letters to his son, 1752-第22章
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friend to the family than as a foreigner。 Having these principles constantly in your thoughts； everything you do and everything you say will some way or other tend to your main view； and common conversation will gradually fit you for it。 You will get a habit of checking any rising heat； you will be upon your guard against any indiscreet expression； you will by degrees get the command of your countenance； so as not to change it upon any the most sudden accident； and you will； above all things； labor to acquire the great art of pleasing； without which nothing is to be done。 Company is； in truth； a constant state of negotiation； and； if you attend to it in that view； will qualify you for any。 By the same means that you make a friend； guard against an enemy； or gain a mistress； you will make an advantageous treaty； baffle those who counteract you； and gain the court you are sent to。 Make this use of all the company you keep； and your very pleasures will make you a successful negotiator。 Please all who are worth pleasing； offend none。 Keep your own secret； and get out other people's。 Keep your own temper and artfully warm other people's。 Counterwork your rivals； with diligence and dexterity； but at the same time with the utmost personal civility to them； and be firm without heat。 Messieurs d'Avaux and Servien did no more than this。 I must make one observation； in confirmation of this assertion； which is； that the most eminent negotiators have allways been the politest and bestbred men in company； even what the women call the PRETTIEST MEN。 For God's sake； never lose view of these two your capital objects： bend everything to them； try everything by their rules； and calculate everything for their purposes。 What is peculiar to these two objects； is； that they require nothing； but what one's own vanity； interest； and pleasure； would make one do independently of them。 If a man were never to be in business； and always to lead a private life； would he not desire to please and to persuade？ So that； in your two destinations； your fortune and figure luckily conspire with your vanity and your pleasures。 Nay more； a foreign minister； I will maintain it； can never be a good man of business if he is not an agreeable man of pleasure too。 Half his business is done by the help of his pleasures； his views are carried on； and perhaps best and most unsuspectedly； at balls； suppers； assemblies； and parties of pleasure； by intrigues with women； and connections insensibly formed with men； at those unguarded hours of amusement。
These objects now draw very near you； and you have no time to lose in preparing yourself to meet them。 You will be in parliament almost as soon as your age will allow； and I believe you will have a foreign department still sooner； and that will be earlier than ever any other body had one。 If you set out well at one…and…twenty； what may you not reasonably hope to be at one…and…forty？ All that I could wish you！ Adieu。
LETTER CLXXIX
LONDON； September 29； 1752。
MY DEAR FRIEND： There is nothing so necessary； but at the same time there is nothing more difficult （I know it by experience） for you young fellows； than to know how to behave yourselves prudently toward those whom you do not like。 Your passions are warm； and your heads are light； you hate all those who oppose your views； either of ambition or love； and a rival； in either； is almost a synonymous term for an enemy。 Whenever you meet such a man； you are awkwardly cold to him； at best； but often rude； and always desirous to give him some indirect slap。 This is unreasonable； for one man has as good a right to pursue an employment； or a mistress； as another； but it is； into the bargain； extremely imprudent； because you commonly defeat your own purpose by it； and while you are contending with each other； a third often prevails。 I grant you that the situation is irksome； a man cannot help thinking as he thinks； nor feeling what he feels； and it is a very tender and sore point to be thwarted and counterworked in one's pursuits at court； or with a mistress； but prudence and abilities must check the effects； though they cannot remove the cause。 Both the pretenders make themselves disagreeable to their mistress； when they spoil the company by their pouting； or their sparring； whereas； if one of them has command enough over himself （whatever he may feel inwardly） to be cheerful； gay； and easily and unaffectedly civil to the other； as if there were no manner of competition between them； the lady will certainly like him the best； and his rival will be ten times more humbled and discouraged； for he will look upon such a behavior as a proof of the triumph and security of his rival； he will grow outrageous with the lady； and the warmth of his reproaches will probably bring on a quarrel between them。 It is the same in business； where he who can command his temper and his countenance the best； will always have an infinite advantage over the other。 This is what the French call un 'procede honnete et galant'； to PIQUE yourself upon showing particular civilities to a man； to whom lesser minds would； in the same case； show dislike； or perhaps rudeness。 I will give you an instance of this in my own case； and pray remember it； whenever you come to be； as I hope you will； in a like situation。
When I went to The Hague； in 1744； it was to engage the Dutch to come roundly into the war； and to stipulate their quotas of troops； etc。； your acquaintance； the Abbe de la Ville； was there on the part of France； to endeavor to hinder them from coming into the war at all。 I was informed； and very sorry to hear it； that he had abilities； temper； and industry。 We could not visit； our two masters being at war； but the first time I met him at a third place； I got somebody to present me to him； and I told him； that though we were to be national enemies； I flattered myself we might be； however； personal friends； with a good deal more of the same kind； which he returned in full as polite a manner。 Two days afterward； I went； early in the morning； to solicit the Deputies of Amsterdam； where I found l'Abbe de la Ville； who had been beforehand with me； upon which I addressed myself to the Deputies； and said； smilingly； I am very sorry； Gentlemen； to find my enemy with you； my knowledge of his capacity is already sufficient to make me fear him； we are not upon equal terms； but I trust to your own interest against his talents。 If I have not this day had the first word； I shall at least have the last。 They smiled： the Abbe was pleased with the compliment； and the manner of it； stayed about a quarter of an hour； and then left me to my Deputies； with whom I continued upon the same tone； though in a very serious manner； and told them that I was only come to state their own true interests to them； plainly and simply； without any of those arts； which it was very necessary for my friend to make use of to deceive them。 I carried my point； and continued my 'procede' with the Abb6； and by this easy and polite commerce with him； at third places； I often found means to fish out from him whereabouts he was。
Remember； there are but two 'procedes' in the world for a gentleman and a man of parts； either extreme politeness or knocking down。 If a man notoriously and designedly insults and affronts you； knock him down； but if he only injures you； your best revenge is to be extremely civil to him in your outward behavior； though at the same time you counterwork him； and return him the compliment； perhaps with interest。 This is not perfidy nor dissimulation； it would be so if you were； at the same time； to make professions of esteem and friendship to this man； which I by no means recommend； but on the contrary abhor。 But all acts of civility are； by common consent； understood to be no more than a conformity to custom； for the quiet and conveniency of society； the 'agremens' of which are not to be disturbed by private dislikes and jealousies。 Only women and little minds pout and spar for the entertainment of the company； that always laughs at； and never pities them。 For my own part； though I would by no means give up any point to a competitor； yet I would pique myself upon showing him rather more ci
