a room with a view-第41章

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〃It　is　true。〃



〃True　on　the　whole；〃　she　corrected；　full　of　some　vague　shame。



〃True；　every　word。　It　is　a　revelation。　It　isI。〃



〃Anyhow；　those　are　my　reasons　for　not　being　your　wife。〃



He　repeated：　〃'The　sort　that　can　know　no　one　intimately。'　It　is

true。　I　fell　to　pieces　the　very　first　day　we　were　engaged。　I

behaved　like　a　cad　to　Beebe　and　to　your　brother。　You　are　even

greater　than　I　thought。〃　She　withdrew　a　step。　〃I'm　not　going　to

worry　you。　You　are　far　too　good　to　me。　I　shall　never　forget　your

insight；　and；　dear；　I　only　blame　you　for　this：　you　might　have

warned　me　in　the　early　stages；　before　you　felt　you　wouldn't　marry

me；　and　so　have　given　me　a　chance　to　improve。　I　have　never　known

you　till　this　evening。　I　have　just　used　you　as　a　peg　for　my　silly

notions　of　what　a　woman　should　be。　But　this　evening　you　are　a

different　person：　new　thoughtseven　a　new　voice〃



〃What　do　you　mean　by　a　new　voice？〃　she　asked；　seized　with

incontrollable　anger。



〃I　mean　that　a　new　person　seems　speaking　through　you；〃　said　he。



Then　she　lost　her　balance。　She　cried：　〃If　you　think　I　am　in　love

with　some　one　else；　you　are　very　much　mistaken。〃



〃Of　course　I　don't　think　that。　You　are　not　that　kind；　Lucy。〃



〃Oh；　yes；　you　do　think　it。　It's　your　old　idea；　the　idea　that　has

kept　Europe　backI　mean　the　idea　that　women　are　always　thinking

of　men。　If　a　girl　breaks　off　her　engagement；　every　one　says：　'Oh；

she　had　some　one　else　in　her　mind；　she　hopes　to　get　some　one

else。'　It's　disgusting；　brutal！　As　if　a　girl　can't　break　it　off

for　the　sake　of　freedom。〃



He　answered　reverently：　〃I　may　have　said　that　in　the　past。　I

shall　never　say　it　again。　You　have　taught　me　better。〃



She　began　to　redden；　and　pretended　to　examine　the　windows　again。

〃Of　course；　there　is　no　question　of　'some　one　else'　in　this；　no

'jilting'　or　any　such　nauseous　stupidity。　I　beg　your　pardon　most

humbly　if　my　words　suggested　that　there　was。　I　only　meant　that

there　was　a　force　in　you　that　I　hadn't　known　of　up　till　now。〃



〃All　right；　Cecil；　that　will　do。　Don't　apologize　to　me。　It　was　my

mistake。〃



〃It　is　a　question　between　ideals；　yours　and　minepure　abstract

ideals；　and　yours　are　the　nobler。　I　was　bound　up　in　the　old

vicious　notions；　and　all　the　time　you　were　splendid　and　new。〃　His

voice　broke。　〃I　must　actually　thank　you　for　what　you　have　done

for　showing　me　what　I　really　am。　Solemnly；　I　thank　you　for

showing　me　a　true　woman。　Will　you　shake　hands？〃



〃Of　course　I　will；〃　said　Lucy；　twisting　up　her　other　hand　in　the

curtains。　〃Good…night；　Cecil。　Good…bye。　That's　all　right。　I'm

sorry　about　it。　Thank　you　very　much　for　your　gentleness。〃



〃Let　me　light　your　candle；　shall　I？〃



They　went　into　the　hall。



〃Thank　you。　Good…night　again。　God　bless　you；　Lucy！〃



〃Good…bye；　Cecil。〃



She　watched　him　steal　up…stairs；　while　the　shadows　from　three

banisters　passed　over　her　face　like　the　beat　of　wings。　On　the

landing　he　paused　strong　in　his　renunciation；　and　gave　her　a

look　of　memorable　beauty。　For　all　his　culture；　Cecil　was　an

ascetic　at　heart；　and　nothing　in　his　love　became　him　like　the

leaving　of　it。



She　could　never　marry。　In　the　tumult　of　her　soul；　that　stood

firm。　Cecil　believed　in　her；　she　must　some　day　believe　in

herself。　She　must　be　one　of　the　women　whom　she　had　praised　so

eloquently；　who　care　for　liberty　and　not　for　men；　she　must　forget

that　George　loved　her；　that　George　had　been　thinking　through　her

and　gained　her　this　honourable　release；　that　George　had　gone

away　intowhat　was　it？the　darkness。



She　put　out　the　lamp。



It　did　not　do　to　think；　nor；　for　the　matter　of　that　to　feel。　She

gave　up　trying　to　understand　herself；　and　the　vast　armies　of　the

benighted；　who　follow　neither　the　heart　nor　the　brain；　and

march　to　their　destiny　by　catch…words。　The　armies　are　full　of

pleasant　and　pious　folk。　But　they　have　yielded　to　the　only　enemy

that　mattersthe　enemy　within。　They　have　sinned　against　passion

and　truth；　and　vain　will　be　their　strife　after　virtue。　As　the

years　pass；　they　are　censured。　Their　pleasantry　and　their　piety

show　cracks；　their　wit　becomes　cynicism；　their　unselfishness

hypocrisy；　they　feel　and　produce　discomfort　wherever　they　go。

They　have　sinned　against　Eros　and　against　Pallas　Athene；　and　not

by　any　heavenly　intervention；　but　by　the　ordinary　course　of

nature；　those　allied　deities　will　be　avenged。



Lucy　entered　this　army　when　she　pretended　to　George　that　she　did

not　love　him；　and　pretended　to　Cecil　that　she　loved　no　one。　The

night　received　her；　as　it　had　received　Miss　Bartlett　thirty　years

before。







Chapter　XVIII：　Lying　to　Mr。　Beebe；　Mrs。　Honeychurch；　Freddy；　and

The　Servants



Windy　Corner　lay；　not　on　the　summit　of　the　ridge；　but　a　few

hundred　feet　down　the　southern　slope；　at　the　springing　of　one　of

the　great　buttresses　that　supported　the　hill。　On　either　side　of

it　was　a　shallow　ravine；　filled　with　ferns　and　pine…trees；　and

down　the　ravine　on　the　left　ran　the　highway　into　the　Weald。



Whenever　Mr。　Beebe　crossed　the　ridge　and　caught　sight　of　these

noble　dispositions　of　the　earth；　and；　poised　in　the　middle　of

them；　Windy　Corner；he　laughed。　The　situation　was　so　glorious；

the　house　so　commonplace；　not　to　say　impertinent。　The　late　Mr。

Honeychurch　had　affected　the　cube；　because　it　gave　him　the　most

accommodation　for　his　money；　and　the　only　addition　made　by　his

widow　had　been　a　small　turret；　shaped　like　a　rhinoceros'　horn；

where　she　could　sit　in　wet　weather　and　watch　the　carts　going　up

and　down　the　road。　So　impertinentand　yet　the　house　〃did；〃　for

it　was　the　home　of　people　who　loved　their　surroundings　honestly。

Other　houses　in　the　neighborhood　had　been　built　by　expensive

architects；　over　others　their　inmates　had　fidgeted　sedulously；

yet　all　these　suggested　the　accidental；　the　temporary；　while

Windy　Corner　seemed　as　inevitable　as　an　ugliness　of　Nature's　own

creation。　One　might　laugh　at　the　house；　but　one　never　shuddered。

Mr。　Beebe　was　bicycling　over　this　Monday　afternoon　with　a　piece

of　gossip。　He　had　heard　from　the　Miss　Alans。　These　admirable

ladies；　since　they　could　not　go　to　Cissie　Villa；　had　changed

their　plans。　They　were　going　to　Greece　instead。



〃Since　Florence　did　my　poor　sister　so　much　good；〃　wrote　Miss

Catharine；　〃we　do　not　see　why　we　should　not　try　Athens　this

winter。　Of　course；　Athens　is　a　plunge；　and　the　doctor　has　ordered

her　special　digestive　bread；　but；　after　all；　we　can　take　that

with　us；　and　it　is　only　getting　first　into　a　steamer　and　then

into　a　train。　But　is　there　an　English　Church？〃　And　the　letter

went　on　to　say：　〃I　do　not　expect　we　shall　go　any　further　than

Athens；　but　if　you　knew　of　a　really　comfortable　pension　at

Constantinople；　we　should　be　so　grateful。〃



Lucy　would　enjoy　this　letter；　and　the　smile　with　which　Mr。　Beebe

greeted　Windy　Corner　was　partly　for　her。　She　would　see　the　fun　of

it；　and　some　of　its　beauty；　for　she　must　see　some　beauty。　Though

she　was　hopeless　about　pictures；　and　though　she　dressed　so

unevenlyoh；　that　cerise　frock　yesterday　at　church！she　must

see　some　beauty　in　life；　or　she　could　not　play　the　piano　as　she

did。　He　had　a　theory　that　musicians　are　incredibly　complex；　and

know　far　less　than　other　artists　what　they　want　and　what　they

are；　that　they　puzzle　themselves　as　well　as　their　friends；　that

their　psychology　is　a　modern　development；　and　has　not　yet　been

understood。　This　theory；　had　he　known　it；　had　possibly　just　been

illustrated　by　facts。　Ignorant　of　the　events　of　yesterday　he　was

only　riding　over　to　get　some　tea；　to　see　his　niece；　and　to

observe　whether　Miss　Honeychurch　saw　anything　beautiful　in　the

desire　of　two　old　ladies　to　visit　Athens。



A　carriage　was　drawn　up　outside　Windy　Corner；　and　just　as　he

caught　sight　of　the　house　it　started；　bowled　up　the　drive；　and

stopped　abruptly　when　it　reached　the　main　road。　Therefore　it　must

be　the　horse；　who　always　expected　people　to　walk　up　the　hill　in

case