can't understand it； the easiest way out would
be a bullet through the head！
Enter LVOFF。
LVOFF。 I must have an explanation with you； Ivanoff。
IVANOFF。 If we are going to have an explanation every day；
doctor； we shall neither of us have the strength to stand it。
LVOFF。 Will you be good enough to hear me？
IVANOFF。 I have heard all you have told me every day； and have
failed to discover yet what you want me to do。
LVOFF。 I have always spoken plainly enough； and only an utterly
heartless and cruel man could fail to understand me。
IVANOFF。 I know that my wife is dying； I know that I have sinned
irreparably； I know that you are an honest man。 What more can you
tell me？
LVOFF。 The sight of human cruelty maddens me。 The woman is dying
and she has a mother and father whom she loves； and longs to see
once more before she dies。 They know that she is dying and that
she loves them still； but with diabolical cruelty； as if to
flaunt their religious zeal； they refuse to see her and forgive
her。 You are the man for whom she has sacrificed her home； her
peace of mind； everything。 Yet you unblushingly go gadding to the
Lebedieffs' every evening； for reasons that are absolutely
unmistakable！
IVANOFF。 Ah me； it is two weeks since I was there！
LVOFF。 ＇Not listening to him＇ To men like yourself one must speak
plainly； and if you don't want to hear what I have to say； you
need not listen。 I always call a spade a spade； the truth is； you
want her to die so that the way may be cleared for your other
schemes。 Be it so； but can't you wait？ If； instead of crushing
the life out of your wife by your heartless egoism； you let her
die naturally； do you think you would lose Sasha and Sasha's
money？ Such an absolute Tartuffe as you are could turn the girl's
head and get her money a year from now as easily as you can
to…day。 Why are you in such a hurry？ Why do you want your wife to
die now； instead of in a month's time； or a year's？
IVANOFF。 This is torture！ You are a very bad doctor if you think
a man can control himself forever。 It is all I can do not to
answer your insults。
LVOFF。 Look here； whom are you trying to deceive？ Throw off this
disguise！
IVANOFF。 You who are so clever； you think that nothing in the
world is easier than to understand me； do you？ I married Annie
for her money； did I？ And when her parents wouldn't give it to
me； I changed my plans； and am now hustling her out of the world
so that I may marry another woman； who will bring me what I want？
You think so； do you？ Oh； how easy and simple it all is！ But you
are mistaken； doctor； in each one of us there are too many
springs； too many wheels and cogs for us to judge each other by
first impressions or by two or three external indications。 I can
not understand you； you cannot understand me； and neither of us
can understand himself。 A man may be a splendid doctor； and at
the same time a very bad judge of human nature； you will admit
that； unless you are too self…confident。
LVOFF。 Do you really think that your character is so mysterious；
and that I am too stupid to tell vice from virtue？
IVANOFF。 It is clear that we shall never agree； so let me beg you
to answer me now without any more preamble： exactly what do you
want me to do？ ＇Angrily＇ What are you after anyway？ And with whom
have I the honour of speaking？ With my lawyer； or with my wife's
doctor？
LVOFF。 I am a doctor； and as such I demand that you change your
conduct toward your wife； it is killing her。
IVANOFF。 What shall I do？ Tell me！ If you understand me so much
better than I understand myself； for heaven's sake tell me
exactly what to do！
LVOFF。 In the first place； don't be so unguarded in your
behaviour。
IVANOFF。 Heaven help me； do you mean to say that you understand
yourself？ ＇He drinks some water＇ Now go away； I am guilty a
thousand times over； I shall answer for my sins before God； but
nothing has given you the right to torture me daily as you do。
LVOFF。 Who has given you the right to insult my sense of honour？
You have maddened and poisoned my soul。 Before I came to this
place I knew that stupid； crazy； deluded people existed； but I
never imagined that any one could be so criminal as to turn his
mind deliberately in the direction of wickedness。 I loved and
esteemed humanity then； but since I have known you
IVANOFF。 I have heard all that before。
LVOFF。 You have； have you？
He goes out； shrugging his shoulders。 He sees SASHA； who comes in
at this moment dressed for riding。
LVOFF。 Now； however； I hope that we can understand one another！
IVANOFF。 ＇Startled＇ Oh； Sasha； is that you？
SASHA。 Yes； it is I。 How are you？ You didn't expect me； did you？
Why haven't you been to see us？
IVANOFF。 Sasha； this is really imprudent of you！ Your coming will
have a terrible effect on my wife！
SASHA。 She won't see me； I came in by the back entrance； I shall
go in a minute。 I am so anxious about you。 Tell me； are you well？
Why haven't you been to see us for such a long time？
IVANOFF。 My wife is offended already； and almost dying； and now
you come here； Sasha； Sasha； this is thoughtless and unkind of
you。
SASHA。 How could I help coming？ It is two weeks since you were at
our house； and you have not answered my letters。 I imagined you
suffering dreadfully； or ill； or dead。 I have not slept for
nights。 I am going now； but first tell me that you are well。
IVANOFF。 No； I am not well。 I am a torment to myself； and every
one torments me without end。 I can't stand it！ And now you come
here。 How morbid and unnatural it all is； Sasha。 I am terribly
guilty。
SASHA。 What dreadful； pitiful speeches you make！ So you are
guilty； are you？ Tell me； then； what is it you have done？
IVANOFF I don't know； I don't know！
SASHA。 That is no answer。 Every sinner should know what he is
guilty of。 Perhaps you have been forging money？
IVANOFF。 That is stupid。
SASHA。 Or are you guilty because you no longer love your wife？
Perhaps you are； but no one is master of his feelings； and you
did not mean to stop loving her。 Do you feel guilty because she
saw me telling you that I love you？ No； that can
