how tell a story and others-第4章

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at　them。　　Presently　one　of　them　stepped　out　of　the　rank　and　said：

〃You　don't　know　me；　Mr。　Twichell；　but　I　know　your　daughter；　and　that
gives　me　the　privilege　of　shaking　hands　with　you。〃

Then　she　put　out　her　hand　to　me；　and　said：

〃And　I　wish　to　shake　hands　with　you　too；　Mr。　Clemens。　　You　don't　remember
me；　but　you　were　introduced　to　me　in　the　arcade　in　Milan　two　years　and　a
half　ago　by　Lieutenant　H。〃

What　had　put　that　story　into　my　head　after　all　that　stretch　of　time？　　Was
it　just　the　proximity　of　that　young　girl；　or　was　it　merely　an　odd
accident？







THE　INVALID'S　STORY

I　seem　sixty　and　married；　but　these　effects　are　due　to　my　condition　and
sufferings；　for　I　am　a　bachelor；　and　only　forty…one。　　It　will　be　hard　for
you　to　believe　that　I；　who　am　now　but　a　shadow；　was　a　hale；　hearty　man
two　short　years　ago；　a　man　of　iron；　a　very　athlete！　yet　such　is　the
simple　truth。　　But　stranger　still　than　this　fact　is　the　way　in　which　I
lost　my　health。　　I　lost　it　through　helping　to　take　care　of　a　box　of　guns
on　a　two…hundred…mile　railway　journey　one　winter's　night。　　It　is　the
actual　truth；　and　I　will　tell　you　about　it。

I　belong　in　Cleveland；　Ohio。　　One　winter's　night；　two　years　ago；　I
reached　home　just　after　dark；　in　a　driving　snow…storm；　and　the　first
thing　I　heard　when　I　entered　the　house　was　that　my　dearest　boyhood　friend
and　schoolmate；　John　B。　Hackett；　had　died　the　day　before；　and　that　his
last　utterance　had　been　a　desire　that　I　would　take　his　remains　home　to
his　poor　old　father　and　mother　in　Wisconsin。　　I　was　greatly　shocked　and
grieved；　but　there　was　no　time　to　waste　in　emotions；　I　must　start　at
once。　　I　took　the　card；　marked　〃Deacon　Levi　Hackett；　Bethlehem；
Wisconsin；〃　and　hurried　off　through　the　whistling　storm　to　the　railway
station。　　Arrived　there　I　found　the　long　white…pine　box　which　had　been
described　to　me；　I　fastened　the　card　to　it　with　some　tacks；　saw　it　put
safely　aboard　the　express　car；　and　then　ran　into　the　eating…room　to
provide　myself　with　a　sandwich　and　some　cigars。　　When　I　returned；
presently；　there　was　my　coffin…box　back　again；　apparently；　and　a　young
fellow　examining　around　it；　with　a　card　in　his　hands；　and　some　tacks　and
a　hammer！　　I　was　astonished　and　puzzled。　　He　began　to　nail　on　his　card；
and　I　rushed　out　to　the　express　car；　in　a　good　deal　of　a　state　of　mind；
to　ask　for　an　explanation。　　But　nothere　was　my　box；　all　right；　in　the
express　car；　it　hadn't　been　disturbed。　　＇The　fact　is　that　without　my
suspecting　it　a　prodigious　mistake　had　been　made。　　I　was　carrying　off　a
box　of　guns　which　that　young　fellow　had　come　to　the　station　to　ship　to　a
rifle　company　in　Peoria；　Illinois；　and　he　had　got　my　corpse！＇　　Just　then
the　conductor　sung　out　〃All　aboard；〃　and　I　jumped　into　the　express　car
and　got　a　comfortable　seat　on　a　bale　of　buckets。　　The　expressman　was
there；　hard　at　work；a　plain　man　of　fifty；　with　a　simple；　honest；　good…
natured　face；　and　a　breezy；　practical　heartiness　in　his　general　style。
As　the　train　moved　off　a　stranger　skipped　into　the　car　and　set　a　package
of　peculiarly　mature　and　capable　Limburger　cheese　on　one　end　of　my
coffin…boxI　mean　my　box　of　guns。　　That　is　to　say；　I　know　now　that　it
was　Limburger　cheese；　but　at　that　time　I　never　had　heard　of　the　article
in　my　life；　and　of　course　was　wholly　ignorant　of　its　character。　　Well；　we
sped　through　the　wild　night；　the　bitter　storm　raged　on；　a　cheerless
misery　stole　over　me；　my　heart　went　down；　down；　down！　　The　old　expressman
made　a　brisk　remark　or　two　about　the　tempest　and　the　arctic　weather；
slammed　his　sliding　doors　to；　and　bolted　them；　closed　his　window　down
tight；　and　then　went　bustling　around；　here　and　there　and　yonder；　setting
things　to　rights；　and　all　the　time　contentedly　humming　〃Sweet　By　and　By；〃
in　a　low　tone；　and　flatting　a　good　deal。　　Presently　I　began　to　detect　a
most　evil　and　searching　odor　stealing　about　on　the　frozen　air。　　This
depressed　my　spirits　still　more；　because　of　course　I　attributed　it　to　my
poor　departed　friend。　　There　was　something　infinitely　saddening　about　his
calling　himself　to　my　remembrance　in　this　dumb　pathetic　way；　so　it　was
hard　to　keep　the　tears　back。　　Moreover；　it　distressed　me　on　account　of
the　old　expressman；　who；　I　was　afraid；　might　notice　it。　　However；　he　went
humming　tranquilly　on；　and　gave　no　sign；　and　for　this　I　was　grateful。
Grateful；　yes；　but　still　uneasy；　and　soon　I　began　to　feel　more　and　more
uneasy　every　minute；　for　every　minute　that　went　by　that　odor　thickened　up
the　more；　and　got　to　be　more　and　more　gamey　and　hard　to　stand。
Presently；　having　got　things　arranged　to　his　satisfaction；　the　expressman
got　some　wood　and　made　up　a　tremendous　fire　in　his　stove。

This　distressed　me　more　than　I　can　tell；　for　I　could　not　but　feel　that　it
was　a　mistake。　　I　was　sure　that　the　effect　would　be　deleterious　upon　my
poor　departed　friend。　　Thompsonthe　expressman's　name　was　Thompson；　as　I
found　out　in　the　course　of　the　nightnow　went　poking　around　his　car；
stopping　up　whatever　stray　cracks　he　could　find；　remarking　that　it　didn't
make　any　difference　what　kind　of　a　night　it　was　outside；　he　calculated　to
make　us　comfortable；　anyway。　　I　said　nothing；　but　I　believed　he　was　not
choosing　the　right　way。　　Meantime　he　was　humming　to　himself　just　as
before；　and　meantime；　too；　the　stove　was　getting　hotter　and　hotter；　and
the　place　closer　and　closer。　　I　felt　myself　growing　pale　and　qualmish；
but　grieved　in　silence　and　said　nothing。

Soon　I　noticed　that　the　〃Sweet　By　and　By　〃　was　gradually　fading　out；　next
it　ceased　altogether；　and　there　was　an　ominous　stillness。　　After　a　few
moments　Thompson　said；

〃Pfew！　　I　reckon　it　ain't　no　cinnamon　't　I've　loaded　up　thish…yer　stove
with！〃

He　gasped　once　or　twice；　then　moved　toward　the　cofgun…box；　stood　over
that　Limburger　cheese　part　of　a　moment；　then　came　back　and　sat　down　near
me；　looking　a　good　deal　impressed。　　After　a　contemplative　pause；　he　said；
indicating　the　box　with　a　gesture；

〃Friend　of　yourn？〃

〃Yes；〃　I　said　with　a　sigh。

〃He's　pretty　ripe；　ain't　he！〃

Nothing　further　was　said　for　perhaps　a　couple　of　minutes；　each　being　busy
with　his　own　thoughts；　then　Thompson　said；　in　a　low；　awed　voice；

〃Sometimes　it's　uncertain　whether　they're　really　gone　or　not；seem　gone；
you　knowbody　warm；　joints　limberand　so；　although　you　think　they're
gone；　you　don't　really　know。　　I've　had　cases　in　my　car。　　It's　perfectly
awful；　becuz　you　don't　know　what　minute　they'll　rise　up　and　look　at　you！〃
Then；　after　a　pause；　and　slightly　lifting　his　elbow　toward　the　box；
〃But　he　ain't　in　no　trance！　　No；　sir；　I　go　bail　for　him！〃

We　sat　some　time；　in　meditative　silence；　listening　to　the　wind　and　the
roar　of　the　train；　then　Thompson　said；　with　a　good　deal　of　feeling；

〃Well…a…well；　we've　all　got　to　go；　they　ain't　no　getting　around　it。　　Man
that　is　born　of　woman　is　of　few　days　and　far　between；　as　Scriptur'　says。
Yes；　you　look　at　it　any　way　you　want　to；　it's　awful　solemn　and　cur'us：
they　ain't　nobody　can　get　around　it；　all's　got　to　gojust　everybody；　as
you　may　say。　　One　day　you're　hearty　and　strong〃here　he　scrambled　to　his
feet　and　broke　a　pane　and　stretched　his　nose　out　at　it　a　moment　or　two；
then　sat　down　again　while　I　struggled　up　and　thrust　my　nose　out　at　the
same　place；　and　this　we　kept　on　doing　every　now　and　then〃　and　next　day
he's　cut　down　like　the　grass；　and　the　places　which　knowed　him　then　knows
him　no　more　forever；　as　Scriptur'　says。　　Yes'ndeedy；　it's　awful　solemn
and　cur'us；　but　we've　all　got　to　go；　one　time　or　another；　they　ain't　no
getting　around　it。〃

There　was　another　long　pause；　then；

〃What　did　he　die　of？〃

I　said　I　didn't　know。

〃How　long　has　he　ben　dead？〃

It　seemed　judicious　to　enlarge　the　facts　to　fit　the　probabilities；　so　I
said；

〃Two　or　three　days。〃

But　it　did　no　good；　for　Thompson　received　it　with　an　injured　look　which
plainly　said；　〃Two　or　three　years；　you　mean。〃　　Then　he　went　right　along；
placidly　ignoring　my　statement；　and　gave　his　views　at　considerable　length
upon　the　unwisdom　of　putting　off　burials　too　long。　　Then　he　lounged　off
toward　the　box；　stood　a　moment；　then　came　back　on　a　sharp　trot　and
visited　the　broken　pane；　observing；

〃'Twould　'a'　ben　a　dum　s